A Heart's a Heavy Burden

I just want to start off by commenting that I love the picture in picture feature on the iPad - that I can watch a stream/VOD/whatever while I type or do other things, instead of trying to play something on my phone (which is far more inconvenient).

Today waking up at a reasonable-ish time was so difficult, having went to bed so late the night before. I think the time we woke up was a good compromise. We took our time getting ready, but we needed to be at the mall in time for 1pm, in order to participate in the Squirtle catching. Mall of America opens a bit later on Sunday, so it was not as packed and parking was easy. We were hungry, and the plan had been to eat at Wahlburger (to see what the fuss was about), but they seem to only go off of reservations. Being hungry right NOW, I suggested trying this cute little waffle place. But first I needed to drop off my bridesmaids dress to get altered. I hadn’t so much as touched the dress since it arrived a month and a half ago, for fear of damaging it or getting cat hair on it. I only took it out of the package and hung it up like, last week. Needless to say, I hadn’t tried it on at all.

I still haven’t bought my shoes for the wedding yet, but she had me wear 2.5-inch heels and I asked her to trim it to a half inch off the ground, because I will probably not be wearing super high heels? I legit haven’t thought about it but it sounds like a nightmare to wear tall shoes, even if they’re kind of like wedges. Whatever, I’ll figure it out. The dress looks cute on me, and she’s just trimming the hem several inches and shortening the strap by like 2 inches (I have no shoulders, lol). It cost $80, exactly the amount I thought it would be, and I was happy to bring it to a small alteration shop run by a Hmong woman, than take it to David’s Bridal, which gave me a bad impression about their care and service.

Then! Waffles. I said something like, “Ooh, the such-and-such waffle sounds good!” And like 4 seconds later Steve goes, “Oh man, the [same waffle] sounds tasty” and I was like I LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT XD The waffle in question was a waffle with cream cheese and a fancy jam (there were a few flavors). As I was asking for that one, the guy running the shop started grimacing and I was like “oh no, are you out?” And he was like, “well... I’m waiting for a shipment of the jams, and the only one I have isn’t on the menu and I don’t know if people will like it” when I asked what it was he said it was a mango lime. Steve and I both eagerly said we’d try it and report back. We ordered coffee to sip while he made our waffles, and then took them to the main food court area overlooking the theme park. The jam was indeed very good, with a strong mango flavor and light lime underneath. As we started walking we made sure to pass by him and give him the good news.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing Pokémon Go. It was really fun to walk around the mall with Steve being cute, and halfway through the Squirtle event, Mike showed up out of nowhere (of course) and we invited him along with us for the rest of the time, and to lunch at Wahlburger. Steve put the reservation in my name, and I noticed that the guy wrote “Leia” instead of Leah. This is a fairly common occurrence, and I wouldn’t have minded if my parents had actually decided to call me that. My dad was more of a Star Trek guy so it was unlikely to happen though.

We were seated in the “patio,” which is kind of in the mall hallway, which I like. Get to people watch and enjoy the sunlight (the mall has a glass roof)! As expected, the food was fine. They serve the Impossible burger as well, but they do have a good spiced tomato. The fries, as I feared, are very generic compared to Burger Burger. I’d say I definitely prefer Burger Burger: better service, faster turnaround, and lightyears better fries. It was good to experience once though!

We had to leave the mall by 5 because we needed to drive down to Rochester, which is an hour and a half away. Gin Blossoms was doing a free show in the park? I’ve never been to Rochester, as in my opinion it’s a nothing-city that happens to house one of the best medical clinics in the country (world?) - the Mayo. Steve drove and I knitted and we listened to Name of the Wind. It was a really cute drive!

We got to Rochester at 6:30, found parking in the neighborhood with mild trouble, and were able to secure a spot facing the stage. I considered buying a shirt, but it was cash only, and finding an atm was prohibitive. The first band was... a band. We passed the time playing a logic puzzle on my phone and gossiping about the other people there. Gin Blossoms came on after like an hour, and they were awesome, as usual. There were people who sat behind us who talked loudly and didn’t know the band very well, and it was incredibly difficult for me not to shush them. Otherwise it was such a fun time, and it was the first time Steve saw them live. I feel very grateful to have been able to see them twice, because they’re such an old band. They did just come out with a new album that has some of their old sound and some of their newer sound.

They played most of their best-known hits, and they sounded really good even in the open park with bad sound mixing. We did leave right before the encore, because we wanted to beat the rush, and the sound was still clear all the way to the car. We picked up Taco Bell on the way back and listened to more NotW. It was fantastic. But by the time we got home, we were both so so tired (it was past 11:30). Steve had to package up something for EBay, and so I fed the hungry cats and got the coffee ready, and then we crashed into bed.
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Today is such a busy day! Steve and I managed to sleep in until almost 11, the comfy bed, snuggles, and thunderstorms all night soothing us into comfort that we were both incredibly reluctant to leave. But leave we must, because as I said, so many things.

First on the agenda was food, coffee, and writing up the entry for yesterday. I confirmed the time of Pokémon Go for Larvitar as well. Shower was had and clothes were donned, entries were posted and off to Mall of America - which is really the only way to do it, what with the MANY pokestops, lures, people and Pokémon. Why waste your time anywhere else??

