spritechan | Entries tagged with steve

My morning summed up:

1. Vincente in Reset (hiding in the chair)

2. Malik putting binder clips in his hair

3.Self-explanatory XD

4. Tre'Kari loves taking pics on my phone

The best part of my day was getting rid of my compliance stop signs, making phone calls and planning meetings. I talked with Vincente's mom today and she said he's acting up because he's been at his dad's a lot more lately and she going into the hospital for a week starting on Friday and he's really struggling with it. She sounded so sad, but we had a good talk.

After work I came home and napped a little, and then Steve needed to go get fitted for his suit for his friend Andy's wedding (he's a groomsman). That took us to Grand Ave, which then of course afterward we needed to eat somewhere on Grand, and we went to Cafe Latte. I got a cheese sandwich, salad and broccoli cheddar soup, with a decadent turtle cake slice for dessert. It was amazing. Cafe Latte used to be the "go to" place for the girls group to go in high school for birthdays. We would always either go there, for sure with Bre, Lindsey, and Holly, and sometimes Brittni. We would ALWAYS get the cheesecake. If we didn't go, the others in the group would pitch in for a cheesecake from there for the birthday girl. It was an exciting adventure because we lived just far enough outside of the Twin Cities for it to be out of the norm.

This was my bday cheesecake in 2008-

After Cafe Latte we made a pit stop at Mississippi Market Co-op and got some food to tide us over. Mostly fruits and veggies, and some other things like chia seeds, Ripple milk and agave. It was really warm today, 87F/30C, and it was so nice. Looooved it. I wore a dress and that really helped. Periodically I listened to snaps from Haley and Bethany.

After we got home it was already past 8. We went to the park for a little Pokemon Go, and then I watered the plants when we got home before doing a little Instagram scrolling.

Oh, and our leaning apple tree has started blossoming and it's adorable (don't you dare judge the apple tree; its doing it's thang!)

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It's really interesting how I generally struggled to write entries on a regular basis, but now that Steve and I write them together and make it a part of our routine, it's so much easier, and we enjoy how much we often find that we have to say about each day. Some things are pretty samey, but there are so many little details that get lost if you wait too long to write about them. I'm really enjoying that we are doing this.

I didn't get a chance to do any things of "substance" today, such as knitting, playing ITG or reading. But it was still a relaxing and fun day.

I'm feeling increasingly worse about my body though, I'm around the heaviest I've ever been, at 159lbs. My face looks fine and I think I wear it well, but I don't really like being as hefty as I am. Especially in the arms and belly area. This summer is the summer of getting fit again. Steve and I talked a little tonight about the fact that there's a good chance we won't actually make it out to Cincinnati this summer because of the timing of his new job (among other things), but we were planning on going to Disney World this winter with Ben and Sean and we have weekend trips vaguely planned. With that out of the cards, I think it will be a really good opportunity for me to get a handle on my eating and exercise legit regularly and not randomly.

Today I got up at 5:40... finally! A reasonable time! Showered and got coffee, but still took too long to sit down; Steve and I only had like 15 minutes. After he left, I just... could NOT get myself motivated to leave. I left so unbelievably late that I texted Tealie so she'd know I was coming in, and tell Malik and Vincente I'd be late. As I was walking in, I got a text from her:

Malik, "A couple minutes does not mean 20 minutes!!!!" I walked up soon after and we laughed sooo much about it, and Malik came flying out of the room trying to look extremely indignant, asking if I got Tealie's text. Still laughing, I told him I did, and apologized, and he couldn't help but crack a smile.

First block was a nightmare, they were just being so annoying. Nothing really egregious to note other than Darius, who is this tiny EBD child who I could palm in one hand and crumple him up, but when he gets mad, starts calling us the meanest names he can as if he can have any bearing on us other than annoyance. Today he was asked to leave when he kept shouting "ear rape," and he refused for several minutes, with lots of fuck you's etc. Tealie and I then convened at the front of the room, just sort of quietly venting and developing a backup plan for if they can't show they can cook, but we must have looked so serious that some of the kids got really concerned and they shushed each other into silence, staring at us, which was actually really interesting and amusing. I'm guessing Darius kept muttering to himself as we used the opportunity to talk to them about our newly developed plan (usually it's a lot of "No one cares" and "Shut up"s), because several different kids in his vicinity separately told him to stop, and Darius REALLY should know not to say anything about me in front of Vincente, because he is my biggest defender. They almost came to blows but I was able to direct Darius out of the room while Tealie managed Vincente. While I filled out his write-up and figured out how I wanted to talk to him, he had his head down on the table and called me a "piece of shit" a bunch of times (LOL!!!). I was just annoyed, not even mad, as usual. I'm so TIRED! I just don't want to deal! The end of the year is usually really fun, because we do so many projects and get to hang out with the kids, but this year it's like they're very different. Closed off, not as relaxed. Sucks!

When I was finishing up with a couple of phone calls at work, Haley texted me asking if I wanted to get lunch. I assumed she was doing laundry at my place today because she told me yesterday to leave the door unlocked but never came, but no, she just wanted to fill some time. At the TIME I thought she was already in the area so I agreed, but I had a lot of errands to run today and I wanted to get them all in. Turns out she was just at home and met me at my place after I got my eyebrows and lip waxed. Omg, getting my facce waxed feels sooo good. I love when they brush, trim, and pluck the eyebrow hairs after waxing (I only have them get the stray hairs), and even though I mostly get peach fuzz on my upper lip, I can't stand the feeling of having a mustache so I get that waxed too. So smooooth.

We went to eat at JSelby's, a vegan place in St. Paul. I got the Chili dog, fries, and their carrot cake soyclone, which is like a DairyQueen blizzard. All of it was quite good but I was so full I felt sick after. While we were there we talked a lot about Haley's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend, mostly. She was fine when we were hanging out but she spiraled later when Derek liked an instagram pic of another girl.

Dropped her off at home so she could leave, and then I went to the DMV to order a new license (because... ah... I lost mine........ again). Did you know if you have an expired license and the yellow paper that it makes your old license valid until you receive your new one?? I found that super interesting. I plan to test it out when attempting to buy drinks. Anyway, that took about a half hour of waiting in line, then I stopped at Cub for cat food. I ran into Jason, Steve's old coworker/friend, and we exchanged pleasantries. It's always good to see Jason, but this is at least the second time that I've gone to say goodbye and RIGHT then someone would come talk to him and I've ALWAYS been behind him. Today it was a random old guy at the self-checkout, and I was in his blind spot, and I stood there for such a long time like trying to lean into his line of sight* that I began to feel really awkward about overstaying my welcome, and just turned and made a break for it.

After that I picked up Steve and we went to Menards for a watering can for my hangy plant and some grass stuff. When we got home, Steve decided to mow the lawn and I cleaned out my car. It is SO GOOD to have a clean car again! The sweatshirt pileup was getting out of control, and it sorely needed a vacuuming. I also got to listen to fun music! When Steve was mowing I swear to god I looked to see if any neighbors were around and I didn't see any, so I knid of flashed Steve (just a lot of cleavage) and then I looked again and the damn neighbors across the cul-de-sac were in their driveway. lol.

Our lawn literally overnight exploded with dandelions. Lord.

When I was finished with my car I came inside and picked up a bit, going through some knitting books, needles and knicknacks Steve's mom brought down of his grandma's for me to pick through. When my phone is charged enough I'll add my favorite from today's books. When I was going through her stuff at her house, I think the oldest thing I found was a small knitting catalogue from the 1950's. She did actually have a few useful things for me - some decent needles, a few crochet hooks, and giant knitting needles!!! She had a set of 4 size 35 DPNs for god knows what, and ONE size 50. I need to find another 50 ASAP so I can REALLY make that giant blanket.
I blocked the cowl and my Pi Shawl. I'e never knit a large garment with lace before, and they weren't kidding about how much it grows! I was really pleasantly surprised.

*Real time: ~10 seconds

Today found us completely unprepared to be adults. I wasn't able to get out of bed until 7:05, which is completely terrible for me but the cuddles were TOO good to pass up.. so snuggly. I was also up in the night with heartburn, and I had a thousand random nothing dreams that could have been real life mundane situations. We STILL had no coffee and we also didn't have breakfasts or lunches prepared. Nice.

Got to work at 7:30 on the dot somehow, but of course I walked all the way up the hill to discover I left my key card in the car, so Ihad to go all the way back down. Gym time was kind of annoying, the boys were all amped up at each other. Thankfully Todd has been coming down because he's got that louder man voice and also the man size so he can intervene much better. When it's just two boys I will step in (lord knows how many times I restrained kids or made myself a physical obstacle during my first two years), but when it's a group of them, the feeling of being ineffective is overwhelming. I realized that I've had to break up so few fights this year that I feel out of practice, which is a good thing, but it's a really strange feeling. Last week I stepped inbetween a couple of boys in math and realized how WEIRD it felt to be positioning myself between kids. I'm happy that it's not part of my daily job now, but it also makes me feel like I'm not prepared/ready.

Tealie and I had the kids present their projects no matter how much they had done. It was really awkward for some of them, having basically nothing even after a week of work. This is the second week in a row where we've been strict with the guideline of no extra time, so hopefully by the end of the next project the kids will get it.

I just could not wait to get out of there. Unfortunately for me but awesome for Steve, he decided to go in to work today. He got his background check back this morning and decided he would put in his two weeks' notice in person, which meant I wouldn't see him when I stopped home. Booo! But happy for him. He now knows he'll start on June 4, and he'll have a week off between jobs which is awesome. Yay!

