A Heart's a Heavy Burden

I haven't been sleeping very well the past couple weeks. I'm used to waking up a few times a night, but I feel like lately it's nearly hourly. I don't feel rested and I definitely don't ever want to get up for anything. Ughhh.

The English version of Clannad is on Netflix Instant, and I was super excited because I love that show soooo much, but so far I am NOT liking a lot of the voice actor choices. Sunohara was much more comical with a deeper voice (to offset his blonde hair), not a prepubescent annoying one. And Nagisa's voice is too high and not timid/soft enough. Tomoya's voice stands out BECAUSE everyone else seems to have such high-pitched voices.

This weekend was quite busy for me. On Friday I went to Pam's father's funeral. Bethany texted me at the last minute saying she couldn't go, after she'd convinced me to go in a black skirt instead of my originally-planned oufit of jeans and a black shirt. My predictions on the dress were correct: it was varied and rather informal. My dad wore a suit, but Pam was wearing brown and a lot of people were in jeans. I did NOT like the pastor or whatever. He was a former military man, wearing his uniform, talking mostly about himself as well as god (it was a Catholic funeral, so that much was expected). He also walked around with a tape recorder and shoving it into people's faces while making jokes and insisting you "shouldn't be sad" and "life goes on." He was very insensitive - he even made a comment/joke about dementia when he couldn't remember something (Pam's dad had general dementia...). He made it incredibly difficult for anyone to mourn without feeling awkward, because they were expected to be laughing. Adam broke down at some point and it was so sad. I comforted him as best I could. I was uncomfortable the entire time because he was so firmly violating my idea of how a funeral should go. Mikey's funeral was my favorite because there were a couple people who spoke  - telling stories and reading poetry, and some of the stories were funny, but the overarching theme was of remembrance and grief at losing him. At Pam's dad's funeral there was no plan for speaking, so people went up and winged it. Some of them were quite touching, but I definitely got the feel that this was just like Pam's family. So many of them attended but it was Pam (1 of 9 kids, 6 or 7 living) who had to try to organize it all.

The pictures of him as a young man were really nice. He was taken off of a reservation in North Dakota and put into Catholic boarding schools until he was old enough for war, when he went to Iwo Jima. My stepbrother James looks just like him (actually a lot of men in the family do). It was also the first time I remember seeing a picture of Pam's mother - she died a long time ago. Pam is the spitting image of her.

On Saturday I went to lunch with my auntie Connie, cousin Haley, and grandmas Ann and Carla. I always find it funny that Carla and Ann get along, as they've each had a shot at my grandpa (Carla had previously been married to said man's brother in the past before marrying him), though neither are with him now. It's always funny when they tell stories, because of similar experiences. Haley was angsty and pouty as usual (she's 16), but I had a really good time. We were out for like 3 hours and I was exhausted by the time I got home. Then in the evening (actually this was technically Sunday morning) we had Pat and Nick over to watch The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, based off of the fourth light novel. It was sooooo good! The version we had was really high quality too. The Disappearance focuses a lot on Nagato, which is even better. Omg. Yummm.

Steve and I forgot that malls and every other damn stores don't open until 11am on Sundays, so we were bored at 9:30 driving around trying to figure out what to do. Finally we just wandered until 10:30 and then drove to the Mall of America. We spent the day shopping. I got so many good things! I even got another workout video (this one using pilates, yoga, and... something else!) and a nutrition book. I got some nice shirts and even avoided buying more hoodies I don't need! ^_^ I got a cute skirt for $5, but I need to tone up before I can wear it. The mirrors at H&M are very unforgiving and made me feel excessively lumpy. Steve said he thought they made him feel stumpy and short. To be honest, the H&M at Maplewood Mall has better stuff than the one at MoA, probably because it doesn't get picked through so quickly. Anyway, it was really fun! We also got a couple DS games, the first in awhile for us!

Finally we got home at 3:30 and I got to bed at 4:30. Back to the ol' grind!

So, yesterday in class was incredibly long. We had 8 presenters at 10-20 minutes each. We get to the last presenter, and she goes up and pulls the wrong presentation up on accident. It looked like a draft she did. She didn't know until like the 3rd slide that this was her practice PowerPoint. She was obviously not very adept at computers, and seemed confused as to how to bring up the correct one. The professor told her that she couldn't stop her presentation. It was quiet, like wtf. She was just like, "Uhhh, well I can stop if you want, but this is the WRONG presentation." A peer jumped up and quick helped her pull up the right PP. Whew, crisis averted. We thought.