Holy crap it was INSANE there today! The parking ramps was already crazy full with a huge line, but I beelined for the roof, because I didn’t ant to waste any more time than we had already, and there was like basically no one there. It is really muggy out today, very VERY humid. Once inside, it was quickly discovered today was the regional yo-yo competition, which is always entertaining but SO. NERVEWRACKING. Steve says I make the best audience because I am so animated while watching - I gasp and cheer and hide my face and have running commentary. Yo-yo is actually a really impressive hobby. We spent a good deal of time on the 4th floor catching so many Larvitar and other Pokémon before heading to the 3rd floor, where we spent most of our time. The mall was filthy with Larvitar. I got a really good shiny as my second catch of the day, and I never did find one better. I found a better regular Larvitar as well, though I didn’t have as many terrible ones as Steve did. In the end I evolved three and buffed up 2. Then we walked around doing a couple raids, which didn’t show up until after the event was over. As usual, when the first Kyogre raid started, my phone borked out and we had to move everywhere. Steve didn’t catch his first one. Once I got into a raid, I did, and it was pretty good. Then we went to another one, and I got another good one, and Steve got a SHINY Kyogre. So jealous!!! They’re purple! I love purple! AND it had good stats. So lucky. On our way out I spotted Pa and Carrie, Parkway coworkers of mine, who were also playing Pokémon Go. We stopped and chatted with them for a few minutes before heading out.

Next up was my brother Jack’s graduation party at my dad’s house. We made the 40-minute drive out there, feeling kind of bad that we wouldn’t be able to stay long because I had to be home before 8 to tutor. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Jack had several friends over and there were people there for Dad and Tammy to hang out with too. They made sure to have rice for my tacos and Jack’s cake was pretty good too. Jack’s friends were decently funny, and apparently the running joke of his childhood was that he always talked about having so many siblings, and his friends were over often enough, and yet they NEVER saw any of them. So Jack was excited to show me off as one of the “fabled mysterious siblings”. To be fair, Jack is much younger than the rest of us. Bethany, at 26, is his closest sibling and still almost 9 years his senior.

After hanging out eating, and watching his slideshow that Dad made, we had to head out all too soon. The children were loudly playing Smash bros downstairs, and Jack seemed a little bummed we had to go so soon but took it in stride. I told him that since he’s going to a college nearby y house that he HAS to come by and hang out. I’m so easy to hang out with; we barely even have to talk lol. Just play games quietly and have fun.

I took a daiquiri to go (it was delicious) and Steve and I listen to Name of the Wind on the way back (we also listened to it on the way to dad’s, and I may or may not have gotten tearful right before we got there. It’s a POWERFUL book). I was in the best mood. My lesson with Shinpei was pretty good, he was distracted at first but eventually got into it, and we had fun. After that I went downstairs and we chilled until it was time to go to Minneapolis.

Oh yeah, we had also bought tickets to the midnight showing of Howl’s Moving Castle. I think the Uptown theatre might do this every year or every few years, but they show Ghibli movies as midnight showings, subtitled, one weekend a month. Howl’s is my favorite, along with Spirited Away and Nausicaa (Only Yesterday is a strong contender too). Steve couldn’t even remember the last time he saw it, and I’m a HUGE sap for this movie. It is so romantic and tender in my heart. Like, the themes really get to me, and I wondered if the type of person I am makes me view the movie a certain way. Ugh, just so good. After the movie I talked at length about the various depths and details I feel, and he said I have a “really strong headcanon.” Lol.

Before the movie, we were both so tired, and the Uptown is on Hennepin ave, one of the most happening streets in Minneapolis. Loud people everywhere. Huge crowds everywhere. We were both super tired but happy during the movie, and were (stupidly) surprised to see that the activity had not died down, or even so much as slowed down one bit when we left the movie. It was 2:30am! How are you people still active??? It was like I knew the dichotomy of being an old tired person placed against my own alcohol-fueled energy going out to party... but still!

You think we went home and went to sleep, but you’d be wrong. Father’s Day is tomorrow and I promised a dessert. The dessert I decided to make is no-bake, but it requires 8 hours of refrigeration. So to Cub we went for a couple of ingredients I needed. I made a simple but amazing-looking chocolate pie thing. Vegan, of course. That meant us finally flopping into bed at 4am. Oh my god.

Sunday part deux. Got up a little later than I would have liked, a bit after 10. Other than the fact that I should be going to bed in 12 hours, I was mostly okay with it because I woke up SO MANY times with terrible heartburn. Damn you eating slightly before bed! When did I get so old that I legit get heartburn from so many things and from not following these damn food rules, like when you’re not supposed to eat within a certain range of your bedtime?! Hate it!

I made us morning smoothies again, but this time I used a bit less water, and that made the smoothies more manageable. I didn’t have to cut down on the other ingredients so that was good. One side effect of the whole more vegan lifestyle* is the pooping. I already poop more often than the average person - you can guarantee that if I have time, I will poop twice before I leave for work, once at mid day, once when I get home from work, and once probably around dinner time. And that’s at a minimum. You might be able to say that my two morning poops are part of the same poop, and I’d allow it; I don’t have time to sit on the toilet for 45 minutes while my body remembers to move the next bit along. The good news is, I don’t have anything blocking me up, but it’s time consuming and like CALM DOWN BODY. I have never really been the kind of person who gets either diarrhea or constipated. Only when really sick or traveling. But with going ham on the fresh produce, I feel like I can poop every single time I go to the bathroom! This is really getting out of hand. XD I think i would be far less happy withy situation if I didn’t have a bidet. Seriously, if you don’t have one, look into one, get one immediately. No more insane, inefficient wiping! Just a few seconds of water and pat to dry and you’re good to go. Ahhhh.

