A Heart's a Heavy Burden

Last week I was really feeling like I wanted to do something with Steve on Saturday morning. I initially thought Minneapolis Farmer’s market, but we weren’t sure if there’d be time after he got back from garage sale-ing. Then on Thursday or Friday I got the notification that Saturday was the beginning of the East Side PEEP Shawl. PEEP is a thing where 6 of the east side (of the twin cities) shops hold 1 of 6 pieces of a shawl pattern and yarn, and you travel to each shop picking up the pieces. You even get 1/6 of a digital code if you don’t want 6 pieces of paper. Each shop also makes a sample of the shawl, and you can buy that particular color base if that’s the shawl you want to make. I’ve never actually participated, mostly because I’d miss it or wasn’t sure about the final shawl. I thought it was perfect timing for this year though. So instead of farmers market, shawl!

I started in the nearest town, and made a loop. The trip for me is 66 miles, and some people BIKE their route. Crazy!!



I’m so glad I went to my closest shop first, because they cheated and made TWO of the shawls, and their second version didn’t make it onto the picture of samples, and that one was my favorite, so I bought the base color from there. Then I went to Stillwater, which wasn’t that far but took a really long time due to construction, a wedding, and general idiocy of the people in town. Parking was a nightmare but I parallel’d my way in. I did get a great view of the St. Croix river and the weather was gorgeous.


This was cute.

One of the women said she thought my shawl “looks like a StevenBe original.” I told her the pattern was the local yarn shawl but that the yarn did in fact come from StevenBe!



After Stillwater was White Bear Lake. This shop turned out to be near Andy’s old tattoo studio, so parking was easy, though it was Dog Days so still busy, with the added bonus of puppies everywhere. The shop was not a shop I’d ever go to again, with grouchy signs about cell phones (Steve called me while I was in there and I started sweating) and a grouchy old lady running the place.

I talked to Steve while I headed to the next place, an area of Mahtomedi (mah-toe-meed-eye) I’d never been to before and super close to my house. Beautiful backwoods drive. Got lucky with parking. Enjoyed the shop, will go there again. Lots of compliments on the shawl, friendly people, good snack and drink selection (though I didn’t take any, I made a note for the future).

Ben and Sean had been in contact with us about possible hangouts, and after I stopped at home they confirmed they wanted to hang because they were in town for the weekend. I mentioned dragging them to two yarn shops and they were in favor of the detours.

After they picked us up, to Grand ave in St Paul we went! Got my yarn, bantered about the best color on the wall (Steve and I chose the same color - a teal - though I didn’t know his choice prior), and Sean argued the case of a burnt sienna and Ben voted for a navy blue. We determined there was hunger and walked over to Brasa. I’d only been there once before for my grandma’s birthday several years ago but it left a bad taste in my mouth because there are no vegan options and my mom complained about the lack of even vegetarian options (the logo IS a rooster, to be fair). Knowing that I could probably find something to eat as a vegetarian vs vegan, I wasn’t concerned. I chose the one vegetarian sandwich and the group got a bunch of sides in addition. I got the seasonal mango lemonade to drink, and I don’t even like lemonade but this was delicious. I was only able to consume half my sandwich, some plantains and chips, and I was bursting full.

Last yarn stop, 3 Kittens in Mendota. Another cute shop, signed up as interested in a shawl class by an intense old lady who was incredibly interested in a lot about me. She wrote down the name of my shawl and talked to me about the shop expanding. It was another good shop I’d like to take more time in. Sean and I walked around commenting on the yarn before the group headed to our actual destination: Mall of America of course.

For some reason, 5 star raids on the weekends always start later in the afternoon, but during the week they’re ready to go promptly at 8am. So weird. We got to the mall around 3pm, and after everyone went to the bathroom there was a raid ready to go right by us! We were all able to catch crappy Registeel, and then we sat at a table chatting and Pokémon Go-ing for like an hour. I was talking to Bethany and Haley about wedding stuff and to my cousin Morrigan about food stuff (he wants to lose weight but doesn’t want to try hard at all, mostly it was me confirming that NO KETO and giving suggestions). Eventually we got coffee (and Ben went and got Sean some Very Bad Tea because they screwed up her order) and wandered around the mall. We did stop into Air Traffic for awhile and Ben tried some of the juggling bags and we looked at the various silly puzzles. Soon after, I was feeling soooo tired and suggested we get moseying. I wasn’t trying to end hangouts by any means, but I wasn’t wearing the best walking shoes (converse) and my pinky toes were hurting. Steve reminded me that I needed to pick up my bridesmaid dress, and the lady made me try it on. It fits so much better with the strap shortened by like 2 inches and the hem brought up like 6 inches. The Asian lady said she loved the lace on my waist and said it made my curves look good, Steve and Sean approved, and Ben said it “is a very purple dress”. Hahaha.

When we got to the van, Sean mentioned something about wanting shelving from Ikea, and I was like, “well IKEA just so happens to be RIGHT THERE, wanna go??” And after some discussion about whether Ben’s friend/coworker Dustin was still playing in a magic: the gathering tournament, Ikea it was.

