spritechan | Entries tagged with noah

Yesterday Steve and I had what probably looked like the strangest banter, but it's so us and felt so good.

We were talking about a related topic, but I lightly brought up the "I feel like you gave me an ultimatum about moving and not wanting to leave your friends" situation mentioned a few entries ago. He clarified:

He says he meant the whole "I need to play in the hay and sleep with other people while living abroad" and

If I suddenly decided WE need to move across the country IMMEDIATELY he would work with me on it if I really absolutely was sure, and reiterated that I definitely mean enough to him to not stubbornly stay here

So it turns out I misunderstood him and I feel a lot better.

But the point of the post is that Noah messaged me lamenting that he finally met a girl he vibed with, and then she told him after their first "real" conversation that she was poly and in 2 serious relationships. Noah has not had ANY relationship or any of the etc. other than some kissing. He said he knows in his heart that he couldn't do poly, and they agreed not to pursue anything. Noah, while talking to me about it, said that he "felt stupid for feeling special but how could he be special if she already is with two other guys" and again my mind was blown re: monogamists because that's exactly the rationale Steve gave!!!! So I brought up my confusions to Steve.

Which led to a REALLY enjoyable silly banter for like an hour, where we talked in jokes and metaphors about poly and monogamy and cheating and cowardice and TV show portrayals of relationships and it really just feels good to be able to openly talk about our situation without it being a threat or feeling like it's opening a can of worms.

What happened in our relationship is not treated like a bomb about to go off or like if we give it any attention, we'll get sucked into that black hole again. I wish I could remember ANYTHING we said to each other, because it was all hilarious, but I suspect no individual statement would have nearly the same impact as the entire strings of phrases we tossed back and forth. I keep trying to type examples, like at one point he said I should just call every guy Steve because men are interchangeable blurs to me, and it makes no sense and is NOT funny to the layperson (and in fact, would be alarming fighting words in a different context). Just trust me that I was completely tickled the whole time. And so was he.

He just makes me very happy.

Wow, I've fallen super behind on these, because I've had such crazy busy days with a ton of things that either kept me up too late to be able to write an entry, or worked me so hard I crashed right when I got home. Don't despair; I will write and backdate those entries.

So let's pretend that today is Tuesday. Because this will be posted on the date of Tuesday the 12th.

I slept quite awhile — I failed to wake Steve up in time for morning coffee, but amazing snuggles were had. I had a weird dream right before he woke me up I was having a dream that my coworker Brian and I were "getting fizzy," kind of literally. Brian offered me homemade wrapped candy that was drugs of some sort, and when you put one in your mouth, it fizzed as it dissolved. The spiked candy made me feel warm and fuzzy, like mushrooms. It was all the more surreal because we were simultaneously hanging out but then there were a couple of students there and THEN I needed to go to an IEP meeting that was being held in the middle of a pool? There was a little white dog walking by me, and I was trying to figure out the best way to get to the meeting without apparently getting too wet. Which seemed impossible. The meeting was being held on a platform in the middle of the pool, with a table and chairs and everything. And of course the platform wasn't rigid, but more like one of those massive rectangle floaties used in swim therapy and everyone was seated precariously around the table. Good dream.

( Read more... )

Wait, it’s already halfway through the week?? That’s both exciting and terrifying. We only have one more real week left of school and I have so much to do, including a lot of things that require me to test students - not just paperwork typing. I’m definitely fucked again this year with regards to filing... getting access to our special ed files is so much hassle and I hate it! I was also quite terrible with progress reports, though I believe I’m not the only one by far so phew. It just means I’ll have a long Monday the 11th getting everything finished. Lucky for me though, since I only have 6th graders I don’t need to freak out as much as other years, since none of my kids’ files are getting sent along to high schools. That was my big issue in previous years, especially my first one (where I had 10 8th graders omg).

