A Heart's a Heavy Burden

Tealie is gone for 2 school days, Friday and Monday. For Friday, her sub was Josie, which was nice, because Josie has been subbing at Parkway for like 2 years, and she puts up with a lot of shit. Like, not only are our kids extremely difficult with subs generally no matter what we do, Josie is trans and that concept is very difficult to middle school children. Particularly students living in more "ghetto" areas... and toxic black culture makes it really difficult to accept homosexuality as a general rule, and add in trans issues? Tough. There are a lot of kids who staunchly refer to her as a "he"  I know some change has been occurring, but most of my African American boys still don't even tolerate any male wearing pink (though picking like, pink pencils, pencil pouches, binders etc. is acceptable) and call it gay - what is this, 1985?

Anyway, I let Josie handle the class as a whole because she's persistent, and I got to spend most of the time teaching Malik 2-step equations. I really enjoy teaching 7th grade math, and him knowing he was learning 7th grade math concepts made him try REALLY hard. I made him a folder and put it in a special place and everything and he was so proud. Later in the day Pa sent a picture of a billion tiny pieces of paper that used to be his social studies test, and I found it really funny. Pa is so goddamn annoying, always complaining, and she has just been getting worse and worse. She never sees the humor in what kids are doing and I refuse to play into her negativity. I got so pissed at her for a bitchy email she sent to like 20 people but directed at me (asking a question I had ALREADY ANSWERED HER A FEW DAYS AGO) calling me out, and I started typing up a super angry response before going to one of the school social workers and having her help me write a more professional email. lol.

After I was done at Parkway, I headed out to Saint Paul to meet Bethany and Haley at the place where Bethany decided to order her wedding cake from for, you guessed it, a cake tasting! I knew exactly where it was because MHR (where I worked when I was a mental health case manager) is two buildings down from it. When we walked in, Haley of course got off on the wrong foot with the cake lady by telling her that she was Bethany (after the lady had already addressed Bethany as herself), and she did not find Haley's trickery funny. Then EVERYONE got off on the wrong foot, because the lady noticed that the wedding date is a Wednesday, and said they don't deliver cakes during the week. Bethany countered that over the phone she had been quoted a *delivery* fee and she had given them the date, and they went back and forth a bit with the lady basically saying they only hire drivers for Fridays and weekends, and Haley jumping in now and then to try to push the lady to "make an exception." Both Bethany and I got the vibe that it was non-negotiable, and everyone was annoyed. I was very surprised that Bethany didn't just walk away (she later said she had been considering it), because the woman was LEGIT judging Bethany for having a weekday wedding, saying "no one" gets married in the middle of the week and eventually straight up asked, "So why did you pick that date?" Bethany and Jake picked 8/8/18 because when they started dating, they each owned cars with the license plate 808, and 8/8 happened to fall on a Wednesday.

The cakes we tasted were all very good, my top favorites being lemon, a strawberry/fruity concoction, and a Bailey's/fudge. Bethany said she doesn't really like lemon, but her two favorites were the other two that I liked. The Neopolitan was also good. Bethany wanted a cheaper cake because she and Jaked don't even really care about cake or what it looks like, and I think she did pretty well at $475 for 90 people.

When we were finished with the cake and the humorless woman, it was time for lunch (and clearly me playing hooky... whoops). We went to JSelby's and Bethany got a caesar salad and I got a "philly" (again, everything there is vegan) and it was NOT good. But the chips and dip were fine.

I dropped the other two back off at their cars, and then called Steve and asked if I should go to work for 45 minutes orrrr just come home. We both voted come home. HAPPY FRIDAY YA'LL.

Steve showed me the changes he made to the game room when I got home. He's been cultivating the perfect layout, shifting things around as systems filled up, and now we're to the point that mid-room shelving is necessary, and he'd found a layout he liked. I love going into the game room while he shows me either games, or room arrangements, or we just kind of sit in there and chat. I particularly love just laying out on the floor, and the cats feel the same way. They're not allowed in the game room (we keep the door closed when we're not in there) because they're naughty and will knock everything over, so when WE are in there it's this rare forbidden treat for them to join us. Also I think it's one of the coolest, temperature-wise, in the house. Feels nice and it always smells good in there.



