A Heart's a Heavy Burden

I mentioned that we had Thanksgiving at Ron and Ann's house because Ron's health was really ailing. Ron had been battling cancer for 8 years (that we know of). He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a long time ago - I swear I was a teenager when this happened, but according to this timeline, I'm wrong. He quit smoking around that time, but Ann didn't, so things are a bit iffy there. He went to chemo after finally asking my stepdad Paul for help, and for a long time we didn't hear anything. Mom and Paul always believed that Ron wasn't always open or honest about his health status. He was a stubborn German who hated looking weak. I certainly never heard about him actually saying what stage of cancer he was dealing with.

Over the past few years, Ron would occasionally mention that the cancer was back, but I think he did maybe 3 total stints of chemo over the course of the cancer. He didn't really modify his diet in any way and beyond quitting smoking, didn't alter his lifestyle. Sometime after his first remission he became a much mellower person. He laughed more and usually was good to be around. He loved Steve, and really liked to "talk shop" with him, even though *I'm* the handyman of the two of us. Steve is HOPELESS with home projects, and Ron had a meticulous setup in both his garage and a basement woodshop. But they got along really well and it was super cute how much Ron clearly liked Steve.

Over the past couple of years, I kind of felt like Ron and Ann were kind of shunning me off and on over some slight to my Aunt Nicole, who went so far as to block me on Facebook like 4 years ago for reasons I still have no idea about (we share the same political beliefs so it wasn't that, and I rarely use Facebook for anything but pictures so like, I couldn't have offended her in any way?). They are a VERY sensitive bunch, so I must have said something, which could be as minor as saying something about her hair or outfit, that made her so mad that she couldn't even see me on social media anymore and never wanted to talk to me about it. So instead of dwelling on what I could have possibly done, I just lived my life and acted the same I always do at family gatherings. only with less direct interaction with them unless they addressed me first. As I said, I have NO FUCKING CLUE what I did, so it's like I'm afraid of making it worse.

It actually kind of sucks, because my last major memory of Ron other than Thanksgiving was a couple of years ago when I went to decorate cookies at their house with my brother August, and Ann. I arrived at 3:30 on the dot, and was so proud of myself (because I'm ALWAYS late to things), and had a great time. I didn't notice at the time that Ron was pointedly ignoring me, until it was time to leave and didn't answer me when I said goodbye. Paul later texted to tell me that Ron was mad that I was late. I sent a screenshot of the text that Ann sent with the time... which said 3:30. Paul said Ron thought I was supposed to be there at 3. OKAYYYYY SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN. Eventually he got over it though.

Thanksgiving was really nice because Ron seemed in a pleasant mood. Drugged up and didn't move very much, but seemed content to chill and observe. He hugged me goodbye and said something like, "It was nice to see you, kiddo." That's pretty good for Ron.

On December 6th he went into hospice at home, on December 7th Nicole flew in from California, and he died on December 8th with his family around him. I was at my CPI training and it was just starting when Paul called to tell me. He was sobbing and said he just wanted me to hear it from him and then let me go. I felt sooo bad for them, I knew Nicole was a daddy's girl and Ann's been with him for a really long time. Over the weekend I bought cards for each of them (and August, who was close with Ron), and mailed them out on Monday. Having to read all those sympathy cards made me make kind of a crying scene, so Steve had to buy the cards while I pulled myself together (super uncharacteristic of me - the only other time in our relationship that I cried in public was one time when we got in a fight at Ikea in like 2012 lol and that was because I was hangry and sensitive).

Mom told me that she was going through Christmas cards she was getting and saw that I'd addressed one to just Paul, and she handed it to him and said, "I think this is for you." Then she said she looked over and he was crying into his card. She demonstrated this part in the story by making the crying face she saw. It was adorably funny. Nicole and Ann thanked me for their cards at Ron's funeral, and August texted me on Thursday thanking me and saying it meant a lot to him.