The professor is a rude bitch. One of those women who looks over her half-spectacles at you like you're completely dumb, who always speaks with an air of superiority, and generally makes you feel like you're an inch tall. In my "suggestion" section of my eval for her, I gave her this list:

1. Don't assign busy work (it's a senior level capstone ffs)
2. Please be respectful. Don't treat your students like children - you're quite rude at times
3. We already did an internship, our major presentations shouldn't be on an agency
4. Only discuss assignments relavent to the particular class or the next one (she had a horrible habit of confusing the class by talking about an assignment due in a month, not even a big assignment, just one due at a far later date. This happened nearly every class and freaked a lot of people out so they thought things were due when they weren't for weeks)
5. Don't belittle students if they must leave class early or not come at all, and then cancel class as it suits your convenience (she did this a few times to attend out-of-state conferences - or so she says. I must point out that we only had class once a week so "a few times" adds up.)

Something like that. More concise I think, but those were the main ideas. I'd like to remind you that the average age of a student at my school is in their 30's. Very few fresh-out-of-hs kids.

So, back to the woman who was presenting. The professor interrupted her a couple times to tell her she was "wrong" about stuff, and she lost it. Clicked to the end of her presentation, said she was done, and started packing up her stuff. At this point we all felt bad for her and quick wrote on her evaluation how we were sorry the prof was so rude and threw them at her. She finished packing her stuff in a rage, and we all sort of looked around uncomfortably. Then, when she was walking out the door, she said something like, "You have a fucking attitude problem" to the professor, who shot back in her best oh-no-you-di'n't black lady voice, "You better watch yourself!" and the woman in HER best pissed off black lady voice, basically repeated how rude the professor was, who ALSO basically repeated her first statement. This would have been a sociologically amusing situation, because most of us were pointedly looking at our tables, or at their work. I imagine some were staring at the two in shock, gauging their facial expressions. I was a table-watcher, because I know what it's like to be in that woman's position, being filled with a helpless blind rage that makes you blurt out like a child because you gotta do SOMETHING. I respectfully didn't look at her because I wouldn't have wanted anyone looking at ME when I was having a public tantrum. It was even more awkward because there were only 15 students in the class and it was a small room. The tension was THICK.

Everyone left class whispering about the awkwardness of the situation. A guy came up to me and Ana and was like, "Whoa, that was INTENSE!" All Ana (classic Ana) had to say was, "Well I felt bad for her but that was so stupid because her stuff hasn't been graded yet!!!" Ah, yes, the professor wields the Grading Sword.

I called Mom on the way home to let her know I finally was done, and she HAD to let me know that Paul is butthurt because I only had two tickets to my graduation and didn't tell him he was guaranteed one. All I ever said was that I wasn't playing the game. He's all DUA because he contributed financially to college and they got me the apartment when I wasn't old enough for the dorms (THEY insisted) yadda yadda yadda. He's DAMN lucky he wasn't on the phone, because I would have told him that I would trade all the money in the world to just have had his emotional backing when I needed it most. FOR REAL. I just told Mom that that sucks for him that he read into my words and thought I was choosing my father over him. I never said anything either way, just gave them the facts.

His whole "blood means nothing, proof is in the actions" argument became bullshit when he admitted he probably loves August more than Bethany or me because he's BLOOD, and that his parents didn't do shit for him yet he still puts them on a pedastal. And that after 14 years he still hides behind BULLSHIT stepparenting literature that he uses as an excuse when things go wrong. At least my father has never called me names in my life, has never told me I was dirty and worthless. I'd trade my college education if he could take that shit back. THAT is why I didn't guarantee him the ticket. I lose sleep over this bullshit all the time. I am SO MAD. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was fighting with him in my head again. Most of my dreams are about fighting with him or Bethany. Ugh. I can see this exploding. It's just building and building.

Minor rant: I activated my dormant checking account and am going to move my monies over there because he slipped and accidentally admitted he still watches my bank account. Ass. GTFO now. I have one account connected to my Mom's account, which is also his account, from when I was a teenager and the bank required an adult to be a part of it. I have to close it completely to keep them from seeing stuff, and I have a TON of accounts online linked to it, including work, so I'm going to leave it open to pay bills and just keep everything else in my other one.

Bethany has been ultra cute lately and asking me all these questions about college, because she wants to go for Nursing or MA as long as it's an Associate's. Even though she's terrified of needles and talking about them makes her queasy, lol. But she's been texting and calling to vent and doing research using me and it's all very adorable. I like that.

Ah! On Friday I turned 23. So. I pretty much spent my birthday weekend doing everything that I wanted to do.

