spritechan | Entries tagged with busy

After the protest, Bethany and I got Cossetta's takeout (I ordered a mastaccioli for me and Steve and then a slice of pizza for Steve; Bethany ordered two slices of cheese and we laughed about how big they were) and went back to my house. We talked about a ton of her vaccine fears and even though I wasn't trying to convince her either way, just questioned, she said she had gone for a 10% vaccinating her kids on Friday at their appt to 40%. Her biggest issues, other than the horror stories she reads in her Mom groups, is that Clyde get very sick every time he has vaccinations and she swears his anger issues developed within 2 weeks of one of his vaccine doses. I obviously can't argue with her on her experiences. I don't know what's best. She says she wishes that vaccines were not combined (ex. MMR) and she would feel much more comfortable if they were individual.

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So things of been pretty busy for me for this last month. I’m going to go back and write about my sisters wedding in greater detail but for now I figured I would write an entry about what’s going on currently.

I think that I have determined that a lot of my wrist pain has to do with typing on the iPad, but when I initially got my iPad I had ordered a keyboard to go with the iPad. Unfortunately the keyboard broke almost immediately and I have yet to get a new one. So I’m trying to do dictation instead of audio posts for every entry. I feel like this can make entries go by faster in terms of typing but also I think it changes how my brain thinks about what I want to say. When I write entries I end up taking at least a half an hour to an hour writing out every detail of the day, and verbally dictating an entry feels so much less natural because I’m not giving myself the time to think about what I’m going to say in the same way. There are also some issues with dictation not understanding the word I’m saying, for example, every single time I’ve said the word “entries” it has thought I have said something else. This is not a huge deal because I constantly make spelling errors when typing on the iPad anyway and end up with crazy random words sometimes.

Anyway, I’m going to write about this week first and then go back and backdate entries for my sister’s wedding and for this last weekend when I was at Ben and Sean’s.

This week has gone by crazy fast. I really struggled with my sleeping this week and I think it has to do with my increasing anxiety about the upcoming school year. Some of it also has to do with sleeping later during the day as I try to get every single scrap of sleep I can, because I know once the school year starts I will be getting so much less, lol. As a result, I have only gotten up with Steve a couple days this week.

The rest of my time this week has actually been mostly utilized in my classroom at my new school! Last Friday I had what was supposed to be a training, but ended up being a nothing, because the district thought they would have a contract settled for a math program but they did not. So there was nothing for us to do at the training? Molly, the other special ed teacher that I met at yoga, was at the training and had a lot of questions about the job because so far this summer we have heard nothing about what is expected of us. Luckily, there was another woman who works at Maplewood middle who texted the assistant principal and asked if we could come over! So that’s what we did instead of the training. We met with the assistant principal, Eric, and he answered a bunch of our questions and then we got to go to our classrooms. I met with Eric separately about how I will be gone next week and will miss sixth grade orientation. He was disappointed that I won’t be there, but reiterated how glad he is to have me this year. Then he suggested I get working on my classroom if I wanted to. So that’s what I did! First I went home and grabbed a bunch of stuff that I had from previous years and brought them back. This was crazy easy and fast because I live so SO close to the school. Once I had looked at the layout of my classroom, I was able to formulate a plan of attack.

I have never had a classroom to myself for any length of time. At Parkway, space is at an insane premium. There is no teacher who has an entire room to themselves. Often times during prep, someone else will be teaching a class in your room, or you will be teaching in someone else’s room during THEIR prep. It’s just the way it is. I was and continue to be blown away by the fact that it’s *MY* classroom, and I can do whatever I like with the space. I have spent the rest of this week buying materials and organizing the room. I’m pretty happy with how far the room has come, but as evidenced by the last two nights of not sleeping, my brain is really struggling to find ways to add color to such a starkly white space.

As for my schedule itself, I am mostly pleased with how it has turned out. My advisory will be sixth graders, which was disappointing at first because I prefer seventh graders and my caseload is comprised of about 15 sixth-graders and 5 7th graders. However, I suppose that it will be good to have all “new” students in advisory and me being a new teacher here. Also, sixth graders can be very easygoing with silly things and are so innocent and earnest.