Steve, Connie, Bethany and Jake all arrived at the same time. We said hi to each person except Nicole, who was busy for the longest time. Eventually we got around to her. She was very sad. The picture collages they had up were really cool, one was all his childhood pics and pics before grandkids, and the other one was all his later life pics. There were a few cute ones of each of us kids with him - for me it was sitting on his lap probably one of the first times we met (at the house in Columbia Heights), fishing (like the one time we went with him), and when I opened an alarm clock when I was like 12.

Paul gave me the version of the verses they wanted me to read (Matthew 11:25-30). Bethany, Jake, August, Amber (August's gf), and Steve sat with me in the second row, and Connie sat behind Steve. I sat behind Paul and the family. The minister was really good, and nice. It was obvious Ann had told him how to pronounce my last name, because he said it correctly, but... he mispronounced my first name. I saw all my immediate family like, twitch in unison the first time it was mispronounced, and August giggled and made eye contact with me the second time he said it to formally introduce me (he pronounced it "Leia," like the Star Wars princess, not LEE-ah). When I went up there, I introduced myself "to those who don't know me," which was most people there. Lol. Bethany and Haley teased me about it later because OF COURSE I'd need to correct them - Bethany said her name is said wrong so consistently that "Brittany" and "Stephanie" are her alter-egos haaahaha. Haley said she's the same way, that people always mis-hear her name as Kaylie and it's fine. Not me, I'm on the spectrum, it physically hurts me to hear my name said wrong.

I was really nervous reading the piece because I had no time to practice the specific version that they wanted. The only way you could tell was by my shaky voice, but even Steve thought it was me trying not to cry (it wasn't, I was just shaking). Everyone thanked me for it and said it was beautiful, etc. but it felt so weird after grandpa Jack's funeral, where Mom had me read her personal eulogy and it was pretty lengthy. The Matthew verses (imo) are kind of vague and removed. But they meant a lot to Ann.

After that, Nicole and Paul gave their eulogies. Nicole's was super sad because she cried the whole time, talked about her dad being complicated but that she understood him in a way other people didn't, and that she was always a daddy's girl, and that she had a lot of regrets due to conflict with him and living so far away. When Paul went up there he was all, "Thanks, Nicole!" and began to tell his, which was very "Paul": kind of sarcastic, well-prepared, and full of humor and stories. He talked at length about his dad, with a good timeline of events that were funny, poignant, and engaging. They captured the many sides of Ron while also doing justice to his memory. I couldn't tell how he was telling the stories so well without stuttering or rambling. It was good. Haley said the stories were "kind of mean" but I thought they were very true to both Paul's personality and his experience.

Afterwards Steve and I went to dinner with my parents and Connie, and that was pretty good. I got in a minor argument with my dad on Facebook while we were waiting, because he tried to compare this whole net neutrality thing with buying a car ("If you want nice things, you gotta pony up") and I pointed out the comparison is meaningless and makes no sense.

It ended up being a little awkward because they accidentally gave me a meat burger and Connie my veggie burger, but I ate my fries first and Connie didn't notice she was not eatng meat, so by the time I cut my burger, she was halfway finished with hers. The waitress was super apologetic, and went to put in a new order. In the meantime, Connie and I swapped. By the end of the meal, I still hadn't gotten my replacement burger, and the waitress was so confused because I had had the one burger half. I personally did not care because the burger was very meh, but my family is INSANE about getting what you deserve, so they made sure to point it out. I ended up getting comp'd the burger AND a $10 gift card to the place. I immediately gave it to Mom because I'm never planning on going there so it didn't matter. It was really nice, and super unnecessary, lol.

By the time it was done, it was like 7:30 and we had a 40-minute drive home. On the way, Courtney tried to text me in such a way that buttered me up and convinced me to go to this Quimby party I never planned on going to, regardless of what else was going on, and I got pretty mad at her.