We wandered slowly around the living room and bed section, trying like every single couch and bed and chatting. Steve and Ben apparently talked about ITG and friend stuff (like that Ben wants to stream to ONLY US and why he doesn’t like other people, even other friends, to view the stream), and Sean and I talked a lot about housing desires, locations for living, future plans, and of course, The Compound*.

We cut the IKEA trip short when Dustin announced he was ready for dinner, and Ben drove us to Minneapolis to a place called WSK (World Street Kitchen), another place with basically one thing on the menu I could eat and yet sounded amazing (a crispy tofu dish). I was still somehow incredibly full from earlier even though it was like 9pm, but I suspected it was in part due to the fact that Steve ordered me a large coffee and I drank all of it. We met Dustin and Stacy, who were kind of geeky and maybe not the kind of couple Steve and I generally hang out with, but they grew on me over time for the most part. Mostly it was that Stacy made a few lame comments indicating her disdain and boredom while Dustin played in his tournament, and Steve and I are not the kind of people who participate in disparaging each other’s hobbies and interests and don’t like when people in couples do that. Be with someone you can support!!!! Otherwise, though, the conversation was good.

After we ate, it was noted that we were DEFINITELY getting ice cream, and the place to get ice cream was attached to WSK. It’s called MilkJam. And it is top tier ice cream. They have rotating flavors of amazingness, and the line was out the door. Ben said that the line was pretty short, less than 50 people, probably because it had just finished raining. Because we couldn’t each just try one flavor, Steve and I opted for the “flight of 4” which were smaller scoops to sample. You COULD order a scoop of all the flavors (like 12) for $58. We agreed on all the flavors to try, and in order of favorites: Cereal Killer, Mango Sticky Rice, Thai Tea and Uma Thurman. The cereal one surprised me at how good it was. It was a lightly orangey/milk flavored ice cream with crunchy (NOT stale or soggy) fruity pebbles in it, and I was brought back to my childhood so hard. The mango sticky rice was exactly like it sounded but the rice was firm and delicious. The Uma Thurman was a tart passionfruit something, and it was good, but it wasn’t my favorite. Now. The ice cream was suuuper creamy and yet not so rich it would give you a belly ache, and I definitely wanted SO much more immediately. Sean got the “dark” which was a decadent dark chocolate that tasted like the most perfect brownies you’ve ever eaten (again, smooth and creamy and yet not bellyache creating). I can’t believe I’d never been there or heard of it!!

Finally it was time to go, and Ben and Sean dropped us off. We weren’t ready to give up on the day though, so I worked on my current sock (using the Mei/Satsuki from Totoro colorway by Canon Hand Dyes) and he played some more Yakuza Kiwami. He’s made a lot of progress and is definitely getting close to the end. We finally called it around 12:30 and hit the hay.

*The Compound is a gigantic homestead that the four of us invented for our Ideal Housing Needs. It’s small enough that we live in the same area and can hang out all we want, but big enough where we can have our individual privacy and aren’t expected to spend all our time together. The idea is that with four of us, we can afford exactly what we want without breaking the budget, and because we’ve already tested (several times) smaller living together scenarios and they’ve been successes, we think we could actually be viable housemates.

Today is such a busy day! Steve and I managed to sleep in until almost 11, the comfy bed, snuggles, and thunderstorms all night soothing us into comfort that we were both incredibly reluctant to leave. But leave we must, because as I said, so many things.

First on the agenda was food, coffee, and writing up the entry for yesterday. I confirmed the time of Pokémon Go for Larvitar as well. Shower was had and clothes were donned, entries were posted and off to Mall of America - which is really the only way to do it, what with the MANY pokestops, lures, people and Pokémon. Why waste your time anywhere else??

Holy crap it was INSANE there today! The parking ramps was already crazy full with a huge line, but I beelined for the roof, because I didn’t ant to waste any more time than we had already, and there was like basically no one there. It is really muggy out today, very VERY humid. Once inside, it was quickly discovered today was the regional yo-yo competition, which is always entertaining but SO. NERVEWRACKING. Steve says I make the best audience because I am so animated while watching - I gasp and cheer and hide my face and have running commentary. Yo-yo is actually a really impressive hobby. We spent a good deal of time on the 4th floor catching so many Larvitar and other Pokémon before heading to the 3rd floor, where we spent most of our time. The mall was filthy with Larvitar. I got a really good shiny as my second catch of the day, and I never did find one better. I found a better regular Larvitar as well, though I didn’t have as many terrible ones as Steve did. In the end I evolved three and buffed up 2. Then we walked around doing a couple raids, which didn’t show up until after the event was over. As usual, when the first Kyogre raid started, my phone borked out and we had to move everywhere. Steve didn’t catch his first one. Once I got into a raid, I did, and it was pretty good. Then we went to another one, and I got another good one, and Steve got a SHINY Kyogre. So jealous!!! They’re purple! I love purple! AND it had good stats. So lucky. On our way out I spotted Pa and Carrie, Parkway coworkers of mine, who were also playing Pokémon Go. We stopped and chatted with them for a few minutes before heading out.