Once we were finished with the game room we decided to walk around the neighborhood doing raids in Pokemon Go, and wandering around the park spinning stops and catching Pokemon. It was really hot out again and we sat in the shade for awhile at the park scrolling between social media and P-Go, and it was just really nice. A lot of people were at the park, the baseball fields, the skate park and there was a family having a graduation party and grilling too. Good vibes. We started getting hungry and couldn't figure out what sounded good, just that we wanted to be outside. I suggested Jamba Juice and Five Guys. Of course I meant "Let's get the Mango Chia seed Jamba drink and eat Five Guys fries because they have a patio and a smoothie isn't enough to sustain either of us." We did exactly that, except Steve also got a burger from 5 Guys. Even if I ate meat, I would not want a five guys burger. They are the most lamest of burgers. We ate our food and caught mmore Pokemon. It was awesome.

Eventually we agreed we were both quite tired and decided to go home and nap. We ended up falling asleep for like, 4 hours. Lol. Then Steve got up and it was like 9:30 and Andy had been texting him all day about coming over for a bonfire. I had initially encouraged him to go, but he was reluctant. When we got up from the nap Steve said he felt like he should go, but I was feeling really tired and lazy and wanted to either go back to sleep or just lay in bed. Steve didn't think he'd be gone that long and I ended up slightly more awake, thinking he'd be home within an hour or two. I just scrolled on my phone and tagged Steve in memes and talked with Bethany and Haley in the group chat, but mostly I was bored and lonely and wished I'd gone if I'd known Steve was gonna be gone so long (but I also was enjoying being in bed, god is it nice not to have to leave lol). Steve got home around 12:30am, which was pretty late considering we plan to get up early enough to beat the rush at Birchwood Cafe for breakfast. It was nice having him home again, and a very cuddly sleep ensued, and quite easily considering how much we'd already slept!

So, I had a looooong day at work and just needed some couple time. I feel like I've been taking Steve's love as a given and therefore a bit for granted. That's not cool. So we went shopping at our favorite B-ville mall, got cutie dinner, horribly messed up Caribou coffees - I ordered a small Northern Lite Vanilla Latte hot, he ordered a medium espresso cooler. I got the espresso hot latte and he got a vanilla cooler. BLEHHHH. But I choked it down among teases from Steve. ("So uh, how's that coffee taste?" "It... has flavor." "Oh, so you like it?" "I ordered a coffee drink, and it has coffee... And flavor." XD). Got a few cute new items and bleach + blue hair dye.

Then we went to our favorite GameStop and I found one of the few PS2 games we don't own - Tales of Legendia. Even if it's considered one of the worst Tales games, it was pristine, $20, and OMGPS2!!!!

Get home, start bleaching my hair, and stumble upon a STATUS ON FACEBOOK my mom posted about my sister having a seizure in downtown Minneapolis while driving and crashed into a parked car. While it turns out she's okay at this point and wasn't seriously injured, and a nearby police officer witnessed it and sprang into action, when I read the status and thought about if my sister had been on the highway or otherwise in serious danger... I sort of awkwardly burst into tears. It was Leah-bursting, which is more like a slow build-up and very full eyes but lots of wiping of the face, but shit! Here I was all having an amazing day, and my only sister could be fucking DYING in a CAR ACCIDENT. Jesus. The fear of what would happen if I lost her went almost out of control. She may be at rock bottom, but I love that girl.

After I spoke with Mom on the phone (and sufficiently made her feel bad because I got so upset), I finished dying my hair. See here! I loooove it. I wish I had done more blue and maybe not attacked my bangs so hard with the scissors, but I get so frustrated at how quickly they grow! I JUST got my hair cut. Ugh.