Uh, so where was I? Oh yes, after breakfast. Steve and I wrote our respective entries for yesterday, which was a good lead-in for the real part of the day: anniversary. We showered and decided we were gonna go mini golfing at Can Can Wonderland. Yay! At the gas station I decided to double check the directions, and I noticed Google say that they are closed. Whaaaat? Go to the website and sure enough: Monday through Wednesday there is no wonderland to be had. Damn! Steve and I looked into a couple other places, but they wouldn’t be opening until 3. In the meantime, we wanted to get that ice cream we were craving. And by ice cream I meant soy ice cream. So we headed over to J. Selby’s. Steve rightly suggested we actually eat there since I was bound to hangry if we didn’t. Being mindful of our goals, I ordered the house salad and Steve ordered the vegan fried rice. Now, when I said “house salad,” did you picture iceberg lettuce, a couple tomato wedges and cucumber slices, a little red onion, croutons and ranch? Well, that just means you’ve never gone to J Selbys. Please behold the J House salad in all its glory:




Not only could this salad legitimately feed a family grazing before a holiday meal, but it was so rich with yummy ingredients that I could not have been happier. The dressing I got was a house-made lemon garlic tahini, and the croutons for the salad were also housemade. I ate probably slightly less than half. I did this by literally making my own mini salads using the plate that the condiments had come on, so that I could appropriately distribute each individual ingredient to my liking. I was very pleased with the result and the leftovers.

At some point during the meal it began to rain a decent amount, and Steve made a comment about maybe it wasn’t a mini golf day. Not to be deterred, I suggested we simply go to Mall of America to play at their okay course and walk around. Thankfully, he was agreeable to this and we headed out. The mall wasn’t super packed, and that was nice. It’s SO MUCH more tolerable on weekdays than weekends. We had a couple of false starts with the golf course but would circle away when we’d see like, a family of four just buying their game or a huge line forming. There were not enough people at the mall or playing the course to justify waiting behind people the whole time. That just allowed for some decent Pokémon Go (of course) and just general meandering around the mall.

Finally we got to play mini golf and I slowly and steadily kept falling further and further behind. At least for the first half. I was surprised to find at the end that I was only two strokes behind Steve (three if you don’t count a silly TERRIBLE mulligan attempt), who was still several over par. Not our best day, score-wise, but definitely top two experiences playing the course. The pars for each hole have clearly not been updated as the course has, because there are some ridiculous par 2’s that I would love to see someone get.

After mini golf, more Pokémon Go. I was able to secure a Latias this time, though it was still super close - I had been down to my second to last Pokéball. Phew. I did it! Lol.

Home was dinner - potato soup for me, relaxing with Steve reading more of Ben’s book out loud while I knit or comforted Grim. Ever since the tree fell on our house in 2015, Grim has been terrified of loud noises, and is the saddest most miserable cat in storms. When his anxiety gets too bad he usually will go downstairs and hide in the bathroom, but today he laid stiffly against me, pressing into my hand and being curled up so tight. No shaking this time though and he’s still on the bed. Noah and I texted a bit today about MyFitnessPal, eating and exercise, because being healthier is way more fun with friends.

Made a little progress on Steve’s sock. I thought I was closer to the heel than I was, but I was glad that I could just knit round and round still. His feet are so much bigger than mine, I constantly think I’m making them too big around, and then I put them on his foot:




All in all, I’d say a super solid anniversary. Definitely grateful to have Steve in my life and him to let me be a part of his. What a good life.

*most things I cook are vegan, or barely not-vegan. I don’t use eggs in my cooking and I rarely use cheese. If I do, it’s small-farm and not-cow if possible. When I get coffee though, 99% of the time I’ll just get half and half cream, because most nondairy dreamers are flavored and gross. The brand I buy for home is NOT heavily flavored and is delicious.

Thursday. The third day*. Today was the first blazingly hot day of the year. Like, the kind of day where the weather screams, “REMEMBER ME!?!?! MINNESOTA, WHERE THE TEMPERATURES ARE ALWAYS EXTREME MWAHAHA!!!” It was 93 and humid, and it was 86 degrees before 9am. So sweaty. I wore a nice new flowy soft dress, and the rest of my school year is going to be almost exclusively dresses, as neither of my schools have air conditioning and it is so sweaty.

My morning was good, we switched to mean/median/mode/range and plotting and analyzing data, and that’s been going well. Helped Vincente and Malik on their stuff of course, talked about silly middle school things like how the space between the crook of your elbow and your hand is the same length as your foot, how even though Malik is only 12 that he already experiences “tall people problems” such as hitting his head on the bus door and that his bed is too short and he has to spread his legs to sit on the toilet because the wall is too close and his femurs are too long. I’d like to add in a side note here about this specific one, where he told me this last one the most innocently a kid could, like not at all thinking about the fact that to sit on the toilet he would need to be pooping and of course it is taboo to admit you sit on the toilet in middle school - though this generation is way more open to talking about pooping/farting etc. than mine was... I might have actually melted into the floor if ever it was suggested I do either of those things during ANY of my school years. XD

2nd block was fine, the first period was kind of annoying because Chanel was gone again, and I let the second period be super low key because there were only 4 of them and Dyshawn was really in the mood to talk to me today and it’s the end of the year so I let him. He’s the ringleader of a trend of timed “slap boxing” matches at school. Slapboxing is exactly what it sounds like: like boxing, but you hit with an open hand so as not to leave marks or do lasting damage. The new game invented and going around the school is to get filmed slapboxing with someone for 10-15 seconds and then you’re done. I asked Dyshawn what the purpose of that was, and why it was fun. He said a lot of people kind of want to fight or prove themselves, and a timed match (supposedly) means no one gets mad, hurt, or (probably most importantly) caught fighting at school. He showed me a couple of videos - Brian had angrily told me that Dyshawn was targeting the 6th graders but there were kids of all ages in our school participating - and everyone is smiling in them before and after???? So like, it seems to be working for now... but you KNOW someone’s gonna play dirty and it will all fall apart. Really interesting though. When I was in school play fighting was really rare, because it ALWAYS turned into a real fight. And in my hometown, if you were caught fighting, both parties went to court. Always. No exceptions. It was a great deterrent. I’d say from 7th-11th grade (I didn’t go to high school for my senior year) I witnessed 4-5 fights in total. A couple of years ago that was the daily average at my school, a school of 500 kids. Anyway, kids are ridiculous and endlessly interesting.

