A Heart's a Heavy Burden

After our first protest night at the 3rd precinct (the infamous destroyed Target stands behind us), we ended up on the header of this opinion piece (it's not worth reading - the summary: "I am a retired cop. Derek Chauvin and the officers with him were way out of line, but NOT ALL COPS!!! Plus, most protesters are peaceful. Not all protesters are looters!!"). We're the ones with the signs behind the person in the foreground. He came and sat in front of us. Even though there was a car burning behind us, where we all were standing was very quiet.

From left: brother Adam, his partner Jack, sister-in-law Brittany, sister Bethany, Me.

They set out charges for the other officers and upgraded Chauvin's charges. This man's sitting in some probably safe section of the Oak Park Heights jail and thinking about those medals he got for killing people in the past, and probably confused about why the hell this is all happening to him. GOOD. All cops around the country and world better be rethinking their untouchable status.

Several key partners have terminated their contracts with MPD. The U was the first one I know of. Joan Gabel took a stand immediately. Soon after, Minneapolis Public schools followed. Then the MIA (art institute), and venues (First Ave), etc. The park police, while they failed to rename themselves as park rangers, voted to sever their ties with MPD AND change their uniform colors to green. There continues to be demand for accountability. We need to keep this pressure up.

For all the complaints I have about working at the U, I am glad I work for such a strong president right now, and that I have a supportive team and department. Our director Phoebe and our CIO Bernie both issues statements as well.

I've been having a LOT of good conversations with Courtney. One thing I love about her, is her willingness to identify something within herself, and how she has changed. She's struggled a lot because she and her family have lived very sheltered, white suburban lives. She has identified thought patterns that she used in the past to give herself permission to justify and turn away from events like this. She says her parents are still there, and so she has been working hard to try to bring information to their level and open their eyes. We have been patient with each other and talked through any roadblocks between us.

I've also challenged Tyler a few times, because he is unintentionally quite harmful in some of the shit he shares. I told him I keep coming after him because I KNOW he wants to be a good person, but that means he needs to THINK about the shit that he posts and what message he's trying to send. We're cool. His ~wife~ made a very good post and hopefully she's talking to him about this stuff too.

And, ya know, things like this make me laugh:


Life:

Courtney was on a video call with us last night, and she was researching fonts and starting her next art piece, and I started a new shawl but got just a few stitches in before I was sucked back into the protest stuff. It's so hard for me to pull away. We got to watch a good amount of Kripp, and Lack. Courtney mentioned an artist whose work she loves, but who has been completely silent since this all went down. We had a good conversation about the people who have the privilege to just... literally... not engage at all? Even when the whole world is talking about it? What the fuck?

I made an additional donation to Northside communities and have been boosting important posts. Courtney said she'd love to do a "book club" of sorts of two texts we both purchased about defunding police.

They officially started construction on the roads in our neighborhood and our cul de sac is a storage spot so it's always packed with machinery and rocks and stuff.

I need to clean. Connie still wants to go to the farmer's market tomorrow. Might force me to focus on something for a minute.

Last week I was really feeling like I wanted to do something with Steve on Saturday morning. I initially thought Minneapolis Farmer’s market, but we weren’t sure if there’d be time after he got back from garage sale-ing. Then on Thursday or Friday I got the notification that Saturday was the beginning of the East Side PEEP Shawl. PEEP is a thing where 6 of the east side (of the twin cities) shops hold 1 of 6 pieces of a shawl pattern and yarn, and you travel to each shop picking up the pieces. You even get 1/6 of a digital code if you don’t want 6 pieces of paper. Each shop also makes a sample of the shawl, and you can buy that particular color base if that’s the shawl you want to make. I’ve never actually participated, mostly because I’d miss it or wasn’t sure about the final shawl. I thought it was perfect timing for this year though. So instead of farmers market, shawl!

I started in the nearest town, and made a loop. The trip for me is 66 miles, and some people BIKE their route. Crazy!!



I’m so glad I went to my closest shop first, because they cheated and made TWO of the shawls, and their second version didn’t make it onto the picture of samples, and that one was my favorite, so I bought the base color from there. Then I went to Stillwater, which wasn’t that far but took a really long time due to construction, a wedding, and general idiocy of the people in town. Parking was a nightmare but I parallel’d my way in. I did get a great view of the St. Croix river and the weather was gorgeous.


This was cute.

One of the women said she thought my shawl “looks like a StevenBe original.” I told her the pattern was the local yarn shawl but that the yarn did in fact come from StevenBe!



