A Heart's a Heavy Burden

Sunday part deux. Got up a little later than I would have liked, a bit after 10. Other than the fact that I should be going to bed in 12 hours, I was mostly okay with it because I woke up SO MANY times with terrible heartburn. Damn you eating slightly before bed! When did I get so old that I legit get heartburn from so many things and from not following these damn food rules, like when you’re not supposed to eat within a certain range of your bedtime?! Hate it!

I made us morning smoothies again, but this time I used a bit less water, and that made the smoothies more manageable. I didn’t have to cut down on the other ingredients so that was good. One side effect of the whole more vegan lifestyle* is the pooping. I already poop more often than the average person - you can guarantee that if I have time, I will poop twice before I leave for work, once at mid day, once when I get home from work, and once probably around dinner time. And that’s at a minimum. You might be able to say that my two morning poops are part of the same poop, and I’d allow it; I don’t have time to sit on the toilet for 45 minutes while my body remembers to move the next bit along. The good news is, I don’t have anything blocking me up, but it’s time consuming and like CALM DOWN BODY. I have never really been the kind of person who gets either diarrhea or constipated. Only when really sick or traveling. But with going ham on the fresh produce, I feel like I can poop every single time I go to the bathroom! This is really getting out of hand. XD I think i would be far less happy withy situation if I didn’t have a bidet. Seriously, if you don’t have one, look into one, get one immediately. No more insane, inefficient wiping! Just a few seconds of water and pat to dry and you’re good to go. Ahhhh.

Uh, so where was I? Oh yes, after breakfast. Steve and I wrote our respective entries for yesterday, which was a good lead-in for the real part of the day: anniversary. We showered and decided we were gonna go mini golfing at Can Can Wonderland. Yay! At the gas station I decided to double check the directions, and I noticed Google say that they are closed. Whaaaat? Go to the website and sure enough: Monday through Wednesday there is no wonderland to be had. Damn! Steve and I looked into a couple other places, but they wouldn’t be opening until 3. In the meantime, we wanted to get that ice cream we were craving. And by ice cream I meant soy ice cream. So we headed over to J. Selby’s. Steve rightly suggested we actually eat there since I was bound to hangry if we didn’t. Being mindful of our goals, I ordered the house salad and Steve ordered the vegan fried rice. Now, when I said “house salad,” did you picture iceberg lettuce, a couple tomato wedges and cucumber slices, a little red onion, croutons and ranch? Well, that just means you’ve never gone to J Selbys. Please behold the J House salad in all its glory:




Not only could this salad legitimately feed a family grazing before a holiday meal, but it was so rich with yummy ingredients that I could not have been happier. The dressing I got was a house-made lemon garlic tahini, and the croutons for the salad were also housemade. I ate probably slightly less than half. I did this by literally making my own mini salads using the plate that the condiments had come on, so that I could appropriately distribute each individual ingredient to my liking. I was very pleased with the result and the leftovers.

At some point during the meal it began to rain a decent amount, and Steve made a comment about maybe it wasn’t a mini golf day. Not to be deterred, I suggested we simply go to Mall of America to play at their okay course and walk around. Thankfully, he was agreeable to this and we headed out. The mall wasn’t super packed, and that was nice. It’s SO MUCH more tolerable on weekdays than weekends. We had a couple of false starts with the golf course but would circle away when we’d see like, a family of four just buying their game or a huge line forming. There were not enough people at the mall or playing the course to justify waiting behind people the whole time. That just allowed for some decent Pokémon Go (of course) and just general meandering around the mall.

Finally we got to play mini golf and I slowly and steadily kept falling further and further behind. At least for the first half. I was surprised to find at the end that I was only two strokes behind Steve (three if you don’t count a silly TERRIBLE mulligan attempt), who was still several over par. Not our best day, score-wise, but definitely top two experiences playing the course. The pars for each hole have clearly not been updated as the course has, because there are some ridiculous par 2’s that I would love to see someone get.

After mini golf, more Pokémon Go. I was able to secure a Latias this time, though it was still super close - I had been down to my second to last Pokéball. Phew. I did it! Lol.

Home was dinner - potato soup for me, relaxing with Steve reading more of Ben’s book out loud while I knit or comforted Grim. Ever since the tree fell on our house in 2015, Grim has been terrified of loud noises, and is the saddest most miserable cat in storms. When his anxiety gets too bad he usually will go downstairs and hide in the bathroom, but today he laid stiffly against me, pressing into my hand and being curled up so tight. No shaking this time though and he’s still on the bed. Noah and I texted a bit today about MyFitnessPal, eating and exercise, because being healthier is way more fun with friends.