So, it turns out that the problem with my phone WAS the battery XD I got the new phone in the mail, and it wouldn't turn on! When exchanging phone units, you keep your sim, charger, and battery, btw. So we took it into the T-Mobile store, and the woman got it to START the turn-on process (at which point Steve and I were gaping, because we couldn't get it to do ANYTHING), and then she literally threw the battery and went in the back and found a spare (yayyy no waiting for a new one to be shipped!). It's really cool that I got a new phone anyway, without dents, and a clean slate. My pictures and apps transferred to the new unit (I had only a couple - an egg timer and stop watch XD). I added a really cool app that claims to show the CallerID of incoming calls, and purports to have a call-blocking feature. I'm testing it out with a telemarketer that calls me ALL the time. They stopped calling for a couple weeks after calling 2-4 times every day for several months, but it started again last week. I'm hoping it actually DOES block the calls, especially since I know for a fact that the dial-outs are a machine until they hear a voice, at which point you are transferred to a real person (I've tried to ask them to stop calling before).

If AT&T actually buys T-Mobile (the merger is still planned but not a hundo percent, last I heard), I'm totally getting an iPhone if they ever offer it. ^_^ Although, at this point, they're still saying they won't. Depending on how the merger goes, I might actually switch carriers. As discussed previously, I already pay a large chunk to T-Mobile. If prices were to change due to AT&T messing with the data plan prices and whatnot (T-Mobile's is cheaper than AT&T's), I'd probably wait until I was able to break the contract without penalty, via the contract opening up as a result of this merger, and maybe get Verizon? I never hear anything about Sprint, and Verizon's the main competition for AT&T. *shrug* Who knows?!

On Saturday I went out to dinner with my dad's family. It was nice, we just talked a lot and had a good time. Nothing major. On the way home I noticed I needed oil, so I went to get some from a nearby gas station. Then I noticed I didn't have my wallet. Crap. I last saw it at the restaurant we were at, because I had taken it out to show my ID for a margarita. When we got there, the hostess asked if I needed a kids menu. A kid's menu that says '8 and under' on it. Now, I know I may look young, but you gotta be kidding! XD I thought it was hilarious and she was super embarrassed.

Anyway. So, I was worried about running out of oil, because I don't know at what point my car tells me I need it. Is it DIRE? Or just a , "Hey, you should put a couple quarts in me in the near future, but it's all g for a little longer!" But driving to get my wallet was really the only option, unless I could pay the cashier in a few coins and plushies. I typed the location into my handy phone GPS and got there just fine, and they had it waiting for me (there was a terrible moment as I neared the location where I feared it fell out in my dad's car and wasn't at the restaurant at all)! Then there was the issue of putting cool oil in a hot car, but at 11pm in a strange area, I didn't feel like waiting 20 minutes. I need an oil change anyway. The old Leah would have gotten upset, panic-stricken, and likely angry as a reaction, but I was very proud of how calm and accepting I was. I attribute some of this to self-growth, but mostly to Steve teaching me how to accept the things I can't change, and even if they suck, it's better to have a good attitude than a shitty one. <3

On Sunday Bethany called to vent about how stressed she is because their downstairs neighbor is harassing her and Sarah about the kids running around the apartment. Bethany said she and Sarah weren't home for the initial incident, so they went and talked to her on their own time. They describe the lady as a meth head (scraggly, skinny, rotted teeth), and that she said around 8 or 9pm she needs to "wind down" and that the kids need to be quiet. Bethany said the kids go to bed at 9pm. The lady mentioned that it's fine in the morning and during the day though, so Sarah said, "...so, you're home all day?" Meant to get a grasp of the lady's schedule and to probably somewhat insinuate that she doesn't have a difficult schedule, and the lady took it as quite insulting. :P She also yelled at them about cigarette butts on her deck, but Bethany says they never throw their butts, and it's probably the people above them. I just told her to complain to the managers if she doesn't stop, because they need to be able to live. Cayden just turned 1 and Tristan just turned 2; they don't understand why they can't play "too loud", and Cayden's a chunker who just learned to walk so he naturally walks heavy. I just feel bad because that EXACT situation is what Bethany was worried about. Thank god Steve and I live on the ground floor, seriously. I can't stand that stuff.