After Stillwater was White Bear Lake. This shop turned out to be near Andy’s old tattoo studio, so parking was easy, though it was Dog Days so still busy, with the added bonus of puppies everywhere. The shop was not a shop I’d ever go to again, with grouchy signs about cell phones (Steve called me while I was in there and I started sweating) and a grouchy old lady running the place.

I talked to Steve while I headed to the next place, an area of Mahtomedi (mah-toe-meed-eye) I’d never been to before and super close to my house. Beautiful backwoods drive. Got lucky with parking. Enjoyed the shop, will go there again. Lots of compliments on the shawl, friendly people, good snack and drink selection (though I didn’t take any, I made a note for the future).

Ben and Sean had been in contact with us about possible hangouts, and after I stopped at home they confirmed they wanted to hang because they were in town for the weekend. I mentioned dragging them to two yarn shops and they were in favor of the detours.

After they picked us up, to Grand ave in St Paul we went! Got my yarn, bantered about the best color on the wall (Steve and I chose the same color - a teal - though I didn’t know his choice prior), and Sean argued the case of a burnt sienna and Ben voted for a navy blue. We determined there was hunger and walked over to Brasa. I’d only been there once before for my grandma’s birthday several years ago but it left a bad taste in my mouth because there are no vegan options and my mom complained about the lack of even vegetarian options (the logo IS a rooster, to be fair). Knowing that I could probably find something to eat as a vegetarian vs vegan, I wasn’t concerned. I chose the one vegetarian sandwich and the group got a bunch of sides in addition. I got the seasonal mango lemonade to drink, and I don’t even like lemonade but this was delicious. I was only able to consume half my sandwich, some plantains and chips, and I was bursting full.

Last yarn stop, 3 Kittens in Mendota. Another cute shop, signed up as interested in a shawl class by an intense old lady who was incredibly interested in a lot about me. She wrote down the name of my shawl and talked to me about the shop expanding. It was another good shop I’d like to take more time in. Sean and I walked around commenting on the yarn before the group headed to our actual destination: Mall of America of course.

For some reason, 5 star raids on the weekends always start later in the afternoon, but during the week they’re ready to go promptly at 8am. So weird. We got to the mall around 3pm, and after everyone went to the bathroom there was a raid ready to go right by us! We were all able to catch crappy Registeel, and then we sat at a table chatting and Pokémon Go-ing for like an hour. I was talking to Bethany and Haley about wedding stuff and to my cousin Morrigan about food stuff (he wants to lose weight but doesn’t want to try hard at all, mostly it was me confirming that NO KETO and giving suggestions). Eventually we got coffee (and Ben went and got Sean some Very Bad Tea because they screwed up her order) and wandered around the mall. We did stop into Air Traffic for awhile and Ben tried some of the juggling bags and we looked at the various silly puzzles. Soon after, I was feeling soooo tired and suggested we get moseying. I wasn’t trying to end hangouts by any means, but I wasn’t wearing the best walking shoes (converse) and my pinky toes were hurting. Steve reminded me that I needed to pick up my bridesmaid dress, and the lady made me try it on. It fits so much better with the strap shortened by like 2 inches and the hem brought up like 6 inches. The Asian lady said she loved the lace on my waist and said it made my curves look good, Steve and Sean approved, and Ben said it “is a very purple dress”. Hahaha.

When we got to the van, Sean mentioned something about wanting shelving from Ikea, and I was like, “well IKEA just so happens to be RIGHT THERE, wanna go??” And after some discussion about whether Ben’s friend/coworker Dustin was still playing in a magic: the gathering tournament, Ikea it was.

We wandered slowly around the living room and bed section, trying like every single couch and bed and chatting. Steve and Ben apparently talked about ITG and friend stuff (like that Ben wants to stream to ONLY US and why he doesn’t like other people, even other friends, to view the stream), and Sean and I talked a lot about housing desires, locations for living, future plans, and of course, The Compound*.

We cut the IKEA trip short when Dustin announced he was ready for dinner, and Ben drove us to Minneapolis to a place called WSK (World Street Kitchen), another place with basically one thing on the menu I could eat and yet sounded amazing (a crispy tofu dish). I was still somehow incredibly full from earlier even though it was like 9pm, but I suspected it was in part due to the fact that Steve ordered me a large coffee and I drank all of it. We met Dustin and Stacy, who were kind of geeky and maybe not the kind of couple Steve and I generally hang out with, but they grew on me over time for the most part. Mostly it was that Stacy made a few lame comments indicating her disdain and boredom while Dustin played in his tournament, and Steve and I are not the kind of people who participate in disparaging each other’s hobbies and interests and don’t like when people in couples do that. Be with someone you can support!!!! Otherwise, though, the conversation was good.