Nokomis was pretty uneventful, only Jeremy came down today (Leon was absent and the girls were in lesson), so it was pretty quiet. He didn't have a bunch of work to do and he really doesn't want me to help him with anything unless expressly asked, so on the math stuff I have for him he only let me read the word problems and talk him through those. The 2nd and first grade girls were fine, and the kindergarten boys were same as always (bickering, whiny). My principal came in to congratulate me again and say she was so happy for me, and that she's going to miss me and that if my circumstances change in the future to come back and work for her, which again is a high compliment from her. She told me my going-to-be principal was poached by ISD 622 and that they better have offered me what I'm worth (even though she KNOWS that contracts don't actually work like that haha).

I left as soon as I possibly could because I was so tired all day that I was dizzy and disoriented. I just really have not been sleeping well. I came home and took ibuprofen for a headache and flopped into bed with Nero. Then Steve, Nick and I went game shopping. It was a bust, but fun to walk around and talk. We chatted about Game of Thrones, and how Noah asked the meanest memory card question yet that I have ZERO answers to. Got Catrinas and went to play Pokemon Go.

After we got back, Nick played Uncharted 2, Steve played more Prince of Persia and I tooled around on the computer, looking up iPads and LJ icons. It was super relaxing. I really wanted to knit too but I think my fingers need a day or two off, they're pretty sore and achey.

Steve and I dropped Nick off around 9:45 and caught a couple more Pokemon. We stopped at Cub to FINALLY get coffee (and snacks for my math kids). We were in a really silly place, just goofing off and laughing. It's been really nice and fun with him, he's so damn funny and I've been in some goofy moods lately. Like just joking and teasing, and somehow Steve is ALWAYS in the car when my low gas warning comes on, which is always funny. He pumps my gas for me most of the time because he knows how much I appreciate it, and he thinks I time it on purpose to need gas when he's in the car but I swear I DON'T!!!!! Lmao. It never gets old.

Sunday found us getting up at around 8:40, packing up, and heading to Sow's Ear for breakfast. This time I got the other soup, and worked on my knitting when I was finished writing for Saturday's journal. I had my iPad and got Steve all set up for his... and then the iPad died. Whoops.

Sidenote, I've been using my work laptops and iPads for 4 years (I think my laptop died my first year teaching), and now that's going away! I don't have any technology for myself... we have a desktop computer but it's inconvenient to my daily needs. Steve suggested that maybe I just get an iPad and keyboard, like how my current school laptop is set up, instead of a whole new laptop. It makes a lot of sense and suits my needs just fine. I think that's a great idea if we can find one that's more affordable than a laptop. I prefer Mac far more than other brands, just because it syncs with my phone and stuff. So convenient.

We got our entries written and commented on the similiarities and differences, and then we decided to head out after finishing our food to go play mini golf. Initially we thought we'd have to play inside, but turns out, even though the day was gray and dreary, it was warm enough. The ground was soaked, but it didn't rain, so we played outside on the Wisconsin course. I thought that there would be LESS people out because it was Mother's Day, and boy was I wrong. So many families, and parties of 5+ people saturated the course. Steve and I ended up bouncing around to open holes, and we both played TERRIBLY. A good reason was, again, the course was really wet, but also it was our first time out on the course all year, and some obstacles still just weren't fully prepared yet. I somehow ended up with par (which was like 63 or something), and Steve was 3 strokes behind. He did win us a free game at the end though, woo! It was a fun time.

After that we made a pit stop at Ben and Sean's, left them a cute note on their garage floor, and then promptly forgot the bag with our co-op buys in it. AUGH!! Sadness. It'll keep until we're back there in 3 weeks.

We left just a bit too late to stop at the vegan place again, whoops! Uh, and we also got so into Game of Thrones and knitting that we completely forgot about stopping at game stores too. Haha, we totally failed at remembering things in favor of the cute things we were already doing.

When we got home, we had about an hour of the book left, so we pulled out some lawn chairs to sit in while we listened and I finished the cowl I'd started just earlier in the day!

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT KNITCIRCUS MAKING THE BEST GRADIENTS?!?!

Phew, about 3 years in the listening, we finally are all caught up on the Game of Thrones series. We read most of the first book but we listened to all of the rest, 32-45 hours apiece. They were so good! So many things left unfinished! Steve read to me from the Game of Thrones wiki while I plowed through a couple other random projects - I couldn't remember where I was in the Pi shawl I'd started, and even though it's not nearly as big as I'd wanted it, I just bound it off so it's a giant doily lol. Then I used the cheap extra super bulky yarn I got from Wish to arm-knit with. It's OKAYYY but not great. I also refused to knit it the way tutorials online say, because it's WRONG. Like, the stitches get twisted if done that way! Instead I just moved it back and forth like you would when doing straight knitting, which was fiddlier and made it take longer. But I'm done! It was nice to just finish up a couple things. I think I'm gonna keep that up right quick - I bound off on my black scarf base and I have one more cowl I need to finish. Oh, and my mom's gloves. That's first!

Steve and I ended up flopping into bed after 11 AGAIN, which I definitely regretted all day today, lawdy. But we definitely got some REALLY good cuddlesleeps.

Breaking this one up by the topics I divided up yesterday!

Garage sales and Pokemon Go
Steve was interested in checking out the Madison garage sale scene, so we meandered about without much luck for awhile, but it turns out that we were just in the wrong area. We turned around after Steve looked up garage sales on Facebook or something (seriously, did you know that was a thing?? Weird) and we had more luck in a DIFFERENT neighborhood. He likes to go to garage sales to look for old games and systems, particularly with the hope that it's an older person (usually a lady who cleaned up after grandkids) or parents after their kids have moved out. I don't like garage sales and haggling makes me nervous, but I don't mind driving around and knitting and playing Pokemon Go, so I have fun too!

Sow's ear breakfast/Pokemon Go/New plague
We couldn't spend TOO much time garage sale-ing because we needed to eat and I had a knitting class scheduled at the Sow's Ear. The Sow's Ear, I've mentioned before, is an amazing Cafe and Knitting shop in Verona, WI. If you're ever near Madison, go there. Not only do they cater to people who love good yarns, they also have amazing drinks and food options. I ordered the grilled cheese on a french baguette and a cup of their summer asparagus soup, plus a hot chocolate with soy because YUM. Then Steve and I walked around a bit getting PokeStops and marveling at how there could be so many damn people on "Main Street," like calm down people GO! AWAY!!!

Knitting class and cute texts
My class started at 1, and Steve and I took bets on how old the other people would be. Steve guessed an average of 39 (with me bringing down the average, and I said 45 and older. There ended up being 5 other women in the class, the youngest of which was 40+. Three of the women were at least in their 60's. Everyone but the youngest was fine, the woman on my right was funny, and the woman on my left was kinda derpy. The youngest of them just had that annoying voice quality (think back to Yarnover and the fuckin' nerd ladies with their pressured speech and nasally voices) and she knit very slowly. But she was nice, and she showed us a stranded (colorwork) double-knitting project that made my colorwork look like a kindergartener's so I should stfu about knitting speed. Though she did make multiple comments about how fast I knit and suggested there had to be crochet videos for learning to crochet with your right hand and I should try to find them.

The stitch I was learning was Brioche, and I'm REALLY glad I learned it in person before trying to learn it via videos or words. It's basically a type of ribbing, but the way instructions talk about them is way more complicated than the act of brioche. It has a very easy and repetitive rhythm, and once you get a couple rows, you can just SEE the stitch and just remember which ones you yarnover on, which you slip, and which you work. It's also really neat because it's technically reversible. I started my practice with a yarn I thought would look good and knit up okay, but I didn't like the black contrasting... it's too bold. I'd want something else I think to finish (though the yarn is Mano del Uraguay and sooo soft).

Steve had gone out to more garage sales during this time, and he actually found some awesome deals. He ended up with a complete NES system in addition to several games - two of them BOXED, which is super rare to find at a garage sale. Usually Steve ends up finding video game boxes on ebay, and NES ones are not easy to come by. He's actually just finishing up getting boxes for all of our SNES games, so it seemed fitting he'd finally found some for the next system he needs to collect for.

He texting me such cute texts about how much he loves me knitting and how taking knitting classes is ideal girl behavior. I missssssed ideal girl stuff. When we first started dating he would point out things I did that were "ideal girl behavior" - things that he didn't necessarily KNOW of, like didn't have a list in his head, but things that definitely count towards comprising the perfect girl. Apparently knitting (/having a passion for a hobby) is one of them. ^_^ All I want is his looooove and support! He's VERY good about supporting my endeavors, love him so much!

I got to talking to the woman next to me about how beautiful her yarn was (from KnitCircus) and she said they have kits specifically for the cowl we were working on at their store, and I HAD to go check it out. It was 3:30, and the store closed at 4. I quick packed up my things, raced out to Steve and explained the situation, and we booked it out.

Omg what happened Knitcircus exploded from a small store to a store filled with yarny treats
Last year Sean and I went to KnitCircus and it was definitely in a different building, this store was MUCH bigger and had so many more options. It was to DIE for. They have the best gradients and rainbows and mixes of colors, and their yarns are already wound for you. They're pretty spendy but SO worth it. I was in yarn heaven.