"Please don't make me go to Quimby's alone. I need to have secret judgement meetings with you *cry emoji* <3"

I responded:

"Haaahahaha" [New text} "We're just leaving my grandpa's funeral, I really can't do more people todayyy *crying emoji*"

This is her reponse:

"*sad emoji* I just want to hang out with the gang outside of a basement and I was looking forward to the party for a long time because of that." [New text] "But I understand. I know your grandpa's service was today so you're probably drained. I'm just being selfish."

Now, Haley and Bethany AT FIRST said that like, she was being kind of insensitive but at least she did acknowledge that she was being selfish. THEN POSTS A FACEBOOK STATUS:



KAYYYYYYY.

Like, I usually don't hold onto things for more than a couple of minutes, but I am legit angry about her whining and self-serving AND the low-key insulting the basement hangouts. I've known Courtney for 8 years and Steve has known Courtney since high school and fucking TOO BAD FOR HER if she doesn't want to hang in the basement (which has ALWAYS been Steve's MO), but to like, talk negatively about basement hangouts when that's not even part of the conversation? I take that personally. We have been telling her that if she wants to do something OUT, she needs to plan and set it up. She wants to be babied and continues hinting about things she wants to do but never actually setting something up. I refuse to baby her. I'm not going to feel guilty about how I like to spend my time, and I can't believe that she is so whiny about people not going to a party when she NEVER!!!! mentioned going to anyone. We're not even her main friends group! Quimby has parties like every weekend... how am I supposed to know WHICH she wants to go to? Regardless, the point stands to me that she was being rude as fuck about not wanting to go out after my grandpa's funeral. I was so tired and drained. God!

I seethed about it for awhile but then Nick came over and hung out with me and Steve. I watched Steve play Uncharted 4 and finished knitting another of Mom's washcloths for Christmas. It was a good night.

So, I've been feeling more social than normal this past week. I hung out until 5am at NIck's on Friday/Saturday, mostly playing FFVI and me, Pat, and Nick gossiped a lot (Pat said to me at least 4 times this weekend that he loves how On I am about gossip in our circles. And my definition of gossip isn't a negative one, because it's not always BAD things. It's just sharing knowledge about people we know and discussing it! That DOES NOT make it negative.). Then I decided I wanted to throw a little party at our apartment, because hey! It's a large space and can fit a lot of people and it would be really fun! So I invited Nick and Pat and Faith, and we ran into Nikki on Saturday and invited him, and Nick brought Joe Waid. I invited Courtney too, and she came later :) It was really awesome to get basically the entire group together. Part of the reason I wanted a little party was to get as many people I like from this group together, and because I want to see more of Courtney, and because I wanted to drink a bit and Faith did too. And Nick and Pat. We all don't really drink all that often (except Nikki, he's a typical college kid living in a college town and college boy house where drinking is a daily occurrence).

Anyway, most of the time was spent talking and joking and trolling each other. We also watched a Jackie Chan movie, which was great entertainment, played some SSBB, and talked some more. It was really fun and I'm glad Courtney was able to come.

Then Pat and Faith left at like 4:15am. Soon after, we heard what sounded like knocks on the window, so we thought they came back because they forgot something. Joe Waid went to investigate, and saw this fat black woman smashing out the windows on Nick's car with a baseball bat! He was too shocked to say or do anything, and she took off in this getaway car (and he didn't get the license plate).

See the horrible pictures here.

It was very obvious that this was a target attack, because she didn't hit anyone else's car and Nick's was in the middle of the lot. We later did find what we assume was the ACTUAL vehicle she meant to hit. It was the same make and color as Nick's. The cop who came out told us that this is actually really common in our awesome ghetto neighborhood - angry exes slash tires or smash windows for revenge. He asked me how I liked it here, and I said I was fine, and never heard of anything happening here yet. He kept asking Nick if he was SURE he didn't piss anyone off. We reiterated several times that NONE of the people present except for myself was even from the area, and we know no black women. lol.