After we ate, it was noted that we were DEFINITELY getting ice cream, and the place to get ice cream was attached to WSK. It’s called MilkJam. And it is top tier ice cream. They have rotating flavors of amazingness, and the line was out the door. Ben said that the line was pretty short, less than 50 people, probably because it had just finished raining. Because we couldn’t each just try one flavor, Steve and I opted for the “flight of 4” which were smaller scoops to sample. You COULD order a scoop of all the flavors (like 12) for $58. We agreed on all the flavors to try, and in order of favorites: Cereal Killer, Mango Sticky Rice, Thai Tea and Uma Thurman. The cereal one surprised me at how good it was. It was a lightly orangey/milk flavored ice cream with crunchy (NOT stale or soggy) fruity pebbles in it, and I was brought back to my childhood so hard. The mango sticky rice was exactly like it sounded but the rice was firm and delicious. The Uma Thurman was a tart passionfruit something, and it was good, but it wasn’t my favorite. Now. The ice cream was suuuper creamy and yet not so rich it would give you a belly ache, and I definitely wanted SO much more immediately. Sean got the “dark” which was a decadent dark chocolate that tasted like the most perfect brownies you’ve ever eaten (again, smooth and creamy and yet not bellyache creating). I can’t believe I’d never been there or heard of it!!

Finally it was time to go, and Ben and Sean dropped us off. We weren’t ready to give up on the day though, so I worked on my current sock (using the Mei/Satsuki from Totoro colorway by Canon Hand Dyes) and he played some more Yakuza Kiwami. He’s made a lot of progress and is definitely getting close to the end. We finally called it around 12:30 and hit the hay.

*The Compound is a gigantic homestead that the four of us invented for our Ideal Housing Needs. It’s small enough that we live in the same area and can hang out all we want, but big enough where we can have our individual privacy and aren’t expected to spend all our time together. The idea is that with four of us, we can afford exactly what we want without breaking the budget, and because we’ve already tested (several times) smaller living together scenarios and they’ve been successes, we think we could actually be viable housemates.

Because of my ongoing body issues, I woke up far too early with far too much pain. I was up at like 6:30, in and out of the bathroom. I attempted to wake Steve up around 8, but he seemed pretty “out” so I let him be. I wasn’t doing anything of note anyway. It turns out he was having a dream where we were robbed and Dream Steve thought he needed to catch the culprit before waking up because if he didn’t, we wouldn’t get our stuff back. I love funny dreams like that.

Steve gave up the chase somewhere around 10, and we noticed that it was storming out. Storms put a damper on normal 4th of July plans, so I just kind of assumed we weren’t doing anything. During this time, Steve played on the big tv and I played Hearthstone on my iPad. But in the early afternoon, Nick texted saying we should come over. His sister Megan throws a couple gatherings a year, most notably Halloween and lately has been inviting us to 4th of July*.

First, coffee. Second, Name of the Wind audiobook because Megan and Ross live a good bit away. Steve drove us, which was great. Uh, I forgot (and continue to forget) to mail in my tabs request. I ALWAYS do that, where I fill out all the info, get a check written and a stamp on... and then I just. Don’t. Mail it. I don’t really FEEL like getting a ticket for expired tabs though.

When we got there, we noticed that people were not outside. I was more surprised when we walked in and it was just Nick’s family. It was his parents, himself, and Megan, Ross, their two kids, and Nick’s grandpa. And us. I know it wasn’t a big deal and obviously Nick wanted company, but I was super anxious about all the pressure. Nick’s dad was particularly comfortable and happy to see us, making quasi-inappropriate jokes (he even started to make a small-dick joke at Steve at one point and then trailed off because I think he got self-conscious, but I appear to be the only one who heard) and appeared to really enjoy the banter. I know Steve has known them basically his whole life, and I do like Nick’s parents (Nancy is particularly entertaining and anyone who doesn’t like Ernie/Scott is just wrong). I was just oddly anxious. Even though there was like NO ONE there, Megan put out a TON of food she bought for the occasion. Ross was kind enough to cook my Beyond Beef burger on the grill**, even adding grill marks for the full effect.

The biggest benefit/downfall of Megan and Ross’ is the “treats”. Everyone who ever goes to these parties appears to be a baker. Megan bakes, Jennifer bakes, and Lindsay bakes. This results in WAY too many sweet things to eat, and because they all bake well, the treats are delicious and addictive. I made the mistake of agreeing to split this bar that Megan made. Let me be more specific. It was a 3-layer bar made out of raw cookie dough, gooey peanut butter, and a thick layer of chocolate. Yes, it WAS as amazing as it sounds.