Next up was my brother Jack’s graduation party at my dad’s house. We made the 40-minute drive out there, feeling kind of bad that we wouldn’t be able to stay long because I had to be home before 8 to tutor. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Jack had several friends over and there were people there for Dad and Tammy to hang out with too. They made sure to have rice for my tacos and Jack’s cake was pretty good too. Jack’s friends were decently funny, and apparently the running joke of his childhood was that he always talked about having so many siblings, and his friends were over often enough, and yet they NEVER saw any of them. So Jack was excited to show me off as one of the “fabled mysterious siblings”. To be fair, Jack is much younger than the rest of us. Bethany, at 26, is his closest sibling and still almost 9 years his senior.

After hanging out eating, and watching his slideshow that Dad made, we had to head out all too soon. The children were loudly playing Smash bros downstairs, and Jack seemed a little bummed we had to go so soon but took it in stride. I told him that since he’s going to a college nearby y house that he HAS to come by and hang out. I’m so easy to hang out with; we barely even have to talk lol. Just play games quietly and have fun.

I took a daiquiri to go (it was delicious) and Steve and I listen to Name of the Wind on the way back (we also listened to it on the way to dad’s, and I may or may not have gotten tearful right before we got there. It’s a POWERFUL book). I was in the best mood. My lesson with Shinpei was pretty good, he was distracted at first but eventually got into it, and we had fun. After that I went downstairs and we chilled until it was time to go to Minneapolis.

Oh yeah, we had also bought tickets to the midnight showing of Howl’s Moving Castle. I think the Uptown theatre might do this every year or every few years, but they show Ghibli movies as midnight showings, subtitled, one weekend a month. Howl’s is my favorite, along with Spirited Away and Nausicaa (Only Yesterday is a strong contender too). Steve couldn’t even remember the last time he saw it, and I’m a HUGE sap for this movie. It is so romantic and tender in my heart. Like, the themes really get to me, and I wondered if the type of person I am makes me view the movie a certain way. Ugh, just so good. After the movie I talked at length about the various depths and details I feel, and he said I have a “really strong headcanon.” Lol.

Before the movie, we were both so tired, and the Uptown is on Hennepin ave, one of the most happening streets in Minneapolis. Loud people everywhere. Huge crowds everywhere. We were both super tired but happy during the movie, and were (stupidly) surprised to see that the activity had not died down, or even so much as slowed down one bit when we left the movie. It was 2:30am! How are you people still active??? It was like I knew the dichotomy of being an old tired person placed against my own alcohol-fueled energy going out to party... but still!

You think we went home and went to sleep, but you’d be wrong. Father’s Day is tomorrow and I promised a dessert. The dessert I decided to make is no-bake, but it requires 8 hours of refrigeration. So to Cub we went for a couple of ingredients I needed. I made a simple but amazing-looking chocolate pie thing. Vegan, of course. That meant us finally flopping into bed at 4am. Oh my god.

Saturday found us waking up a little later than we’d planned on, but not too much later. I was really excited to eat breakfast outside and enjoy the weather. It’s been in the mid-80’s for at least a week, and I thought it would be a really good start to our weekend. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans for us. It was gray, cloudy and chilly. Stubbornly I still wanted to go, as 59 degrees wasn’t SO bad and it didn’t seem super windy. I just dressed a bit warmer than I wanted to, and Steve still thought he should wear shorts and a T-shirt.

The plan was to eat breakfast at Birchwood Cafe early enough to beat the insane rush that happens somewhere in the mid morning. Birchwood Cafe is this amazing brunch place that is a little more expensive than you generally want to spend on a given early-in-the-day meal, but it’s priced the way it is for good reason. They work very hard to ethically and organically source all of their ingredients, and they make really good food, all from scratch. Ever since the ONE time we’d eaten there in the past, I was craving the savory waffle (sans bacon). So that’s what I ordered, with a side of potatoes (they season their potatoes with mustard seed and olive oil... sooo gooood. I really should start doing that. Lol. I know it’s not hard because I’ve done it several times following Blue Apron recipes). I also ordered a coffee. Steve ordered pancakes and we split the two meals.

We sat outside (again, stubbornly), but it was definitely not ideal. With my hood up I was actually pretty decent, but Steve got colder the longer we sat outside. The food was really good, per usual, though the waffle was crispier than I remembered, a little overcooked. While we ate, we watched more and more people show up, to the point where eventually the line was packed in and out the door. We did beat the rush, even on a crappy day. Sweet.

The reason we found Birchwood Cafe in the first place was a year ago when Steve really wanted to go to a new game store opening up called “Heroic Games.” When we went there, there wasn’t much to see, and it’s a really small shop. Since then, Steve has seen them pop up as a happening place, and he also sees the cool games they get in. SO, he wanted to check out the place again! I also was interested in checking out the yarn store where I bought most of my yarn from when I went to Yarnover, Stevenbe. It sounded really cool and it was also in Minneapolis, where we were. After checking the map, we were pleased to discover that the game store was actually on the way, and basically on the same street, as the yarn store.

The game store had more things than last time, and Steve did look up the prices for comparison on a couple of games, but surmised that the cool things he gets in and posts online must sell right away, so the remaining stock gets pretty stale. It was still a cute little store (I mean LITTLE, like, 10 people could comfortable fit in there if you didn’t expect more than 3 people at a time to be looking at things) and a cute thing to do with Steve. Soon after, we headed down the road to Stevenbe Yarns.