I found some yarn for the cowl I wanted and we realized we were pretty tired after so much stuff in the day, and we headed back to Castle Seanjamin, put on some Hearthstone, and I cuddled up into Steve's perfect nook and we promptly fell asleep. It was a good nap! We woke up rested and hungry, and I suggested we try Dumpling Haus, a place we've seen on the way to The Great Dane a bunch of times. I was intrigued!!

Dumpling dinner/socially unacceptable food behavior
Steve of course didn't remember that I've talked about this place a bunch of times. It just sounded so good!! When we got there, the place was PACKED. There was ONE small table left and I claimed it, and Steve and I each ordered a set of dumplings (Bao) plus dessert bao (nutella) and Steve ordered pork and greens wontons and chicken fried rice. I also ordered the tofu soup. The bao was perfect and light (I got veggie and it tasted like Spring). My soup was exactly what I was looking for as well. I knit while we waited.

There was a man and his child eating next to us, and I thought they were very normal but Steve did not get good vibes from the dad. He just seemed serious and probably the kind of parent I would be - he didn't freak out or even say anything really when the kid knocked over his pop, just suggested he get more paper towels. He mentioned more than once that he didn't like wasted food, and when they left, the child had left one bao untouched, which I thought was strange. Like, they could have easily taken it along and given it to family (who they were talking about) or saved it for later! I asked Steve if he would eat it if I grabbed it off their plate (I assumed it had meat in it because most of the food there did), and he said he would if I was brave enough to violate the social code of not taking food from strangers' plates. They had been seated less than a foot from our table; we basically ate together! I had no problem snatching the bao off the plate and plopping it in with ours. It turned out to be pork, and Steve ate it happily. I have never understood why it's so frowned upon to take someone else's leftovers, especially if they're completely unsullied. :P

Witness to an accident/co-op/COPS
Full and happy, we decided to go to Willy's Co-op right after dinner instead of the next day, just for time's sake. I really wanted to stock up on their vegan jerky, which is AMAZING and I haven't seen it anywhere else. On the way, we were at a red light at a really weird intersection, and we watched an SUV sideswipe/half T-bone a sedan with two women and a child. The child was in the seat where the SUV hit, but it looked like he had slowed enough and she was turned enough that most of the damage ended up on the tire well and did SOMETHING so the trunk popped open. Steve was driving and observing to make sure the family was fine, so I was completely impotent when the SUV just DROVE! AWAY!!! What the fuck?! Like, the damage to the SUV was at least as significant to the sedan, and he didn't even check to see if they were okay???? WHAT THE FUUUUCK!!! I was so stressed out, I am such an "action" person when it comes to emergencies. My brain works in such a way that it immediaely develops a bulleted list of things that need to be attended to and wants to DO them. As a passenger and also in a situation that I really couldn't be helpful in after a certain point, it was a frustrating situation. The people in the sedan were okay, I think they were just really scared and upset.

Got the jerky, got some coffee, got a water bottle and some treats - vegan gluten free dense soft muffin for me, and vegan banana muffin with peanut butter frosting (literally his perfect dessert)

On the way back to Castle Seanjamin, we passed no less than 6 cops on this 5-miles stretch of road. The first was a cop pulling someone over who was next to Steve. Then we passed one speed trap with an undercover SUV, and then at the next exit there were TWO cops (one undercover charger and a regular cruiser), and THEN we saw TWO SEPARATE people pulled over, within a hundred yards of each other, plus another cop just driving (probably after just having pulled comeone over). It was madness. WHY SO MANY COPS. CALM DOWN.

Dmac/ITG/knitting
When we were on our way back from the co-op, David (Dmac) asked if we wanted to play ITG with him. Of course! Though I also wanted to be KNITTINGGGGG. It was good. We played a bunch of songs from the Fantastic Beats pack, but Steve and I weren't having off-days exactly, more like Ben's machine just feels sooo different from ours now... it's really weird, and we were both late ALL the time, which NEVER happens. I just couldn't find the sweet spot and would insanely overcorrect. Just strange. But we all had fun, talked to Dmac about the popularity of Ultimate Frisbee in Madison and his tryouts for teams, and he ended up getting a really good score on an ITG Rebirth song.

During that time I started my Knitcircus cowl and it's been beautiful so far. After Dmac left we showered quick and hopped into bed!

Oh, and we've also decided to rename from couple complaints because we don't really complain much - we just initially stole Ben's book titles (College complaints, corrupted complaints, cubicle complaints and "Compendium of Complaints" - all of the books). Ben has a really funny way of talking about things, and I never really think of them as *complaints,* more like musings and thoughts. Like he doesn't strike me as a negative person and he's quite funny, but I GUESS he's complaining? It's just not how I personally view complaining. lol. So I think we're going to rename to couple chronicles. Fits better. :)

All in all, it was a busy, but relaxing, and just basically a perfect day. Wow. Love this boy, love this life!

Because too TIRED I had a BIG DAY

Like literally so much happened, one of the best days 9.9/10 so I wanna give it the attention it deserves in the morning.

Garage sales and Pokemon Go

Sow's ear breakfast/Pokemon Go/New plague

Knitting class and cute texts

Knitting pics/brioche

Racing to Knitcircus

Omg what happened Knitcircus exploded from a small store to a store filled with yarny treats

Cutie nap so perfect in the nook

Dumpling dinner/socially unacceptable food behavior

Witness to an accident/co-op/COPS

Dmac/ITG/knitting

More knitting and then bed

Renaming from couple complaints because we don't really complain much

PICS

I drink a fair amount of coffee. I consume enough caffeine that I can go a day or two without coffee, and there's enough in my system that I don't get withdrawals immediately. I'm NOT one of those people who says "I'm not human until I've had coffee" or whatever. I simply like the taste, it's part of my routine, and I'm generally more pleasant when I drink it. It does NOT make me feel more awake. But it gives me something to do with my hands. My point is, we always have coffee on hand. Except not today. When we went grocery shopping last weekend, we made the mistake of thinking we had enough coffee to get through the week, and forgot to pick some up at any point DURING said week. So today, we were out. Sadness. Instead, we had some black tea on the couch this morning, and while far more watery and far less coffee-y, it was still quite tasty and cute.

Friday means basketball during foundations, and Todd told me he plans to try to get the kids in the gym for Tuesday and Thursday and play dumb about the "cleaning." I told him to go for it but you all know how my gym battle went all year.

First block started out today much like yesterday, with me taking someone to Reset, only today it was Chaz. Chaz decided to stand on a chair and sing the "Charge!" song like they play at sports games, only instead of the "dun-dun-duns" and "charge," every sound was replaced with the word "Shit." Awesome. So I took him into the other room while I wrote out the write-up, and there's a box for "Perceived Motivation" - options include obtaining peer attention, obtaining adult attention, avoiding peers/adults/activities, etc. I asked him why he did that, and he said, "Because I wanted you to take me to get my iPad." Okay, so I asked if he wanted my attention. He said yes. Lol. Easy peasy. I told him he could have just... ya know... gotten my attention normally. We walked up to reset and after we processed, we got his iPad from Corri (though it wasn't as easy as I'm saying and actually took about 15 minutes after the "Listen to Corri vent" tax) and went back to class.

Kids started their presentations today on their Real Life project. Malik went first, but requested Tealie present for him. He had a super goofy filtered pic of him on his first slide, and he was trying SO HARD to keep a straight face when people giggled at it, saying "What's funny?!" but totally giving himself away. I saw Tealie trying to grade on slips of paper so I texted her from across the room telling her I was grading them right in Schoology. It was funny.

2nd block Vincente requested to work in my room instead of going to his electives, and I try to grant this request occasionally because I know it makes the teachers' lives easier and he usually works for me. He did work for the entire first skinny (40 minutes), and in the second skinny he had stopped working but he stayed quiet. Tre'Kari's dad showed up unexpectedly and we had a super awkward confrontation that resulted in Tre having to go in the hall with him and get yelled at.

Stopped home, saw Steve, had a super difficult time leaving. I cut up our last two mangoes and we ate them while talking about our plans for the evening/weekend, and when we planned on leaving. I reminded Steve to eat the food in the fridge and then headed to Nokomis. I only saw Leon and Jeremy today, as Maddy went out of town and Khilanni was in lesson. Today Olivia and Lynnea read their current story ("Bugs!") and we did the first comprehension page. They did SUPER well today and I didn't even have to argue with them about WHEN we color. The outcome is ALWAYS the same, not sure at this point why they try, though it's gotten to the point where they talk about coloring as they get their folders or word cards, so maybe it's just habit still.

I debated whether to dip out early or wait for Janet, the social worker, who wanted to stop by and see me. Janet works for both Nokomis North AND Nokomis South, and it sounds like she's often got her hands full at North, so we rarely see each other. She did eventually make it in and we talked about a couple things we need to take care of, and THEN I left. On the way home though I did stop at a gym and take it. Naturally.

When I got home I decided to water the garden and my hanging plant quick, and while I was outside Steve came out to meet me. I THOUGHT he was just so excited to see me, but instead he was VERY nervous and did the like, "Remember how much you love me when I tell you what I'm about to tell you..." and I immediately tried to brace myself for him telling me that one of my shirts was ruined, which is a lot bigger deal to me than you'd think. I'm so autistic when it comes to my clothes, I get more devastated than the average person about those things. I was sooo stressed and then Steve pulls out this tangled mess and confesses that he washed one of my latest projects. The glove itself was fine, as it turns out, just the remaining yarn was basically ruined because it half-felted into itself and it's not worth it to try to mess with. Guess what though? That was a mini kit and each glove had its own skein of yarn anyway. No problem! God, it was funny. Steve is so cute.