My day was spent feverishly trying to test and get emails sent out, and by the end of the day I had a pretty bad headache, so I came home to a waiting Steve and tried to nap away my headache in the dark. The nap was unsuccessful because I realized I wasn’t tired, just low energy and kind of emotional. Eventually I sat back up and did some scrolling until Steve was kind enough to heat us up some dinner, more potato soup. Yummm. When he was gone I started thinking about how grateful I am that Steve has stuck with me, and how strong he is, and how much I love our life and how much I appreciate him. I mean I think that stuff all the time, but seeing Pat and Aimee for some reason really launched my head into a tailspin about how even though it was just 3 months ago, that all that feels like a completely different life, and I feel so divorced from that behavior, and a life without Steve is such a sad, empty, pathetic version of a life that is so pale and colorless. He makes my life so full of happiness and love, and I don’t want a life where he’s not in it. So all of that has been swirling in my head and he brought me down heated up soup and bread and I just started crying. He asked me what was going on and I tried to tell him, I hope I did an okay job. It’s hard to articulate all of my feelings on the matter and they just get so intense that apparently what I do now is cry. Lol.

After I calmed down and we talked about it, we ate our soup and enjoyed Kripp playing some Hearthstone, exactly what I want to be doing with my life, and precisely who I want to be spending that time with. Soon after, Nick came over. We chatted for awhile about this and that, and then put on The Office while Nick continued Uncharted and I got scolded for continuing to scroll and not knit, which was so valid. I really would rather be knitting, I think it’s just that I love the iPad so much, it’s hard to transition away. I knit a good chunk more rows on my LYS shawl. I’m about 1 and a half repeats from doing my first color change. The Hedgehog fibers yarn is GORGEOUS and soft and I love working with it. I continue to encourage everyone to take up knitting, it is such a fine hobby AND YOU GET TO USE WHAT YOU MAKE (or gift it, whichever). Like you make an actual textile and it is amazing, and super impressive to non-knitters. To be fair, a lot of it IS impressive. But still. ;)

YarnHarlot posted an entry recently where she was able to take horrible, cheap dishcloth yarn and weave two very nice scarves out of it, and it has made me even MORE excited to learn weaving with Sean next weekend at Sow’s Ear. Another fantastic use of yarn, can’t wait.

Noah and I texted a bit about our food consumption and MyFitnessPal. Noah is realizing that MFP underestimates calories and overestimates exercise. I explained that with my Apple Watch , my scores get wonky as the watch actually tracks my true activity, which can lower (or raise) my total amount of food to consume for the day. It’s kinda cool but also kinda confusing. I’m just aiming for a specific range at this point until I get a better grasp of my activity levels. But Noah sent me a super cute text that ended with, “thanks for excitedly doing this with me, it’s keeping me motivated to become a thinner dood.” Awwww. It was so sweet, but more starkly put into perspective how he lives in the middle of nowhere with only white racists and teenagers as company, and I want to be a good friend! And you KNOW how much I love a good motivational health regimen. What better way than with friends who need support?!

I forgot to mention yesterday that Steve and I went to Stephanie’s Yoga Flow class for anniversary and that was super good and fun. She moved a bit too fast for my liking, and she was as dopey as ever. I prefer classes with slightly less poses in favor of holding to get a deeper stretch. If you’ve ever tried to hold a pose for even 45 seconds, you know that *less* poses does NOT equal *easier* poses. Moving too fast just means that you can’t settle in, make sure you’re doing the pose correctly, with all its micro adjustments and muscle fatigue. But it was good to go for anniversary, and I really want to find a class that works for Steve. Maybe I’ll take him to hot yoga, since that’s the same poses every time and they are slow and drawn out. But still the opposite of easy.

Now I’m about to head to bed. Nick is still here but I think he def needs to head home relatively soon because he has to work, and Steve will probably stay up playing Owl Boy on the Switch, which we just got in the mail yesterday. Looks good so far!

Sunday part deux. Got up a little later than I would have liked, a bit after 10. Other than the fact that I should be going to bed in 12 hours, I was mostly okay with it because I woke up SO MANY times with terrible heartburn. Damn you eating slightly before bed! When did I get so old that I legit get heartburn from so many things and from not following these damn food rules, like when you’re not supposed to eat within a certain range of your bedtime?! Hate it!