I'm not worried about my car; it's very unlikely that someone would mistake it - there are stuffed animals all over the back window area, and my windshield has a very noticeable crack running the entire length of it already. Steve's car can't get mistaken because it's an old-man car that no one else in the world drives XD I feel so so guilty and bad about Nick's car. What are the odds, seriously?! And Courtney and I had been making all these ghetto-themed jokes about what the noise was, while Nick's car was getting destroyed.

Steve gets all bonerific whenever I hang out with people, because he thinks it's so cute. He thought this weekend was especially cute because not only did I hang out with people of my own accord one night and play epic amounts of FFVI, I stayed with Nick after Pat left and waited until Steve got off work and the three of us had some cute time, but I made separate plans for the next night and had a REAL social gathering! ^_^

In preparation for this impromptu housewarming, Steve and I finished unpacking everything left. We also rearranged the living room the better suit our needs, vacuumed the carpet with deodorizer (it had been STINKY), and set everything up super cute. In fact, next entry I will post picutres of the place FINALLY. It is now very clear that we MUST paint that living room. It is ugly and bare and unwelcoming with those stark white walls D:

Zomg BlazBlue Continuum Shift 2 is coming out for the 3DS at the end of the month!!!! Crap. Now I HAVE to get a 3DS sometime. -_- Oh, I reserved a hotel for us for our trip to Distant Worlds. For the 6 of us, we get to stay in one room for $120! That's on'y $20 each! If we'd tried to stay the night in Chicago, it would have been ridiculously more expensive, and we'd have had to get two rooms. This way, it's perfect!

Okay, now to play FFVI! Steve's playing Halo: Reach and Nikki's on Skype with a friend while they play League of Legends. So social! Steve asked me if he had the #1 spot in my tags, I told him that I doubted it - so we looked up all my tags. Above him are "me", "relationships", "school", "life", "friends",... and "dan". He got all mock-offended about it and started teasing me about never writing about him and that Dan was more important or something. I was all, "I've been dating you two years and Dan was in my life for 5! What do you expect?!" and he was like, "You'd even have WAY more Dan tags if you hadn't lost those years from GreatestJournal!" And then it turned into this silly banter about how I now need to find a way to get a Steve tag into every entry, even if it's just a sentence XD I'm not gonna do that, but I will make more of an effort to write about our cutie relationship. I explained to him that I have so many Dan tags because I complained about him and our relationship A LOT. I whined soooo much about us, and the wishy-washiness I felt about him, especially over that last year. I have nothing to complain about with Steve, so I get half the reasons to write about him :P

Literally. I was laying in bed with Steve after I got home from work, naturally sans uncomfortable jeans, and we were dozing. I had a long day at work, and Steve had to go to bed late because he had to take his car in. I heard several thudding sounds and what I thought was yelling. I immediately was awake and on edge, listening very closely. With loud sounds you can almost never tell if someone tripped, dropped something, or got smacked to the floor. I was especially on edge because a few days ago I heard suspicious noises but was unable to confirm whether it was a fight. The second I heard "No, stop" followed by another thud, I popped out of bed, whipped my pants on, and ran (quietly) out the secret back door we have that goes to the rest of the apartments.

This is not a neighborhood where if there's physical violence going on, that you can just go tell them to stop. You're likely to end up in a bad situation yourself. It's definitely the type of neighborhood where everyone mind's their business. This became more obvious to me when I realized that, unlike the apartment we viewed within the complex but a different building, there are two residences on each side, instead of one. That means that if *I* can make out words through the CEILING, the people next to them surely hear more. Anyway, I wanted to again confirm I heard what I thought I heard, so I snuck up to their door. I head what sounded like "I'll slap you again", so I ran back to my apartment and called 911. For some reason, whenever I dial that number, I get the biggest surge of adrenaline EVER. I shake uncontrollably and my voice shakes too.