On Thursday night Steve and I went to the theater at 10:30 to get our seats for Harry Potter. Our theater was already full. We were able to snag three seats toward the front (the third for Nick). We assumed that Nick's sister would be in a different theater, and we KNEW Pat and Faith would be in a different theater, having bought their tickets the day of. We just hung out and played our DSiXLs. There were a TON of teenagers running around with wands and a quaffle playing Quidditch. And many more dressed up of course. It was cute to see other Huffpuffs. Steve mentioned to me that he thought there's no Ravenclaw love out there. I personally know a few people who I think would be in Ravenclaw (looking at you, Athena. Though I think you'd also be great in Slytherin).
 
The movie? AMAZING. omg. omg. Yes. 
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***
Of course, I'm the only one who remembered that in the book Wormtail's own hand turns on him, and that X. Lovegood's horn thing goes off (though it WAS in the background of the scene), and that Bellatrix calls Voldemort and he shows after the kids escape and punishes everyone. Though speaking to that scene, Emma Watson did AMAZING on her tortured screams. Gives me the shivers. We all know the most awkward scene was the part where Ron pictures Harry and Hermione apparently nakedly making out after having been processed in Photoshop. And Daniel Radcliffe is far too short to be taken seriously. Ever. Ron has a barrel chest which causes LOLs but is still YES, and Emma is soooo beautiful. Very. Oh, and the humor in the movie was super great too. Nngh! Love HP 4eva.

After the movie me, Nick, Pat, Faith, Courtney and Steve went to Perkins and just hung out and chilled. Courtney made me an adorable card, which I forgot to take a picture of but will add when I get home.

Steve got me:
-A coupon for one "decision" that he must make. It was a "joke" gift, because neither of us likes to make decisions on where to eat, or what to do, or what. It was sooo cute. The background is a watermark of Haruhi pulling on Kyon. Adorable.
-A manga themed around autism which I found very funny as well as adorable, but he was serious in thinking I would enjoy it, as I find ways all the time to bring autism in discussion (such as the other night when I told my dad his dog had autism tendencies, but I can't remember what he did!)
-A sushikin stuffed animal for my car (see cut).
-The first Ouendan game (he got my the 2nd for my last birthday). I loooove Ouendan!
-A remote car starter kit for mah car!
-The Killing Joke, in hardcover and completely colored. (See cut)

Soooo good!

My friends planned a scavenger hunt for me, and it was MAX great. Steve tricked me and ditched me at home around midnight and since he knows me so well, knew that I'd hop on the computer or check my phone. Problem is, I didn't know he was leaving, so I went and futzed around doing laundry for like 15 minutes before I discovered that I was to scavenge! It was World of Warcraft themed, and I got to tank and heal and do quests all around town (as a Tauren Drood)! It was super awesome and funny.

At Nick's first station, in a park, I had a quest to retrieve his lost trinket, which took me far longer to find than it should have - I walked over it three times! XD My next quest was to buy myself some energy drink with my reward money from the previous quest (Faith ran that one). My third quest was to retrieve Snickers bars from Pat's car farm (they were actually monsters disguised as Snickers). Pat's was incredibly funny, because Steve wrote their lines, and it was all about how Pat was gay (Pat is at least bi, if not gay. It's true, even if he says it's only curiousity. I'm trying always to make him come to terms with it).

Then I had to bring Steve the heads of gummie bears (he really made me bite off the heads before he accepted them XD), and then had to act as a tank against Joe Waid to save Steve in an escort quest. Then they mixed games by making me kill 5 slimes (From Dragon Quest Heroes) and bringing their insides (tootsie rolls) to Nick.

THEN I had to go to another park and heal Pat while he fought another evil Joe Waid (moar gay jokes). Lastly, I had to go to Nicks and team up with Courtney and Faith, who were DPS, and were joined by Steve, who was our pug tank, and we had to battle Boss Nick, who somehow had a costume that looked like a sorcerer's or something. After all that, we went in the house and they had made an AMAZING Horde-themed cake for me (see cut) and Nick and Joe Waid had bought me all the WoW games! Awww! But in order to get to the games I had to open the chest they were in (they really made it look like a treasure chest).

We are nerds. And honestly, only Nick and I play WoW out of the group so it was really cute that they did that. Courtney was added in last-minute, which I really was touched by, because she was the one who told Pat that she wanted in. Unfortunately Steve had already finished all the scripts so she was tacked onto the last quest, but I was glad she was there. Pat gave me a HORRIBLY written (on purpose) IOU from him and Faith, haha.

( See?! )Otherwise Steve and I sat around playing games, watching Gangland, and relaxing. I finished Uncharted already, and am going to start Chrono Cross!

Saturday Bethany and I went to our dad's and got some mulah from him and we went out to dinner with him, Pam and Jack. It was a nice time. My dad has gotten so much more pleasant as he's gotten older.