Oh, and this is my last week with People Inc. I'm not mad at it, nor do I hate it, but since I have a tag about leaving a job, I'm using it XD I'm really excited to start my new job, and to have a week off inbetween to prepare, and also to switch my sleep schedule. It's going to be so weird! Steve and I packed most of our things on Saturday. All we have left is a few odds and ends, all the big stuff (furniture, shelves, computer etc.), the systems we're using, and clothes we need for the next 2 weeks. Otherwise, we're getting ready to go! I wish we could just drop by and throw the boxes in the place even if we can't unpack them yet. So antsy!

New LJ theme! Ahhhh, it feels so fresh and good! I also got a new mood theme, soooo cute! I barely even wanted to kill myself when trying to make the style work the way I wanted!

This weekend was pretty busy. On Saturday I went with Bethany and Cayden to our dad's house to hang out. His birthday party's next week and Bethany REALLY doesn't want to have two parties, but she doesn't know how to say that to Pam without offending her. She's adorable because she's getting her first apartment with Chris, Sarah, and Tony, and she's super nervous.

She's also continuing to have a lot of issues with our parents. She very vehemently wants them to be more involved with their grandson, but they're soooo not having any of it. They ask her to bring Cayden over but then don't really actively participate in entertaining him or otherwise taking care of him, and it really frustrates her. Bethany wants them to take Cayden overnight as he's one years old on Friday, but Cayden is so needy and apparently Mom's going through this selfish, attention-craving phase and can't manage it. Cayden is kinda scary because he needs to be held all the time basically or he cries. Bethany went for a cigarette when we were at Dad's and Cayden cried the entire time. He's afraid of pretty much everyone but his parents.

But I know he'd get over it eventually. I tried to make it clear to her that once Steve and I move into the apartment, I truly want to help her out by taking Cayden every so often. I think my parents have taken him overnight MAYBE twice. Once for sure. In the entire last YEAR. Otherwise I KNOW that I can count on my one hand the number of times they've watched him without her. I feel really bad, but I am also really proud of her and Tony for having the patience and strength to take care of such a needy kid, so much. They're very different than all the other young parents I know. James got Brittany pregnant again (this will be child #3) and they've left Aiyana and Lilly with Pam and Dad for many days at a time, fairly often, and James is almost 30 (Brittany's 21). I also want to just SEE him and not have him cry when I hold him, and I want my sister to be able to still be something of a kid.

Anyway, otherwise, I spent time with Steve playing games. I played a good chunk of FFVI and leveled a couple times in WoW to 66 :)

( Bento goodness!! )


In other, sane news, Joe Waid's birthday is tomorrow so we're throwing him his birthday fun at midnight. Because Pat works days now, Steve and I work nights, Nick works evenings, Nikki has a life at his college, and Faith goes to school a couple hours away, and Joe Waid works weekends, it's been hard trying to plan it! I think Steve and Pat have most of the kinks worked out for what we're going to have him do (in my friends group it's usually a "work for your presents through challenges or scavenger hunts" type deal), and I came up with the cake idea (and Pat said he's on board as long as he gets to get all cranky and bossy and likely take the whole thing over in order to make it perfect). I finished his ( scarf ) yesterday, though I have one major mistake I need to fix. It's an easy fix; I was just being careless in the duplicate stitching. The symbol especially looks good in person and I'm proud of that chart ^_^ Joe Waid's a really hard person to shop for, and Pat's already said how jealous he is that Joe Waid gets a scarf and that it's obviously going to be the best gift :P What I felt like was a near cop-out is apparently quite popular.