Three policemen ended up coming out, and I was careful to not be seen (don't want to make enemies). I heard the guy tell them before I was in my apartment (but out of sight) that the noises that were heard "were from a different floor" but he did admit they were arguing. How could he not, when the police entered the house and saw her crying? They stayed for like 10 minutes talking to the couple. I hope she's okay. The thing I've been wondering is, what happens when the cops leave, especially if he can't exactly take it out on her (well, he can, but he hasn't) since she didn't call them. Do they just sit and stare at each other? People in violent relationships don't just then calmly talk things out. I wonder what they do.

I haven't been in a physically violent (romantic) relationship, and the only experience I have personally in couples is where both people are beating the crap out of each other, so they both feed off of that rage. But what about when the one is submissive and crying and being demeaned and threatened? It's awful. While I'm glad I called, I'm still worried about the future for her. And I'm worried I'm going to have to call again, since this is obviously not a one-time thing. I hope I bought her some peace for awhile.

So, it turns out that the problem with my phone WAS the battery XD I got the new phone in the mail, and it wouldn't turn on! When exchanging phone units, you keep your sim, charger, and battery, btw. So we took it into the T-Mobile store, and the woman got it to START the turn-on process (at which point Steve and I were gaping, because we couldn't get it to do ANYTHING), and then she literally threw the battery and went in the back and found a spare (yayyy no waiting for a new one to be shipped!). It's really cool that I got a new phone anyway, without dents, and a clean slate. My pictures and apps transferred to the new unit (I had only a couple - an egg timer and stop watch XD). I added a really cool app that claims to show the CallerID of incoming calls, and purports to have a call-blocking feature. I'm testing it out with a telemarketer that calls me ALL the time. They stopped calling for a couple weeks after calling 2-4 times every day for several months, but it started again last week. I'm hoping it actually DOES block the calls, especially since I know for a fact that the dial-outs are a machine until they hear a voice, at which point you are transferred to a real person (I've tried to ask them to stop calling before).

If AT&T actually buys T-Mobile (the merger is still planned but not a hundo percent, last I heard), I'm totally getting an iPhone if they ever offer it. ^_^ Although, at this point, they're still saying they won't. Depending on how the merger goes, I might actually switch carriers. As discussed previously, I already pay a large chunk to T-Mobile. If prices were to change due to AT&T messing with the data plan prices and whatnot (T-Mobile's is cheaper than AT&T's), I'd probably wait until I was able to break the contract without penalty, via the contract opening up as a result of this merger, and maybe get Verizon? I never hear anything about Sprint, and Verizon's the main competition for AT&T. *shrug* Who knows?!

On Saturday I went out to dinner with my dad's family. It was nice, we just talked a lot and had a good time. Nothing major. On the way home I noticed I needed oil, so I went to get some from a nearby gas station. Then I noticed I didn't have my wallet. Crap. I last saw it at the restaurant we were at, because I had taken it out to show my ID for a margarita. When we got there, the hostess asked if I needed a kids menu. A kid's menu that says '8 and under' on it. Now, I know I may look young, but you gotta be kidding! XD I thought it was hilarious and she was super embarrassed.

Anyway. So, I was worried about running out of oil, because I don't know at what point my car tells me I need it. Is it DIRE? Or just a , "Hey, you should put a couple quarts in me in the near future, but it's all g for a little longer!" But driving to get my wallet was really the only option, unless I could pay the cashier in a few coins and plushies. I typed the location into my handy phone GPS and got there just fine, and they had it waiting for me (there was a terrible moment as I neared the location where I feared it fell out in my dad's car and wasn't at the restaurant at all)! Then there was the issue of putting cool oil in a hot car, but at 11pm in a strange area, I didn't feel like waiting 20 minutes. I need an oil change anyway. The old Leah would have gotten upset, panic-stricken, and likely angry as a reaction, but I was very proud of how calm and accepting I was. I attribute some of this to self-growth, but mostly to Steve teaching me how to accept the things I can't change, and even if they suck, it's better to have a good attitude than a shitty one. <3