Sunday Mom, Paul and I had to reschedule our lunch for Friday, because it rained/froze Saturday night and Bethany got stranded (she has a rear-wheel drive Lexus) and they had to jump her, take her car to the mechanic (for an unrelated issue), and then drive her to work. Too much to deal with, and Steve has Friday off YAY OMG YAY, so lunch on Friday is fine. That left Steve and I to hole up at home, order a pizza, watch the Vikings game, and play cutie games (me plugging away on Zelda: Oracle of Seasons and him squeeze in some Tales of the Abyss). 

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Bahhh. Bahahaha! Oh did they!



Just kidding. Overall I think I was raised pretty well; it's in raising me to be independent and think for myself that got them into trouble. My stepdad especially was not prepared for me to challenge him on anything when I became an adult. We've been in this limbo where if I do something wrong, I'm not acting like an "adult." However, if I stand up to him in any way, he tries to force me into a child's role, because that's where he's comfortable.

Looking at my actual childhood. Hmm. I suppose things I considered normal in my family, aren't? That's a stupid statement anyway because every family is different, but looking back I think I was punished far more harshly than I deserved. I didn't get nearly as much slack as my siblings (I'm the oldest), and I spent a good deal of my childhood grounded and in my room for minor infractions, including but not limited to:

-being up past my bedtime
-not getting all A's
-as a teenager, coming home more than 5 minutes past curfew
-arguing/disagreeing
-not having chores done by 6pm
-self-injurous behavior
-hanging out with people after school without getting permission first (this all through my school years, even as a teenager)
-getting kicked out and then not coming home when demanded to

Eh. I'm whining now, but I definitely feel as if I was treated unfairly, especially when compared to my sister. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister more than life. And she got into worse situations than I did. There were a few times where things got physical with my mom and stepdad, but it was limited to pushing and the occasional belly bop. Bethany got into apparent fist fights with them (this was after I moved to Duluth), would leave for days at a time, and stopped going to school at 15.

My little brother though, I think in some ways he has it better than the two of us did, and some ways definitely worse. They give him a lot of attention and opportunities that they couldn't afford when I was growing up, such as piano lessons, multiple sports (and multiple teams at the same time if it's baseball - and youth sports is NOT cheap), they go to many events together and attend all of his games (and Paul coaches his football team). He has video game systems and his own tv, a decent bed, and actually gets to have friends over (I only got to have friends over on birthdays, and only 2 max). On the other hand, Paul is extremely hard on him about his weight as Paul is overweight and doesn't want August to turn out the same way. He gets bullied for getting dessert as well as how much or what he eats. Shit, let him be a kid! He's 12! They're hard on him about school too, but he's just starting to get into real school - he's in 6th grade.
 
We all got tons of shit for who we were friends with. My parents think they get to judge and criticize our friend choices, and apparently the best way to help you choose the "right" crowd is through bitching whenever whatever disapproved of friendship comes up. I hung out with burnouts, true, but I didn't do any drugs or drink until I was 20. I also am a more accepting and less judgmental person than they are, so I hung out with anyone I felt like as long as they're not assholes. When they became assholes, I stopped hanging out with them. Unfortunately, I think my parents took those as personal victories and meant that their bullying was effective. Bethany hung out with people they didn't like just to spite them, and people like Sarah turned out to be good. August is so young, and I really feel for him, having Paul breathing fire down his neck for hanging out with jerks. All boys are jerks at that age. He's popular; let him be. It'll work itself out.

The other biggest mistakes they made with me were:
1. The way they handled my self injurious behavior as a teen
2. The way they handled when I was sexually assaulted
The latter of the two however was as an adult and has had long-lasting effects on my day-to-day life and thinking, and it's been 2 years this month. I think that they consider it a closed case and have dusted their hands of the matter, but it deeply affects me regularly and has permanently damaged our relationship (moreso with my stepdad). I feel like a broken record, because I think about it so much it's almost as if I talk about it a lot too. I don't THINK I do, but it does relate to a lot of things in my present life. I've tried a few times to bring it up again for closure purposes, or to try again to get my point across (and ask a few questions to discover motives for why they/he behaved in such a manner - such as the name-calling, blaming, and breaking into my LJ to find out who I'm sleeping with wtf and demanding to know if I slept with Gleb wth do either of those have to do with anything?), but it always turns into near-immediate yelling on Paul's part and trying to say I'm holding a grudge and want to make sure he's never absolved of his mistakes, etc. etc. instead of just listening to me.  