You guys. This yarn store is insane. First of all, when you walk up to it, it’s got this huge sign. And then there are like 4 different doors that lead into this place, but they want you to use one with a big gate. The doors are metal, like a warehouse. When you walk in, you’re immediately hit with a strong smell of wool. You find yourself in a foyer with crappy yarns on extreme clearance, and branded coffee and trinkets for the store. That opens up into this massive show room filled with bright yarns of so many varieties. They have kits everywhere and samples of items knit up with the yarns. It’s really neat. While we were perusing, I found myself a couple of long circular needles. I’ve been interesting in experimenting with knitting armwarmers and socks on circulars to reduce the stitch sizes when changing needles when using DPNs (double-pointed needles). I’ve increasingly seen more people do this. I bought some really short circular needles to try for socks, but I wanted to also try long circs for gloves. The shop owner informed me that there was plenty more yarn upstairs. HOW. HOWWWW.







There are about 10 steps that lead up to a landing, with “geek-specific” themed yarns and samples there. I don’t watch Dr. Who, but I was particularly impressed by this shawl and would definitely knit it if I knew someone in my life who loved the show and would wear a shawl.



10 more steps and you’re on the second floor. MOAR YARN. Not only moar yarn, but there was another big room, a side room, and a hallway filled with yarns. But wait! Another discount yarn ROOM. Holy crap. The upstairs had their “fiber” area, with unspun wool of various types, spinning wheels, carding machines and weaving looms. It was all very neat.





Once heading back downstairs, I hemmed and hawed for quite awhile around these gorgeous hand-dyes (who am I kidding? I will always want the stripey hand dyes) before finally settling on a skein that was beautiful and was under $30 (the needles I was buying cost over $30 together already)... my second choice of yarn was $61 and I felt too guilty spending $100 at the yarn store when I have so much yarn at home that I DO wanna knit.

After the yarn store, we headed home. The weather was still lame, but it wasn’t threatening rain or anything. There was a Pokémon Go event from 1pm-4pm for Charmander, and the legendary Pokémon Ho-oh also is going to be in 5-star raids starting today. Steve invited Nick to come Pokéhunting with us at the park by our house, and he came over pretty quick. We all walked over to the park and started catching Charmander. Within like 15 minutes, Steve and Nick had each caught like 2 shiny Charmander, and I hadn’t even seen one!! I was throwing a fake fit about it. Lol. While we were at the park, Ben contacted us via FB messenger and invited us to Mall of America (Ben and Sean are in town!) and hot tub + VR in the evening. After some conferring, we agreed the mall would be the best place to go.

Even though it was a Saturday, and a Saturday with a Pokémon event happening, I still found parking quite easily and we met up with Ben and Sean after stopping to catch some Charmander. They were in line at Carlos’ Bakery (from cake boss) and got some really tasty pastries. We didn’t get more than 12 steps before we ran into big Mike! WHAT ARE THE ODDS, seriously. He informed us there was a Latias raid starting in like a minute and we should go there. I had to wander away from the group to get the right GPS location to participate in the raid, but eventually we all got in and got to try to catch her. Unfortunately, none of us were successful.*

A lot more catching of Charmander was had over the next 2 hours, including lots of shiny’s, and Ben teased me about how much I whined about not getting any good shiny’s and I ended up with a pretty good one. Sean got overly excited about Raltz more than once, to the mock indignance of Ben. Much hilarity ensued as we circled the Mall. We got to participate in TWO Ho-oh raids, though I had to do a lot of wandering with the first one (again, GPS) and we all got yelled at by security because there were SO MANY people there playing Pokémon Go that it was clogging up walkways (like, no less than 100 people). On my VERY LAST throw on the first Ho-Oh raid I got him. Nick didn’t end up with any legendaries, Ben’s phone died during the first raid but it miraculously saved his spot when he plugged in Mike’s to-go charger and booted it back up, and Steve and Sean both got one. On the second raid, Sean got a shiny Ho-oh and EVERYONE was mad jealous. So lucky!! She was very happy and it was cute.

Soon after we had to head out because I had Cafetalk lessons starting at 6:30. We got BurgerBurger to go (the sandwich I ordered was requested no bacon of course, and while I got the veggie patty it had a crapton of bacon on it, which I discovered during my first huge bite). Haley was at our house doing laundry, and spent the next two hours pissing Steve off and making Nick uncomfortable with her questions. She’s been obsessed lately about the fact that women have hair on their buttcheeks and would not shut up about it. And other inappropriate topics. She left before I was finished with my second lesson.

Did my lessons and then it was 9. Nick headed home, and Steve and I went over to Ben’s parents’ house to try out BeatSaber VR. It was SO. FUN. Look it up if you haven’t seen it yet Exactly as I imagined it, though I kept accidentally pressing the menu button when songs got intense. It lines up really well and does sense you better than PlayStation VR, because it has two sensors for you instead of just the one and can track your movement better. The only downside is that it was on a computer and only the person playing could hear the music, so the room was quiet save for the swishing noises as you swiped, and the heavy breathing of exertion XD Hard mode is really fun, and I was unable to pass any expert songs (which I’m happy about - love a challenge). We all took turns playing to our hearts’ content. When I wasn’t playing, I was knitting on Mom’s gloves and fighting with one of the kittens to stop trying to eat my yarn and needles.