I got to chat with my sister for awhile yesterday, and that was fun. It served to remind me I need to find weekend time to visit her. Whenever I bring it up, she always tells me when the next time she's bringing Cayden over to our parents' house, which I find odd. I don't need to go home to see my nephew, and I almost prefer our quiet time to big family hullabaloo. Anyway, she just wanted to vent while she smoked (she's like me and gets bored when doing menial things and likes to make phone calls) about how she feels like she's not getting any support for getting an apartment and applying to school and getting her GED and working full-time, and in fact said that our parents discouraged her from going to school right now. Bethany says it's the perfect time to go to school because Tony can afford to not work (vs paying more for a daycare that money Tony made from a job wouldn't be worth), and she can support the three of them on her job at Mystic Lake Casino. She obviously doesn't want to be a server forever, so she wants to at least get an Associate's. It's always so hilarious to me when she talks about Paul's "mental issues", or as I call them, "a failure to realize that the parent-child roles change when the kids are adults, living on their own, and having children."

We also talked a bit about death and I gave her the rundown on Pam's dad's funeral. She brought up Paul's dad again, because she recently found out he'd been given 6 months to live - 6 months ago. And he quit chemo (I don't blame him). He has lung cancer; I'm pretty sure he knows what that means for him no matter what he does. So now Bethany is kinda expecting to hear every day that he's died, because of the length of time he was given (the same sentence was given to Bre's grandma, who lived like 4 more years, but she had liver cancer and therefore could do surgeries and she smoked weed ["just a couple puffs"] to keep her appetite up and her pain down). When Bethany and I were listing in what order we thought we'd lose our like 50 grandparents (okay, like 8), Ron hadn't been high on the list. It's just weird. He's only 65.

This THEN led to her talking about her opinions on food consumption after re-watching "Food Matters" (it's instant on Netflix, btw) and how she really believes food does affect your body and cause cancer and that you SHOULD eat healthy and mostly raw, etc.  She commented on her recent gallbladder issues - they offered to take her gallbladder out because it's coated in sludge right now, assumed to be from energy drinks. She said no, and told me that, "It's my fault it is this way. Removing it would be the easy way out so I should try to fix it on my own first!" And then she said, "And of course after I watch it then I go through BK drive-thru but whatever!" XD I actually think half of it is her fear of pain and doctors and needles.

But anyway, she said she can't talk to anyone about her food opinions because they don't agree with her. What she means to say is they're ignorant, or don't care. Our parents tout healthiness, but I'm not sure how much they follow these days. They're incredibly elitist about food that anyone else consumes, though. Steve made fun of me hardcore the other day for throwing a miniature fit when the store didn't have the yogurt I wanted. All the brands that were there had sugar added or were made from just milk (no live cultures)! No! But he's so right, I DID sound like my parents. It was really funny. And I don't even care!

It's interesting this comes up for her right when I'm about to start seriously trying to lead a good healthy life, without being limiting or dieting. I'm already about halfway there, with the high fruit and veggie consumption, low meat intake, attempts to balance protein and fat, but I need more.

I got the position within my company. It's a sure bet, and while it won't be perfect like the job I may or may not have gotten at Fabcon, it will be good. I have tons of training this week (see previous post about not getting many mandatory trainings as a result of poor management) so I will be tiiiired. It's just mean to give me all-day trainings DURING THE DAY when my schedule is not only currently a night schedule (ie awake until about 7am), but next week will be a full-time WORK night schedule!! But tonight is the last night of working super far away and taking detours and 12-hour lonely shifts!!

I spent time with my little sister this week. I hung out with her on Thursday, taking Cayden on walks and talking about life. Cayden is teething and so he cries a lot and pulls his poor ear. It's really adorably pathetic! He's a very cute kid and very expressive. I like spending time with her, and it's good too to get to see Tony once in awhile. It brought to mind that when Steve and I move out, while I would like to stay near St. Paul, it would be ideal if we could live in the suburbs closer to Shakopee. Maybe not a lot, but closer than 40 miles. That way I can visit or babysit without it having to seem like such a big deal. We took some long walks and just talked about relationships and having kids and graduating. And some silly stuff.