My two gripes with the schedule are that I co-teach English one period and that my co-teaching math is eighth grade math... which is the only math that I have had no experience in teaching over the last four years. I’m pretty nervous about that, and disappointed because Pre-algebra is so fun to teach. But the good news is that I teach one pull-out math class and it sounds like the district wants me to focus on teaching to the skill level and not the grade level, which is exactly where my experience and philosophy are at*. I also will be teaching a social skills class, and I believe it’s only sixth graders aka less intimidating. As promised, I have half a period of due process (paperwork) time, and I have prep at the end of the day. All of my teaching is in the front half of the day and at the end of my day is more easygoing. This has been much of my experience teaching, schedule-wise, thus far. I also have half a period of “resource” time and Steve said that when he was in school, resource time was like a study hall.

Tomorrow I’m going to go in and try to get a couple questions answered (is there a laminator? What about big paper for the background of boards?), and maybe set up my “Sorry I’m not here for orientation but here’s a little about me and please tell me a little about you” table.

*To clarify - I teach a balance of foundational skills with grade-level expectations. I believe all students can do grade level tasks, just that some need more scaffolding, smaller steps, and reteaching than others.

( Before and after so far! )

Let me know what you think! Any suggestions to make the place more welcoming would be good! Only thing - that big white space in the back can’t be blocked or have anything on it, apparently it’s a very important vent. I still have plans for more colored paper (such as on my cork board by my desk), those books in the back on the cart were just in my room, I was thinking of putting those on the shelves, but otherwise I have no idea what to do with the shelves (the empty bookshelves and brown and white space in the before pics).

Last week I was really feeling like I wanted to do something with Steve on Saturday morning. I initially thought Minneapolis Farmer’s market, but we weren’t sure if there’d be time after he got back from garage sale-ing. Then on Thursday or Friday I got the notification that Saturday was the beginning of the East Side PEEP Shawl. PEEP is a thing where 6 of the east side (of the twin cities) shops hold 1 of 6 pieces of a shawl pattern and yarn, and you travel to each shop picking up the pieces. You even get 1/6 of a digital code if you don’t want 6 pieces of paper. Each shop also makes a sample of the shawl, and you can buy that particular color base if that’s the shawl you want to make. I’ve never actually participated, mostly because I’d miss it or wasn’t sure about the final shawl. I thought it was perfect timing for this year though. So instead of farmers market, shawl!

I started in the nearest town, and made a loop. The trip for me is 66 miles, and some people BIKE their route. Crazy!!

I’m so glad I went to my closest shop first, because they cheated and made TWO of the shawls, and their second version didn’t make it onto the picture of samples, and that one was my favorite, so I bought the base color from there. Then I went to Stillwater, which wasn’t that far but took a really long time due to construction, a wedding, and general idiocy of the people in town. Parking was a nightmare but I parallel’d my way in. I did get a great view of the St. Croix river and the weather was gorgeous.

This was cute.

One of the women said she thought my shawl “looks like a StevenBe original.” I told her the pattern was the local yarn shawl but that the yarn did in fact come from StevenBe!

After Stillwater was White Bear Lake. This shop turned out to be near Andy’s old tattoo studio, so parking was easy, though it was Dog Days so still busy, with the added bonus of puppies everywhere. The shop was not a shop I’d ever go to again, with grouchy signs about cell phones (Steve called me while I was in there and I started sweating) and a grouchy old lady running the place.

I talked to Steve while I headed to the next place, an area of Mahtomedi (mah-toe-meed-eye) I’d never been to before and super close to my house. Beautiful backwoods drive. Got lucky with parking. Enjoyed the shop, will go there again. Lots of compliments on the shawl, friendly people, good snack and drink selection (though I didn’t take any, I made a note for the future).

Ben and Sean had been in contact with us about possible hangouts, and after I stopped at home they confirmed they wanted to hang because they were in town for the weekend. I mentioned dragging them to two yarn shops and they were in favor of the detours.

After they picked us up, to Grand ave in St Paul we went! Got my yarn, bantered about the best color on the wall (Steve and I chose the same color - a teal - though I didn’t know his choice prior), and Sean argued the case of a burnt sienna and Ben voted for a navy blue. We determined there was hunger and walked over to Brasa. I’d only been there once before for my grandma’s birthday several years ago but it left a bad taste in my mouth because there are no vegan options and my mom complained about the lack of even vegetarian options (the logo IS a rooster, to be fair). Knowing that I could probably find something to eat as a vegetarian vs vegan, I wasn’t concerned. I chose the one vegetarian sandwich and the group got a bunch of sides in addition. I got the seasonal mango lemonade to drink, and I don’t even like lemonade but this was delicious. I was only able to consume half my sandwich, some plantains and chips, and I was bursting full.