After that I went out to Eden Prairie to meet Steve, Nick, Quimby and Courtney for lunch. Since Steve’s last day at Supervalu is tomorrow, and they all work out in EP, Steve invited me out with them. My car’s air conditioning is broken and I like the windows down anyway, so I was a sweaty mess by the time I got all the way out there (about a 35-minute drive). We went to India Palace... Wait. India Palace is in Woodbury! Jk, this is a different India Palace. They’re franchised, and this place was good, but not as good as the one we love. But it was definitely tasty. We took our time eating and chatting, and invited people to hang out today after work. Then we stopped in at Starbucks because it was in the same strip mall. Then Steve and I said cute goodbyes and walked to our cars... and I couldn’t find my keys. Kay, I REMEMBERED locking my car. The first thing I thought of was how I’d JUST locked my keys in my car twice over the last 3 months. Awesome. But I distinctly remembered tucking them into my purse! Wtf! I started kind of panicking, because I didn’t see them in the car, so I didn’t think I locked them in. And then I turned and Steve was walking back to me! He came back to bring a drink to his coworker Jay, and I filled him in on my problem, and we went into the Indian place again, thinking maybe I left them on the table. Nope. Went to Starbucks, not there either. We walked back to my car and peered in super intensely. Didn’t see them. Went BACK to the Indian place. Back to Starbucks. KAYYYYY. I knew I drove there using my keys??? I could NOT figure it out. Steve had to get back to work, and I really needed to get back to work, and I was so afraid I’d call AAA and they’d open my car and the keys wouldn’t be in there, and then what? Eventually Steve had to leave but he felt really bad, and I started to call AAA but decided to retrace my steps one more time (I tend to panic when I have an audience and can’t see or think rationally because of embarrassment/insecurity/idk), and lo and behold, found them on my walk. THANK GOD. Called Steve, so relieved, jfc.

I still had enough time to make it back to Nokomis without getting in trouble (as in, with enough time to be face-to-face with kids). Today was actually a concert practice day for the younger kids and the older kids are finishing up a poetry residency with real poets, so I spent a lot of time in the E2 classroom talking with Nicci, one of the E2 teachers. Then I decided to take Jeremy for some work, and he asked if he could bring a few friends with since it was gonna be just him. I said sure, and so he and 3 friends ended up in my office for about an hour. They were all super cute, like, “So this is where you go every day” and one of them even asked me if I lived in that office. I pointed to my comfy chair and said that’s where I slept. They all figured out I was joking, but in that kind of innocently suspicious and somber way younger kids who don’t understand dry humor do. It was still funny. They were all working really hard, and two of the boys were so happy when I helped them figure out how to do some of their math work, and Jeremy was just beaming with excitement of being able to work with his friends in my office. Every so often one of them would quietly say, “It’s so nice in here. I can actually think because it’s *quiet*.” Aww.

I got home around 4:35, and Steve got home soon after. We picked up and put away laundry and collected alllll of the dirty clothes and got them downstairs, and the house is vastly improved. Someone in the gaming community died today, TotalBiscuit if you’ve heard of him. He had cancer, and he was 34. People told the Hearthstone streamer Trump (not to be confused with the other guy) WHILE on stream, and he told a few stories of his interactions with TB and Hearthstone beta etc., and the stream comments were a mixture of support and comments about cancer and TB’s experience, and he suddenly broke down into tears. Chat immediately turned into a bunch of hearts and “everyone cries” and people encouraging him to end the stream to grieve. He initially said he’d be fine, just needed a few minutes, and mentioned how surprised he was that he started crying. He broke down a few more times over the next 10 minutes or so and was finally like, “Okay guys, you’re right, thanks for understanding, gonna take tonight off.” it was quite sad, poor Trumpy boy, heart hurts for him. I think Steve and I both got somewhat choked up just in sympathy.

Eventually Nick, Courtney and Scott came over and we went to Catrina’s for burritos. They were yummy as usual. Catrina’s is a local Mexican food place, like Chipotle but better in every single way except for the fact that they don’t have a vegetarian meat option, just beans. Catrina’s opened a few years ago, and we know the owners pretty well. They opened another location a year or so ago, and they’re just about to open a third location, and they were recently featured on a national news segment. They’re delicious and we go there every week at least (they’re also within walking distance of our house). Good thing we didn’t decide to walk today, because it started storming after we got there. Phew! Today I decided to mix up my salsa choice because the citrus jalapeño just looked too fresh and good. Today was a good burrito, as usual.

When we got back to the house, Scott played the remastered Shadow of the Colossus, we put on the Office, Steve started a game on the SP, I continued working on Mom’s fingerless gloves after Steve guilt-tripped me EVEN THOUGH I wanna knit my shawl instead (“Leah, it’s getting way past Mother’s Day and I don’t want you to be giving these to her for NEXT mother’s day“). I’m actually almost done with them now, just gotta finish the cuff on the second one, knit up the thumb, and add the kitty heads. And weave in the ends of course but that’s a given. And THEN I can work on the shawl. The next thing I start should be the afghan Bethany wants for her wedding. I can work on it alternately with my shawl or other projects.

On my knitting podcasts, a frequent topic is whether the people in question stick with one project, or have several going at once. When I began listening to podcasts, I thought that I was basically a “one project at a time” person, because even if I’d have multiple projects started, I was never working on more than one thing at a time. Unfinished projects were projects I’d abandoned but not emotionally given up on and didn’t want to admit that I’d never finish them. Now that I knit like every day, and more seriously, I generally have 2-5 projects going at any given time, and I’m confident in where I left off and that can and will finish it. It’s funny, when I thought about how I only worked on one thing, it made me feel very knitters, but that was only because I associated multiple projects with not finishing them ever. Now that I actually have been consistent in getting things finished, and working on different types of projects at the same time (more mindless things for on the go, more elaborate ones for home), I feel way more knitterly smug than before. Also I just really love knitting.

