Om nom nom.

[spritechan]

New LJ theme! Ahhhh, it feels so fresh and good! I also got a new mood theme, soooo cute! I barely even wanted to kill myself when trying to make the style work the way I wanted!

This weekend was pretty busy. On Saturday I went with Bethany and Cayden to our dad's house to hang out. His birthday party's next week and Bethany REALLY doesn't want to have two parties, but she doesn't know how to say that to Pam without offending her. She's adorable because she's getting her first apartment with Chris, Sarah, and Tony, and she's super nervous.

She's also continuing to have a lot of issues with our parents. She very vehemently wants them to be more involved with their grandson, but they're soooo not having any of it. They ask her to bring Cayden over but then don't really actively participate in entertaining him or otherwise taking care of him, and it really frustrates her. Bethany wants them to take Cayden overnight as he's one years old on Friday, but Cayden is so needy and apparently Mom's going through this selfish, attention-craving phase and can't manage it. Cayden is kinda scary because he needs to be held all the time basically or he cries. Bethany went for a cigarette when we were at Dad's and Cayden cried the entire time. He's afraid of pretty much everyone but his parents.

But I know he'd get over it eventually. I tried to make it clear to her that once Steve and I move into the apartment, I truly want to help her out by taking Cayden every so often. I think my parents have taken him overnight MAYBE twice. Once for sure. In the entire last YEAR. Otherwise I KNOW that I can count on my one hand the number of times they've watched him without her. I feel really bad, but I am also really proud of her and Tony for having the patience and strength to take care of such a needy kid, so much. They're very different than all the other young parents I know. James got Brittany pregnant again (this will be child #3) and they've left Aiyana and Lilly with Pam and Dad for many days at a time, fairly often, and James is almost 30 (Brittany's 21). I also want to just SEE him and not have him cry when I hold him, and I want my sister to be able to still be something of a kid.

Anyway, otherwise, I spent time with Steve playing games. I played a good chunk of FFVI and leveled a couple times in WoW to 66 :)

Comments

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Ohyesh for nice and bright colors!!! ^-^

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

It's so fun! :D

[silver-tiamat.livejournal.com]

So cute! Haha, Ghibli goodness! =D I really love Spirited Away. <3

I feel bad for Bethany--it cannot be a good feeling to have the sense that one's parents essentially reject one's child (because not only is it a rejection of someone she loves, but it can even feel like a rejection of her and who she is, i.e. Cayden's mother). But, as you and I both know, a lot of kids go through the whole Really Shy stage around 11-months to 2-years. Some are just shy kids, but others are kids who get shy, then get over it. A lot of child psychologists theorize that this is when the child becomes much more aware that there is a distinct separation between Adults Like Mom/Dad and Unknown Adults. And this frightens them. One of the best solutions to deal with it is to expose the child to other adults who show them love and attention, without aggression. It's a sad fact that your parents are probably making Cayden feel even more insecure, and increasing his sense that he was right to fear Adults Who Are Not Mom/Dad.

But, you might want to maybe suggest some reading material on dealing with children who display overly-needy tendencies to Bethany (including on finding ways to deal with his separation anxiety that is likely assuaged when he's held--such as the old standbys of leaving him, going into another room, and coming back, to show him that nothing really scary happens when Mom/Dad is gone--such as training him to hold onto an appendage (arm, leg, whatever), then a hand, then a finger, and so on).

However, once you move into your own place and have some more freedom to work with him yourself, I'm sure you'll help a lot! =D Maybe without the difficulties, your parents will be able to take more of an interest in their grandson. =)

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

Exactly. She does feel like it's an insult to her as well as our parents' relationship with Cayden. Mom puts up this huge front on Facebook like she spends all this time with him (taking pics and posting them and gushing) but apparently in reality she'll just take the pics and be on her merry way. Like, "Bethany, Cayden's getting too close to the stairs," "Bethany, Cayden needs to be changed!" Bethany got really upset because she changed his diaper in my parents' room, and Mom like flipped out saying she KNEW Bethany changed him on the bed (she maintains she did not do that, AND that it was only a pee diaper) and Bethany was super insulted because "it's not like he'd contaminate their bed or make a huge mess, jeez!"

It's kinda funny that she takes pride in the fact that Cayden sleeps in his crib and her bff's baby (who is 2 soon) sleeps in the bed with the parents, and yet Cayden needs to be held nearly 100% of the time when he's awake. I fail to see how her situation is worth any more smugness. Personally I plan on having Baby sleep with me - many cultures do that and the child is no more clingy or maladjusted than the next.