Last yarn stop, 3 Kittens in Mendota. Another cute shop, signed up as interested in a shawl class by an intense old lady who was incredibly interested in a lot about me. She wrote down the name of my shawl and talked to me about the shop expanding. It was another good shop I’d like to take more time in. Sean and I walked around commenting on the yarn before the group headed to our actual destination: Mall of America of course.

For some reason, 5 star raids on the weekends always start later in the afternoon, but during the week they’re ready to go promptly at 8am. So weird. We got to the mall around 3pm, and after everyone went to the bathroom there was a raid ready to go right by us! We were all able to catch crappy Registeel, and then we sat at a table chatting and Pokémon Go-ing for like an hour. I was talking to Bethany and Haley about wedding stuff and to my cousin Morrigan about food stuff (he wants to lose weight but doesn’t want to try hard at all, mostly it was me confirming that NO KETO and giving suggestions). Eventually we got coffee (and Ben went and got Sean some Very Bad Tea because they screwed up her order) and wandered around the mall. We did stop into Air Traffic for awhile and Ben tried some of the juggling bags and we looked at the various silly puzzles. Soon after, I was feeling soooo tired and suggested we get moseying. I wasn’t trying to end hangouts by any means, but I wasn’t wearing the best walking shoes (converse) and my pinky toes were hurting. Steve reminded me that I needed to pick up my bridesmaid dress, and the lady made me try it on. It fits so much better with the strap shortened by like 2 inches and the hem brought up like 6 inches. The Asian lady said she loved the lace on my waist and said it made my curves look good, Steve and Sean approved, and Ben said it “is a very purple dress”. Hahaha.

When we got to the van, Sean mentioned something about wanting shelving from Ikea, and I was like, “well IKEA just so happens to be RIGHT THERE, wanna go??” And after some discussion about whether Ben’s friend/coworker Dustin was still playing in a magic: the gathering tournament, Ikea it was.

We wandered slowly around the living room and bed section, trying like every single couch and bed and chatting. Steve and Ben apparently talked about ITG and friend stuff (like that Ben wants to stream to ONLY US and why he doesn’t like other people, even other friends, to view the stream), and Sean and I talked a lot about housing desires, locations for living, future plans, and of course, The Compound*.

We cut the IKEA trip short when Dustin announced he was ready for dinner, and Ben drove us to Minneapolis to a place called WSK (World Street Kitchen), another place with basically one thing on the menu I could eat and yet sounded amazing (a crispy tofu dish). I was still somehow incredibly full from earlier even though it was like 9pm, but I suspected it was in part due to the fact that Steve ordered me a large coffee and I drank all of it. We met Dustin and Stacy, who were kind of geeky and maybe not the kind of couple Steve and I generally hang out with, but they grew on me over time for the most part. Mostly it was that Stacy made a few lame comments indicating her disdain and boredom while Dustin played in his tournament, and Steve and I are not the kind of people who participate in disparaging each other’s hobbies and interests and don’t like when people in couples do that. Be with someone you can support!!!! Otherwise, though, the conversation was good.

After we ate, it was noted that we were DEFINITELY getting ice cream, and the place to get ice cream was attached to WSK. It’s called MilkJam. And it is top tier ice cream. They have rotating flavors of amazingness, and the line was out the door. Ben said that the line was pretty short, less than 50 people, probably because it had just finished raining. Because we couldn’t each just try one flavor, Steve and I opted for the “flight of 4” which were smaller scoops to sample. You COULD order a scoop of all the flavors (like 12) for $58. We agreed on all the flavors to try, and in order of favorites: Cereal Killer, Mango Sticky Rice, Thai Tea and Uma Thurman. The cereal one surprised me at how good it was. It was a lightly orangey/milk flavored ice cream with crunchy (NOT stale or soggy) fruity pebbles in it, and I was brought back to my childhood so hard. The mango sticky rice was exactly like it sounded but the rice was firm and delicious. The Uma Thurman was a tart passionfruit something, and it was good, but it wasn’t my favorite. Now. The ice cream was suuuper creamy and yet not so rich it would give you a belly ache, and I definitely wanted SO much more immediately. Sean got the “dark” which was a decadent dark chocolate that tasted like the most perfect brownies you’ve ever eaten (again, smooth and creamy and yet not bellyache creating). I can’t believe I’d never been there or heard of it!!