Eventually Courtney and Scott showed up, and the 5 of us sat alone talking. Andrew and Jennifer, and Lindsay all showed up and legit did not even acknowledge us? For me personally, I didn’t acknowledge them either. Like, I was having a bad anxiety day, no way was I going to feign interest in their children and their gripes about being parents. But I guess Courtney said hi to all of them and no one responded. Weirddd. Soon after, we decided it was time to go, we had to get home to give Nero his shot, and we planned to continue hangouts in a more relaxing environment. When we were leaving, Lindsay was complaining about how ridiculous her husband is, and explained that he didn’t come because he felt sick, and went on a rant about what a baby he is when he’s sick. Somehow that got Megan talking about how everyone wishes they could date/bang Ross, which comes up far more often than you’d think. It’s like she knows she won the jackpot and Ross is way out of her league (and ours), and likes to brag about it. Lol.

We dropped Nick off at his house so he could gather his materials and take care of some things and headed home. Most of the night was spent doing our various games. Courtney was playing Fez again, Nick was working on... work I think, Scott was playing the new South Park game, and Steve was playing Dragon Quest VIII. I played Hearthstone. Haley came over for a bit too to apply for jobs, but she mostly kept to herself.

Everyone packed up and left around midnight, and off to bed we go!

*In the past, I used to always go to Grandpa Jack’s, until he moved to Florida. Then Steve and I kind of either hung around here watching fireworks or going to my parents’, and then I spent several years in Cincinnati for the 4th (seriously, why do they ALWAYS have Montessori training over a holiday? I swear they do it on purpose to test people’s will and dedication to the program). Last year for sure we went to Megan and Ross’ though.

**It’s hilarious how nervous people get about cooking veggie burgers on the grill when literally all you need to do is heat them up. Like, you don’t even have to make sure they’re cooked to a certain temp or for a certain length because you won’t get sick from an under cooked veggie burger. Just warm it up! So easy!!

Ben and Sean asked if we wanted to go with them to Mall of America to do some raids and walk around, and that they had Mike in tow as well, and of course we agreed happily. I wanted to spend the day walking around the mall with Steve today anyway! I gave Sean the weaving supplies back, showed her my scarves, and we talked about how amazing the colors ended up working together. We tried to do a legendary raid by ourselves, but we just barely couldn’t do it. If we had one more person it would have been perfect. Oh well! We decided to wait until the mall to try again. It was raining pretty hard, but we must have driven out of the rain cloud when we actually got to the mall.

Since it’s still a weekend, of course the mall was packed. Sooo many people. The good about this is more likelihood of people to do raids with. The bad part is always needing to be distinguished others. Lol. First thing: food. I was quite hungry by the time we got to the mall, and suggested BurgerBurger. It’s like our go-to place now for food at the mall. It’s just so good and meets the requirements for both Steve and myself. Sean got food at Chipotle and brought it back. I ordered an impossible burger with onions and a side of fries. It was so delicious. The fries in particular were amazing. I ate slightly too much, but I didn’t completely overdo it. As a result though I was full for quite awhile after.

We did a ton of walking around, spun lots of stops, dealt with issues of too many items, complained about the trading system, and did two raids. I only was able to catch one Regice, and it’s not very good, but at least I got one. Roselia’s are also more likely to be shiny, and I caught three. Eventually everyone had at least one, yay!

When we decided to leave, I realized I was super tired. Like, the food and the walking and the excitement really tuckered me out! So when Steve and I got home I requested a nap watching GDQ VODs. And it was a gooood nap. I slept so well. After I woke up, Steve suggested we watch some of the runs we missed that we wanted to catch. I suggested the Mario block, and that ended up being really good. It also made me want to run Super Mario World again, and Steve mentioned that Noah wanted to try to learn co-op Mario Bros. 3 together. We ordered a pizza and that was tasty. We also finished the Pokémon Blue/Yellow run.

I noticed that this year, there were a lot of runs that weren’t “official” - for example, the run failed or the rules were violated, and everyone was so gracious about it. Like they’re not taking them as super serious as years past. Which I love. Like, a marathon run is NOT supposed to be a world-record run. It’s cool if it happens, but it’s supposed to be more of an opportunity to talk about and show off all the hard work these runners put in. For example, on the finale, Puwexil forgot to grab a character in Final Fantasy 6, thereby nullifying the 100% run. Or in the race between mitchflower and grandpoobear, if they had different attitudes, the run would have been an awkward disaster instead of a cute display of comraderie and enjoyment. But because they were able to think on their feet and Mitch knew that Poobear didn’t fuck up his game on purpose (twice), they were able to find a way to make the race fun. Like, it’s okay to make mistakes and no one’s gonna hate you for it. It really made this year feel like the best event yet. Plus, the room was packed. A lot of people were there consistently, and the hype in the room was infectious. :D

When it got too late, we came upstairs to fall asleep finishing the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe 48 tracks run (which was amazing, by the way. She is really good at Mario Kart). It was such an ideal night.