So Steve had done the laundry (yay!), which meant it was super easy packing up, just making sure I remembered my yarn, needles, and patterns along with the projects I want to be working on this weekend. I brought Mom's gloves I'm working on for Mother's Day, as well as Steve's sock, and of course the materials for the project for tomorrow. I'm sooo into knitting these days. On the 4-hour drive I got the majority of the first glove (take 2) done. It's looking MUCH better this time around. For some reason I just am not that great at chunks of colorwork, especially in the round. My tension gets so wonky and is a terrible show of my actual knitting skill, so my solution is to do the colorwork on the cuffs, but the cat heads I'm duplicate-stitching on.

We had planned to stop at the vegan place we ate at when we were in Wisconsin Dells, but it turns out it wasn't where we thought it was, and by the time we would get to it, it would be too close to closing. I recognized where we were though, and that cute cafe we went to after getting massages was open, and had delicious food. We got the same appetizer as last time (goat cheese, roasted garlic and peppers), and I tried their veggie burger. This cafe is so out of place in such a small town... the food is really good and there's a decent variety of vegetarian items, in this weird-ass diner-style cafe. In the bathroom there was a sign saying that the building and its accompanying plumbing is over 150 years old. The only other thing of note there was that Steve went into a bathroom (single stall) that turned out to be labeled as a women's bathroom, but he couldn't have known that because the door was wide open and the men's bathroom was hidden, so it just seemed like... a one-person bathroom. Which it was. A grumpy looking old lady waited outside for him and then made it her business to notify him that he used the wrong bathroom. Steve, caught unawares, was classic Steve and was like, "Oh, I had no idea! Whoops!" The old lady was not having it though and CLEARLY thought he had violated some prissy code in her head, and I had like a thousand sassy comments plus a fist for her stupid face if she said one more thing to him. Like, has she never had men in her HOUSE, where ALL bathrooms are gender neutral?? Twat.

We left there a little after 8 and had about 45 minutes to go. We listened to Game of Thrones the whole way, as we do. We've got less than 5 hours left of Book 5! OMG!!! We're actually almost caught up with everyone else, which is both exciting (because of course everything is so interesting and it'll be nice to have all the info) and stressful (I WANT MOOOOORE!!!). Now we're relaxing at Ben and Sean's, so tired. The plan is to get up and go garage sale-ing, Madison-style, before my class tomorrow. But for now, couchpod and sleeeeep.

Another day, another fail at waking up. However, the difference here is that I was able to wake Steve up in time for him to shower (and for me to lay in bed for 15 more minutes because I'd showered at night), and actually sit up with coffee. That was nice, minus the fact that I pretty much dreamed all night about heartburn I was having in real life, and woke up a bunch of times in burning pain. Ugh, awful. Heartburn is the worst. Also I stayed up until basically midnight because I am stupid as hell and midnight is the time my body naturally wants to go to bed, even though I am supposed to wake up at 5:30.

The morning was interesting, Vincente just got back from a week trip to Florida and came back with a terrible potty mouth and complete lack of respect for basically everyone. I redirected his nasty comments for about 10 minutes before I told him I needed to take him to reset so we could get a handle on it. He's funny because he will curse up a storm around me, tell me no, and ignore my requests for him to stop, but he has never actually sworn at me or NOT come with me when I've laid down a consequence. So I went in Tealie's room to grab write-ups for him, Malik and Isaiah (who were also fucking around). I always do these things matter-of-factly like, "Well fine, I guess this is the choice, I wish you made a different one now both of our lives are going to get temporarily derailed brb" and not like "YOU ARE PUNISHED I AM MAD." While I was getting the write-ups they were still goofing off, and Brian made the mistake he does of getting involved, and he fucking opens the door (disrupting Tealie's morning meeting) to ask if I was handling the situation EVEN THOUGH I could hear all three boys yelling that I was taking them to Reset. And then proceeded to bitch at me about their lack of listening. Which, again, I told Malik and Isaiah to go into Tealie's room and I would be back for them when I was finished with Vincente (we process with one kid at a time for obvious reasons), and they went and Tealie said Malik was good once he was in the room and Isaiah walked out once but came back. Pretty good for them.

When we were in Reset, Vincente was acting pretty petulant (again, more around me than at me) but he answered my questions and we would meander away from the topic and come back to it as I asked questions about his trip. I didn't figure out why he was being so rude, but we talked about his behavior in general and his mood and developed a plan to get back on track. He still was struggling with his rude behavior towards both peers and staff on the way back to class, but once we got in the room, his behavior returned to normal and he was in a pretty good mood and joked around with us and eventually got started on some work. He's proably overwhelmed from missing so much school, and it's hard to build up the resolve to catch up when you're so behind. Halfway through class, a behavior point sheet showed up for him from Brian, which we scored together at the end of class.

Tealie has been teasing other boys for copying Malik's habit of wearing his hood up. Malik's hood is not a battle I fight, because he doesn't make his hood an issue. When Jocelyn said she was going to be strict about hoods, I did have him meet with Elba when he refused to adhere to the expectation, and nothing changed, so I assumed it was okay for him specificially. I'll write it into his IEP for next year that he can have his hood with no penalty, because it's such a frickin SMALL thing. Anyway, boys copy Malik by wearing their hoods now (but NEVER say "But Malik gets to!!" when called out), and Tealie has found that by pointing it out ("Wow, you must really look up to Malik to copy him!" etc.) their hoods magically come off when we're not looking. Haaa. It's hilarious.

For 2nd block I had promised the kids we'd go outside today because it's supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow (for Fun Friday), and even though it was a little chilly, we stuck it out. The first group were silly and being kids playing tag while Chanel and I talked, and the 2nd group was only 4 of them and they were playing on the swings and then demanded I take pics of them.

Elijah (2nd from the left) made these funny faces for every pic. They are all so goofy. Dyshawn there on the right trying to look tough but he's just as young in his heart too. The other day he hurt himself messing around and asked me to rub his shin and when I refused, he pulled a tablecloth over his head, said "RIP Dyshawn" and later rose up as a zombie version of himself. He also asks me to push him on the swings every day. XD I LOVE MIDDLE SCHOOL!!

After that I ran quick to Nokomis, talked with a couple people about my leaving at the end of the year, and then I met Steve for lunch. Lunch was good, we had Naf Naf Grill. If you have a Naf Naf in your area and have never been there, GO! Their hummus bowls are to die for, especially if you add couscous or rice. A bowl is the way to go because they give you a pita anyway!! Like, why get a pita if you can have a bowl AND a pita?! Their falafel is delicious as are the sauces, and don't even get me STARTED on the pickles. Tasty. Since Steve is quitting soon he took full advantage of an hour and that was really nice. I love seeing him in my day, it really helps me survive and picks up my mood.

When I got back to Nokomis I mostly putzed around until my meeting at Parkway. We talked about plans for next year, but I really wanted to leave by 3:30 to pick up Joe Waid, so I left at that time but ran into Hser (student) on the way out. She always has a hug ready for me, and she asked me a bunch of questions about my plans for next year, saying I should look for somewhere I can be full-time again (I haven't told the kids yet of course), and saying I can'tcome work at the high school she's going to because she wants us to be Snapchat/FB friends (she knows I have a policy of not being social media friends with active students, though I allow them to message me if they have questions or things for me). Then she told me she's going to really need help with math next year and we need to set up "dates" after school. Awww. I love Hser. She also talked about how she doesn't like Steph (music) or Jen (bitch I also hate) and that Jen makes her meet with her as the school counselor and Hser said she makes it a point to tell Jen that me and Nicki are her favorite teachers for a variety of reasons.

Andy caught me on the way out, telling me all the reasons why he has been thinking about the fact that I'm leaving next year and how he turned down a sweet position because he thought he was building a program and now Jocelyn is trying to mix ASD and EBD and now his ASD students aren't getting any services and he can't select his own staff anymore and Jocelyn isn't following through on disciplining shitty staff etc. etc. etc. All points I have also voiced and was frustrated with. We talked about it, standing by my car for another half hour, mostly him venting all the things I agree with. It ended with him telling me to keep an eye out for an ASD position.

I picked up the Joe Waid and we met Steve at home. We all chatted for a bit, catching up on the general happenings in each other's lives, and then I finished the first of fingerless mitts I'm making for Mom, while Steve started Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands on XBox360 and Joe Waid looked at his phone for awhile before deciding to start Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker. Forgotten Sands looks really good, from my perspective, like a prettier version of Sands of Time on PS2. It has everythign a good Prince of Persia game should, at this point. I'm excited to see how it all plays out.

I was really excited to have finished one glove, until the light caught the ball of yarn. To my extreme dismay, I realized that i had been knitting with blue for the cat heads when I wanted black (my mom and stepdad have 2 black cats). To be fair it's a really dark navy, but the fact still remains. I lamented and mourned for the next hour or so, before resigning myself to the fact that I just have to rip back and start over with black. Ugh. This is coming on the heels of the older ladies in one of my podcasts (2 Knitlit Chicks) saying you never grow out of making dumb mistakes, like knitting with the tail end of your yarn or accidentally getting turned around in your knitting or twisting your yarn when joining ends. It was really funny to listen to, and reminded me of Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (YarnHarlot) telling many a funny mistake story, but when YOU are the one making the mistake, it's the goddamn worst!!! I was really hoping to have them done to like, mail to my mom tomorrow since I'm not seeing her this weekend. Alas, I need to do it right. I can't tolerate blue cat heads. I want gloves she'll be really happy to wear, and black cats are the way to go. Lucky for me I have a 5+ hour drive ahead tomorrow with Steve on down to Madison to rectify and redeem myself.