Finally it was time to go, and Ben and Sean dropped us off. We weren’t ready to give up on the day though, so I worked on my current sock (using the Mei/Satsuki from Totoro colorway by Canon Hand Dyes) and he played some more Yakuza Kiwami. He’s made a lot of progress and is definitely getting close to the end. We finally called it around 12:30 and hit the hay.

*The Compound is a gigantic homestead that the four of us invented for our Ideal Housing Needs. It’s small enough that we live in the same area and can hang out all we want, but big enough where we can have our individual privacy and aren’t expected to spend all our time together. The idea is that with four of us, we can afford exactly what we want without breaking the budget, and because we’ve already tested (several times) smaller living together scenarios and they’ve been successes, we think we could actually be viable housemates.

Today is such a busy day! Steve and I managed to sleep in until almost 11, the comfy bed, snuggles, and thunderstorms all night soothing us into comfort that we were both incredibly reluctant to leave. But leave we must, because as I said, so many things.

First on the agenda was food, coffee, and writing up the entry for yesterday. I confirmed the time of Pokémon Go for Larvitar as well. Shower was had and clothes were donned, entries were posted and off to Mall of America - which is really the only way to do it, what with the MANY pokestops, lures, people and Pokémon. Why waste your time anywhere else??

Holy crap it was INSANE there today! The parking ramps was already crazy full with a huge line, but I beelined for the roof, because I didn’t ant to waste any more time than we had already, and there was like basically no one there. It is really muggy out today, very VERY humid. Once inside, it was quickly discovered today was the regional yo-yo competition, which is always entertaining but SO. NERVEWRACKING. Steve says I make the best audience because I am so animated while watching - I gasp and cheer and hide my face and have running commentary. Yo-yo is actually a really impressive hobby. We spent a good deal of time on the 4th floor catching so many Larvitar and other Pokémon before heading to the 3rd floor, where we spent most of our time. The mall was filthy with Larvitar. I got a really good shiny as my second catch of the day, and I never did find one better. I found a better regular Larvitar as well, though I didn’t have as many terrible ones as Steve did. In the end I evolved three and buffed up 2. Then we walked around doing a couple raids, which didn’t show up until after the event was over. As usual, when the first Kyogre raid started, my phone borked out and we had to move everywhere. Steve didn’t catch his first one. Once I got into a raid, I did, and it was pretty good. Then we went to another one, and I got another good one, and Steve got a SHINY Kyogre. So jealous!!! They’re purple! I love purple! AND it had good stats. So lucky. On our way out I spotted Pa and Carrie, Parkway coworkers of mine, who were also playing Pokémon Go. We stopped and chatted with them for a few minutes before heading out.

Next up was my brother Jack’s graduation party at my dad’s house. We made the 40-minute drive out there, feeling kind of bad that we wouldn’t be able to stay long because I had to be home before 8 to tutor. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Jack had several friends over and there were people there for Dad and Tammy to hang out with too. They made sure to have rice for my tacos and Jack’s cake was pretty good too. Jack’s friends were decently funny, and apparently the running joke of his childhood was that he always talked about having so many siblings, and his friends were over often enough, and yet they NEVER saw any of them. So Jack was excited to show me off as one of the “fabled mysterious siblings”. To be fair, Jack is much younger than the rest of us. Bethany, at 26, is his closest sibling and still almost 9 years his senior.

After hanging out eating, and watching his slideshow that Dad made, we had to head out all too soon. The children were loudly playing Smash bros downstairs, and Jack seemed a little bummed we had to go so soon but took it in stride. I told him that since he’s going to a college nearby y house that he HAS to come by and hang out. I’m so easy to hang out with; we barely even have to talk lol. Just play games quietly and have fun.

I took a daiquiri to go (it was delicious) and Steve and I listen to Name of the Wind on the way back (we also listened to it on the way to dad’s, and I may or may not have gotten tearful right before we got there. It’s a POWERFUL book). I was in the best mood. My lesson with Shinpei was pretty good, he was distracted at first but eventually got into it, and we had fun. After that I went downstairs and we chilled until it was time to go to Minneapolis.