I woke up not feeling as bad as the day before, but I was super concerned because I knew that I was going to the pool today, which would mean putting in my diva cup aka putting pressure on my urethra.

It was mostly cloudy, but the temperature was good. I met Tealie, Anne, and Steph at the Highland pool in St. Paul. One of our old students, Tenecia, just started a job there. She looked so mature and cute! She complained of being bored. Lol. We made it about 5 minutes before it turned to work gossip, which has an undertone of apprehension and sadness, as Anne and I are leaving and Tealie and Steph are staying. We talked about the various room dramas (people being assigned different rooms based in whatever reasons), including the fact that Jocelyn wants Steph to move into Andy and Molly’s rooms and house Denae in the choir room in order to add another gym class in the auditorium (talk about ghetto). Tealie will probably move into our old room. We also talked about which people haven’t left but might leave, and bitched about Jen too.

Tealie sold her house for $30k over asking price, Anne is thinking about moving to Washington DC in a year, Steph is going to South Carolina in a week for CMStep Montessori training (as a teacher leader), and they encouraged me to continue my planning to move to Cincinnati, including Anne asking me to sit with her this summer so we can write our Montessori papers and see if we can still get certified. I said if it doesn’t work, when I move to Cincy I’ll beg Barb or Katie to let me finish my credential. Honestly though, Barb lost some of the observations she did on me and I don’t know how serious they are about making me redo all that. It might be a completely moo point.

Funny enough, while we were there, Michael Miller showed up! The three of us were all awkward, and Michael is so dopey that he didn’t notice us RIGHT NEXT to where he and his friend set up their chairs, until he literally almost ran into us and we all had to act surprised to see him. Per Michael’s personality, he stood around catching up with us for like 10 minutes while his friend just stood there quietly. He said he did want to catch up with us and talk some more, and mentioned that UWRF will have the doctorate Montessori program soon and encouraged Tealie and Steph to take it. Steve is so funny, I told the girls that we were JUST talking about Michael (because he lives right by the pool), and I texted saying we ran into him, and he texted back, “Is that the hunky Lost man?” Legit Michael looks JUST like Richard Alpert. Steve does not disappoint. Later, Michael’s wife showed up and he introduced us. Soon after, we left.

Even though it was very cloudy all day, the sun sure showed me and I have a decent sunburn. It’ll turn into a tan in a couple of days. I hope it gets better in time for Saturday so I don’t look dumb with Steve at Andy’s wedding.

I spent the rest of the night in horrible pain after I took out the diva cup and switched back to Thinx. Steve and I had planned to go eat at J Selby’s, but I was just in so much agony. He was a sweetheart and got me food and let me mope in bed all night.

Today was a day spent working, working so damn hard. In the morning we were all asked to come to a meeting to say goodbye to those of us leaving. Parkway is experiencing a mass exodus as a result of all the turmoil, and Jocelyn had us say goodbye one by one, with other people speaking “honoring” the ones leaving, and then the ones leaving giving a small speech. There are like, 13 of us going. Lots of people cried. When it was my turn, Tealie, Jan, Corri and Jenny all had really nice things to say about me. Tealie told the story of the time we had that crazy class our first year together, when the kids literally could not move with purpose and at any given time people were wandering the room. We really wanted the kids to be able to move and do a gallery walk, and somehow came up with the idea to put tape on the floor for them to follow, and it WORKED. soooo funny. Corri and Jenny both talked about getting to truly co-teach and what they learned from working with a teacher who cares so much about kids and has so much patience, and Jan called me her work daughter and pretty much made my entire life because Jan IS my mom. She’s the mom I never had, and I love her so much.

I ran really quick to Vincente’s IEP meeting, and Brian told Vincente’s mom that I’m the one person that Vincente would do anything for because we have a special relationship. After that I spent the day trying to get all my files in order. I sat up in the work room with Jan, Brian and Andy, all doing the same thing. Eventually I asked Steve to join me while I finished my work at Parkway. I still haven’t started on my stuff for Nokomis, but that will have to wait.