Sean went to bed around midnight and Mike left, and then Ben’s friends Kuh-San and Amanda (they’re married) came over. Kuh-San is one of Ben’s longtime friends, having lived just down the street from each other, and he makes a daily appearance in Ben’s “post-college pre-Madison” book, Corrupted Complaints. He and his wife were pleasant and nice. More BeatSaber, more conversation, and then hot tub. We spent about a half hour in the hot tub. Steve had been asking me what I liked about hot tubs, and I was having trouble articulating other than it’s warm and comfy and fun. Lol. Once we got in there, I realized it was because if you’re in a group, you just take the talking you were JUST doing, and add in fun warm water and artistically good sensory distraction, like putting your hands and feet in the jets, floating back and forth, and experimenting with how much of your skin to expose to the chilly air.

During that time we talked a lot about Disney World. Ben, Sean, and Ben’s parents JUST got back from a trip there, are going to go again in August, and planned for us to join them there in December (plans right now are the 1st-9th). I’ve been to DW once, for my little brother when he was 6 and I was 19 (so over 10 years ago) and I didn’t remember it being that fun. How can it be so fun for a group of adults that they go three times in a year?? I don’t know how you can want to go that much. Ben basically ended up saying that it’s just an excuse to spend a lot of time with the people you care about, in an easygoing place with a lot of access to comfort and luxury and unique foods and people. And of course, the Disney theme and fireworks. So I guess it’s something about not thinking you’re going to an amusement park, because it will never compare to Cedar Point or Six Flags or King’s Island, but more like you’re going for the ~experience~.

Soon after there was toweling off and Kuh-San and Amanda left, and then Ben laid on the floor of his living room and Steve and I sat on the couches and we talked about journaling, jobs, and other nothing topics that felt really good to just be hanging out. I really like Ben a lot, and he has a lot of thoughts/rants/etc. It’s really funny when he and Steve are talking, because Ben has such an analytical way of thinking (“process” thinking where he wants everything to be as efficient as possible and even though he doesn’t process super quickly, you can bet he will find a good solution) and Steve has such an analogical way of thinking. They’re both hilarious when talking, so it’s always enjoyable to be around when they’re having a conversation.

Oh, and I took a cute selfie.


Finally we got too tired to continue (it was well past 2am by this point), and Steve and I stopped at Taco Bell, not having gotten dinner (I just ordered a bean burrito), ate quickly and collapsed into bed, serenaded by Kripp playing Hearthstone.

Perfect end to a perfect day.

*Steve informed me, post-entry, that he lied to everyone and he DID catch Latias, but felt guilty that he was the only one and thus pretended he didn’t. HAAAHAHA omg he’s the best.

In other news, I finished some gloves for my aunt Connie for her birthday (I didn't have time to block them...):

Super gorgeous yarn, really fun knit. Connie was sooo happy for them :D

( Click for more gorgeousness )

Project thoughts:

1. I'm working on a cowl in red so I can always have something red to wear on Thursdays to support the union! The yarn is a beautiful mix of red and black.


2. I think I want to knit or crochet my sister an afghan for her wedding. In classic Bethany fashion, when she saw the gloves I knit for Connie she said, "You'd never do that for me!!!" Like hell I wouldn't, betch!


3. For like 3 years I've wanted to knit a Pi scarf, one for me and one for my colleague Jenny. I have a pattern.


4. Like a crazy person I signed up for a "Never Have I Ever" sock knit-along, partly for the excitement but also a large part for accountability. I have my second-ever pair of socks started on the needle (toe up this time) and they've been sitting with the tip of the toe on there for MONTHS. I loved knitting my first pair of socks and just need a kick in the ass to get started.


5. Last night I saw my grandma wearing the gloves I knit for her a few years ago and they're looking rough. I gotta make her some new ones.


6. I made a hat for Ben THREE TIMES OVER and hated it and ripped it out all three times. I have a very specific idea in mind. Changed to a scarf. Lol.

I finally received the suggested edits back from Chuck and my second reader, Karin. Overall they approved of the thesis, with Chuck providing several small changes with regards to appropriate citations and whatnot, and Karin providing a few more suggestions along the lines of "This sentence is written funny" or "You should add a paragraph here that addresses modifications and accommodations more specifically."

Currently since today the ibuprofen is at least marginally working right now, I'm optimistic that I can work on it today and definitely by the end of the weekend, but yesterday I thought all night about working on the thesis and just couldn't bring my so-sad body to do it. I gotta though!

We have a date set for my oral presentation: May (the) 4th (be with you). A lucky date. Chuck was very clear that it's not so formal as a defense - just that I will explain why I wrote on the topic that I did, main findings, and how I will use the information in my work. Easy peasy, I wrote about that very thoroughly in my conclusion. I'm of course nervous, but it's like, I AM SO ALMOST DONE.

I even received my cap and gown. Omg. So excited.