Uh oh, today was another morning where the sleep was just too damn good and suddenly it was far too late for morning coffee. The good news for me was that I had a paperwork day today and as such, didn't actually need to be at work by a certain time. On top of that, I'm done in a month with this district completely soooo.... I may not be the best employee right now.

I ended up doing a lot of catching up with typing, and it was frustrating that there was always a piece or two I needed that I couldn't just get by, say, testing a kid. I needed information from specific teachers. So I sent some emails and wrote what I could find. Overall it was a really boring day so I spent a lot of the inbetween texting Steve and tagging him in memes, and chatting with Bethany and Haley. It was a really good day for talking with Steve via text, but he was gone for FAR too long. Thankfully I'm gonna figure out a way to have lunch with him tomorrow, because god my days are lame without him! My principal at Nokomis emailed me congratulating me on "picking a great leader" of a prinicipal for next year, because everyone knows everyone in education. She also told everyone at their staff meeting, so I gotta prepare for questions over the next week or so.

Before noon Steve sent the confirmation that he got that job at the U of MN!!! I'm SO happy for him and SO proud. The university has a ton of perks that the hiring manager filled him in on, such as good healthcare, free undergrad degrees and 75% reduction in cost for graduate degrees, and even though his job is basically the same as what he does now, he's getting even more money (and he already made a decent amount). Even with my reduction in pay by switching districts, we still come out ahead. It's funny that his hiring manager was so eager to share the perks, because my new principal did the exact same thing when he offered me the position - he talked about how good the healthcare is in particular plus the district contribution. St. Paul does similar but the healthcare isn't as good. For example, vision isn't covered at all, but they do cover most of the premium. Now Steve doesn't have to give a shit about his job anymore, or, he can give even less of a shit. He's defintiely Michael Scott after Michael gives his 2-week notice:

So. Of course we were both excited all day to celebrate. When I told Bethany and Haley about it, of course Haley wanted to come to dinner, and I felt bad turning her down because she really WAS happy for him and we hang out with her so little these days. Once Steve got home we got WAY too snuggly and fell asleep for about 45 minutes, and it was much needed. As it's after 11 and I'm definitely going to regret staying up so late, I'm thinking I'll likely need a nap tomorrow, too.

Haley, Steve and I went to Acapulco, and Steve soon told us Nick was going to be able to make it after all. Haley made a small scene by really wanting a booth and barely waiting for them to clean one off before sitting in it, and it was really funny with Nick having to sit by her. She alternated between talking about her ex/boyfriend, asking inappropriate questions about Nick's sex life, demanding he show her his Tinder account after he told her he saw her on there (he refused and stood his ground), eating her food messily, and passing around pictures of her butt in a thong and having us vote on them (I'd voted earlier and the boys ended up picking the same one as I did). Nick was really funny because he seemed VERY nervous about looking at the pics until I gave permission. Honestly I do appreciate it, because I am weird about Haley sometimes but she's not like, a THREAT or anything. She never does these things in like a malicious or sneaky way, she legitimately is curious. It's really hard to explain because she obviously wants people to think the pics are sexy, but she's not being annoying about it. UGH I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. Like there's a difference between her and other girls. Like the intent. I don't know. Either way, I guess I'm protective of her AND my friendships and I'm not worried about her with Steve or my friends. It was an amusing time and I'm glad she felt animated and talkative today.

She left after dinner but Nick came over. The boys played handhelds and I decided to play ITG. The first couple of songs I did terribly on, but after a few more I really started warming up, and I ended up doing pretty well. I finally got the star (96%) on Anubis and Summer in Belize, improved my Hand of Time to above 97%, and got the tri-star (99%) on The Game. We recently read in Ben's book, written in 2013, that he had just gotten his 2nd quad (100%), so we went to his Groovestats to see which song it was. It was The Game. Only 25 more excellents to improve and I'm there!! lol. Damn you Ben and your amazing accuracy!! Nah, I'm proud of the improvements I made, and I felt really good about the play today. I even tried a few new 12's and even though I couldn't pass them, it really felt like a stamina/getting tired issue vs ability. None of them seemed too hard, footwise, just my ability to not get tired out. I have optimism of being able to pass another 12 soon.

It's worth mentioning that I beat Steve at Rummikub yesterday, but it was a really good game. We'd been operating on the system of the 2nd person being able to take one last turn after the other person goes "out," but yesterday was the first time we played without that rule, so the game became much more intense and nervewracking, lol. I'm still only beating him by a few points, but that could change at any time!

Monday coffee time was a success. Steve didn't have to wake up right away because he was working from home, and really would just be sitting anxiously waiting all morning for his final interview. I showered and mildly cursed Steve's name when I discovered he'd removed the razor from the shower, but then just shrugged and framed it like less time in the shower/more time with Steve. Today was supposed to be the hottest day this week, in the 80's. We sipped our coffee (a day old, because we didn't drink much of the last pot we made and couldn't really justify throwing it out), chatted a bit and snuggled. All too soon it was time for me to go, the second-hardest part of my day after waking up.

When I got to school at 7:20 (a few minutes late, naturally), I learned that someone had thrown some dairy product in our garbage and it didn't get changed and baked in our room all weekend, so the room was absolutely saturated in that old-milk/mold smell. YUCK. It was terrible. Going against the general perfume-free rule, I sprayed the entire room like 3 times, which our kids were all grateful for. Just pure awfulness.

I went and did my Monday gym supervision and Todd was there today with his students, which was a nice change of pace from just the 6th graders and I like chatting with Todd far more than I do with Brian. The boys played some 4-on-4 and everyone was having a good time right up until the end, when Chaz escalated for no reason (as usual) and pushed Dyshawn, who is a year older than him. Dyshawn turned around as a warning to see who pushed him but didn't even look mad, though everyone else was on alert because that was a clear provocation. I think Dyshawn is the kind of kid who can judge who's worth his time, and Chaz, while scrappy, definitely isn't. Because this is such a frequent problem with Chaz, everyone ignored him and left, which was a relief.

1st block was WAY too hyped up for a Monday, and we started a new project*. It's usually the favorite of the year and Tealie and I made it up 4 years ago, called the Real Life Project. It uses percentages, proportions and a bunch of other random math and requires students to compare two jobs, find a house/apartment, car (or calculate for public transport), and groceries and figure out whether they can afford their expenses. Invariably the majority of kids look up impossible professions, such as a sports figure or actress, but having to choose 2 usually means the second option is reasonable - today some examples included Uber driver, cosmetologist, McDonald's employee and nurse. Tealie and I spent a good chunk of the hour just getting students settled, but eventually 95% of them got to work and started getting excited about it. Second block was uneventful, just working on equations still. It was especially quiet because Konmeng was gone from period 3 and Tre'Kari wasn't there for period 4. Dyshawn told me he had a dream that Doug (one of my colleagues) got into a verbal argument with another student and he said something like, "I didn't want to have to cuss but can you please just shut the fuck up" XDDDD I love how that was such a big deal to him, when more than half the stuff he says any time he opens his mouth is foul and inappropriate.

Steve was at his interview when I stopped by home, which sucked, but I sent him a bunch of encouraging texts. I got fresh coffee and watered my hanging plant before heading to Nokomis. I had a pretty chill day with the 4th and 5th graders as they all had independent work to do, and they came late so I called Steve when I knew he was done with the interview. He was told by the hiring manager that (AGAIN) it went well, so Steve spent the rest of the day hoping for the final call. The guy messaged him on Facebook in the evening to say that he and the director hadn't had a chance to touch base but that they would soon. I'm 99.9% sure Steve will get offered the position. It really sounds like he will.

My 1st and 2nd grader also went really today. We practiced "short i" words something fierce while I typed up my sub plans. The 1st grader has no cognitive issues, only social, so I just give her an extra dose of academics while I work with the 2nd grader, who definitely has some sort of visual processing disability, which I discovered when I was doing her initial testing and qualified her for Special Ed a couple months ago. She regularly confuses b, d, and p and she is smack dab in the average cognitive range, very socially adept, and tries so hard. I see her face when she knows her brain is jumbling up words, and she is very self-conscious that she can barely read. So I'm making her hit words HARD. Her mom is annoyed that we're working on "basics," but she goddamn NEEDS the basics. Not that she doesn't *know* these simple words, it's about training her brain to see the letters correctly.

My three young boys (K and 1st) were okay today, Kamron cried once as usual lately and for literally no reason - I told him he couldn't take all 6 of the koosh ball fidgits (Larmar only wanted one) - but I never take any of that crap and he stopped pretty quickly. It's so funny when one of them acts up because the other two always act EXTRA like, "I'M not being a baby, but SOMEONE else is" about it. Can't WAIT to not have to work with little kids anymore. Hate it. But Kamron still gave me two hugs when he left (he always gives me one, and then often gets some distance away and then comes back for another) and said "I'll see you TOMORROW" like a thousand times as he walked back to his classroom.

As soon as I booted them, I raced home to Steve. He had to do one more meeting so I layed on the floor by the window scrolling through Facebook until he was done, and then I went and tried to nap unsuccessfully for a half hour before we left to go PokeHunting at Mall of America (or MoA, as we know it). First we went to the local stops, got coffee, and headed to Level Up. Normally on Mondays we go game shopping with Tyler, sometimes Nick and rarely Quimby. Today was canceled, but Steve and I still decided to look at the better of the two stores. He did end up with a Wario game that just came in, and it was sold to Steve for only $6 even though he guessed to the clerk that it would sell for $10 (and he told me after we left that it's worth $12).

