A Heart's a Heavy Burden

Last weekend (LAST last, the 22nd) Ben, Sean, and Dave were visiting from Madison. Well, Dave is continuing to visit from Europe but yeah. I can't remember all the finer details but the point is that Sean and Ben were going to Disney World (AGAIN, but this time with Ben's parents) and Dave was going to be alone for a week. Steve and I thought that was nonsense and invited Dave to spend the week with us.

Steve and I have never actually had a house guest stay longer than the weekend, but we DO have a guest room. Dave was such an easy guest: all he wanted to do was eat baguettes, order cheap pizza, play ITG, and talk about ITG and mini golf. He managed his own schedule and kept himself busy while we were at work. In the evenings one or more of us would play ITG. All 3 of us made improvements, and Dave ended up getting 2 new quads which is super impressive. Steve and I did pretty well too. I still need to re-learn officials after not having played them in months while preparing for Cupcake. But even with that, I have improved like 10 scores. I just need to increase my stamina and suffer through hard songs.

That's pretty much been my life! I also started knitting a hat with a super fun technique, SO EXCITED. I've been buying a lot of fun yarn lately. So happy about my yarn. I should knit more.

I've been really really tired still. Even with many hours of sleep, still so tired. I've been working on my attitude AT work (still really struggling with the getting TO work part), and negativity I could be bringing into my job. It's helped this week be better - I think I'm naturally one of the better educators at connecting with kids and making them feel like I care about them and want them to do well - AND that I expect them to give their best. However, I still think I've been struggling at being 100% and not getting bogged down with the annoying things - refusals, bad attitudes, etc. - and this week I decided to take it in stride and not allow myself to get exasperated. Instead I've been infinitely patient and understanding. For example, when Tino said he wished I'd teach at the board and if he didn't get it, come to him individually........... which is literally all I do. Forever. I did that even HARDER today than most days; usually once we get to "work days" I'm working individually and small groups 100% but today enough kids needed help that I went for a class re-teach. But I listened patiently and told him that tomorrow I will do just that. lol. We're working on 2-step equations and I know that's a challenging topic and requires a lot of thinking and effort on their part.

I'm super nervous about next year's group, it sounds like the 6th graders are much lower than this current group of 7th and 8th graders, so I'll have to manage them differently. Trying not to freak out already, but it's like, I'm working so hard at FINALLY building my curriculum binder after having lost most of my online resources when I left SPPS, and next year I'll have to change it probably. It's okay.... one thing at a time.

Therapy appt yesterday went well, but I left here around 2:30 and that is TOO LATE somehow to get all the way around the Twin Cities and at the appt by 3. So I blustered in at 3:05 and had to ask to let me go to the bathroom because I hadn't gone all day hashtag teacher life. Otherwise we had a lot of really good conversation about communication in my relationship with Steve and talking about boundaries and how boundaries/needs/agreements aren't static and we should revisit them regularly to see if they changed and how to modify our needs, etc. She also suggested a different book for me and Steve to review together that is more modern and might be more helpful now that we're not in crisis. I talked with Steve about it on my hour drive home, and I think he also will be looking into individual therapy. He still has a lot of bad moments and we agree it would be good for him to vent or work through some of these thoughts with an impartial and supportive third party.

We've been spending a lot of time in daily contact with Ben/Dave/Dmac/Sean, and have seen much less of our local friends. Noah fell a little off the map for a bit but is back. I've had some minimal texting wtih Courtney and it sounds like Steve talks with JWaid and Nick, but we haven't been hanging out? It's interesting. Noah mentioned to me the other day that it feels like everyone is just being regular old adults and it's disappointing. I imagine that happens in everyone's lives. I remember being a teenager and my mom hanging out with her best friend from high school after not having seen her in like 10-15 years and thinking that was insane! How can you not talk to your best friend?! But now I get it. And Bre and I maintain spotty contact and technology of course allows us to keep up with people without having to directly interact with them often anyway.

Uh I totally dropped the ball on shirts for both Fantastic Beats AND Cupcake. I just like... forgot about them. Whoooops. It's not a huge deal for Cupcake but I feel pretty bad about FB. It's not super like me to forget, but it just feels like I've got a million things I'm thinking about at any given time and my brain just decided that ordering shirts was not a necessity. That and I guess I had no reminders sooooo it's hard to remember.

My great-grandma died a couple months ago and she willed her money to her children, but since my grandpa Jack died a couple years ago the money allotted for him went to HIS kids. My mom sent me $1000 as a nice gesture, and I think that was super sweet. I think I'm probably going to use it for tattoos - I have a bunch of medium-small ideas I just want to knock out quickly here.

1. Something like "Go all in" from this Jim quote in The Office - "Well, you know, you can’t have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what’s most important. That’s my new thing." Pretty self explanatory, one of my favorite lines in the entire series, really speaks to me. Probably on my wrist? Somewhere I can see.
2. "A Heart's a Heavy Burden" with either blue Calcifer or the shooting stars from Howl's Moving Castle - I know I have an entire Ghibli sleeve but also this quote is my entire life. Either over my heart, or on my available ribs/side/hip.
4. Booya Moon from Lisey's Story. It's my favorite Stephen King book of all time, and I'm linking the image given on the book jacket for reference, but I think Andy would really like to draw his version or vision of it. I like his art. Probably on one of my thighs.
5. Possibly one of Andy's drawings, because I know how much he likes to tattoo his originals, and one recent one he posted is super good. Not sure where though.

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No idea, but I just wanted to point out that the proper grammar is "Every day" in that type of usage.

"Everyday" is an adjective, and "every day" is an adjective plus a noun. The former means like... normal/common, things like that. The latter, which is what you meant, means "each day."

I had to make the difference very clear when getting my memorial tattoo for Mikey, because "Missing you... every day" is VASTLY different than "Missing you gets easier everyday," which would actually not even make sense at all in the context of the entire sentence. Missing you gets easier... normal? Commonplace? Whaaaa?

I just spent like the last 2 hours typing, and then when trying to click on my Pandora tab, accidentally clicked the damn Create a Poll tab, and this browser doesn't save my progress.

Great.

I'm not even mad, I'm just in shock.

I'll try again when I've picked myself up off the floor in a few days.


P.S. I need like a giant piece of paper reminding me to write my entries in Word. I'm sooo STUPID! lol