Oh yeah, we had also bought tickets to the midnight showing of Howl’s Moving Castle. I think the Uptown theatre might do this every year or every few years, but they show Ghibli movies as midnight showings, subtitled, one weekend a month. Howl’s is my favorite, along with Spirited Away and Nausicaa (Only Yesterday is a strong contender too). Steve couldn’t even remember the last time he saw it, and I’m a HUGE sap for this movie. It is so romantic and tender in my heart. Like, the themes really get to me, and I wondered if the type of person I am makes me view the movie a certain way. Ugh, just so good. After the movie I talked at length about the various depths and details I feel, and he said I have a “really strong headcanon.” Lol.

Before the movie, we were both so tired, and the Uptown is on Hennepin ave, one of the most happening streets in Minneapolis. Loud people everywhere. Huge crowds everywhere. We were both super tired but happy during the movie, and were (stupidly) surprised to see that the activity had not died down, or even so much as slowed down one bit when we left the movie. It was 2:30am! How are you people still active??? It was like I knew the dichotomy of being an old tired person placed against my own alcohol-fueled energy going out to party... but still!

You think we went home and went to sleep, but you’d be wrong. Father’s Day is tomorrow and I promised a dessert. The dessert I decided to make is no-bake, but it requires 8 hours of refrigeration. So to Cub we went for a couple of ingredients I needed. I made a simple but amazing-looking chocolate pie thing. Vegan, of course. That meant us finally flopping into bed at 4am. Oh my god.

Wow, I've fallen super behind on these, because I've had such crazy busy days with a ton of things that either kept me up too late to be able to write an entry, or worked me so hard I crashed right when I got home. Don't despair; I will write and backdate those entries.

So let's pretend that today is Tuesday. Because this will be posted on the date of Tuesday the 12th.

I slept quite awhile — I failed to wake Steve up in time for morning coffee, but amazing snuggles were had. I had a weird dream right before he woke me up I was having a dream that my coworker Brian and I were "getting fizzy," kind of literally. Brian offered me homemade wrapped candy that was drugs of some sort, and when you put one in your mouth, it fizzed as it dissolved. The spiked candy made me feel warm and fuzzy, like mushrooms. It was all the more surreal because we were simultaneously hanging out but then there were a couple of students there and THEN I needed to go to an IEP meeting that was being held in the middle of a pool? There was a little white dog walking by me, and I was trying to figure out the best way to get to the meeting without apparently getting too wet. Which seemed impossible. The meeting was being held on a platform in the middle of the pool, with a table and chairs and everything. And of course the platform wasn't rigid, but more like one of those massive rectangle floaties used in swim therapy and everyone was seated precariously around the table. Good dream.

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I wish I could say my last classroom days at Parkway have been bittersweet... but they really haven’t. Partly probably because I’m leaving for good, but also partly because I’m just so tired and overworked right now. But there have been a few sweet moments - me teasing down Malik’s hackles when I had to interview him for his 3-year re-Eval (which was simply done by talking to him and asking him questions about his life, which I do often, and embedding the questions I needed to ask within that conversation). Much like when I wrote Harmony’s eval for high school, his is rife with information where I’m lowkey imploring whoever works with him in the future to take heed of his intense needs if they want him to be successful and if they want to have an easy time. He’s a gentle souls who needs so much TLC. He barks loud and can have a good bite, but he’s had so much trauma, so many letdowns by adults, and he’s so damn sensitive. He’s also deep, and funny. I just want people to know that he comes off as so intimidating but he’s a big softy on the inside.

Anyway. My first block was spent getting info out of Malik and eventually helping other kids on their work, and then we went outside. Second block we continued watching Spider-Man: Homecoming while I worked really hard on eval stuff for Idrew and answering emails.

Nokomis was pretty good, just incredibly busy and stressful, more Idrew stuff, consulting with the psychologist and speech therapist, etc. I left at 1:30 to go home, eat lunch and nap (because naturally I couldn’t sleep last night). I went back to the meeting for Idrew at 4, and the meeting got a little intense at times, with Mom getting emotional about different “maybe” diagnoses her son has from Gillette but that we didn’t see in our EXTENSIVE evaluation of him (depression, ADHD). He does qualify for special ed under the Traumatic Brain Injury label after a car accident fucked him up a couple years ago. Which REALLY sucks because the poor kid loves football and is really smart, and not being able to perform in school or sports like he used to just sucks!

