A Heart's a Heavy Burden

I've started reading my journal from the very beginning. It is almost painful to see how dramatic and whiny I was, and how I clearly was too stubborn to admit when others were right. However, it's been a good opportunity to realize just how enjoyable my life has been (other than at home, that part remains consistent with my memories - except for how much more I liked my mom). Minus the fact that I struggle to enjoy things in the moment. I had to let Bre know that I love her and am grateful for her sticking by me all these years, because I was a total bitch to he sometimes. She responded saying she was ignorant to the world and that I put up with THAT, but I really don't think they were the same. We both around, but I'm always a meaner party.

Steve and I had the week off, and it was so nice. I was busy for a lot of it - oral surgery appointment (getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th of September, they've been bothering me for awhile now), eye appointment (am going to try out a new special lens just for my type of eyes/get new glasses), took Grim in for a check-up (still 15 pounds and healthy, just had the vet scrape some tartar off his teeth), Nate gave us a futon and a click-clack couch, I had school on Thursday and today I had a bridal shower for some cousin of mine that I went to with Connie and Haley. Otherwise it's been a lot of Joe Waid and some of Courtney and Pat. Steve and I went to the State Fair on Friday. It's kind of a "thing" here -  we gorged ourselves on all the foods we wanted, ran into an old coworker, Jeff LaPlant, in an arcade there. He recognized me and apparently did a double-take and called my name. It was cool chatting for awhile.

Courtney played Amnesia last night. We were downstairs in the dark and the boys were upstairs playing DotA. They said it was either silent, orwe were shrieking. It was soooo fun.

Steve's great. Haley's great. Joe Waid's great. Bre's great. Courtney's great.

This weekend Steve and I, awkwardly accompanied by my old friend Isaiah (mentioned several times in 2008, and definitely mentioned in my high school years as well... the ones that made it into LJ, anyway [fuckin' GJ]) and his date, drove 4 hours down to Iowa and back for our good friend Tessie's wedding. This was the second wedding in which I saved Isaiah's ass and brought him, btw.

During the time in Iowa and on the way back, Steve and I spent the vast majority of the time discussing things we like and don't like, and what we'd want at our wedding (as we have done at all four of the weddings we've been to together and will likely do at the 5th, at the end of the month) - Like: songs like "Wonderwall" by Oasis, "Hallelujah", and "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie composed orchestrally. Dislike: Hay bales as seats. We consistently discuss the merits of dancing, as people these days do not seem to want to dance at weddings. We discussed our wedding party, and have this amazing plan for it. We know what song we're likely to dance to as our "first dance" and have a choreography plan as we will not be awkwardly slow-dancing, looking meaningfully into each other's eyes.

We ended the night listening to the mix Steve made me two months into our relationship and decided we could easily play it at our wedding. It's really, really good.

Then tonight, after over 3 years of dating, I finally went with Steve on one of his nighttime bike routes. There's this one area, a stretch behind a field that he calls "the heart of his bike ride", where it's dark and quiet, with fireflies everywhere and that earthy smell of a marsh nearby. It was incredibly romantic, and he said it reminds him of the scene in FFX with Yuna and Tidus in the water - beautiful, breathtaking, and it's only you there (of course we all know they totally did it). My heart swelled with love and we spent the rest of the ride making lovey-dovey eyes at each other and talking about how amazing our life is.

Whenever I think of him at night, alone, it reminds of this time he texted me while at this park we passed on our ride, like a month into dating, something like, "You make me want to CRY. in joy. And DIE. from cute." Of course in trying to find the exact quote in my text dump entries I read about a million heart-melty things he has said to me and I died over and over again.

He's just... the best. I love him so hard I could squeeze him to death and then be like an excited kid crushing their taco. Or something. I completely stole that idea from the Office. Only it wasn't a kid. Anyway, point being, Steve is for me, no doubt about it.

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Though I'm not 100% sure which was actually FIRST, I know I played Contra and Tetris and Mario Bros.

The second clearest memory is playing the SNES. I loooooved to play The Lion King and Super Mario Bros.