(side note: I started this entry over the weekend of the 16th and got half of a sentence in... lol)
On Thursday I ditched school, picked up Steve and we went to see Patrick Rothfuss at this tiny little "bar and hall" in downtown Saint Paul. I mean, I wouldn't say "ditched" per se because I told the professor about it ahead of time and everything but I didn't tell Blake I had a different engagement other than school. We were the first ones waiting in this atrium area in front of the "red doors" that were specified. I was very territorial about the doors but I was trying to act nonchalant, knitting my scarf and talking to Steve (he played a lot of the "facebook status bot" game and it was pretty funny). But on the inside I was so very "Line starts behind ME!!!" to anyone new who came in. Eventually I just actually stood in front of the door instead of near it. I wanted to get the best seats and I didn't care who was annoyed at me about it! I was the first one in and I got seats literally front and center. I didn't know who Paul and Storm were but I figured I would be getting acquainted with them in the near future due to my seating position. There was this very nice middle-aged woman who was the MOST Minnesota, and she offered to get Steve and myself drinks for watching her seats (we declined the drinks, and I followed her up to the bar). I didn't know what to get other than a red bull for Steve, so I was looking around at the other people. A man walked up to another person kitty-corner to me and introduced himself very gentlemanly-like to PATRICK ROTHFUSS!!! I didn't even notice he was standing basically RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I took a secret picture and sent the lady to get Steve. Pretty soon other people started coming, and I knew he would be staying after to sign books (I mean, he stayed NINE hours in Madrid signing books and this was not only a ticketed event, but many people didn't even hear about it) so I made sure we got pictures with him and told him how awesome he was, but we quickly left him alone because he was getting bombarded with people and we felt bad. Then when Paul and Storm were about to come on, he peeked out and we made eye contact so I waved to him AND HE WAVED BACKKKK. I felt a huge wave of starstruckness and also some embarrassment at being a tool.

Paul and Storm were pretty funny, they kept the crowd giggling, and then on one of the last songs ("Frogger") Paul grabbed me from the audience and sang to me/with me or whatever. I almost died. I was still knitting at that point and he actually said, in front of everyone, "You can bring your knitting if you want"!! omgggg. He spit on me in singing enthusiasm and Steve got a few pics. It was awesome but also kind of the worst because everyone was staring at me.

Patrick Rothfuss came out and read his first "Children's" book and talked a lot about it as well as the origins, and pointed out that while he is not allowed to sell copies of the second book online, that he could sell them at the merchandise booth. I was sooo excited!!! After he was finished, he opened up for some question time, and while most of the questions were boring, someone DID start to say something about the Adem being modeled after people on the Autism spectrum, and Patrick seemed to get a almost offended and said that the Adem are nothing like people on the spectrum and his tone implied that the guy asking the question was pretty dumb to think so (while I wouldn't have gotten as huffy about it, I obviously agree - the Adem may SEEM autistic until you realize how they communicate and that their whole world is BUILT around understanding body language and expression... duh) . Someone asked if he'd been to therapy. It sounded as if it was supposed to be a joke, but Patrick took the opportunity to disclose that he's actually been in therapy for a year, and he started therapy because his marriage was falling apart and he has been a really angry person for a long time, and that he and Sarah were about to get a divorce. He said that therapy helped him work through a lot of his anger, fix his relationship, and be a better father. It was an intense and touching confession, and I'm so glad he told us about it and that his life has improved!

After that, he told us about how he was an "advice columnist" for his school newspaper in college and he read some of his columns. They were so funny and great. One of them entailed a story about how he convinced his RA and floor supervisor to let him keep his guinea pigs by saying they were fish (The punchline was where he stuck one of his guinea pigs in a tank and when the RA freaked out and asked what the hell he was doing he said, "I'm. showing you. my fish."), and one where he debated slow zombies vs. fast zombies using sex as an analogy (both have their merits and downfalls but it's really personal preference).

After he was done, he set up at a table for book signing and chatting. He said that he hates that he has to stop chatting with people at long signings (like in Madrid) because it's like his favorite part - talking to the fans and really connecting. Steve and I had to run around the building to take out cash and I was worried about not getting a copy of the second Princess and Mr. Whiffle but it was okay :) Then we waited in line for a long while even though there were only like 20-30 people in front of us, which was awesome because it showed that we'd get to talk with him for a few minutes. With the people in front of us they discussed the comparative value of the money in the books (one talent can be VERY ROUGHLY compared to $1000, at the basic level). When we got up there we gushed a bit, talked about how it's impossible to remember people's names, and the fact that Patrick is considering releasing a book inbetween Wise Man's Fear and The Doors of Stone that takes place in the same world. When Steve and I told him that we would love ANY books in that universe and would happily read every single book he puts out, AND not to listen to the idiots whining about wanting the third book because they are just being selfish jerks, he thanked us and said that he will now really consider doing it, and he said it would be very easy to finish and publish. So that's exciting!

It was a great night.

So, I had a looooong day at work and just needed some couple time. I feel like I've been taking Steve's love as a given and therefore a bit for granted. That's not cool. So we went shopping at our favorite B-ville mall, got cutie dinner, horribly messed up Caribou coffees - I ordered a small Northern Lite Vanilla Latte hot, he ordered a medium espresso cooler. I got the espresso hot latte and he got a vanilla cooler. BLEHHHH. But I choked it down among teases from Steve. ("So uh, how's that coffee taste?" "It... has flavor." "Oh, so you like it?" "I ordered a coffee drink, and it has coffee... And flavor." XD). Got a few cute new items and bleach + blue hair dye.