On Sunday Bethany called to vent about how stressed she is because their downstairs neighbor is harassing her and Sarah about the kids running around the apartment. Bethany said she and Sarah weren't home for the initial incident, so they went and talked to her on their own time. They describe the lady as a meth head (scraggly, skinny, rotted teeth), and that she said around 8 or 9pm she needs to "wind down" and that the kids need to be quiet. Bethany said the kids go to bed at 9pm. The lady mentioned that it's fine in the morning and during the day though, so Sarah said, "...so, you're home all day?" Meant to get a grasp of the lady's schedule and to probably somewhat insinuate that she doesn't have a difficult schedule, and the lady took it as quite insulting. :P She also yelled at them about cigarette butts on her deck, but Bethany says they never throw their butts, and it's probably the people above them. I just told her to complain to the managers if she doesn't stop, because they need to be able to live. Cayden just turned 1 and Tristan just turned 2; they don't understand why they can't play "too loud", and Cayden's a chunker who just learned to walk so he naturally walks heavy. I just feel bad because that EXACT situation is what Bethany was worried about. Thank god Steve and I live on the ground floor, seriously. I can't stand that stuff.

Oh, and this is my last week with People Inc. I'm not mad at it, nor do I hate it, but since I have a tag about leaving a job, I'm using it XD I'm really excited to start my new job, and to have a week off inbetween to prepare, and also to switch my sleep schedule. It's going to be so weird! Steve and I packed most of our things on Saturday. All we have left is a few odds and ends, all the big stuff (furniture, shelves, computer etc.), the systems we're using, and clothes we need for the next 2 weeks. Otherwise, we're getting ready to go! I wish we could just drop by and throw the boxes in the place even if we can't unpack them yet. So antsy!

So, yesterday in class was incredibly long. We had 8 presenters at 10-20 minutes each. We get to the last presenter, and she goes up and pulls the wrong presentation up on accident. It looked like a draft she did. She didn't know until like the 3rd slide that this was her practice PowerPoint. She was obviously not very adept at computers, and seemed confused as to how to bring up the correct one. The professor told her that she couldn't stop her presentation. It was quiet, like wtf. She was just like, "Uhhh, well I can stop if you want, but this is the WRONG presentation." A peer jumped up and quick helped her pull up the right PP. Whew, crisis averted. We thought.

The professor is a rude bitch. One of those women who looks over her half-spectacles at you like you're completely dumb, who always speaks with an air of superiority, and generally makes you feel like you're an inch tall. In my "suggestion" section of my eval for her, I gave her this list:

1. Don't assign busy work (it's a senior level capstone ffs)
2. Please be respectful. Don't treat your students like children - you're quite rude at times
3. We already did an internship, our major presentations shouldn't be on an agency
4. Only discuss assignments relavent to the particular class or the next one (she had a horrible habit of confusing the class by talking about an assignment due in a month, not even a big assignment, just one due at a far later date. This happened nearly every class and freaked a lot of people out so they thought things were due when they weren't for weeks)
5. Don't belittle students if they must leave class early or not come at all, and then cancel class as it suits your convenience (she did this a few times to attend out-of-state conferences - or so she says. I must point out that we only had class once a week so "a few times" adds up.)

Something like that. More concise I think, but those were the main ideas. I'd like to remind you that the average age of a student at my school is in their 30's. Very few fresh-out-of-hs kids.