As for my biological dad and stepmom, they were great. The biggest problems really were between them. They let us work most things out on our own, and while Pam is overprotective (and we were naive), we got incredible freedom that we rarely abused. Some of my fondest memories are with my sister and stepbrothers at the house in Columbia Heights. I suppose then they messed up in being too permissive, but honestly, with three highly rebellious boys, I don't see that it could have been done differently. They're all living with their choices, and not doing worse than any other average Joe. I can only think of one or two real times that my dad felt like punishing me, and it was a joke punishment, and he was just trying to show that he was the one in charge. Unlike my mom and stepdad, he was a Threatener, so I have no negative memories of him physically hurting me. I was spanked all the time by the other two. Mostly we just argued about politics :D

In sum, I turned out pretty well, I'd say. I'm not a drug addict, I rarely drink, I'm graduating college (and it only took me so long because I wasn't afraid to change majors, and because I made a few poor choices when depressed), have a Real Job, haven't lived at home in years, and am in a healthy, wonderful relationship. The effects of the way I was raised... I think I'm a little neurotic in some ways and I get stressed easily, but I also developed a wonderful sense of pride in things that I do without taking myself too seriously. I also recently developed an optimism to counteract the pessimism I had to be around. In order to balance the judgmental nature of my parents (though they always TAUGHT me not to judge. Do as I say not as I do!) I am much less judgmental than they are. Maybe they worsened with age, maybe I just never noticed. I realized my parents aren't all-knowing. I have an extremely high level of disclosure because I don't like to lie and they asked a lot of questions growing up. I'm intelligent, have a good sense of humor, and understand responsibility. No parents are perfect, you just have to try to screw up your kid less than the next guy.

Bwahhh. Another work week.

Last Friday I was an HOUR late to work. Yep. I'm sleeping, doo doo doo, and then my phone starts ringing, when I looked at it I was mega confused that the time said 12:37am. "Whadda fuuuuuck why does it say 12:37? It's supposed to be 11:20." So I answer, doing my best voice of I-was-not-just-asleep. It was Eddie. All he said was, "Leah?!" and I told him I'd be there in 15. Sucks that they waited so long to call me, but at least I live only 4 miles away. Then I spent over an hour poring through the MARs, writing and then typing up all the errors and put it in the nurse's box. She decided to come up with a new system of checks and accountability for signing and correctly filling out the MARs, so I decided to catch everyone up. I filled in all the missing holes and documented everything and typed up who was supposed to sign for them so she can get them to sign below me. Today I found a note in my box thanking me for doing it (and saying she tried to document the holes but mine was way better and more organized) and asking me to keep tabs on the MAR a couple times a week. Which actually means I'm going to be doing it every night in order to keep up with everything. That and legally a hole should only go unsigned for 24 hours. And stupid Henry accounted for ONE THIRD of the errors all by himself. There are at least 15 people who can sign the MAR, and the idiot accounts for the biggest chunk of non-signatures. I hope he gets fired soon. He bugs the crap out of me.

( And now a break for kitty cuteness and cheer! )

I'm feeling MUCH better today. Steve and I wasted most of the weekend sleeping, but we were also productive in some ways too. We got our grocery shopping done for the week and I made a ton of bento stuff and will make more tomorrow. We finally saw Inception, too. It was very, very good. Who doesn't love Leonardo DiCaprio + Ellen Page?! Omg. And the storyline was the right amount of complex too. I'm glad we got to catch it while it was still in theaters.

I also got up to a total of 59 'S' ranks in Ouendan 2, which means I have only 17 more A's to turn into 'S''s! I'm not a hundo on if I can actually achieve that, but of the 4 difficulties, I have the lowest difficulty completed, and the hardest difficulty with ONE LEFT. The other two I just need to suck it up on. It's kinda like when you play Guitar Hero or Rock band and know how to play it on Expert but are playing on an easier difficulty and the notes don't match up as well. It can be quite frustrating. Sidenote: I have completed the game, a long time ago, I just want to perfect it as much as possible because I'm really good at it and find it so fun. Playing a game like this to death does not get old. Its predecessor, Elite Beat Agents, is American and quite cheesy and the controls are a bit wonky (the scoring system is atrocious at times which is odd because it was released AFTER Ouendan 1), but it's a GREAT game and sells at GameStop for between $3 and $7. I still need the original Ouendan, but it's about $50 + shipping from Japan, so I'm holding off for a bit.

Also, my family pics came back. If you're curious as to what my mom's side looks like - that is, me (22), my mom (42), my stepdad (40), my sister (18), and my (half)brother (12), as well as my sister's baby (7mos.), check em out!