All day and night Steve and I were texting each other cute texts. We’ve been so good lately, he makes me so happy. I love spending time with him and we have so much fun. SO MUCH LOVE!!! So goosh <3

I got to work st a reasonable time today, which was nice. Not super reasonable, but before the bell. I wasn't going to be in first block for most of the time because I was testing a student for Brian. I also went to teach him how to do the ELL curriculum-based testing since I'm not going to be there next year and this is supposed to be the standardized/normed test for students who speak English as a second language, and I'm concerned he won't give it with fidelity. Lol. Even though I made this clear to him, he was still in and out of the room like 4 times... and then at one point, I shit you not, he BURST into the room to yell, "DID YOU GUYS SEE A MOUSE?!" a couple times, because apparently there was a mouse running in the pod outside of the classroom. I was literally doing a timed oral reading with her and she was in the middle of reading out loud. This is an adult man who KNEW what we were doing and we were the only people in that room so it wasn't like he was talking to anyone else. What I do know is that if the ELL coordinator was there observing, she would have lost her shit at him for like trying to ruin the test.

2nd block has been going really well, I pushed about a third of my kids into 2-step equations even though they continue to struggle with remembering inverse operations, and it's been going really well. I forget how much I enjoy teaching at the front of the room with a group, calling on each student in turn in order to give them all practice. In my first group I somehow got not just Ben and Kayly, but Ashawn and Konmeng too! It's like, I got so used to dealing with behavior issues and it being impossible to work with more than 1 kid at a time that I let it fall to the wayside. But I'm gonna keep pushing it toward the end of the year because it's so fun.

I finally did my cognitive observation on Jeremy's little sister, and she is really interesting. She doesn't qualify for Developmentsl Delay but I needed to get an observation on her. She just appeared to tune in and out when she pleased and was generally hilarious to watch. I got the cutest picture of her when I stopped to ask her wtf she was thinking about (I got a giggle and "nothing!").



I couldn't wait to get home to Steve, who is thoroughly enjoying his coasting to a week off. I told Tealie I planned to call in the Tuesday after Memorial Dsy so we could have a long weekend, and I'm so excited. Steve has never just had relaxed free time between jobs really, having only worked at Rainbow, and then Thomson Reuters, which he was laid off from (as has been a large percentage of the company by this point).

I was really in the mood to hang out outside for a bit, so we took Ben's book outside to read while I knit. It ended up being too bright for Steve, who, for no logical reason, refuses to wear sunglasses. He insists that the world is less vibrant and is tinted. I have tried to explain the transitions lenses... *transition*... so you don't notice the shift and it really isn't dark! But still, he refuses, and I ended up reading aloud for awhile until the sky became cloudier and Steve had gotten used to the brightness.


Remember the apple tree in our backyard? It's got beautiful blossoms.

Soon after we started reading, our neighbor's dog came outside. He's about a year old, and he's a Rottweiler, and people are really weird about dogs, so we haven't interacted with him much. But he seriously wants our attention every time he's outside. He huffs and puffs through the fence holes and stares intently at us for long periods of time in between bouts of exploring his yard. We've had bad luck with people like... getting MAD when their dogs come to us, so it's pretty safe to say we're wary. But today he started whining so pitifully that I had to chance it. I furtively started tiptoeing across our yard, CONFIDENT that the dog would start barking the second I got close. To my great surprise, not only was he silent as I walked up to him, but he IMMEDIATELY sat down in a submissive posture for me to pet his back and head, and then got soooo excited for me to scratch his head and neck and just really wanted contact. I talked to him about how I was so happy he was so lovey but I was afraid of us getting in trouble (not sure how our neighbor feels about his dog standing up against the fence), but I couldn't NOT give the pupper some of the love he was desperate for. Eventually I went back to Steve and the reading and the dog (I THOUGHT his name was Roscoe but I'm not sure about that) merrily went to play.

Dinner tonight was Naf Naf. Hummus bowl with couscous, falafel, all the fixins (including extra pickles because they have the BEST pickles), and Naf fries. Soooo gooood. While Steve was a darling and got that, I started playing ITG, dying out my new Fitkicks. Steve, Ben, Dmac and I are all "sock" ITG players. Many ITG players of course play in shoes, but those of us that have our own pads will modify them so the arrows are more flush as opposed to recessed in the pad, making it easy to play in socks. My problem with playing in socks is that my feet require a lot of annoying specifics, particularly when it comes to slipperiness. If it's too slippery I fly off the pads and can't get stable, and if it's too sticky I can't move fast enough. A lot of people in our ITG Facebook group love this type of kind-of-shoe, and they're cheap, so I thought it worth it to give it a try. So far my thoughts:
Pros:
-satisfying tapping to hear the rhythm
-good traction but not too much traction
-Steve and I can switch off because his pay doesn't affect the pad slipperiness with the shoes
-I can see theme being so much more consistent and so much annoyance will be reduced with trying to find the right socks for that day

Cons:
-I often rely on my socks for fast songs once I get going, and sort of fudge it. I've always known this wasn't the true way to play, but of course it's a hard adjustment
-kinda similar but different, because the soles are rubber, if I don't pick up my feet, the rubber will drag and it will fuck me up
-even though I bought the smallest size, supposedly for 5.5-6.5 feet, there's enough room that when I play, my foot slides forward and my big toe gets pushes super hard against the front. I eventually was able to play fine with two pairs of socks on, filling out some space in the shoe and also providing more cushion, but now both my big toes are throbbing and the toenails are sore. Boooo.

