spritechan | Entries tagged with happy

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Steve and I didn't want to go to the New Years thing at Dave and Shelby's new place, but since we didn't go to the Christmas party and even though we had never planned on going, we felt like we couldn't "ditch" again. It was like -14*F/-25*C and miserable, but we *went*.

... I LOVE the new house. I am legit jealous of it. It has a kitchen, a bar, an island, an insane massive bathtub with a bathroom connected to the master bedroom, etc.

I had 2 glasses of wine and played a bunch of Hearthstone dungeons while everyone else chatted and played board games. I sat by Scott and Tyler and talked with Courtney and Joe Waid as well. A little while later I was sitting on the floor talking to Scott and Nick when I overheard Shelby say something that I thought was in reference to the house, and I was buzzed and like tried to agree from across the room, and I discovered she was NOT talking about the house when she was like, "Oh! You want some?!" and suddenly I was taking a shot of ground up mushrooms in lemon juice. I was SO. EXCITED. I love mushrooms, but I never really am around them.

While I waited for them to kick in, Scott made me a margarita on the rocks. After I consumed that, my heart started racing comparatively to normal - my heart rate while being a normal human is 60-70bpm, and it was at like 95. I began panicking realizing I've never mixed alcohol with anything other than weed, and I was soooo afraid of freaking out in front of my friends and acquaintances. So there was a good 15 minutes where I was basically having an internal meltdown. One of my biggest fears in life is looking stupid, and naturally I don't want to be perceived as such in front of people and especially while on drugs.

Eventually the feeling passed as I started to feel warm, and suddenly OH MY GOD I REMEMBERED why I love shrooms so much. It's like the best, most happy warm fuzzy feeling in the whole world. Unlike in Montana, I never got that super intense "get away I wanna be alone staring at this breathing rock doN'T TOUCH ME" feeling. On the contrary, I was really into everyone there, in the BEST mood. I was still hyper aware of my speech and behavior because I didn't feel totally comfortable being high in a room full of not-high people, but Steve (as a straight-edge person) said that I was giggly/smiley and in a super good mood, and encouraged me to acquire them whenever I want. lol.

I spent most of the night watching Nick play dungeon runs in Hearthstone (and only being minimally helpful because it was hard to focus). I let myself tune out occasionally too to watch the room gently breathe and my jeans be alive with movement. A few people went out to the grocery store to get food and Courtney came back with glow in the dark silly putty, which I played with the entire night for tactile satisfaction. I also had the urge to chew on something most of the time. Shelby eventually pulled me into the bathroom with the putty and we sat in there in the dark for like a half hour playing with it. I was not really into it, but Shelby was generous in offering me the drugs so I felt like I should humor her for awhile. It wasn't bad, but AGAIN I was aware that no one else was high and how WEIRD it was to just be in the bathroom in the dark for so long... haha.

I went back in the living room when I heard Courtney and Joe Waid talking about where I was. I ate a couple butter cookies and was legitimately surprised at how good they tasted. I'm used to food actively tasting BAD when I'm high on weed (I know, I know - opposite of everyone else on the planet), and my brain said that therefore food tastes bad on all drugs. Courtney asked me about what the high was like, and I sat next to Scott and stared at my jeans some more and watched everyone else.

I'd say the high lasted about 3 hours, and just when it was wearing off, Noah and Steve started a game where someone would come up with a video game question and stipulate the number of answers required of each person, and the rest of the room would text their answers. You could look something up to verify an answer, but on the honor system you couldn't google anything. For example:

"Name 3 games where a bear is the main character"
"Name 4 games where a character wears a striped shirt"
"Name 3 games where a character wears a crown"

It ended up being really fun, lol. We played for like 3 hours. Then Steve went with Nick to bring Noah home (an hour in the opposite direction), and Joe Waid and I went with Courtney so she could bring us home. We played a game with Spotify where one person would choose a song, and the next person would choose the next song based on another song you were reminded of, or the feelings you got when you heard the song, or the lyrics, or whatever. It was so fun! At some point I played The Saltwater Room by Owl City, and Joe Waid was like OH MY GOD THIS ERAAAA. I reminded him that the song of our relationship is West Coast Friendship (me to him) and he said that ACTUALLY it was If My Heart Was a House (him to me). Awwww <333 He da best.