( Bright and sunny! )

I was supposed to get my hair done the day before the pictures were taken, but my hair lady cancelled because her baby had a doctor appointment, and then THIS week all the roads to her town were closed (flooding and construction) and aren't apparently scheduled to reopen until the end of the month! My hair is a catastrophe. HATE IT. I went to see how much it would cost to get done where Steve and his mom get theirs done, and it would be $28 for the cut and $40-50 for the dye. WTF NO WAY. Jenny does AMAZING and the cut AND color costs me $40, INCLUDING tip. jfc.

My weekend was really, really fun. Steve's (and everyone else's) hours have been cut, so he was able to score this weekend and next weekend off (SQUEEEEE). So much time together yes.

We went shopping on Friday for the last few things for Spoogie's wedding and my family pictures. We were able to find me EXACTLY what I was looking for - a plain white hoodie (ON SALE FOR $15), a black t-shirt, a black polo, and a certain shade of blue t-shirt. All at least 50% off at JCPenney's. God I love that store when they do end-of-season sales. We also found him a pair of NICE slacks for $20 (almost 50% off). I bought him a pair of dress shoes, which he was happier than he expected with because they looked GOOD with his outfit. I also bought him dun dun dun a DSi XL, which we both agreed we would purchase before winter. They dropped $20 in price, from $189 to $169. I will purchase myself one in two weeks when I get paid next. It's not as urgent for me because the handheld game I'm playing at the moment is the GBC game Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons, which cannot play in a DS. Steve though, just finished the third Professor Layton game and FINALLY started Luminous Arc! OMG I love that game~! It looks SO PRETTY on the DSi XL's screen. I miss it!!!! We had a lot of fun, as we always do, when spending time together at the mall. It's just a good time.

Saturday we went to Spoogie's wedding. It was an incredibly small ceremony, only about 40 people there, and other than the bridal party's dress and the actual ceremony, not very formal. The reception was in the GYM of the church, and no alcohol was allowed. It was really sad because I had made a joke earlier about having the reception in a high school gym D: Steve and I spent the entire ceremony and reception discussing what we will do differently, and how we want to go about the wedding. Steve says it has to be lighthearted, and we agreed to not have any "God" or "jesus" in our ceremony. It's just not fitting. I also got to listen to the hilarious commentary by Nick's mom during the ceremony and reception - Nick and his sister were both in the wedding, and Nick's parents were the only people we knew. It was great. I had to leave at 3:45pm to drive out to Shakopee to take my family pictures. For the first time we decided to have them outside, and with a non-professional photographer - my parents hired the mom of some kid August and Paul know (Paul coaches football and my parents are very involved in August's baseball stuff too). It was actually really, really fun. We wandered around the paths of the Minnesota River (until of course we reached the flooding) looking for good places to take pictures. We took some while precariously perched over the river on trees, climbed in and around things, dodged mud (though August and I separately fell victim to one sneaky patch of mud), and all around were just silly. Bethany and I made jokes, and Tony was there too with Cayden so it was ALWAYS funny. Tony wouldn't take any pictures because he "needed a hair cut" XD Just like Tony. My only complaint is that she didn't give us any direction, so we don't know if we were double-chinning or having fat rolls hang out or posing stupid or anything. But it was a lot of fun, minus being eaten alive by the mosquitos.

Then I went back home and Steve and I slept from 8pm to 1am to try to fix our sleep schedule for tonight. I'd say we were pretty successful. It was a wonderful sleep regardless. Then we had 12 whole hours to hang out! We watched some more Lost special features - it takes a couple hours just to watch ONE SEASON'S worth of them! We also played games, cleaned up, and made our bentos. This week we weighed in pretty well and obviously gained over the weekend at the eating out and stuff, but still decent. I made my bento significantly smaller than I have, because I realized that I shouldn't be eating as much as he does! I don't NEED that amount of food; I just WANT it because I love food.

I switched up my theme in honor of Lost. I like it, but I still gotta find time to tweak my layout overall, because I'm not happy being unable to see individual entries' icons! Catching up on everyone's stuff after being gone over the weekend is very time-consuming, which makes me thankful that I have the time to do that while here at work. It just cuts down on my Japanese study time/homework time, which is a little sad, but I can always do hw or study. I'm really invested in my current friendships and don't want to miss out. Speaking of which, I also got to talk to Suzi for two whole hours! It was a great time. We haven't been able to speak on the phone in a looooong time. It was very nice, and an informative conversation on both sides :D It's like when we haven't been able to talk monthly, we forget things or just don't learn them in passing as much as we used to, so it was great to get to pick that up again!