Made a little progress on Steve’s sock. I thought I was closer to the heel than I was, but I was glad that I could just knit round and round still. His feet are so much bigger than mine, I constantly think I’m making them too big around, and then I put them on his foot:




All in all, I’d say a super solid anniversary. Definitely grateful to have Steve in my life and him to let me be a part of his. What a good life.

*most things I cook are vegan, or barely not-vegan. I don’t use eggs in my cooking and I rarely use cheese. If I do, it’s small-farm and not-cow if possible. When I get coffee though, 99% of the time I’ll just get half and half cream, because most nondairy dreamers are flavored and gross. The brand I buy for home is NOT heavily flavored and is delicious.

I accepted a position working as an Assistant Teacher at a Montessori school in the same city that Steve works in. If he can coax his boss into letting him have the later shift (9-5:30 vs 8-4:30), we will be able to carpool. I'm fairly certain my hours will be 9-6 because they specifically said they wanted someone who could close, and thank god for that because the school opens at 6:30am DDDD: I am so ridiculously not a morning person that I don't even think I could manage that. Anyway, the position is full time and Montessori schools have programming year-round (so no worrying about having to find a summer job!). I have the option of advancement to be a teacher if I take their training courses in the future, and I definitely want to switch rooms in the future. They just opened up a young infant program and so that's where I'll be starting. Babies aren't my cup of tea but they're not overly stressful, and hey, maybe working in that room will make me like them more? When I told Faith she about pooped herself in jealousy. She's got mad baby fever.

As for my current job, I've pretty much checked out. Supposedly I'll find out who everyone on my caseload is going to by noon today... a whole two days before I'm leaving. Way to leave time to prepare and talk to the receiving case managers, guys. Woo. So I've mostly been sitting around doing nothing, or updating client profiles and such. I just want to be done - I'm so over it!

Friday I'm getting my IUD checked bright and early at 7:15am, and then I'm going to go fill out paperwork and do some training at 9:15 at the school ^_^ Steve and I have BOTH tried to find my IUD strings as told, and failed... I'm just hoping that they've just so successfully contoured to my body that they're hard to reach, and not that anything's gone wrong. I get afraid of that every so often because once in awhile I'll get a severe pang of cramps, though very briefly. Just freaks me out thinking I got an infection or the IUD shifted or something. I keep looking at the bill - $1500 - and thinking that everything better be okay because that shit was expensive! I wouldn't even go in for this check-up if I wasn't worried I could like, die of some infection if it went wrong. I hate check-ups - they're a waste of money. And I'm about to lose insurance for 2 months so this better be the only thing! Anyway, I have almost enough in my health savings account to pay for it - I'll only need about $100 out of pocket by the time I do pay it. But I'll be paying for the entire doctor's visit this time without my HSA. Thank god Steve and I have been saving like crazy. We'll have well over $5,000 in savings by the time I get my last check from MHR at the end of the month. And then moving in with his family until June or whatever will also be super great.

We watched Louis C.K.'s "Hilarious" the other night on Netflix and both almost died from laughter. Steve doesn't even laugh very often, let alone HARD, but we were both heaps of uncontrollable, gut-wrenching, teary-eyed, can't-breathe, laughing doofs. I would be Louis' friend in a heartbeat. I love Louis C.K. Especially when he talks about parenting, and technology.

So I have all of next week as a vacation week, with Steve having taken Monday and Tuesday off for Valentine's day. Not that we're a mushy couple, just that it's an excuse to spend time together around a holiday XD We don't even know if we're doing anything yet, and we don't plan on getting each other gifts (in keeping with our new ghetto-ish style of living in order to save more). Just extra cutie time together :)

Y hallo thar UTI/bladder infection! Long time no see! Since August, is it? I appreciate you waiting until the holidays to resurface.

Yesterday I had a mild symptom of burning once after I peed, but at 4am when I woke up with OMGMUSTPEENOWWW urges and then the subsequent NOT sleeping, I knew I was in hell again. I actually called in to work and asked people to help with my appointments because there was no way in HELL I could leave my bed. I had a RAGING headache all day (it is currently gently throbbing, reminding me that it still exists) and I've been really nauseated, even WITHOUT the pyridium (which is a lifesaver and I will withstand all the nausea/vomiting ever to take it).

I called the doctor immediately at 8am, tried to weasel a prescription without a visit, but this clinic doesn't work like that, so even though I KNOW I'm mo' fuckin' sick, I have to pay for an office visit and a lab (at least at my old clinic if they were being jerks about needing proof I could just breeze in for a pee cup and wait for the results). The appointment guy tried to tell me I had to wait until tomorrow for my primary doctor, but he changed his mind after I put on my Do Not Fuck With Me tone. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed with messy hair and ALL the scrub clothes and pathetically drove to the doctor, wishing I didn't have to drive because it only made my nausea and headache worse.