So, back to the woman who was presenting. The professor interrupted her a couple times to tell her she was "wrong" about stuff, and she lost it. Clicked to the end of her presentation, said she was done, and started packing up her stuff. At this point we all felt bad for her and quick wrote on her evaluation how we were sorry the prof was so rude and threw them at her. She finished packing her stuff in a rage, and we all sort of looked around uncomfortably. Then, when she was walking out the door, she said something like, "You have a fucking attitude problem" to the professor, who shot back in her best oh-no-you-di'n't black lady voice, "You better watch yourself!" and the woman in HER best pissed off black lady voice, basically repeated how rude the professor was, who ALSO basically repeated her first statement. This would have been a sociologically amusing situation, because most of us were pointedly looking at our tables, or at their work. I imagine some were staring at the two in shock, gauging their facial expressions. I was a table-watcher, because I know what it's like to be in that woman's position, being filled with a helpless blind rage that makes you blurt out like a child because you gotta do SOMETHING. I respectfully didn't look at her because I wouldn't have wanted anyone looking at ME when I was having a public tantrum. It was even more awkward because there were only 15 students in the class and it was a small room. The tension was THICK.

Everyone left class whispering about the awkwardness of the situation. A guy came up to me and Ana and was like, "Whoa, that was INTENSE!" All Ana (classic Ana) had to say was, "Well I felt bad for her but that was so stupid because her stuff hasn't been graded yet!!!" Ah, yes, the professor wields the Grading Sword.

I called Mom on the way home to let her know I finally was done, and she HAD to let me know that Paul is butthurt because I only had two tickets to my graduation and didn't tell him he was guaranteed one. All I ever said was that I wasn't playing the game. He's all DUA because he contributed financially to college and they got me the apartment when I wasn't old enough for the dorms (THEY insisted) yadda yadda yadda. He's DAMN lucky he wasn't on the phone, because I would have told him that I would trade all the money in the world to just have had his emotional backing when I needed it most. FOR REAL. I just told Mom that that sucks for him that he read into my words and thought I was choosing my father over him. I never said anything either way, just gave them the facts.

His whole "blood means nothing, proof is in the actions" argument became bullshit when he admitted he probably loves August more than Bethany or me because he's BLOOD, and that his parents didn't do shit for him yet he still puts them on a pedastal. And that after 14 years he still hides behind BULLSHIT stepparenting literature that he uses as an excuse when things go wrong. At least my father has never called me names in my life, has never told me I was dirty and worthless. I'd trade my college education if he could take that shit back. THAT is why I didn't guarantee him the ticket. I lose sleep over this bullshit all the time. I am SO MAD. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was fighting with him in my head again. Most of my dreams are about fighting with him or Bethany. Ugh. I can see this exploding. It's just building and building.

Minor rant: I activated my dormant checking account and am going to move my monies over there because he slipped and accidentally admitted he still watches my bank account. Ass. GTFO now. I have one account connected to my Mom's account, which is also his account, from when I was a teenager and the bank required an adult to be a part of it. I have to close it completely to keep them from seeing stuff, and I have a TON of accounts online linked to it, including work, so I'm going to leave it open to pay bills and just keep everything else in my other one.

Bethany has been ultra cute lately and asking me all these questions about college, because she wants to go for Nursing or MA as long as it's an Associate's. Even though she's terrified of needles and talking about them makes her queasy, lol. But she's been texting and calling to vent and doing research using me and it's all very adorable. I like that.

-Getting excited for Deathly Hallows! I've decided to quick knit up a ribbed scarf, in HuffPuff colors o' course!
-Probs going to reread the 7th book if I can this weekend!
-It's my birthday the same night DH comes out, and I'm super excited to see what Steve got me!!
-There's Dan drama afoot. He told me a couple weeks ago he might be able to get my kidnapped toon back to me. I told him the other day it's not THAT, it's that in merging our account he effectively made it so I will have to rebuy the discs, which I do not want to do. Then he FLIPPED OUT because I wrote "I DO NOT WANT TO REBUY THE DISCS PLEASE LISTEN" in all caps and APPARENTLY that was being a bitch.
( No wait, here's a screen of our convo )

I mean, yeah I'm kinda pissy, and snarky. But not to the extent which he is saying. And "bitch for no reason"? Uhhhhhh I have PLENTY of reason to be a bitch. I also kind of feel like we are having two separate conversations. I hate him.