MoA was fun, we stopped at GameStop before heading to BurgerBurger (their impossible burger in a lettuce wrap is amazing and they have good friesand dipping sauces) because I hadn't eaten basically all day save for some fruit. After that we wandered the mall and did a 3-star raid and had silliness when our dumb in-game characters were all wonky because of bad service. Even though there were several others clearly playing as well, we never all lined up at any of the various raids, which unfortunately never exceeded 4-stars. We were really hoping to get a 5-star raid with people because Latios is going to stop being a raid boss soon. Alas.

We got some disappointing Macarons that we discarded after trying the flavors, Steve got a bubble tea, and we generally had a nice romantic time wandering the mall. It's such a more bearable place during the week... far less people.

After that we headed home, and after I watered the garden and let my feet rest for a few, it was meal prep time! I made our breakfasts for the week and two sets of lunches:

Chia Pudding is a staple breakfast. I often wake up hungry but Steve struggles to eat food that doesn't make him nauseous in the morning. Chia pudding works for both of us because it's easy, versatile, and doesn't cause Steve to feel ill. AND it can be made ahead of time, and is in fact encouraged to do so to allow the seeds to plump.

For Steve's lunches I made a Butternut Squash and Pasta with Cheez sauce. I'd say it's some of the best vegan cheesy sauce I've ever made, omg. Instead of making separate vegetables I just used the leftover squash as the main veggie, and it looks amazing. Whenever recipes call for a certain amount of nutritional yeast, I always add more because YUM. My sauce was insanely thick so I ended up actually using almost double the water, added slowly, and it was perfect.

For my lunches I made a Mexican-style couscous. Always a delicious and flavorful meal. I usually use a bit more broth than called for and I add turmeric to everything. I also just used the entire bell peppers instead of half.

I made all of these at the same time, and Steve helped with the dishes when I was in the final stages of cooking. It all took just over an hour, and I'm not even a particularly fast or efficient cook. With practice I've been able to reduce my time in the kitchen, but a lot of that has to do with choosing relatively simple recipes (aka a few main ingredients) with several spices and use of salt and pepper even when it doesn't call for it. It's amazing what a huge difference it makes (thanks Blue Apron for teaching me that!!).

Finally, I snapped a photo just because-

It's mirrored because I took it in the Snapchat camera but still :D

Off to snuggle cats and a boy!

*After MCA's (standardized testing) we spend the rest of the year on projects that are varying degrees of math-focused, and most years is a really fun, busy, creative and honestly kind of relaxing way to end the school year.

This morning when I woke up, I was pleased that I woke up naturally, even if I still felt quite tired. I expected to it be kind of late for how much of the "waking up and going back to sleep" cycling I did before I finally decided to stay awake. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was only 9:15; plenty of time to get ready and get brunch at Ward 6.

Steve and I got ready and headed out after locating a couple of our reuseable bags. When reuseable shopping bags first came out, I didnt really have an interest in them. When my mom got into selling ThirtyOne bags, she gave me one of hers to use, and it was so nice! But I would ALWAYS forget it in the car and have to use disposable bags anyway. Now it's gotten to the point that if I forget my reuseable bags, I either try to carry it all in my arms (often) or, if I have too many food items, I buy another reuseable bag (less often). I know that we own at least 5, more like probably 7 or 8, reuseable bags. So why is it that we can only find 2?

After we got to Ward 6 we did a little Pokemon Go. Today I wore a new dress I got on sale at Express, which meant I was wearing "nicer" shoes, my wedges. These shoes are of good quality, but even so, they still wear at my feet after awhile. Today was really good though. I had no probems walking around, but I did definitely need to consume food, as the Hangry Monster was roiling on up. Got my usual Belgian Waffle. It was very good today. If they put the toppings on my waffle, I get the tiniest drops of fruit compote and whipped cream. If they put the toppings on the side, I get an actual serving of both. The fruit is always delicious - Ward 6 sources locally and organically as much as possible. Yum.

At some point Steve and I got on a bad train of thought, and things quickly spiraled. He made a comment that he thought was kind of a sharp joke, but was actually just sharp and mean, and suddenly I was crying. He seemed caught off-guard, but I had been sensing some anger underneath his presentation all morning. We tried to talk about it but we both just escalated until he tossed his card at me to pay and stormed out to cool down. When we left we talked some more, somewhat calmer, as we went and took a couple gyms and did a raid at Metro State. Eventually we reached a place where we were okay moving on with our day and talked a little bit more as we drove to the store. Once we got to the Wedge I think we were recovered. It had been a little while since we'd had a slip like that, and that's okay. It just serves as a reminder that Steve is still struggling (as am I), and we need to be mindful and open. It's obvious that I'm continuing to be more open; I was as surprised as he was that one comment, in public no less, made me cry on the spot.

Shopping was good, we got most of the necessary foods for meal prep. Every store we went to was packed though, ugh. We agreed we need a new plague. We were pleasantly surprised when our bill somehow totaled only $77. Sweet. Steve got an americano from the cafe and I bought some Honest T. When I was drinking it I was thinking the drink could used a touch more honey, not a lot more, but I could barely taste it. At some point I read the label: Unsweetened. Hm, makes more sense now.

There were still a few items we needed when we left the Wedge, so we went back to Woodbury and went to Whole Foods. That trip was short and sweet, and finally we needed to stop at PetsMart for oooone more thing. Oh, and Cub... and the Dollar Store... and Menards. I don't know how we did all that and still managed to make it home at a decent time. Steve got the groceries away and then we took a sex break (amazing) before heading outside to read Ben's book. Steve read a few chapters while I sunned myself, and then we traded and I read a few more. It was awesome.

When the sun started to get too low we came back inside and Steve heated up some food and we took another sex break and that was awesome. Steve has a final interview/meet and greet tomorrow to see if he'll get this job he really wants at the U of MN. I'm 99% sure he will get it, because it sounds like he's not even really against anyone, just that the director wants to meet him before the offer is formally extended. So I ironed his suit for him so he'll look extra sharp tomorrow, while he started some ITG. He had a really good set, improving a bunch of scores. It was really fun watching and supporting him, and I enjoyed seeing him feeling good about his play. While he did that I worked on my Mother's day gift and got a good chunk of the colorwork done. There are going to be a LOT of ends to weave in, but hey, at least it's knitting up quick!

Today was the first Saturday of garage sale season, which for us means that Steve woke up early (for a weekend — it's still two hours later than we wake up for work). We meant to get up at 6:30 for coffee time, but we went to bed past midnight and I continue to suck at sleeping.

My tracker caught 2 times of me being awake. Usually my sleep tracker doesn't even recognize when I'm awake, because I don't move around enough. As I said, I usually find myself staring into the dark. You will note the 158 audio catches, which include snoring (from either of us), but are usually me tossing and turning. The light sleep is often me being awake. I've tried calibrating it multiple times to track my wakefulness, but the app just won't believe me when my heart rate isn't spiking. /rant

You'll note that I have a giant orange bar on the right. When Steve left, I decided to go back to sleep until 9, at which time I'd go to the farmer's market. Instead I laid there anxiously as Connie, Grandma, or Ronnie came in and out of the house 100 times as the garage sale got underway. I stubbornly stayed in bed anyway, desperate for more Z's, listening to Day9 play Hearthstone.

When that didn't work, I invited Haley out with me and went to pick her up. She was in a decent mood, updating me on the Derek situation and I updated her on the garage sale situation. She also described her horrible experience at the doctor about her possible fibroids or cysts, and I started to actually feel faint/dizzy/gray as my trauma reaction to anything in the cervix/uterus area spiked.

We got a parking spot a bit away but not terrible, and we wandered around the market. It's still too early for most of the produce, especially with such an extended winter and literally no spring, but the flowers were out, and that's what I was there for. We started at the front, which is comprised of vendors of various goods - clothing, jewelry, honey, meat, cheese, bread, sauces, tea, etc. I bought some sticky rice and veggies from my favorite Hmong food place (and they put out a new curry spice mix to go with their sweet potato noodles so I bought both), and Haley bought a lemon poppyseed muffin. She also bought a mug from our "Mug Lady" before we went back to the flowers.

This year I decided to go with a brights theme - orange, red, and yellow. I bought some Dahlia, Merigold, one other, and I bought some medium-sized white flowers as filler to mix it up. I hadn't cleaned out my garden at all yet this year so I wasn't sure how many perennials had come back, and I didn't want to buy too many. Haley and I spent a lot of time going back on forth on what was ugly and what wasn't. I also ended up, for the first time, buying a plant that goes in a hanging pot and should cascade out of it. When I asked the woman if it could be indoors, she got REALLY weird about it and stammered that they only raised plants to go outside. ...okay, that's what I was asking. Haley has a bunch of plants that go indoors in hanging pots. Her response had the tone of complete shock at the idea of an indoor plant, like my question was WAY out of left field. Steve has called me out a few times lately for being unnecessarily snappy to customer service people (I dispute one for sure) so I made a concerted effort not to react to her and just said thanks (in a not-bitchy tone) and said I'd put it outside.