I made us morning smoothies again, but this time I used a bit less water, and that made the smoothies more manageable. I didn’t have to cut down on the other ingredients so that was good. One side effect of the whole more vegan lifestyle* is the pooping. I already poop more often than the average person - you can guarantee that if I have time, I will poop twice before I leave for work, once at mid day, once when I get home from work, and once probably around dinner time. And that’s at a minimum. You might be able to say that my two morning poops are part of the same poop, and I’d allow it; I don’t have time to sit on the toilet for 45 minutes while my body remembers to move the next bit along. The good news is, I don’t have anything blocking me up, but it’s time consuming and like CALM DOWN BODY. I have never really been the kind of person who gets either diarrhea or constipated. Only when really sick or traveling. But with going ham on the fresh produce, I feel like I can poop every single time I go to the bathroom! This is really getting out of hand. XD I think i would be far less happy withy situation if I didn’t have a bidet. Seriously, if you don’t have one, look into one, get one immediately. No more insane, inefficient wiping! Just a few seconds of water and pat to dry and you’re good to go. Ahhhh.

Uh, so where was I? Oh yes, after breakfast. Steve and I wrote our respective entries for yesterday, which was a good lead-in for the real part of the day: anniversary. We showered and decided we were gonna go mini golfing at Can Can Wonderland. Yay! At the gas station I decided to double check the directions, and I noticed Google say that they are closed. Whaaaat? Go to the website and sure enough: Monday through Wednesday there is no wonderland to be had. Damn! Steve and I looked into a couple other places, but they wouldn’t be opening until 3. In the meantime, we wanted to get that ice cream we were craving. And by ice cream I meant soy ice cream. So we headed over to J. Selby’s. Steve rightly suggested we actually eat there since I was bound to hangry if we didn’t. Being mindful of our goals, I ordered the house salad and Steve ordered the vegan fried rice. Now, when I said “house salad,” did you picture iceberg lettuce, a couple tomato wedges and cucumber slices, a little red onion, croutons and ranch? Well, that just means you’ve never gone to J Selbys. Please behold the J House salad in all its glory:

Not only could this salad legitimately feed a family grazing before a holiday meal, but it was so rich with yummy ingredients that I could not have been happier. The dressing I got was a house-made lemon garlic tahini, and the croutons for the salad were also housemade. I ate probably slightly less than half. I did this by literally making my own mini salads using the plate that the condiments had come on, so that I could appropriately distribute each individual ingredient to my liking. I was very pleased with the result and the leftovers.

At some point during the meal it began to rain a decent amount, and Steve made a comment about maybe it wasn’t a mini golf day. Not to be deterred, I suggested we simply go to Mall of America to play at their okay course and walk around. Thankfully, he was agreeable to this and we headed out. The mall wasn’t super packed, and that was nice. It’s SO MUCH more tolerable on weekdays than weekends. We had a couple of false starts with the golf course but would circle away when we’d see like, a family of four just buying their game or a huge line forming. There were not enough people at the mall or playing the course to justify waiting behind people the whole time. That just allowed for some decent Pokémon Go (of course) and just general meandering around the mall.

Finally we got to play mini golf and I slowly and steadily kept falling further and further behind. At least for the first half. I was surprised to find at the end that I was only two strokes behind Steve (three if you don’t count a silly TERRIBLE mulligan attempt), who was still several over par. Not our best day, score-wise, but definitely top two experiences playing the course. The pars for each hole have clearly not been updated as the course has, because there are some ridiculous par 2’s that I would love to see someone get.

After mini golf, more Pokémon Go. I was able to secure a Latias this time, though it was still super close - I had been down to my second to last Pokéball. Phew. I did it! Lol.

Home was dinner - potato soup for me, relaxing with Steve reading more of Ben’s book out loud while I knit or comforted Grim. Ever since the tree fell on our house in 2015, Grim has been terrified of loud noises, and is the saddest most miserable cat in storms. When his anxiety gets too bad he usually will go downstairs and hide in the bathroom, but today he laid stiffly against me, pressing into my hand and being curled up so tight. No shaking this time though and he’s still on the bed. Noah and I texted a bit today about MyFitnessPal, eating and exercise, because being healthier is way more fun with friends.

Made a little progress on Steve’s sock. I thought I was closer to the heel than I was, but I was glad that I could just knit round and round still. His feet are so much bigger than mine, I constantly think I’m making them too big around, and then I put them on his foot:

All in all, I’d say a super solid anniversary. Definitely grateful to have Steve in my life and him to let me be a part of his. What a good life.

*most things I cook are vegan, or barely not-vegan. I don’t use eggs in my cooking and I rarely use cheese. If I do, it’s small-farm and not-cow if possible. When I get coffee though, 99% of the time I’ll just get half and half cream, because most nondairy dreamers are flavored and gross. The brand I buy for home is NOT heavily flavored and is delicious.