He came, and I was surprised to find that I was basically at the end of stuff I needed to do! I hadn’t eaten since 8am so I was very very hungry. I suggested we go to Cossetta’s, and we were both really looking forward to it because we could sit outside. There wasn’t a line, which was awesome. When I got up to the mastaccioli, I asked the lady if I could get extra sauce, like I have done every single time I have been to cossetta’s. I said it very nicely, as I always do, but apparently it was the most annoying request in the entire world to this lady. She made a huge show of stopping, GLARING at me, and dramatically dumping the noodles out of the container. She very bitchily informed me that I was supposed to tell the lady NEXT to her, who was handing the containers as orders came in, so that she would know to put extra sauce in the bottom. As if that’s the only place sauce can go, and I violated a sacred rule. Let me remind you I have done this every single time I have gone to Cossetta’s, without issue. I felt the rage boil inside me as a black cloud of anger formed between us, but I remembered how Steve said I’ve been picking fights lately with customer service people, so I swallowed my DEFINITELY JUSTIFIED anger, and used the same tone as the lady when I responded with just an, “okay,” and hoped the biting contempt in my own voice got the point across to her. If I was anyone else, or maybe if I was alone, I would have asked to see a manager because her attitude was completely unnecessary and rude as hell. She legit talked to me as if I was a stupid child who ruined her day. To my surprise, Steve was just as mad as I was, and made a couple loud funny comments as we waited at the next section.

The food was delicious, as always. When we got home we watched the Sony E3 conference with Scott, and since I went into it knowing nothing about what’s coming out, I was properly entertained. Some of the games coming out look exciting and fun.

We woke up and Sean wanted to go to a farmers market. I can’t remember which market she wanted to go to and which Ben wanted to go to. Whoever wanted which one, we ended up at the smaller market. I got really excited about this bakery stand, and ended up hating the caramel roll I got, so Steve graciously ate it for me. I bought some mustard greens with flowers (my fave) and some strawberries. Then we were all hungry, and Ben and Sean brought us to this AMAZING bakery called Bloom, where they had tons of vegan and gluten free pastries, as well as delicious pop tarts and tea. Since I couldn’t order everything I wanted, and we were on a time crunch, I decided I am going to go there again tomorrow. For today though, I got a sweet vegan pop tart as well as a savory hummus “pop tart” that ended up being more like a pastry sandwich but tasted AMAZING. it was all super delicious.

We got to the yarn shop right at 11, and the boys left. The weaving class was... interesting. I was cranky and belligerent most of the time, because the lady would not. Stop. Talking. We’d get started in one thing and she’d interrupt us every 4 minutes. She redirected the two other ladies multiple times to pay attention and not try to do the things at the same time she was doing them, even though I’m sure some people learn best by imitating while they learn. She seemed VERY concerned that people might miss something and *gasp* ask for an instruction to be repeated. There were only four of us. I was super irritable because the boys kept texting asking for updates, and I felt like a child who couldn’t use her phone even though it was important for them to know when to pick us up. We had barely gotten started on any ACTUAL weaving after the 4 hours were up! It was madness. So I was kind of cranky when we left, because it felt like holding in a sneeze.

I worked through my annoyance though because we were going mini golfing afterward and I knew that would be fun and we’d have time to weave in the evening.

Mini golf WAS fun, we did the course we don’t usually do, and Steve and I tied for second place at the end. We all did terribly except for Ben of course. I got an RNG (lucky) hole in one, much flirting was had, and it was just a good time.





In the evening, the boys played ITG and VR and I worked on weaving. Sean took a nap and then weaved some. DMac and Mike came over at some point and Dmac cutely asked for relationship advice, and it was funny to hear Ben give relationship advice when he’s had one girlfriend his whole life, that he started dating when he was like actually 12. But I appreciated that Dmac feels safe enough with us to be vulnerable like that.

For dinner it was Cafe Hollander again, and this time I ordered something better than the burger, and the uneven table made several people spill their drinks. Dmac spilled his into his lap and got pretty grumpy about it for awhile. We got pretty into the women’s heptathalon? Some college thing that was mostly women doing various running challenges, and we talked about how we’re all so old now compared to people in sports and how weird it is to follow basically teenagers in professional arenas.

After dinner we chatted for awhile but I was BEAT. SO tired. To couch pod!

Wait, it’s already halfway through the week?? That’s both exciting and terrifying. We only have one more real week left of school and I have so much to do, including a lot of things that require me to test students - not just paperwork typing. I’m definitely fucked again this year with regards to filing... getting access to our special ed files is so much hassle and I hate it! I was also quite terrible with progress reports, though I believe I’m not the only one by far so phew. It just means I’ll have a long Monday the 11th getting everything finished. Lucky for me though, since I only have 6th graders I don’t need to freak out as much as other years, since none of my kids’ files are getting sent along to high schools. That was my big issue in previous years, especially my first one (where I had 10 8th graders omg).