I was able to get home around 5:30, and Tyler had bailed on game shopping. Steve suggested that we maybe go to this other game store a bit away, and I was totally down for that! I love little trips to cool places! It ended up being a bust, but Steve *almost* found a couple things he was looking for. In particular he was interested in a game for the Sega CD called Time Gal, and it was definitely one of those games where if he had shown me all the games for sale for the system that day, I would totally have known it was one that he wanted the most. Unfortunately, it was supposedly still sealed and he’s 100% not interested in paying “unopened” prices. What’s the deal with sealed games anyway? Like, anyone can seal games these days, it’d be really hard to prove a game's seal is original, and WHY do people want to own things you’ll never open?? I feel the same about figures. I much prefer to enjoy them as they were meant to be enjoyed.

I really wanted to buy Jocelyn and Elba flowers to say goodbye, especially after I found out that Jocelyn believes that most staff at Parkway don’t like her. It might be true, but I don’t feel that way. She has a hard job, and she has changed a lot of positive things about Parkway’s climate. I appreciate what she has done for the school. So I asked Steve if we could pick up some flowers for the two of them, and while we were on our way to the flower shop I found, I realized we were in the same area we visited before Cayden and Clyde’s birthday party! I suggested we stop at Half Price books after flowers. I bought Jocelyn pink and cream carnations, and Elba lime and orange carnations. I also put them in matching vases with ribbons and bought them cards.

Half price books was also a bust, and Steve was heartbroken that there were 3DO games but no 3DO. Sad face. But still a fun time! Right about then we realized we were quite hungry and we wouldn’t make it back in time for Catrinas, and anything we made at home wouldn’t be consumed for at least another hour. We were right by a Chipotle, and that’s the Catrina’s equivalent. So Chipotle it was! We ate outside and it was sooo nice. <3 I love cute days with Steve, they’re so relaxing and fun.

I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.

So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.

I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!

Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-away-er. When Steve made me realize that apparently in reaction to being a yeller, I have actually moved to the other side of the spectrum. As a person who feels incredibly self-aware (and really, just aware of everything in general) it is rare that I don’t know something about myself. I thanked Steve for helping me realize that, and now that I know this information, I can work on it. I still tried my best to explain how me processing information is extremely rigid and I don’t know HOW to be there for him when I am struggling with a change (a CLASSIC part of my Autism), which was his primary concern. He was upset that I was being selfish and stopped trying to make HIM feel better because I decided my problem was more important/urgent. We discussed that because Steve gets mopey less often, I have less practice in working through things that send me into Reaction Mode. Dan was a pouter, a moper, a crier… all for attention. He wanted me to coddle him, to hold him, to remind him over and over again that I cared about him. It got to a point that I was so annoyed with him any time he behaved like that, I would start screaming at him, telling him to suck it up. I have dragged him down stairs, I have left him sobbing in hallways… I didn’t have it in me to take care of him that way. I am not a touchy-feely person, and comforting someone when they believe I have hurt them in some way, when they are behaving so dramatically, and ON PURPOSE, is too hard for me. Dan would admit that he would act in those ways so that he could provoke a certain reaction or a certain phrase for me. He said he relished my efforts to make him feel better so he would draw out the attention as long as he could. Which in turn would absolutely infuriate me. Tangent aside, I still struggle with the fear that Steve will begin behaving the same way because he craves attention from me. I realize that while it speaks to how people will do anything for attention. But I am also aware that this type of pattern shows that I don’t provide enough attention, enough affection. Which isn’t good. I need to fix that.

ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf, this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.

So... Being too busy has begun to get to me, heh. On Sunday night I got more anxious than I have been in quite some time and I didn't fall asleep until just before Steve came to bed around 3am (He took a 5-day weekend to use up his remaining vacation time before the year ends), and then of course when he woke me up the anxiety cycle restarted. I ended up calling in Monday and yesterday, to catch my breath and also to spend some time with Steve. I mean, I still had school on Monday, and I had a chiro appointment that I ultimately skipped, but it was still good to actually get sleep on not be stressed with the new trimester. I'm definitely over all the rules and controlling of Bath and Body works. I can't wait to be done. I just am not interested in the way it's run, especially with that one manager I simply can't stand. She's rude. And omg my time is so busy. Ughhghghhghhh.

So instead I got to play copious amounts of Rock Band 3!