After the farmer's market I dropped Haley off at home, got gas and a car wash (discovered that my driver window has several weak spots in the seal, lol), and bought a hanging container for the new plant as well as compost and potting soil from Menards. When I got home I had to quickly drop all the stuff off before driving Steve and myself over to Baker's Square for lunch with Steve's parents and grandpa. This is a bi-monthly thing, as Steve's grandpa is 90 and still living independently and his parents live 4 hours away. Before we got there Steve and I made our "Bingo cards" on what phrases or topics would be brought up at the lunch.

Steve's mom won the bingo game, though she doesn't know it. At the end, we were doing the Minnesota Goodbye aka standing outside of the doors of the restaurant, half blocking them, and continuing to talk while edging in the direction of our cars before coming back in for hugs, and Mama Aker started shotgunning phrases and topics at us, as if she remembered about it and needed to squeeze in as many phrases as possible. She ended with, "I haven't seen you in so long I was gonna ask if Steve got a new girlfriend!" and right at that second, a woman was walking toward the door. Mama Aker pointed at her and said, "You really should get that shirt!" The woman's shirt read, I didn't want to come. We both burst out laughing, knowing how fucking good she got me. It was amazing, I'm proud of that super sick burn. Shows me that Steve and Amy didn't get their humor from nowhere.

After that, Steve and I got Starbucks (he got his usual Americano and I got the new cold press with foam drink) and I took us to Half Price Books. I didn't find anything - I was looking for a specific sock knitting book - but Steve ended up with a couple cheap games.

We headed home and hung out outside while the garage sale wrapped up. I started weeding the garden: cleaning out the leaves, clipping the dead perennials and moving the old stuff out of the new growth, managing the ants with my cinammon spray, and ignoring my cousin Danny's awkward stares as much as possible. Steve sat nearby. They started packing up, and Danny and Ronnie (Danny's dad) started bickering about whatever, and I didn't see what happened but Ronnie is so damn unstable and as he tried to stalk up the driveway (at best he can manage a painful-looking lurch) he lost his balance and fell on his "good" side. It was extra embarrassing because grandma got all stressed and he couldn't stand easily and Danny just stared and there were people AT the garage sale still looking. It was sooo awkward. He was at least agreeable for a few minutes to sit down, but he almost fell at least two more times before they left. God! Just stop!!! Soon after that it started lightly raining for no reason so we had to bring everything in while my aunt and grandma muttered about mold... kayyyy. It let up soon enough so we could finish packing up the stuff and I could get back to the garden.

They got everything out of the garage to take to Ronnie's to try to sell there, which was surprising and a huge relief. Connie still has stuff in our guest room, but not nearly as much and she's promised to get it all out in the next couple weeks. So I finished the garden. It looks good, but I think will need a couple more flowers. Oh well, guess I have to go to the farmer's market again (yay!).

I got done planting with 10 minutes to spare before my tutoring lesson with Riria (she's been my student for almost 4 years). Lesson was good, but her connection wasn't great. We finished Charlotte's Web and I made the mistake of asking if she had an English book she wanted to read, and of COURSE she chose Hachiko, so I'll probably cry.

Nick and Scott came over, I ordered a pizza and Steve went to get it while I finally took pictures and posted my haul from Yarnover on Instagram and updated my Ravelry. Soooo excited. After that I came down here with the boys and started my newest project. I REALLY want to start like 2 different shawls and another pair of socks (and I have Steve's socks on the needles), but I was a responsible person and cast on for Mom's Mother's day gift: Curious Cats fingerless gloves. I'm already done with the cuff and am about to start the pattern. The wonders of worsted weight yarn and larger needles!!

During that time, Nick started Uncharted 2, Scott played something handheld, and Steve fell asleep (he had a big day!). We chatted about woodshop classes we took in school and other random things. Eventually Steve woke up from his nap, we all talked a bit more, and then it was P-gas time*. Steve and I had planned to go Ghost Hunting in Pokemon Go tonight, but we're both too beat. There will be other nights for spooky romance!

*P-Gas = poison gas. A method of kicking his friends out since the beginning of time, wherein at a certain point in the night the room fills with a toxic gas that forces everyone but us to evacuate. Steve has prevented so many tragic incidents from occurring by being vigilant all these years.

A couple years ago, Ben lent Steve and myself a book that was a compilation of letters he wrote to his friends and family during his first year of college. He sent it as a kind of newsletter that summarized his daily life. He called it "college complaints," and it was hilariously steeped in the deep-seated but kindhearted annoyed way that Ben has. His family had it published for him, and the rest is history. However, he only wrote through the Spring of that year, and they abruptly end. This last time that we visited Ben and Sean, it was revealed that Ben began writing again a few years later, and THAT time period is now ANOTHER book of complaints. Reading it has inspired Steve and myself to try to write our own versions — me on my LJ and him on Google Drive — for at least 100 days (stretch goal being a whole year). We're thinking it would be neat to see if we can write for basically 100 straight days, and also we are interested in comparing our views on the day as well as our writing styles. We're gonna call it #couplecomplaints. So. Day 1.

Suddenly, I was awake*. This week has been insane with regards to waking up. The cuddles in bed have been too good, and I've been struggling HARD again to stay asleep at night. I notice that 5-7 times a night I'm just staring into the dark, awake. It's offered me more opportunities to rotate and snuggle Steve (or make him snuggle me), but in the morning it's hella frustrating to be so damn tired.

( Read more... )

Taking forever to write journal entries yet again. STILL haven't written my California entry...

Two of the weekends in September Steve and I stayed the weekend in Madison, though ostensibly we were there just to crash and had other things we were doing.

The first weekend, we went to Distant Worlds in Chicago, as I mentioned. Then last weekend we went to see Stephen and Owen King in Milwaukee.

Guys. Stephen King NEVER tours. He never does book signings. He doesn't need to! He doesn't care about that stuff! BUT THIS YEAR HE DECIDED TO. And! He decided to give every attendee a copy of their new book on the way out. Where UP TO 16% of them were signed by the authors (the venue said "up to 400 copies" so we don't actually know how many copies were signed). When they were talking about signing the books, SK (he calls himself Steve!!! But that would be confusing if I referred to him as Steve bc of my boyfriend) said that his son would nudge him once during each event and say, "Make this one really small." and said that ONE of the books had small signatures from each of them.

The line to get in was INSANE, and the event was totally packed. As usual, I got Steve and myself really good seats in the lower balcony.

The event was them talking about the book, each reading an excerpt, talking about their life, and SK showed everyone pictures of his Corgi Molly, who is Facebook famous because SK refers to her as The Thing of Evil.

( Read more... )

For the last month or more, the only thing I've wanted to do in my free time is knit. I finished my first experimental pair of socks on the way back from Madison. When Steve and I were at Distant Worlds at the Chicago Symphony Center, I was the crazy lady with the yarn. When we were walking to our seats, I was knitting on my socks, and when we sat down I realized I wouldn't be able to work the decreases in the dark, and that meant I needed to start Sean's scarf.

The problem with the yarn for Sean's scarf is that it is not wound into balls yet. This meant that I would need to wind it myself, which often has disastrous results. I did not want to have an inner meltdown due to tangled yarn during my fun concert. So I tried to elect Steve's help:

The look of exasperation on his face as he struggled to get the yarn around his big feet, coupled with the fact that we were in the front row of these balcony seats and people were DEFINITELY staring, had me in uncontrollable giggles. Unfortunately, this method did not work as the yarn refused to pull or rotate the way I wanted. Steve got his repreive from being used as furniture, but he DID have to sit next to me with the yarn hanging around my neck and me rotating it around and around while I wound it into a ball. This unconventional method worked far better than I think it should have, and before long I had a cute little ball of this soft gorgeous yarn.

A simple pattern, yes. I loved the sample wrap at the yarn shop, but can't tell if I hate the plain garter with yarnover decorations...

A woman at my yarn shop talked about how she ALWAYS winds her yarn by hand, so she can get the "feel" of it. That without winding using your hands, you can't get to know the yarn - you can't develop an understanding of its tension, its personality, if it's splitty or smooth, if it's uneven, or if it's content. After winding my own ball without major issues (a first - normally I'm too busy detangling to notice anything but how difficult it's being), I totally understand the desire to experience the yarn in that way... But I still prefer the convenience of a machine winder.

As for the socks, I returned to them the following day after lunch.

In classic Leah fashion, my body is built all wonky, including my calves and feet. I have huge calves, regular human-sized ankles, and smallish feet (I wear a US 6.5 usually). Because of this, when knitting top-down, I have to cast on an abnormally high number of stitches for your average woman, decrease around the ankle so it's not baggy, and decrease even more for my feet themselves so there's not extra material on the bottom of the foot.

I knit the two socks very differently, as I learned things from the first sock and applied them to the second sock. I didn't account for the fact that with less stitches and more stretch, I would need to make the foot longer, technically speaking, on the second sock than the first. Unfortunately, I learned this AFTER I bound off and sewed in all the ends. I was shocked to discover I was a full inch and a quarter short when I tried to slip the sock on my foot.

Also in classic Leah fashion, I had a moment of panic where I thought,
"OH WELL! Guess I'm just NOT having two socks. They're my first pair anyway, who cares?! I don't need to wear them! WHATEVER!!!"

And then in defiance I worked some on Sean's scarf with the beautiful handpainted Mountain Colors Twizzlefoot yarn, a mix of wools, silk and a bit of nylon, which calmed me down enough to realize I was being overdramatic, and even though my toe decreases and end-weaving were perfection, it wouldn't take too long to undo, add rows, and redo again.