My day was spent feverishly trying to test and get emails sent out, and by the end of the day I had a pretty bad headache, so I came home to a waiting Steve and tried to nap away my headache in the dark. The nap was unsuccessful because I realized I wasn’t tired, just low energy and kind of emotional. Eventually I sat back up and did some scrolling until Steve was kind enough to heat us up some dinner, more potato soup. Yummm. When he was gone I started thinking about how grateful I am that Steve has stuck with me, and how strong he is, and how much I love our life and how much I appreciate him. I mean I think that stuff all the time, but seeing Pat and Aimee for some reason really launched my head into a tailspin about how even though it was just 3 months ago, that all that feels like a completely different life, and I feel so divorced from that behavior, and a life without Steve is such a sad, empty, pathetic version of a life that is so pale and colorless. He makes my life so full of happiness and love, and I don’t want a life where he’s not in it. So all of that has been swirling in my head and he brought me down heated up soup and bread and I just started crying. He asked me what was going on and I tried to tell him, I hope I did an okay job. It’s hard to articulate all of my feelings on the matter and they just get so intense that apparently what I do now is cry. Lol.

After I calmed down and we talked about it, we ate our soup and enjoyed Kripp playing some Hearthstone, exactly what I want to be doing with my life, and precisely who I want to be spending that time with. Soon after, Nick came over. We chatted for awhile about this and that, and then put on The Office while Nick continued Uncharted and I got scolded for continuing to scroll and not knit, which was so valid. I really would rather be knitting, I think it’s just that I love the iPad so much, it’s hard to transition away. I knit a good chunk more rows on my LYS shawl. I’m about 1 and a half repeats from doing my first color change. The Hedgehog fibers yarn is GORGEOUS and soft and I love working with it. I continue to encourage everyone to take up knitting, it is such a fine hobby AND YOU GET TO USE WHAT YOU MAKE (or gift it, whichever). Like you make an actual textile and it is amazing, and super impressive to non-knitters. To be fair, a lot of it IS impressive. But still. ;)

YarnHarlot posted an entry recently where she was able to take horrible, cheap dishcloth yarn and weave two very nice scarves out of it, and it has made me even MORE excited to learn weaving with Sean next weekend at Sow’s Ear. Another fantastic use of yarn, can’t wait.

Noah and I texted a bit about our food consumption and MyFitnessPal. Noah is realizing that MFP underestimates calories and overestimates exercise. I explained that with my Apple Watch , my scores get wonky as the watch actually tracks my true activity, which can lower (or raise) my total amount of food to consume for the day. It’s kinda cool but also kinda confusing. I’m just aiming for a specific range at this point until I get a better grasp of my activity levels. But Noah sent me a super cute text that ended with, “thanks for excitedly doing this with me, it’s keeping me motivated to become a thinner dood.” Awwww. It was so sweet, but more starkly put into perspective how he lives in the middle of nowhere with only white racists and teenagers as company, and I want to be a good friend! And you KNOW how much I love a good motivational health regimen. What better way than with friends who need support?!

I forgot to mention yesterday that Steve and I went to Stephanie’s Yoga Flow class for anniversary and that was super good and fun. She moved a bit too fast for my liking, and she was as dopey as ever. I prefer classes with slightly less poses in favor of holding to get a deeper stretch. If you’ve ever tried to hold a pose for even 45 seconds, you know that *less* poses does NOT equal *easier* poses. Moving too fast just means that you can’t settle in, make sure you’re doing the pose correctly, with all its micro adjustments and muscle fatigue. But it was good to go for anniversary, and I really want to find a class that works for Steve. Maybe I’ll take him to hot yoga, since that’s the same poses every time and they are slow and drawn out. But still the opposite of easy.

Now I’m about to head to bed. Nick is still here but I think he def needs to head home relatively soon because he has to work, and Steve will probably stay up playing Owl Boy on the Switch, which we just got in the mail yesterday. Looks good so far!

I write so slowly, lol. An entry takes me anywhere from a half hour to almost two hours, depending on the entry. I take my time really thinking through the day, my thoughts, conversations and interactions I had, what I want to write about and what I'm okay forgetting. It's like I relive the day as I write it, and that takes time!! But in that way then it's like everything is in limbo or pause, because Steve can bang out an entry SO FAST and then he's just kind of waiting around for me. He's not TRYING to pressure me but it totally does because I feel stressed that I'm taking too long and wasting time!!!!