So I had to sit through the questions and other crap. When I peed I noticed what I guessed was tissue? in the cup. I worried that I may have contaminated the specimen, but I couldn't see how shooting pee into a cup after thoroughly cleansing the area first could lead to THAT MUCH residue. When I get UTIs my smell gets sharper, I appear to discharge from my urethra itself, but rarely is there blood. This weird string in my cup was frightening. It turned out apparently to be "White Blood Cell clumps". Isn't that just nasty? And I have so many WBCs that they manifest visibly?! Blehhh. THe doctor made me feel better when she said I probably knew more than she did about bladder infections and UTIs and sent me on my way with a script right quick.

I spent the whole day laying in bed, sleeping off and on. I slept to avoid the pain and my headache, but the sleeping only spurred the headache on because I didn't need more sleep. Vicious cycle is vicious.

Steve is out shopping for me, so I've had the kitties to keep me company. He's bringing me Chipotle later. I didn't want to eat today because I don't want to throw it up, but the medication has to be taken with food. So I had some thick soup and a couple of pieces of bread earlier. It was good.

-My work internet wouldn't let me access LJ the other day and I haven't been on the internet really otherwise for a few days.

-I presented my agency stuff yesterday in class. The professor was successfully schmoozed by my fancy words and knowledge of the agency (I did my internship there after all) and ability to talk to the class, so I can't imagine not getting an A on that. Now all I need to do is finish organizing my portfolio for Dec. 1, and I am DONE. DONEEEE.

-Steve officially gave me permission to open my presents whenever I want as of yesterday afternoon, so I'm waiting until I get home from my benefits meeting around 10am to open them technically a day early ^_^

-I beat Tales of Symphonia and started Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. I loved Tales' ending. It was sweet and cute, and I'm glad I played it. Uncharted is completely different, but I watched Steve play it and it's one of those few bro games that he adored. I'm literally halfway through the game right now, earning my first-ever trophies for the PS3! I took yesterday off of work so I had the time, and I'm taking tomorrow off of work too for Harry Potter and birthday stuff.

-Had a uretie (that's my urethra's nickname, pronounced yoo-ree-tee) scare that actually pushed me to placebo myself with a prescription cipro pill, tons of cranberry/vitamin C, and even AZO, which never fails to make me want to vomit. I feel better though. All is well.

-Uretie scare was possibly the result of an amazing romp.

-I am going to be very busy this weekend, but I'll be thinking of youuu! <333

( Opening with some lame TMI )

I finished my training yesterday, woooo! Now I have 6 hours down, and almost 10 more months to get the last 8, not to mention that it'll be cut even shorter if my class counts for hours too. I did a lot better in not getting incredibly anxious during the practice exerciese (how to escape from stirkes or grabs), and I talked a lot during the rest. I was singled out because I looked the youngest, and probably was the youngest, but Russ (the director) said he thought I looked 18 and used that in a de-escalation/empathy exercise. While I've miraculously never had my age negatively used in a mental health setting (same with my whiteness, don't know why), it came up a LOT when working in Nursing homes/assisted living.

Steve and I are going to try to start donating plasma. Pat is unemployed (and receives unemployment) and supplements his income with donating a couple times a week. Steve and I would be getting almost $200/week if we were each able to go twice a week. That would be amazingly helpful in paying off credit cards/loans/saving. When Dan and I desperately needed money in Grand Forks, I developed a complex and failed out because my heart rate kept speeding up. It didn't help that the machine only measure your pulse for 15 seconds and then multiplied it by 4, which is inaccurate. And they wouldn't manually measure my pulse. I start off faster when measuring my pulse than I end with. I promise you that my heart rate is not 120bpms. Promise. It's usually around 80-90. I just took it with my company's 15 second monitor and I came up with 122/81 with a pulse of 94. Bleh. Writing about it made me nervous again. As long as the pulse comes up under 100. Usually my blood pressure is about 110/70. I know because I've been to the doctor a lot >_< And I've NEVER been turned away when donating blood. My issue was always iron (interestingly, it's been both almost too low and almost too high), not my pulse. Q~! Wish me luck! Let's hope I don't freak out, because I'm terrified that I will. Which doesn't help. Never-ending cycle! (after a couple minutes I just retested and came up with 114/78, pulse 91. I can physically feel my body reacting when I get the cuff on. URGH. F U BODY). I'll probably request that I be sitting if they're testing while standing like the other place did, because first of all, that's the medically appropriate way to be taking it, and for two, it allows me to feel a little more relaxed.

All right, I really should get going on stuff I need to be doing!

Ending with a clip about responsibility from Hyperbole and a Half that completely and accurately describes me:

"What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. Thinking that I've earned it, I give myself permission to slack off for a while and recover. Since I've exceeded my capacity for responsibility in such a dramatic fashion, I end up needing to take more recovery time than usual. This is when the guilt-spiral starts.