After Courtney dropped him off, we sat in my driveway and talked for like another hour, telling various stories about being high after she asked me what it was like on mushrooms and that she really wanted to try them with us but was juuuust too afraid, and we agreed to definitely get high together. It was good!

By then it was like 4am and I was DEAD tired, but I hung around playing more Hearthstone dungeons until Steve got home around 4:30.

All in all, a very good new year!

I've started reading my journal from the very beginning. It is almost painful to see how dramatic and whiny I was, and how I clearly was too stubborn to admit when others were right. However, it's been a good opportunity to realize just how enjoyable my life has been (other than at home, that part remains consistent with my memories - except for how much more I liked my mom). Minus the fact that I struggle to enjoy things in the moment. I had to let Bre know that I love her and am grateful for her sticking by me all these years, because I was a total bitch to he sometimes. She responded saying she was ignorant to the world and that I put up with THAT, but I really don't think they were the same. We both around, but I'm always a meaner party.

Steve and I had the week off, and it was so nice. I was busy for a lot of it - oral surgery appointment (getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th of September, they've been bothering me for awhile now), eye appointment (am going to try out a new special lens just for my type of eyes/get new glasses), took Grim in for a check-up (still 15 pounds and healthy, just had the vet scrape some tartar off his teeth), Nate gave us a futon and a click-clack couch, I had school on Thursday and today I had a bridal shower for some cousin of mine that I went to with Connie and Haley. Otherwise it's been a lot of Joe Waid and some of Courtney and Pat. Steve and I went to the State Fair on Friday. It's kind of a "thing" here - we gorged ourselves on all the foods we wanted, ran into an old coworker, Jeff LaPlant, in an arcade there. He recognized me and apparently did a double-take and called my name. It was cool chatting for awhile.

Courtney played Amnesia last night. We were downstairs in the dark and the boys were upstairs playing DotA. They said it was either silent, orwe were shrieking. It was soooo fun.

Steve's great. Haley's great. Joe Waid's great. Bre's great. Courtney's great.

Current Mood: loved

This weekend Steve and I, awkwardly accompanied by my old friend Isaiah (mentioned several times in 2008, and definitely mentioned in my high school years as well... the ones that made it into LJ, anyway [fuckin' GJ]) and his date, drove 4 hours down to Iowa and back for our good friend Tessie's wedding. This was the second wedding in which I saved Isaiah's ass and brought him, btw.

During the time in Iowa and on the way back, Steve and I spent the vast majority of the time discussing things we like and don't like, and what we'd want at our wedding (as we have done at all four of the weddings we've been to together and will likely do at the 5th, at the end of the month) - Like: songs like "Wonderwall" by Oasis, "Hallelujah", and "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie composed orchestrally. Dislike: Hay bales as seats. We consistently discuss the merits of dancing, as people these days do not seem to want to dance at weddings. We discussed our wedding party, and have this amazing plan for it. We know what song we're likely to dance to as our "first dance" and have a choreography plan as we will not be awkwardly slow-dancing, looking meaningfully into each other's eyes.

We ended the night listening to the mix Steve made me two months into our relationship and decided we could easily play it at our wedding. It's really, really good.

Then tonight, after over 3 years of dating, I finally went with Steve on one of his nighttime bike routes. There's this one area, a stretch behind a field that he calls "the heart of his bike ride", where it's dark and quiet, with fireflies everywhere and that earthy smell of a marsh nearby. It was incredibly romantic, and he said it reminds him of the scene in FFX with Yuna and Tidus in the water - beautiful, breathtaking, and it's only you there (of course we all know they totally did it). My heart swelled with love and we spent the rest of the ride making lovey-dovey eyes at each other and talking about how amazing our life is.

Whenever I think of him at night, alone, it reminds of this time he texted me while at this park we passed on our ride, like a month into dating, something like, "You make me want to CRY. in joy. And DIE. from cute." Of course in trying to find the exact quote in my text dump entries I read about a million heart-melty things he has said to me and I died over and over again.

He's just... the best. I love him so hard I could squeeze him to death and then be like an excited kid crushing their taco. Or something. I completely stole that idea from the Office. Only it wasn't a kid. Anyway, point being, Steve is for me, no doubt about it.