In the morning we took our time waking up. Steve and I were gonna go shower but first we got distracted, and that was amazing. But then! Shower. The three of us went to Ward 6. It wasn't quite as hot as it would be, so we sat outside, and that was perfect. Our server was kind of weird, like he gave me spastic energy vibes, and he was barely outside. I was super thirsty for water because of the alcohol consumption the night before combined with the fact that it was hot out, so I didn't drink a lot of my coffee during the meal, but that didn't mean I didn't want it! I ordered the belgian waffle per usual, and for the second time in a row of waffle-ordering, I got a crispy waffle :/ I want FLUFFY and SOFT waffles, not burnt hard waffles that chafe my gums. Ward 6 always has a fresh fruit compote that changes with what's in season, and this week it was apricots and cherries I think. That was the best part of my waffle. At some point during the meal, Steve went to tell me something and addressed me as "Nero." Pronounced Narrow. The short version of Habanero. NERO, OUR CAT'S NAME. It was so goddamn funny. Thank god for something funny during the meal because when Steve went to pay the check the waiter TOOK my FOOD AND MY COFFEE! I wasn't finished!!!!! But it was like, my mouth was full, the waffle was lame, and the coffee was hot and I didn't wanna make a scene. It was way more entertaining to be indignant and mournful than to fight for two more bites of waffle.

Yesterday Noah talked about how he's working on getting healthier, but that he knows gamer weekend isn't the best time for that, and commented that he's on MyFitnessPal. Steve suggested we all get on it and start using it again. it was fun when we were using it with Nick and I think we should definitely do that kind of thing with our friends. Noah is a big guy and has lost a decent amount of weight already, but he's still got a way to go for his goal weight. Steve and I also would like to lose a significant amount. What better way than to support each other on MFP?? And Steve really wants me to be happy with how I look, and find the best way to encourage me to exercise, especially with going to yoga, which makes me feel strong and happy in addition to nourishing my body and soul.

After Ward 6 we dropped my car off at the nearby car place and walked home, playing Pokemon Go. It's rock-type weekend so we've been into hurrying up on our evolutions in that area. Also adding some walking calories to our MFPs ;)

After we got home I played ITG for a couple hours. It was my second time playing using the FitKicks, and this time I started with two pairs of socks right away, and for the most part that worked well. I didn't feel the need to adjust as much, just kind of tapped my heels occasionally to shift my foot further back in the shoes. I noticed more soreness or tension in my shins than in a very long time, and it's probably because with shoes I need to actually pick up my damn feet instead of sliding them. I think overall I did better than last time, not as much sticking to the pad because I dragged my feet, but it is weird how such a thing can make a huge difference in performance. It was clear that I'm worse right now than I was because I'm adjusting to a completely new style - my feet hit the arrows at different times, and those milliseconds MATTER. I did improve my Disconnected score, which was nice, and AGAIN I KNOW can get a really solid score on Kagami, but little dumb things keep getting in the way. I'm also reading at faster and faster speeds... It just FEELS much better. I was trying to explain to Steve how it's just a feeling, a thing I can sense, when the speed is right. It just "clicks" in my head when reading it and it seems so clear. Right now I'm reading between 1005bpm and 1012bpm.*

Overall it was a really fun day, playing mostly randoms with Officials mixed in. I basically quit because I got too hot and my shoulders hurt and I spent a long time laying on the floor cooling down and drinking water. Since then my left elbow has been giving me twinges of pain, and that sucks, but hopefully it resolves itself soon.

After that I had to shower and do Cafetalk with Riria and Shinpei, my two cutie regular kiddos. That was good. I made the mistake of letting Riria choose our next book since we finished Charlotte's Web, and she chose Hachiko. We read chapter 2 today and they are definitely building up to ruining my life. Shinpei showed me his most recent programming skills on his robots, and we practiced his reading. I've been throwing in math puzzles, some with words and some without, because I think his stamina for reading is lower and I can keep him in good spirits if I give him some math inbetween. This child just turned 10 and can QUICKLY do things like 2-digit by 4-digit long division. I think because he's so smart, English being a real challenge for him to read is frustrating. So I try to keep his spirits up.

After that I caught up on LJ and blogs and joined Noah and Steve downstairs and *gasp* picked up Persona 5 again. Hence where the title of this entry comes from. Noah was like OH MY GOD NOW WE'RE ALL PLAYING GAMES. And he really wanted the three of us to play RPGs this weekend, and he REALLY wanted me to play Persona 5. It took a bit for me to remember what I was doing and get the hang of the play again, but now it's good and god is it a pretty game and I'm happy I was pushed into playing it again. I'm working my way through the second dungeon and working on my social links!

*I have talked a bit with Ben about reading speed, and he mentioned recently how he's slowed down his reading speed I think to the 800s? Low 900s? I simply don't understand how to do that. When I try to slow things down, the arrows jumble together and I can't read them! On HIS machine I read more slowly, because it's farther away and the SM5 plays slightly differently than SM3.9, but it's still in the 900s. DDR players seem to read in the 600s, and Dmac and Dave read pretty slowly too.