I think I will look into books for her, but it's delicate. She's a very typical "don't tell me how to raise MY child" mother, and I wouldn't want to insult her (dear god). She's a very good mother (and I can see myself having a difficult time letting Baby cry too). I was hoping that taking Cayden on a semi-frequent basis would help him adjust to the fact that He Is Not In Danger when his parents leave. I told her that as long as I know he's not dying of some illness or for real becoming emotionally scarred when he's crying, that I can tolerate the wailing.

[namidanotsuki.livejournal.com]

It freaks me out a little bit every time I think to myself that my mother had me at 22 and was married at 20. Most "modern" folk these days would, if I had done the same, think it tragic. I actually get a lot of strange looks when I tell people I got married at 22.

It kind of makes me wonder what we're doing to our own evolution by delaying the age of responsibility so much.

WoW saddens me at the moment. All of my friends are talking about moving over to Rift. It's all because they made healing suck in a huge way. Every healing class but priest is pretty much broken...

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

That's what I keep hearing, but I'm kinda in love with healing atm. I forgot to read the patch notes, and then went "OMFG THERE IS A GAP ON MY BAR WHAT IS MISSING?!" Turns out it was healing touch, which I only ever use in emergency situations anyway. I honestly can't see what's wrong with the changes; I've been healing just fine :P I'm in the upper 60's right now, maybe the difficulty curve changes at max.

I think about stuff like that too - my mom got married like 30 seconds after she turned 18 and started trying to have me immediately. By dumb luck (bad, in her opinion at the time) it took almost exactly a year for her to get pregnant with me, and then my sister was an accident 4 years later (with a miscarriage partly due to a freak stroke inbetween).

My sister got pregnant on accident when she was 6 months or so from turning 18 (and her boyfriend is a year younger). She was incredibly depressed for a month or so, but she has a very high sense of responsibility so she turned it around pretty quickly. She also looks down on mothers who talk about dropping their kids off for babysitting as if it's a huge relief because she thinks it's insulting the relationship you have with the child/taking the kid for granted :P At 23 I still am not ready for a child. I'm selfish. I've reconciled that if I got pregnant I'd be fine, but not being pregnant, I'm definitely okay with it. I haven't gotten married because I want to be able to pay for it (though several of my classmates are married with children already!). Plus my boyfriend would really like to be closer to 30, and my limit WAS a steadfast "no children beyond 30" but I guess I'm more flexible now.

[namidanotsuki.livejournal.com]

The Rift open beta was today. I checked the guild web site this morning and logged on to a symphony of QQ about how it was horrible. Duuuuuuh. I mean seriously, after reading the lore (I'm a lore whore in general no matter what the game is), I was pretty appalled.

Our best druid healer says druid healing at 85 is super unfun. It has something to do with the fact that druids are used to being able to keep a whole raid topped off with hots and, well, they can't now. Really, no one can.

My only hiatus on kids is financial. I'm almost there. Almost all of my debt is gone and I have a plan for what remains. We own a house in an excellent school district and we both have clear professional objectives for the future. I just did the math on the average monthly cost of having a child from birth to age 3 and I got this little knot in my stomach. Basically, we need to work on saving more than we do, plus doubling out life insurance policies. Being detail oriented, as it turns out, is both a blessing and a curse. :(

Good call on the wedding. I know I'm really glad I waited a year and saved. So many of my friends just have crushing wedding debt. And most of the family members who said they helped bailed on the commitment.

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

Ahh, I really am behind on the game stuff! I know nothing! I'm just banking on the fact that by the time I'm 85, things will be fixed at least somewhat :P I level in bursts so that I can give my other games a fair chance to be played. It would be frustrating not to be able to keep HoTs up all the time and be fine... you get so used to it!

I've read a lot of the lore but I seem to have forgotten a good portion of it :( It doesn't help that most of the books were claimed by my ex when we broke up so I gotta re-buy them. The game def butchers the lore, but I still get gai when I see peeps I know (MEDIVHHHUHH! Oh god I <3 him).

Oh man, you're the only person I've been able to meet who actually intellectually planned for kids. I'm in the boat of, "If I thought about how much kids cost, I'd never have 'em!" But good for you for planning and being able to save for it :) I imagine it must be quite stressful to actually plan out.

My parents told me a few months ago (mom/stepdad) that they'd contribute to my wedding, and I was like "Whaaaa? I'm not even getting married for awhile, and if Steve and I get engaged in the next couple years, we'll probably wait a couple MORE years to get married..." I didn't know my parents were that traditional? And I suspect they'll be good on their word (my own dad is a different story but he's gotten better), but I never expected them to offer something like that. Usually I have to ask. Whether a kid happens before or after I'm married is of no consequence to me, so I don't feel THAT pressure.