After my blood sugar settled, I had a decent ITG day, getting two new 98's, including one that had previously been a 95! Usually my improvements are small and inconsistent, so improving a song I'd been struggling with for so long with such a big leap really made my night.

The other thing that super made my night was brought to us by the amazing and lovely Steve. With me leaving SPPS, I have to turn in the computer I've been using for 4 years, as well as the iPad. Steve had suggested I get a tablet instead of a laptop and I thought it was a good idea. I was upstairs getting ready for ITG, and I couldn't find the shirt I wanted to wear. I saw my suitcase sitting on the bed, still mostly unpacked from when we went to Madison last weekend. It was put on the bed several times this week by Steve, and I just assumed he moved it when cleaning and would put it back on the floor when it was bedtime. Today I decided to dig through it to see if my shirt was in there. What did I find?? A BRAND NEW IPAD!! It's the 256Gig 10.5 inch 2017 version, which is precisely what I wanted. I'm sooo excited to get a keyboard case for it to turn it into a mini laptop, but I've been of course having fun with it, getting it set up and apps installed and whatnot. He wrote me the most adorable note to go along with it, and talked about it was an anniversary present but he just couldn't wait (our anniversary is May 29th). He was getting us food when I found it, so I couldn't attack him right away, but I might have gotten tearful with joy when reading the note and bursting with love. Definitely top 3 love notes. Oh man. This boy.

Monday coffee time was a success. Steve didn't have to wake up right away because he was working from home, and really would just be sitting anxiously waiting all morning for his final interview. I showered and mildly cursed Steve's name when I discovered he'd removed the razor from the shower, but then just shrugged and framed it like less time in the shower/more time with Steve. Today was supposed to be the hottest day this week, in the 80's. We sipped our coffee (a day old, because we didn't drink much of the last pot we made and couldn't really justify throwing it out), chatted a bit and snuggled. All too soon it was time for me to go, the second-hardest part of my day after waking up.

When I got to school at 7:20 (a few minutes late, naturally), I learned that someone had thrown some dairy product in our garbage and it didn't get changed and baked in our room all weekend, so the room was absolutely saturated in that old-milk/mold smell. YUCK. It was terrible. Going against the general perfume-free rule, I sprayed the entire room like 3 times, which our kids were all grateful for. Just pure awfulness.

I went and did my Monday gym supervision and Todd was there today with his students, which was a nice change of pace from just the 6th graders and I like chatting with Todd far more than I do with Brian. The boys played some 4-on-4 and everyone was having a good time right up until the end, when Chaz escalated for no reason (as usual) and pushed Dyshawn, who is a year older than him. Dyshawn turned around as a warning to see who pushed him but didn't even look mad, though everyone else was on alert because that was a clear provocation. I think Dyshawn is the kind of kid who can judge who's worth his time, and Chaz, while scrappy, definitely isn't. Because this is such a frequent problem with Chaz, everyone ignored him and left, which was a relief.

1st block was WAY too hyped up for a Monday, and we started a new project*. It's usually the favorite of the year and Tealie and I made it up 4 years ago, called the Real Life Project. It uses percentages, proportions and a bunch of other random math and requires students to compare two jobs, find a house/apartment, car (or calculate for public transport), and groceries and figure out whether they can afford their expenses. Invariably the majority of kids look up impossible professions, such as a sports figure or actress, but having to choose 2 usually means the second option is reasonable - today some examples included Uber driver, cosmetologist, McDonald's employee and nurse. Tealie and I spent a good chunk of the hour just getting students settled, but eventually 95% of them got to work and started getting excited about it. Second block was uneventful, just working on equations still. It was especially quiet because Konmeng was gone from period 3 and Tre'Kari wasn't there for period 4. Dyshawn told me he had a dream that Doug (one of my colleagues) got into a verbal argument with another student and he said something like, "I didn't want to have to cuss but can you please just shut the fuck up" XDDDD I love how that was such a big deal to him, when more than half the stuff he says any time he opens his mouth is foul and inappropriate.

Steve was at his interview when I stopped by home, which sucked, but I sent him a bunch of encouraging texts. I got fresh coffee and watered my hanging plant before heading to Nokomis. I had a pretty chill day with the 4th and 5th graders as they all had independent work to do, and they came late so I called Steve when I knew he was done with the interview. He was told by the hiring manager that (AGAIN) it went well, so Steve spent the rest of the day hoping for the final call. The guy messaged him on Facebook in the evening to say that he and the director hadn't had a chance to touch base but that they would soon. I'm 99.9% sure Steve will get offered the position. It really sounds like he will.

My 1st and 2nd grader also went really today. We practiced "short i" words something fierce while I typed up my sub plans. The 1st grader has no cognitive issues, only social, so I just give her an extra dose of academics while I work with the 2nd grader, who definitely has some sort of visual processing disability, which I discovered when I was doing her initial testing and qualified her for Special Ed a couple months ago. She regularly confuses b, d, and p and she is smack dab in the average cognitive range, very socially adept, and tries so hard. I see her face when she knows her brain is jumbling up words, and she is very self-conscious that she can barely read. So I'm making her hit words HARD. Her mom is annoyed that we're working on "basics," but she goddamn NEEDS the basics. Not that she doesn't *know* these simple words, it's about training her brain to see the letters correctly.

My three young boys (K and 1st) were okay today, Kamron cried once as usual lately and for literally no reason - I told him he couldn't take all 6 of the koosh ball fidgits (Larmar only wanted one) - but I never take any of that crap and he stopped pretty quickly. It's so funny when one of them acts up because the other two always act EXTRA like, "I'M not being a baby, but SOMEONE else is" about it. Can't WAIT to not have to work with little kids anymore. Hate it. But Kamron still gave me two hugs when he left (he always gives me one, and then often gets some distance away and then comes back for another) and said "I'll see you TOMORROW" like a thousand times as he walked back to his classroom.