And Saturday was my brother August's birthday party (he's 12) and I spent time hanging out with my family, laughing and doting on Cayden. Tony raced Haley and a friend of August's. I took Cayden for a walk around the neighborhood and watched him for awhile while Bethany and Tony went with Mom to the store to buy August's iPod touch. Playing the role of Mom was really weird because I knew everyone who drove by was totally judging me, thinking I was a teen mom. And after feeling kinda awkward in that role for a few minutes, I got really mad. Like, I am 22 goddamn years old, if I wanna have a child I can have a child and no one can judge me!!!!! It doesn't matter, though, because no one EVER knows my age. People my parents know still think Bethany's older, and having a kid doesn't help that cause, haha. For reference: I AM FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN SHE IS ;) Then we went back to my parents' and he bopped around my lap for awhile, getting into a fight with a bean bag that was too heavy for him and therefore pissed him off. Babies are still scary, but they can definitely be awfully cute and not impossible.

Mm, Just sitting at work.

I met with the head of the department or whatever for Human Services, and he told me I only need one class to graduate plus figuring out an Incomplete I have. So, I called the old professor and he left me a message listing what he wanted me to do for a grade, and I finished that stuff tonight and sent it off. Then I talked with my parents and they said I still have money in my 529 plan, assuming some was leftover after they banned me from using it for always failing/dropping classes, and Dad called and left me a message saying that it could cover most of my semester, which would mean no more loans! That then means I would not only graduate in December, but that I'll graduate with only like $7,000 in debt!

On Friday Steve and I met with Nick, Pat, Faith, and Joe Waid at the Taste of MN for Minus the Bear, POS and Atmosphere. I was really going to the social activities and being outside. It was so hot so Steve and I stayed in the back and laid in the grass during Minus the Bear and met up with the rest afterward. We walked around and talked and got refreshments (SO THIRSTY) until POS came on. Nick and Joe Waid sat with Steve and I off to the side while Pat made Faith go with him into the crowd. Steve and I left when POS brought some unknown friend to rap with him. I enjoy rap live but not so much any other time. I also love Minnesota Pride. People are adorable.

My family held their Independence Day celebration on Saturday at Como Zoo. It would have been a lot less stressful if there wasn't a HUGE Hmong Freedom Festival going on at Como Park. OMG was parking awful. I ended up giving up on parking close and parked in a nearby neighborhood. I didn't mind the walk, though. It was so hot, like 90, all day and so sunny. Perfect, in my opinion. But I got sooooo sunburnt. I was wearing a halter so the top half of my back is also burned. I don't mind, I just hope I have minimal peeling and that it'll turn into a tan line. My family all wanted to see my fourth tattoo, and I was surprised when it received a fairly warm reception. I was expecting hate because I heard Dad made a stink about Bethany's lilies on her ankle even though they're very tasteful and really well done (of course, I don't think I showed him so maybe it's just he who doesn't approve of the tattoos).

( Here's a sneak peek at the unfinished tat... )

We ate and socialized before some of us headed to the zoo. I mostly hung out with Bethany and her baby Cayden because I love both of them so much! She briefly addressed her upset over the perceived negative comments about her son, and I tried to tell her I meant no harm. I love that child! I can't wait til he's old enough for me to babysit him and stuff! My cousin Danny is a couple years older than I am and we used to be really close when Bethany and I stayed at grandma Ann's all the time, but once she and Ronnie divorced we stopped being in contact. I don't know why but he followed me around all day. I just thought he'd end up with Kiana and Della, because he knows them better. It would be fine except I am TERRIBLE at small talk. It just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and all I really wanted to do was spend time with my sister. So I kept trying to find ways to avoid him without hurting his feelings and Bethany kept shooting me sly grins from afar (another one of our male cousins does this exact same thing to me at holidays and she finds it incredibly funny).

Grandma (my mom) and baby Cayden, about 4 and a half months.


Now I just can't wait to get home to Steve. He's incredibly adorable and took Thursday-Saturday off so we could have more than a day together. Is he a great boyfriend or what? <3