Then we went to our favorite GameStop and I found one of the few PS2 games we don't own - Tales of Legendia. Even if it's considered one of the worst Tales games, it was pristine, $20, and OMGPS2!!!!

Get home, start bleaching my hair, and stumble upon a STATUS ON FACEBOOK my mom posted about my sister having a seizure in downtown Minneapolis while driving and crashed into a parked car. While it turns out she's okay at this point and wasn't seriously injured, and a nearby police officer witnessed it and sprang into action, when I read the status and thought about if my sister had been on the highway or otherwise in serious danger... I sort of awkwardly burst into tears. It was Leah-bursting, which is more like a slow build-up and very full eyes but lots of wiping of the face, but shit! Here I was all having an amazing day, and my only sister could be fucking DYING in a CAR ACCIDENT. Jesus. The fear of what would happen if I lost her went almost out of control. She may be at rock bottom, but I love that girl.

After I spoke with Mom on the phone (and sufficiently made her feel bad because I got so upset), I finished dying my hair. See here! I loooove it. I wish I had done more blue and maybe not attacked my bangs so hard with the scissors, but I get so frustrated at how quickly they grow! I JUST got my hair cut. Ugh.

Sooo, I'm reading this book based on the incredibly terrifying and gruesome Hi-Fi Murders. Steve says I'm morbid. I know I am. When I was in 11th grade and had to find a skeleton picture as the cover of my Shakespeare reviews or whatever, I spent hours discovering gory death pictures after that was the majority of search results. I haunted my dreams with awful ways people look after being murdered or committing suicide. The Hi-Fi murders are particularly horrible because they were planned deaths of random people. That is, the primary killer decided that he would horrifically murder anyone present during the robbery of an electronics store. The book is non-fiction, weaved together from interviews with the survivor and anyone involved (including the murderer) as well as testimony from the trials. The book is highly detailed to the level I desire, which only intensifies the effect. I've spent two lunch breaks with teary eyes wallowing in the despair the family experienced and is poignantly captured. I was talking to Steve about how amazing it is and at one point he burst out laughing because I "Leah'd" - a term with many definitions but is frequently referenced when I tell unnecessary details because *I* would want them (the example in question was where I was talking about an investigator and felt the need to explain that he was actually sort of retired and not the *main* investigator but it's still cool that the murderer in this case is also the murderer in the ONLY unsolved homicide he had). I was most moved by a man whose wife and 16-year-old son were both involved in the murders. He describes how it felt to face his dead wife in all her ruined glory and having to come to terms with the fact that the woman he was with for 36 years and was his "partner for life" was gone. Yep. Just gone. No more. The end. Never coming back. Over. And how he had to be strong while each of his other family members mourned after they arrived at the hospital and that he had to close off his heart to the fact that his life partner, who he was JUST talking to before she left to find their son (AND she was frantic with worry at the son not returning home yet and he told her she was overreacting. Think about THAT guilt), was dead forever. I explained to Steve that for me it would be a CONSTANT immediate back-and-forth where I would tell myself that information and then swiftly reject it with an "IMPOSSIBLE NO IT'S NOT TRUE IT'S NOT I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT FUCK YOU IT JUST SIMPLY IS NOT POSSIBLE I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS AND NO TAKE IT BACK." Rinse and repeat.

As a result, I should not have been surprised to have a similar heart-wrenching dream in which I left a church and drove by many crazed velociraptors (naturally) and when I arrived at his office building I KNEW that Steve had been attacked by raptors and I was frantically trying to find out where he was and I went to the hospital to find him and I was screaming for him and I knew he was dead but I couldn't accept it and I knew I would try to take it back when I found his mangled body and I kept willing him to be alive and not hurt. I woke up with my "trying to cry" face on, breathing all heavy and terrified. I immediately rolled over to Steve and cuddled him super hard and could not let go of him for several hours. And of course when I tried to fall back asleep I had to try to force the remnants of the dream away so I could stop trying to manipulate it and fail. My dreams like that go in endless circles as my brain refuses to allow a proper ending. But seriously, when I imagine that he could just *poof* and be gone just like that from my life, I feel exceptionally suffocatey and hyperventilatey and will it never to come to pass (which Steve also includes in my morbid thinking category). He is just the most important person in my life. If I think about it hard enough I want to keep him locked up at home so nothing bad could ever happen to him. Thank god I don't want kids because I'd freak every time they left the driveway. This exact thing is why I HATED the movie Practical Magic - the moment when Sandra Bullock thinks that she and her husband's love will overcome the curse but then there's that stupid cricket or whatever and she tries frantically to catch it but can't and her stupid husband dies anyway. NO. NO.

In other news, I officially applied to grad school for an ABS license, which will be a broad licensure allowing me to teach levels 1 and 2 of EBD, LD, and Autism and I can go back again to get licensed for 3 and 4. I went to the informational meeting and everyone there (prospective students as well as faculty) agreed that the type of license is a great investment and there's been a growing need for me-types.