After some careful thinking, and putting years between myself and when I needed to make my journal friends-only, I think I will tentatively make my entries public again. I won't go back and make my previous entries public, at least not at this time, but unless I see a reason to make an entry friends-only, I'll try this out and see how it goes.



Steve and I began Leah's Great Exodus today. Although I really feel like he did most of the work and I just sort of sat around deeming things "keep" or "throw." He was an amazing help and allowed me to part with a lot of stuff I don't need. It felt really good to get rid of so much stuff, because I am a very big pack rat. I need someone like him to help pry my pack rat fingers off of garbage I keep because I'm weird.

Speaking of weird, we ran into an interesting situation today. We had some music playing (it was very much in the afternoon so we thought it was okay) when someone started knocking on the door. I immediately became annoyed because I knew it was someone asking us to turn the music down. It was NOT that loud, I assure you. So I, being steadfastly mule-headed, made no move to answer the door. Steve turned down the music and answered it. This is the conversation that ensued:

Old Lady Who Lives Above Me (OLWLAM): "Oh! Uhh... hi! Are you... taking care... of Leah?"

Steve: "...what?" Him of course being a multiple-piercing, bandanna-wearing, disheveled young man. Yes, he IS my caretaker.

OLWLAM: "Oh I just heard Leah was really sick so..."

Steve: "Uhhh...?"

OLWLAM: "Well, anyway, that music is so loud I can't hear my TV (ME IN MY HEAD: Yeah well I can't sleep at night because your tv is on 24/7 and you never sleep and are always stomping around like a troll on the prowl), so could you please turn it down?"

Me, having now gotten up and walked to the door because Grim flipped out on Steve and hissed and ran away: *stare*

OLWLAM: "Oh! Are you Leah? I heard you were sick and moving out!"

Me: "I am moving out yes, but I am not sick."

OLWLAM: "Oh well someone told me that you were really sick and so I was just wondering... but anyway, the music is really loud."

Me: "Okay. I am not sick."

At this point Nero had run out of the door so we ended the conversation and retrieved him.

Okay. What. the hell! For almost the entire time I have been living at my apartment, I have only returned on average once a week to feed the cats, almost always after everyone normal in the world is asleep. I met that old lady ONE TIME right when I moved in. She introduced herself from her deck and I promptly forgot her name. I am not a neighbors person. I much prefer privacy but I am okay with the occasional smile and nod of acknowledgment. Anything beyond that is pushing it. How is it that, out of my HUGE 400-unit complex, there is actually GOSSIP going around about me dying of cancer or something? And people knowing me by name?? Who did she hear this from? The Mexican family of four living in the 1-bedroom to my right? Or the old man who lives above the old lady?!

Weird.


Anyway, Steve and I also walked the mile or so to the local Gamestop, not for purchasing purposes, but to get out and walk, and also to put our PokeWalkers to good use. Because we are nerds. It was very windy though, which made it pretty chilly. Otherwise it was pretty nice out. I can't wait for summer!

Finally, I think I'm going to postpone taking more classes until the fall. I realized a couple of days ago that my FAFSA is yet again not completed, and that it is not within my power to complete it. I can't afford to take more classes without continued loans, and I have no idea how loans would work for the summer. I also would like to continue to try to fight the administration about that "Pre-internship seminar" class they want me to take even though I completed my internship a year ago. The idea of enjoying my summer and finally being able to get a decent second job is much more appealing than stressing out about more classes. I'm not really in a huge hurry to graduate, next fall will be my 6th year in school, and I really wish I could take classes at my leisure as opposed to being required to be full-time status because of an insurance requirement. I've noticed I do much better taking 2 classes as opposed to 3. I've also decided to include my parents less on the things I do in my life. The cycle appears to be one in which I make a decision, relay it to my parents, they disagree with the decision and make me feel guilty and worthless, I probably continue with my original decision and we end up in some sort of feud. I am happier when they are kept on the edge of my radar as opposed to in the nucleus.