Pat told me yesterday that it was "refreshing" to have someone who consistently wanted to do vocals. I was surprised because I feel like a bossy twat whenever I'm on vocals, simply because I don't like to do anything else. Guitar Hero I can play on guitar, and I was quite good at it at one point when I lived at Dan's parent's house and played with Michael, but for some reason it just isn't the same on Rock Band. Probably because there's soooo much repetition of notes versus variety. I just HATE the guitar. And let's face it, I am not a drummer. I like to sing, and I can USUALLY figure out pitch. Whenever ANYONE (usually female) asks to sing when I'm being vocals, I get all stiff like they think I'm hogging them and I need to share. I think I might be paranoid. XD

That 70's Show is so good. We've switched back to that being out background show. And omg Breaking Bad is amazing. We finally started the 5th season and it's GREAT.

I'm dyeing my hair Christmas colors this time... I was originally going to do a pink/green/purple or pink/green/blue combo, but then Steve pointed out that it's the holidays, so we got some red and I'm working on the colors right now! I'll post a pic when finished.

When I was at school on Monday, the professor asked for a show of hands who planned to do the hybrid program (mostly online), or the traditional program (once a week face-to-face). Most people raised their hands at hybrid. The class was about half that of when we started. This is due to a combination of people dropping out of the program with a smattering of people who didn't need the course. It was weird. My 3 favorite people were still in it, so I sat by them this time so I didn't have to get stuck with annoying guy. Anyway, during the break one of the students talked with the professor about the differences in the programs, and apparently the professor told them that while the face-to-face program does require the attendance commitment, there's a lot less busy work and most of the work is done in class. Ugh. WHYYY SO MEAN!?!?!? I mean, I get it. They want to make sure students are learning when not attending class so they assign a bunch of things. Is attending a class once a week a good trade-off for not having a ton of independent work? I'm so torn!

P.S. the urologist called back with my test results and said that even though my numbers were far improved, I was still showing some of that bacteria they don't want, so it's back to no sex for a couple weeks and a mega dose of medication. AND another follow-up appointment. Woo.

Life has been far too busy.

Too. Busy.

But I will try to update tonight or later this week. I've been reading you guys and love you all. <3 I look forward to each entry, no matter the content.

Current Mood: working
Current Location: St. Paul, MN
Current Music: Green with Jasmine

Lulz, I'm on a hospital network right now. I'm at civil court, waiting to sit in on a hearing. I has no internets until at least Monday, when we should be able to hook up Qwest. Time will tell. As for at work, LJ doesn't appear to work, or maybe it was buggy or something. I gotta catch up on so much!

Oops! Had to interrupt to go sit in on some hearings! I'm back now, looks like it works at work! I have about 45 minutes until my next meeting.

Anyway, just a quick blurb here:

We got everything moved into the new place. At first we forgot how ghetto it was, and then got a little sad, but after we put together our big furniture and got some of our "needed" things unpacked, it started to look really cute. It's almost the perfect amount of space - the only real issue is NO cloest space save for what could pass as a pantry D: We've still got to figure that out! For right now a bunch of our clothes are hung up on those cheap portable closet things, but they're super unstable and I don't like the idea of my clothes exploding on the floor!

Today is my third day at Mental Health Resources, and I'm both still really excited and really nervous. A lot of this (and I seriously mean at least 80%) is going to be working in the field, so I got a personal mini (HP) laptop and a Droid. I know the Droid is going to be my lifesaver, because it has GPS superior to my own phone, and it stores my Outlook calendar to pull up at any time to check or change my appointments. Sweet! Today and Friday are by far going to be the busiest days this week. I have this break between 10:30am and 11:30, but after that I have a transfer meeting (getting my first actual client), a team meeting (all the case managers are broken up into teams - I'm on Team 4), and a meeting with my Team Lead. Then home! Tomorrow is pretty open, with a training in there. Friday is intakes and transfers, and another training. By the end of next week I'll have about 14 clients, and I assume it's just going to pick up from there as new intakes come in.

The drive is worse than my old job, since I'm driving in traffic at the same time as everyone else, but I live the same distance away as I did the other job - 6 miles. It takes me about 20-25 minutes to get to and from work. It's a touch longer than I think it would be because they're tearing up two of the biggest cross-streets in the city in order to build another section of Light Rail (like an above-ground subway? It's a train tbh and really handy in Minneapolis/Mall of America if you're going somewhere on the line), and therefore everything is PANIC at all times XD But! At lunch time sometimes I can go get Steve and we can eat. Yay! I love the independence this job provides, and the willingness of my colleagues to help out. It's very nice.

Current Mood: working
Current Location: St. Paul, MN
Current Music: Green with Jasmine