As soon as I booted them, I raced home to Steve. He had to do one more meeting so I layed on the floor by the window scrolling through Facebook until he was done, and then I went and tried to nap unsuccessfully for a half hour before we left to go PokeHunting at Mall of America (or MoA, as we know it). First we went to the local stops, got coffee, and headed to Level Up. Normally on Mondays we go game shopping with Tyler, sometimes Nick and rarely Quimby. Today was canceled, but Steve and I still decided to look at the better of the two stores. He did end up with a Wario game that just came in, and it was sold to Steve for only $6 even though he guessed to the clerk that it would sell for $10 (and he told me after we left that it's worth $12).

MoA was fun, we stopped at GameStop before heading to BurgerBurger (their impossible burger in a lettuce wrap is amazing and they have good friesand dipping sauces) because I hadn't eaten basically all day save for some fruit. After that we wandered the mall and did a 3-star raid and had silliness when our dumb in-game characters were all wonky because of bad service. Even though there were several others clearly playing as well, we never all lined up at any of the various raids, which unfortunately never exceeded 4-stars. We were really hoping to get a 5-star raid with people because Latios is going to stop being a raid boss soon. Alas.

We got some disappointing Macarons that we discarded after trying the flavors, Steve got a bubble tea, and we generally had a nice romantic time wandering the mall. It's such a more bearable place during the week... far less people.

After that we headed home, and after I watered the garden and let my feet rest for a few, it was meal prep time! I made our breakfasts for the week and two sets of lunches:

Chia Pudding is a staple breakfast. I often wake up hungry but Steve struggles to eat food that doesn't make him nauseous in the morning. Chia pudding works for both of us because it's easy, versatile, and doesn't cause Steve to feel ill. AND it can be made ahead of time, and is in fact encouraged to do so to allow the seeds to plump.


For Steve's lunches I made a Butternut Squash and Pasta with Cheez sauce. I'd say it's some of the best vegan cheesy sauce I've ever made, omg. Instead of making separate vegetables I just used the leftover squash as the main veggie, and it looks amazing. Whenever recipes call for a certain amount of nutritional yeast, I always add more because YUM. My sauce was insanely thick so I ended up actually using almost double the water, added slowly, and it was perfect.


For my lunches I made a Mexican-style couscous. Always a delicious and flavorful meal. I usually use a bit more broth than called for and I add turmeric to everything. I also just used the entire bell peppers instead of half.


I made all of these at the same time, and Steve helped with the dishes when I was in the final stages of cooking. It all took just over an hour, and I'm not even a particularly fast or efficient cook. With practice I've been able to reduce my time in the kitchen, but a lot of that has to do with choosing relatively simple recipes (aka a few main ingredients) with several spices and use of salt and pepper even when it doesn't call for it. It's amazing what a huge difference it makes (thanks Blue Apron for teaching me that!!).

Finally, I snapped a photo just because-


It's mirrored because I took it in the Snapchat camera but still :D

Off to snuggle cats and a boy!

*After MCA's (standardized testing) we spend the rest of the year on projects that are varying degrees of math-focused, and most years is a really fun, busy, creative and honestly kind of relaxing way to end the school year. 

Less than four minutes outside and my charged phone won't stay on! So we ended up combining mine and Steve's phone recordings... when we went back inside and checked, the wind chill put the temp at -45.

We wanted to get the temps for posterity, and school and many jobs have closed for the next couple of days. When we went outside, sans hat or gloves because, hey, we're Minnesotans! Ain't nobody got time for extraneous warmth items. Srs. But I mean, I also wanted to see what it was like for people who just DON'T have those luxuries. We were outside for a total combined time of MAYBE seven minutes (with going into the house a couple times to get the phone to work again), and my hands hurt for a good while after we came back inside. There is literally no way a person would not have died in that. I have no idea about the wild animals. Jeez.

Anyway, cute-ish video of me and Steve reading the temps. The temperature gauge was originally in the garage, which typically steadily reads at 10-degrees, so it provided us the ability to watch the temp drop.

This weekend Steve and I, awkwardly accompanied by my old friend Isaiah (mentioned several times in 2008, and definitely mentioned in my high school years as well... the ones that made it into LJ, anyway [fuckin' GJ]) and his date, drove 4 hours down to Iowa and back for our good friend Tessie's wedding. This was the second wedding in which I saved Isaiah's ass and brought him, btw.

During the time in Iowa and on the way back, Steve and I spent the vast majority of the time discussing things we like and don't like, and what we'd want at our wedding (as we have done at all four of the weddings we've been to together and will likely do at the 5th, at the end of the month) - Like: songs like "Wonderwall" by Oasis, "Hallelujah", and "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie composed orchestrally. Dislike: Hay bales as seats. We consistently discuss the merits of dancing, as people these days do not seem to want to dance at weddings. We discussed our wedding party, and have this amazing plan for it. We know what song we're likely to dance to as our "first dance" and have a choreography plan as we will not be awkwardly slow-dancing, looking meaningfully into each other's eyes.

We ended the night listening to the mix Steve made me two months into our relationship and decided we could easily play it at our wedding. It's really, really good.

Then tonight, after over 3 years of dating, I finally went with Steve on one of his nighttime bike routes. There's this one area, a stretch behind a field that he calls "the heart of his bike ride", where it's dark and quiet, with fireflies everywhere and that earthy smell of a marsh nearby. It was incredibly romantic, and he said it reminds him of the scene in FFX with Yuna and Tidus in the water - beautiful, breathtaking, and it's only you there (of course we all know they totally did it). My heart swelled with love and we spent the rest of the ride making lovey-dovey eyes at each other and talking about how amazing our life is.