It was a bit of a lazier day, getting up later but not too late, still before 11. Noah wanted to maximize his game time and probably ease the strain on his budget, so he requested a quick breakfast. They went out and got BK, and brought me home a bagel from Caribou. I really took my time easing into the day, reading PostSecret and journals/blogs, and getting my list for meal prep for this week. We agreed that beginning tomorrow we’re gonna tackle the correct eating HARD and I like to support us by finding delicious and not-too-complicated of recipes, though I’m still struggling to find enough food in a day to support a grown man vs an average-sized woman.

After I caught up on my entries, I went downstairs and joined the boys in the rest of the day of gaming. Steve continued to play random games, Noah continued to play Dragon Warrior 3, and I continued in Persona 5. Noah got to the almost end of his game, and I beat the second dungeon in Persona 5. We ordered a pizza a few hours before Noah had to go home, and Steve and I went to pick it up together. We of course then played a little Pokémon Go on the way. I kept my pizza consumption relatively low, 2 pieces of pizza and like 4 pieces of the breadsticks (they’re smaller). I always think about when I was growing up and we basically rationed our food - a Jack’s pizza with the fluffier crust would feed me, my mom and sister. Bethany and I would each get two pieces of pizza, and Mom would get 3, and if one of us was still hungry MAYBE they’d get the last piece, but we’d often either split it or Paul would eat it along with whatever he ended up eating. I think about how Mom was always only eating the 3 pieces and how I should also be fine with that many, not more, when eating pizza. Lol.

Eventually Noah randomly announced that it was time to go. He packed up his stuff, put the couch back where it goes, and we headed out. We stopped at Starbucks for some iced drinks (green tea lattes for me and Noah and an Americano for Steve) and hit the road. I finished the thumb on one of Mom’s gloves and spent the rest of the time telling the boys about memes and other things on my Facebook page.

We went to find a couple stops and a gym after dropping Noah off, because Steve had a Pokémon Go quest to spin stops he hadn’t before. That was fun. Oh hey, do you notice when my entries have the accent in the word Pokémon and when they don’t? That’s how you can tell whether I’m typing the entry up on my iPad or my work laptop - iPad autocorrects and the laptop doesn’t. :P

Steve and I talked a bit on the way home about how we’re feeling about the relationship, when Pat’s name comes up in conversation with friends and how it makes us feel, and what direction we feel like we are moving. It was a good conversation... we talked about striking the balance between moving on and not pretending like it didn’t happen, and how we are making the relationship stronger and some things we have noticed in the positive. I apologized again and tried to impress upon Steve just how much he means to me. We talked a little about how the other day he made some comments that I felt blindsided by and I had gotten really upset, and how we can handle the situation better moving forward.

Steve just notified me that he makes fun of me in his entry about being so hype for grocery shopping, so that’s cool, lol.

So after we got home Steve put on some Hearthstone and I entered in the recipes into MyFitnessPal. I also had been entering the food eaten this weekend and came up with 2400 calories per day for myself. Whoops. I should definitely be consuming between 1700 and 1900 per day, depending on if I’ve exercised. I KNOW I’ve been consuming at least this much on average, which would easily explain my weight gain. Not that I’m surprised in any way, and I’m sure there are plenty of days it gets even higher than that!

Seeing that info really helped me feel like it would be good to go for a walk. We didn’t take our whole route because Steve was getting some chafey legs, but we did about 3.5 miles. The local middle school just got a new playground installed at the end of last summer, and I’d only been there once with Haley and Steve hadn’t seen it at all, so we climbed the high tower and went down the slide, I pushed him in the fun slidey swing and we took turns on the rope swing. It was sooo fun. Then when we got to the field path, we saw the first fireflies of the season!!! Fireflies are so hype. They’re romantic and pretty and make it feel like you’re somewhere magical. In the peak of their season, the completely dark field (there are NO lights on in that area) is just lit up with sparkles. Steve showing me his firefly field is one of my most favorite memories of our relationship. Today it was like 10 fireflies, but they’ll get there.

I was more tired than I thought I would be once we got home, so we settled into bed after putting the groceries away, and watched Kripp play Hearthstone. All in all I’d say it was a solid day!