Phew! Had a long week and weekend. We drove up with Steve's dad to Biwabik (Iron Range, far north MN) and spent the weekend with his family. We had pretty much nothing to do when we weren't visiting his sister Amy and her newbornish twins and her 1-year-old, Aaden. Aaden was THE BEST because he would always start to cry when he first saw Steve, and he would just WAIL for like 5 minutes. He does not enjoy new company. Certain sounds, even if they're not loud, also scare him into crying, which is also funny. Ahahaha. He's very entertaining. The only phrase he says is "What's that?" but he recognizes a lot of things if you ask him to point them out to you. We also visited his crazy grandma on Lake Vermillion for awhile. Right when we got there she swooped in and made Steve and his dad bring a paddle boat back from a neighbor's (it drifted there). That was hilarious. Otherwise it was quite low-key with her. We had a lot of downtime and relaxing time, and it was a very subtle romantic weekend. Lots of quiet jokes between us about his family. We've been having suuuuch cutie time. The kind where other people get annoyed if I gush about it and they also probably puke. Yep.

He has the week off this week and is being very kind and offered to power through this change of schedule with me. Aka moving to being awake from the hours of 10:30pm to about 4pm the next day, and sleeping from 4pm to 10:30pm (or going to bed earlier if we feel like). Tonight was all right, I started feeling tired around 5 or 6am. It helps having another person there, definitely. I wanted to make a good first impression so I chatted with him for awhile (normally I'm awful at small talk and make little effort over an extended period of time) until we made our foods and went our separate ways. I abstained from Facebook for the most part, checking it only once tonight, and FINALLY re-picked up The Stand. I'm around page 250, and I'm reading the uncut/extended version. It's really good so far of course. I missed Stephen King. Which reminds me that I need to re-buy Lisey's Story since I seem to have lost my other copy/left it at Dan's. It's probably my favorite book I think. Top 3 for sure.

I'm too scatterbrained right now to think of anything else to say D: Final thoughts... I've been feeling like a fatty, I'm excited to be earning real money, I'm anxious about mine and Steve's opposing schedules after this week, I bought a cute cardigan for work (since I'm always cold) at Mall of America today for $8 at Ragstock, and I am deeply (annoyingly!) in love.
 

Ugh. I am tired of reading. Tired tired tired. I have read so much paperwork for work that I think my head might explode. Tomorrow's my last day of  "catch-up" training and then I have the weekend off, starting my new position on Monday night. My new boss Rebecca is really sweet and cute and nice, and really easy to talk to. And the documents are AWFUL sometimes. A lot of them were clearly copy-pasted and then not proofread after to check for consistency. Like, I had literally 30+ pages of definitions to read, and so many of them ran together. It was really confusing to have one definition end without punctuation, and another (sometimes not even in alphabetical order! Just random!) begin without punctuation. Random run-on sentences. Or something. I also brought in a bunch of clothes to donate to the program today and a couple pairs of shoes, because I realized there weren't really any clothes for young women who were around my body type, because often the clients are a bit older and larger. It was really important to me to do that. Because I have so much, and they have nothing.

Steve starts his vacation tomorrow, and has through the 14th off. Sweet! Now I'm just working and we can hang out afterwards. It's like our roles will be reversed for a week! This week my schedule has been so bad. I try to go to bed early, around 4:30am, toss and turn and can't fall asleep, then Steve joins me around 7am, I sleep for three or so hours, then get up and get ready for training. I get there at 11, have all the straight hours of reading and learning with a small break for lunch, and then leave around 3pm. Yesterday I hung out with Lindsey just chatting and walking until around 9pm. Then I took a nap in my car for an hour because I was too lazy to go in the house and my car was warm and the house is cold. I picked up Steve, rinse and repeat. Only today I have my last day of class for the semester until 5:30pm. Then I'm free until the 25th, where I start my last class for my undergrad, the Capstone. Woooo!

This weekend Steve and I are going up with Steve's dad to visit his sister and her new twins. We wanted to come back Saturday, but we are sacrificing our time together alone and coming back with his dad on Sunday to save on gas, because we are dirt poor atm and 5 hours of driving wouldn't help that.

Anyway, that's just a brief update on my week, as I want to nap and have nothing productive to say really. Oh, Steve will beat BlazBlue: Continuum Shift's story mode tonight, which will allow of me to utilize the flow charts I've made of each person's story to play my own! G4 whined about the story, saying it was "long" and "no one cares," but I personally LOVE it and om nom every bit!

I got the position within my company. It's a sure bet, and while it won't be perfect like the job I may or may not have gotten at Fabcon, it will be good. I have tons of training this week (see previous post about not getting many mandatory trainings as a result of poor management) so I will be tiiiired. It's just mean to give me all-day trainings DURING THE DAY when my schedule is not only currently a night schedule (ie awake until about 7am), but next week will be a full-time WORK night schedule!! But tonight is the last night of working super far away and taking detours and 12-hour lonely shifts!!