Steve and I are also doing what we're calling "ghetto week" and seeing who can make the best of of $20 from Friday to Friday. This of course does not really include not spending anything, because it kind of ruins the fun. So we each got a $20 bill to spend on whatever we like for the week and we aren't allowed to spend anything more (excludes gas). It's easily doable, but we're so frivolous with the money we don't put in savings that it's a cute game for us to be frugal. Yes, we admit we are privileged, even with me working a crappy-paying job.

My Asian friend Joe and I were talking-


BAHAHAHA yessss! He congratulated me on joining the brother/sisterhood. It was awesome.   

I arrived home on Saturday, about noon-thirty. I was supposed to call Steve when I was a half-hour away, but my phone died after our conversation at 8am. It was adorable coming home to so many kisses and hugs. It also felt surreal, like I'd been away for a very long time. It was good.

I showed him my new piercing, we got Chipotle, and we talked. I napped... or... I should say, I went to bed at like 5:30, woke up around 8:30, and went to bed again when Steve crawled in.

Yesterday we marveled at all the time we now have together on weekends. No more "Steve is sleeping for half the day and Leah needs to find something to do" and no more "Steve has to work soon - and then find something to do while Leah sleeps". We got bad-for-you but SO DELICIOUS Culver's and Caribou, went shopping in Burnsville for Steve (he got work shoes), bought a few noms for the next couple days, got my eyebrows done, and we found two great games at our fave Gamestop: Spectral Force 3 for cheap (I coveted it like I do when I find a game I want), and SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: DIGITAL DEVIL SAGA. We've had the sequel for a LONG time. It was still $30, spendy for a PS2 game, but it was an amazing, rare find. The disc was immaculate, the game book never removed.

We talked about our money and saving and paying off our loans with Steve's additional funds added, and buying a house. Steve asked me on a scale of 1 to 10 how serious I would be about buying his parents' house if we could. When he asked the question, we were driving there to do some laundry. At the time, I was feeling between a 6.5 and a 7.5. We talked more about what changes we would make to it, and how doable it would be. We agreed the kitchen would be tackled first, shortening the dining room to extend the kitchen and move the fridge so we can have a bar/counter. Steve proposed an amazing idea of knocking out the wall between his old room and his dad's room, and diving his dad's room into three parts - one would be an addition to Steve's bedroom, and the other half would be divided into a walk-in closet, and the wall dividing the bathroom and Steve's dad's room would be knocked out, and extended into a jacuzzi tub. Lofty goal, but a great idea. Without all the couches and tvs and stuff, Steve's old room is definitely bigger than I remember. We could totally make it into a master bedroom (I swear the house doesn't actually have one). Trinity's room would continue to be a "cat" room, and we would keep the door closed, with a kitty door made into the door so the stink of cat poop doesn't permeate the house. We toured the backyard together and were able to appreciate it well. No one uses it. It's a nice size, with a built-in fire pit. We discussed the idea of a fence. And we would definitely put in a deck ASAP. By the end of our conversation my interest in the house was up to about an 8. Steve said his parents pay about $1100/month on it, which we could do.

When we were leaving, we noticed a similar house on the next block that had been foreclosed on. It had an information sheet on the house specs, and it's selling for only $129,900, far lower than Steve estimated his parents would want to sell theirs for. This kind of gave us hope that once his parents see the market, they'll want to sell theirs cheaper too. According to MN realty, a 5% down payment on that house would be around $6500, with a monthly payment at like $1080 or something. Steve and I could easily save for a $7000 down payment. I threw in the idea of keeping most of our "couple" Christmas money and saving it for one. But we love giving each other gifts, so we'll likely spend SOME still. Anyway, excited.

Then we came home and organized the fridge, and I FINALLY tackled all of my random work papers. Steve gave me his blessing to turn our desk into a Leah's Work Desk, and that's been great too. Now all I need is better service for my Droid. Speaking of which, it's 10am and I still haven't listened to all the voicemails received when I was gone. I read and answered all necessary emails last night to take some stress off, and I only have 12 voicemails, but GOD do I hate voicemails. Ugh. And immediately at 8am I started getting calls. I'm so popular.

We spent most of the evening playing Nintendo Monopoly. I did pretty well at the beginning, but then Steve just KICKED MY ASS. It was so funny. He kept making all these silly deals with me so that I wouldn't go bankrupt, but all it did was make my loss slow and painful XDDD It was really, really fun. <3 After that we pretty much crashed at 9:30. It was super awesome to get to sleep together. The novelty of sleeping and waking at the same time will take a long time to wear off. We got up together and showered, and I made breakfast. Then Steve got all dapper and went off to his first day of Real Work! Squeee!

The weather has cooled immensely here in the mornings and evenings. It feels so eerie, compared to the weeks and weeks of 90-degree weather. I've been chilly even under the comforter. Having Steve to cuddle against helps a lot.

Okay, gotta get to work. I have two appointments today, but really I only have one - One of them is an assertive outreach, where you show up on someone's doorstep because they've been avoiding you. It's fun (NOT).

If you have any recommendations for artists similar to LIGHTS (like the light, breathy quality with synth), throw em my way. I need some good female artists.

Oh, and I promise to write about my trip soon!