In the last leg of the four-hour drive back from Madison I sucked it up and returned to the sock, carefully finding my woven-in yarn, making one gentle cut, and I undid the toe. I inserted my three needles to the row before the decreases, and then I frogged out all the yarn until that point. It was as painless as I knew it would be, and my finishing toe ended just as well as the first. I was able to weave in all the ends and have two functional, finished woolly socks for the first time in my knitting career. Yes, it is long overdue.

You can see the difference between the two socks - the left far looser than the right due to the number of stitches. I decreased much more gently on that sock, whereas on the second sock I decreased aggressively, but not soon enough. I might actually have made the ribbing too loose! I also recently saw patterns where you change needles for the foot, using one size smaller instead of decreasing as much as I did. I'll have to keep trying.

I already can't imagine NOT making millions of socks. My next pair of will be knit toe-up, as increasing seems to be more logical in this type of situation. So will begin my NEW learning and experimentation with socks in the reverse.

A friend on another blog posed the question in my subject line. She described her heart in the way I would think many in the world do: transparent with cracks. She described her love interest as opaque, like polished obsidian. I think my heart is like a ball of yarn. It's made of fibers woven together, criss-crossed experiences and memories folded and wrapped and twisted, with bits that are thicker, bits that are thinner, with frays here and there from getting caught on the various things that may pull it out of place. It's beautiful, and dense, and malleable. It's tough, but has a lot of give.

What's your heart made of?

Less than four minutes outside and my charged phone won't stay on! So we ended up combining mine and Steve's phone recordings... when we went back inside and checked, the wind chill put the temp at -45.

We wanted to get the temps for posterity, and school and many jobs have closed for the next couple of days. When we went outside, sans hat or gloves because, hey, we're Minnesotans! Ain't nobody got time for extraneous warmth items. Srs. But I mean, I also wanted to see what it was like for people who just DON'T have those luxuries. We were outside for a total combined time of MAYBE seven minutes (with going into the house a couple times to get the phone to work again), and my hands hurt for a good while after we came back inside. There is literally no way a person would not have died in that. I have no idea about the wild animals. Jeez.

Anyway, cute-ish video of me and Steve reading the temps. The temperature gauge was originally in the garage, which typically steadily reads at 10-degrees, so it provided us the ability to watch the temp drop.

(side note: I started this entry over the weekend of the 16th and got half of a sentence in... lol)
On Thursday I ditched school, picked up Steve and we went to see Patrick Rothfuss at this tiny little "bar and hall" in downtown Saint Paul. I mean, I wouldn't say "ditched" per se because I told the professor about it ahead of time and everything but I didn't tell Blake I had a different engagement other than school. We were the first ones waiting in this atrium area in front of the "red doors" that were specified. I was very territorial about the doors but I was trying to act nonchalant, knitting my scarf and talking to Steve (he played a lot of the "facebook status bot" game and it was pretty funny). But on the inside I was so very "Line starts behind ME!!!" to anyone new who came in. Eventually I just actually stood in front of the door instead of near it. I wanted to get the best seats and I didn't care who was annoyed at me about it! I was the first one in and I got seats literally front and center. I didn't know who Paul and Storm were but I figured I would be getting acquainted with them in the near future due to my seating position. There was this very nice middle-aged woman who was the MOST Minnesota, and she offered to get Steve and myself drinks for watching her seats (we declined the drinks, and I followed her up to the bar). I didn't know what to get other than a red bull for Steve, so I was looking around at the other people. A man walked up to another person kitty-corner to me and introduced himself very gentlemanly-like to PATRICK ROTHFUSS!!! I didn't even notice he was standing basically RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I took a secret picture and sent the lady to get Steve. Pretty soon other people started coming, and I knew he would be staying after to sign books (I mean, he stayed NINE hours in Madrid signing books and this was not only a ticketed event, but many people didn't even hear about it) so I made sure we got pictures with him and told him how awesome he was, but we quickly left him alone because he was getting bombarded with people and we felt bad. Then when Paul and Storm were about to come on, he peeked out and we made eye contact so I waved to him AND HE WAVED BACKKKK. I felt a huge wave of starstruckness and also some embarrassment at being a tool.

Paul and Storm were pretty funny, they kept the crowd giggling, and then on one of the last songs ("Frogger") Paul grabbed me from the audience and sang to me/with me or whatever. I almost died. I was still knitting at that point and he actually said, in front of everyone, "You can bring your knitting if you want"!! omgggg. He spit on me in singing enthusiasm and Steve got a few pics. It was awesome but also kind of the worst because everyone was staring at me.

Patrick Rothfuss came out and read his first "Children's" book and talked a lot about it as well as the origins, and pointed out that while he is not allowed to sell copies of the second book online, that he could sell them at the merchandise booth. I was sooo excited!!! After he was finished, he opened up for some question time, and while most of the questions were boring, someone DID start to say something about the Adem being modeled after people on the Autism spectrum, and Patrick seemed to get a almost offended and said that the Adem are nothing like people on the spectrum and his tone implied that the guy asking the question was pretty dumb to think so (while I wouldn't have gotten as huffy about it, I obviously agree - the Adem may SEEM autistic until you realize how they communicate and that their whole world is BUILT around understanding body language and expression... duh) . Someone asked if he'd been to therapy. It sounded as if it was supposed to be a joke, but Patrick took the opportunity to disclose that he's actually been in therapy for a year, and he started therapy because his marriage was falling apart and he has been a really angry person for a long time, and that he and Sarah were about to get a divorce. He said that therapy helped him work through a lot of his anger, fix his relationship, and be a better father. It was an intense and touching confession, and I'm so glad he told us about it and that his life has improved!

After that, he told us about how he was an "advice columnist" for his school newspaper in college and he read some of his columns. They were so funny and great. One of them entailed a story about how he convinced his RA and floor supervisor to let him keep his guinea pigs by saying they were fish (The punchline was where he stuck one of his guinea pigs in a tank and when the RA freaked out and asked what the hell he was doing he said, "I'm. showing you. my fish."), and one where he debated slow zombies vs. fast zombies using sex as an analogy (both have their merits and downfalls but it's really personal preference).

After he was done, he set up at a table for book signing and chatting. He said that he hates that he has to stop chatting with people at long signings (like in Madrid) because it's like his favorite part - talking to the fans and really connecting. Steve and I had to run around the building to take out cash and I was worried about not getting a copy of the second Princess and Mr. Whiffle but it was okay :) Then we waited in line for a long while even though there were only like 20-30 people in front of us, which was awesome because it showed that we'd get to talk with him for a few minutes. With the people in front of us they discussed the comparative value of the money in the books (one talent can be VERY ROUGHLY compared to $1000, at the basic level). When we got up there we gushed a bit, talked about how it's impossible to remember people's names, and the fact that Patrick is considering releasing a book inbetween Wise Man's Fear and The Doors of Stone that takes place in the same world. When Steve and I told him that we would love ANY books in that universe and would happily read every single book he puts out, AND not to listen to the idiots whining about wanting the third book because they are just being selfish jerks, he thanked us and said that he will now really consider doing it, and he said it would be very easy to finish and publish. So that's exciting!

It was a great night.

I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.

So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.

I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!

Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-away-er. When Steve made me realize that apparently in reaction to being a yeller, I have actually moved to the other side of the spectrum. As a person who feels incredibly self-aware (and really, just aware of everything in general) it is rare that I don’t know something about myself. I thanked Steve for helping me realize that, and now that I know this information, I can work on it. I still tried my best to explain how me processing information is extremely rigid and I don’t know HOW to be there for him when I am struggling with a change (a CLASSIC part of my Autism), which was his primary concern. He was upset that I was being selfish and stopped trying to make HIM feel better because I decided my problem was more important/urgent. We discussed that because Steve gets mopey less often, I have less practice in working through things that send me into Reaction Mode. Dan was a pouter, a moper, a crier… all for attention. He wanted me to coddle him, to hold him, to remind him over and over again that I cared about him. It got to a point that I was so annoyed with him any time he behaved like that, I would start screaming at him, telling him to suck it up. I have dragged him down stairs, I have left him sobbing in hallways… I didn’t have it in me to take care of him that way. I am not a touchy-feely person, and comforting someone when they believe I have hurt them in some way, when they are behaving so dramatically, and ON PURPOSE, is too hard for me. Dan would admit that he would act in those ways so that he could provoke a certain reaction or a certain phrase for me. He said he relished my efforts to make him feel better so he would draw out the attention as long as he could. Which in turn would absolutely infuriate me. Tangent aside, I still struggle with the fear that Steve will begin behaving the same way because he craves attention from me. I realize that while it speaks to how people will do anything for attention. But I am also aware that this type of pattern shows that I don’t provide enough attention, enough affection. Which isn’t good. I need to fix that.

ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf, this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.

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Page generated Jun. 11th, 2025 07:44 pm

A Heart's a Heavy Burden

Entries tagged with steve

13// A day mostly in pictures

12// Loudmouths, errands and giant knitting needles

11// Such a tired day

10// The day we kept forgetting to do things or being too late | conclusion knitting

9// 9.9/10 day, so much to talk about

9 Part 1// Placeholder bulleted list Madison

8// Weekend means there's a decent chance we're going to Madison

7// Middle school antics and ripping back (not frogging)

6// So damn happy for Steve, a good ol' Haley time, and a productive ITG day

4// Insanity, romanticality, yummality and some vanity

3// Brunch, Sun, and Grocery shopping

2// "I didn't want to come." Tired, sassy, and productive

1// Couple Complaints

Oh lord

What is your heart made of?

Brr!