I spent time with my little sister this week. I hung out with her on Thursday, taking Cayden on walks and talking about life. Cayden is teething and so he cries a lot and pulls his poor ear. It's really adorably pathetic! He's a very cute kid and very expressive. I like spending time with her, and it's good too to get to see Tony once in awhile. It brought to mind that when Steve and I move out, while I would like to stay near St. Paul, it would be ideal if we could live in the suburbs closer to Shakopee. Maybe not a lot, but closer than 40 miles. That way I can visit or babysit without it having to seem like such a big deal. We took some long walks and just talked about relationships and having kids and graduating. And some silly stuff.

And Saturday was my brother August's birthday party (he's 12) and I spent time hanging out with my family, laughing and doting on Cayden. Tony raced Haley and a friend of August's. I took Cayden for a walk around the neighborhood and watched him for awhile while Bethany and Tony went with Mom to the store to buy August's iPod touch. Playing the role of Mom was really weird because I knew everyone who drove by was totally judging me, thinking I was a teen mom. And after feeling kinda awkward in that role for a few minutes, I got really mad. Like, I am 22 goddamn years old, if I wanna have a child I can have a child and no one can judge me!!!!! It doesn't matter, though, because no one EVER knows my age. People my parents know still think Bethany's older, and having a kid doesn't help that cause, haha. For reference: I AM FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN SHE IS ;) Then we went back to my parents' and he bopped around my lap for awhile, getting into a fight with a bean bag that was too heavy for him and therefore pissed him off. Babies are still scary, but they can definitely be awfully cute and not impossible.

Mm, Just sitting at work.

I met with the head of the department or whatever for Human Services, and he told me I only need one class to graduate plus figuring out an Incomplete I have. So, I called the old professor and he left me a message listing what he wanted me to do for a grade, and I finished that stuff tonight and sent it off. Then I talked with my parents and they said I still have money in my 529 plan, assuming some was leftover after they banned me from using it for always failing/dropping classes, and Dad called and left me a message saying that it could cover most of my semester, which would mean no more loans! That then means I would not only graduate in December, but that I'll graduate with only like $7,000 in debt!

On Friday Steve and I met with Nick, Pat, Faith, and Joe Waid at the Taste of MN for Minus the Bear, POS and Atmosphere. I was really going to the social activities and being outside. It was so hot so Steve and I stayed in the back and laid in the grass during Minus the Bear and met up with the rest afterward. We walked around and talked and got refreshments (SO THIRSTY) until POS came on. Nick and Joe Waid sat with Steve and I off to the side while Pat made Faith go with him into the crowd. Steve and I left when POS brought some unknown friend to rap with him. I enjoy rap live but not so much any other time. I also love Minnesota Pride. People are adorable.

My family held their Independence Day celebration on Saturday at Como Zoo. It would have been a lot less stressful if there wasn't a HUGE Hmong Freedom Festival going on at Como Park. OMG was parking awful. I ended up giving up on parking close and parked in a nearby neighborhood. I didn't mind the walk, though. It was so hot, like 90, all day and so sunny. Perfect, in my opinion. But I got sooooo sunburnt. I was wearing a halter so the top half of my back is also burned. I don't mind, I just hope I have minimal peeling and that it'll turn into a tan line. My family all wanted to see my fourth tattoo, and I was surprised when it received a fairly warm reception. I was expecting hate because I heard Dad made a stink about Bethany's lilies on her ankle even though they're very tasteful and really well done (of course, I don't think I showed him so maybe it's just he who doesn't approve of the tattoos).

( Here's a sneak peek at the unfinished tat... )

We ate and socialized before some of us headed to the zoo. I mostly hung out with Bethany and her baby Cayden because I love both of them so much! She briefly addressed her upset over the perceived negative comments about her son, and I tried to tell her I meant no harm. I love that child! I can't wait til he's old enough for me to babysit him and stuff! My cousin Danny is a couple years older than I am and we used to be really close when Bethany and I stayed at grandma Ann's all the time, but once she and Ronnie divorced we stopped being in contact. I don't know why but he followed me around all day. I just thought he'd end up with Kiana and Della, because he knows them better. It would be fine except I am TERRIBLE at small talk. It just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and all I really wanted to do was spend time with my sister. So I kept trying to find ways to avoid him without hurting his feelings and Bethany kept shooting me sly grins from afar (another one of our male cousins does this exact same thing to me at holidays and she finds it incredibly funny).

Grandma (my mom) and baby Cayden, about 4 and a half months.


Now I just can't wait to get home to Steve. He's incredibly adorable and took Thursday-Saturday off so we could have more than a day together. Is he a great boyfriend or what? <3