Whenever I think of him at night, alone, it reminds of this time he texted me while at this park we passed on our ride, like a month into dating, something like, "You make me want to CRY. in joy. And DIE. from cute." Of course in trying to find the exact quote in my text dump entries I read about a million heart-melty things he has said to me and I died over and over again.

He's just... the best. I love him so hard I could squeeze him to death and then be like an excited kid crushing their taco. Or something. I completely stole that idea from the Office. Only it wasn't a kid. Anyway, point being, Steve is for me, no doubt about it.

My weekend was kind of a blur, mostly because I was deathly ill on Saturday.

Friday I was NOT IN THE MOOD for anything work because I was achey and my throat hurt. It was awesome then that only one of the four babies was present in the latter half of the day. But in the first half I had to continue working with the preschoolers on a dance myself and another teacher are preparing for the Spring Program, which entailed a lot of dancing and movement and was simply not cool. One of the parents of a baby let slip that one of the toddlers had bronchitis over the previous weekend (and said child had been coughing into my face all week), and I didn't know bronchitis was contagious. Now, I'm probably being a baby and don't have bronchitis since I have not been incubating a cold for a week or more or anything, but I've had a stuffy head, been feverish, severely aching and experiencing deep painful coughs that have contributed to a very unhappy throat. I've basically been overloading with DayQuil, Mucinex, Naproxen, and Emergen-C in an effort to rid myself of this BS as I am a giant crybaby when I'm sick and I hate going to work when sick. It seems to be relatively paying off, as my aches (the WORST for me, completely put me out of commission whenever I get them) have mostly subsided. The rest is manageable and I also bought cough drops, woo! But as a result, I lost the vast majority of my weekend to sleep/rolling around the bed/hobbling to various house locations pitifully, which was very disappointing as the weather was nice this weekend (in the 60's, where it's been in the 40's for the past week and will resume said crap this week). I was really motivated to get out and go running too!

I finished a Kindle book I recently purchased - 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I purchased it when reading through a blog in which the woman was going through a job slump and she happened to mention keeping track of her time and trying to figure out how to make more time for herself in order to work on her core competencies and feel good about what she does. The book is pretty interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. I really liked how she continuously reiterated the need to hone your skills and focus on what you're good at. A large part references families, but it's easy to apply to my own life as well. It's made me very excited to attend the informational meeting about graduate programs tomorrow. I also watched a documentary on the failing public school system on Netflix (Waiting for Superman, if you're interested), a really interesting documentary on being open-minded and taking a severely autistic (though high-functioning) boy to shamans to see if there's any way to help him (The Horse Boy), one on the Scrabble tournament in 2004, and a really cheesy one about quantum physics that actually presented some unique information that has made me want to project a more positive outlook on myself. Yeah, so I guess I knocked off a bunch of Netflix queue stuff, but didn't do anything I really wanted to.

Oh, I DID knit a quick scarf with some lovely new yarn
( as seen here: )

( Oh, and as long as I'm adding pics... )

Jenny, the woman who started dying my bangs, did awesome at letting the black mix with the pink and since I've stopped going to her (the drive is just so damn FAR), I've tried my damnedest to keep the look going. I think I do a pretty good job, and is very cheap - I paid $14 for the "demi-permanent" pink dye, and am getting many uses out of it. Versus $20-$40 a pop when going to Jenny, plus tip and gas both ways.

On Friday Steve and I spent the afternoon texting in Haiku. It was awesome and adorable and omg I love our relationship.

Pat broke up with Faith on Friday AT OUR HOUSE OVER THE PHONE and got back together with her today, which everyone in the friends group disagrees with and he will be receiving very deep glares from me over the next week.

I spend a lot of time on the internet reading blogs about how to be a better person. Or being on school websites on how to be a more "educated" person. Or on tumblr about how to be a funnier person. But mostly I read about other people's lives and compare them to my own and try to figure out what I can learn about myself in order to be a happier, more fulfilled person.

Because to be quite honest, I experience anhedonia more than I think I should. I haven't yet figured out if it's just my brain being bored/not stimulated enough, or if it's because I haven't found what makes me *truly* happy.

I often find myself discussing with people who revere the things I've done in my life (things like becoming a CNA and taking care of old people, working with children with autism, working in group homes, working with the mentally ill on a deep level) and feeling silly. Silly because they think I am a "special kind of person" and all the amazing differences I have made in people's lives. When I left MHR, I struggled with massive guilt because I had clients frantically calling me to make sure they got to tell me how much they enjoyed having me as a case manager and what I meant to them.

This does not help my guilt because when I am working with people, I genuinely feel that while I am *good* at it, I am pretty much phoning it in. Maybe I AM a special kind of person. The horrible kind where you look like you genuinely care, and do in fact on a deep level, but because of the stress and constant letdowns you force yourself to close off these feelings for further examination and experience at a different time when it is not immediately affecting you. The kind of person who actually feels impatient after working with a certain type of people for awhile because you already have been through this a thousand times. And yet somehow my indifference goes unnoticed and apparently is received as heartfelt concern.

Ugh, I'm being hard on myself. But that's really how I feel like I get. I get to a point where I start convincing myself that I don't care and everything about the people I work with annoys the shit out of me.

Relevant because I've been seriously looking into Special Ed. licensure programs (I need to amend to state that I can't actually get a Master's in anything Teaching without a license, and if I get a Special Ed license it will, in effect, make me eligible for any future teaching degrees and legally able to teach in the U.S.) and even completed a FAFSA. I think if I choose this program I will go to Bethel as it seems to fit these needs the best.

But.

I am deeply unsure if I should have a career working with people because it's what I'm good at vs something that I don't get burned out on after 6 months. I am very concerned and stressed about this issue. Why must everything burn me out? Is it something I'M doing, or the work, or what? Hau~   -_-

I am definitely discussing this on the walk tonight with Steve.

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(  In other news, Steve and I have created some goals )