A Heart's a Heavy Burden

( Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile ) 

My weekend was really, really fun. Steve's (and everyone else's) hours have been cut, so he was able to score this weekend and next weekend off (SQUEEEEE). So much time together yes.

We went shopping on Friday for the last few things for Spoogie's wedding and my family pictures. We were able to find me EXACTLY what I was looking for - a plain white hoodie (ON SALE FOR $15), a black t-shirt, a black polo, and a certain shade of blue t-shirt. All at least 50% off at JCPenney's. God I love that store when they do end-of-season sales. We also found him a pair of NICE slacks for $20 (almost 50% off). I bought him a pair of dress shoes, which he was happier than he expected with because they looked GOOD with his outfit. I also bought him dun dun dun a DSi XL, which we both agreed we would purchase before winter. They dropped $20 in price, from $189 to $169. I will purchase myself one in two weeks when I get paid next. It's not as urgent for me because the handheld game I'm playing at the moment is the GBC game Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons, which cannot play in a DS. Steve though, just finished the third Professor Layton game and FINALLY started Luminous Arc! OMG I love that game~! It looks SO PRETTY on the DSi XL's screen. I miss it!!!! We had a lot of fun, as we always do, when spending time together at the mall. It's just a good time.

Saturday we went to Spoogie's wedding. It was an incredibly small ceremony, only about 40 people there, and other than the bridal party's dress and the actual ceremony, not very formal. The reception was in the GYM of the church, and no alcohol was allowed. It was really sad because I had made a joke earlier about having the reception in a high school gym D: Steve and I spent the entire ceremony and reception discussing what we will do differently, and how we want to go about the wedding. Steve says it has to be lighthearted, and we agreed to not have any "God" or "jesus" in our ceremony. It's just not fitting. I also got to listen to the hilarious commentary by Nick's mom during the ceremony and reception - Nick and his sister were both in the wedding, and Nick's parents were the only people we knew. It was great. I had to leave at 3:45pm to drive out to Shakopee to take my family pictures. For the first time we decided to have them outside, and with a non-professional photographer - my parents hired the mom of some kid August and Paul know (Paul coaches football and my parents are very involved in August's baseball stuff too). It was actually really, really fun. We wandered around the paths of the Minnesota River (until of course we reached the flooding) looking for good places to take pictures. We took some while precariously perched over the river on trees, climbed in and around things, dodged mud (though August and I separately fell victim to one sneaky patch of mud), and all around were just silly. Bethany and I made jokes, and Tony was there too with Cayden so it was ALWAYS funny. Tony wouldn't take any pictures because he "needed a hair cut" XD Just like Tony. My only complaint is that she didn't give us any direction, so we don't know if we were double-chinning or having fat rolls hang out or posing stupid or anything. But it was a lot of fun, minus being eaten alive by the mosquitos.

Then I went back home and Steve and I slept from 8pm to 1am to try to fix our sleep schedule for tonight. I'd say we were pretty successful. It was a wonderful sleep regardless. Then we had 12 whole hours to hang out! We watched some more Lost special features - it takes a couple hours just to watch ONE SEASON'S worth of them! We also played games, cleaned up, and made our bentos. This week we weighed in pretty well and obviously gained over the weekend at the eating out and stuff, but still decent. I made my bento significantly smaller than I have, because I realized that I shouldn't be eating as much as he does! I don't NEED that amount of food; I just WANT it because I love food.

I switched up my theme in honor of Lost. I like it, but I still gotta find time to tweak my layout overall, because I'm not happy being unable to see individual entries' icons! Catching up on everyone's stuff after being gone over the weekend is very time-consuming, which makes me thankful that I have the time to do that while here at work. It just cuts down on my Japanese study time/homework time, which is a little sad, but I can always do hw or study. I'm really invested in my current friendships and don't want to miss out. Speaking of which, I also got to talk to Suzi for two whole hours! It was a great time. We haven't been able to speak on the phone in a looooong time. It was very nice, and an informative conversation on both sides :D It's like when we haven't been able to talk monthly, we forget things or just don't learn them in passing as much as we used to, so it was great to get to pick that up again!

Sometimes, your friends can give you all the right advice, explain everything just the way you need to hear, and be able to articulate something about yourself that you hadn't been able to put into words. My Suzi did just that for me. I rarely like to go to friends with problems, unless they are major, and I have a wonderful boyfriend who is actually really good at listening and providing a lot of the insight that I need. But sometimes, he just can't fill that role.

I have noticed that as my friends grow and develop their own lives, they become more wrapped up in whatever their baggage is, and ask a lot more questions and request opinions than they are willing to reciprocate for. I try really hard to include my experiences in order to show my knowledge on the subject, but I do it in such a way that it won't take away from the topic at hand. It seems as if it goes unnoticed a lot of times, and if I try to bring up something I am confused or wondering about, the topic winds up back about the other person.

Don't get me wrong, I fancy myself a great active listener and I am always willing to help problem-solve when needed, especially the areas of love and sex (among others) as I have a lot of knowledge and experience concerning those two facets. And I definitely do draw in a lot of people who desire advice, help, and thoughts. I love helping out, really I do. But sometimes I (YES, ME) get lost as well, and need someone to pick me up. My excessive feeling of guilt and worry about being a burden often deters me from taking action and I let the problem fester until I have either resolved it, or set it away for the time being.

Even though I felt stupid and silly and immature, I wrote an extensive email to Suzi. She is by far the one who knows me best of my girl friends, even though she lives so heartbreakingly far away. We go back to Junior High, when we were both filled with rage and dark humor. I was so sad that I couldn't visit her this summer as intended, because it would have been amazing (I'm thinking Spring or early Summer next year now??? I'm not sure the cost). Anyway, after sending her the email I felt a lot better having gotten those thoughts off my chest, and continued to wonder what sort of response she'd have.

What she sent me was perfect. Exactly everything I could have wanted and more. She knows that part of my personality to a T, and it was refreshing to have her reinforce the facets of my personality. No one knows the dark side of me like she does, the part who thinks and says things no one would fathom saying out loud. It's just really, really nice to have someone who loves you unconditionally, even when you are at your worst. Thank you for being there for me, I appreciate you far more than you can imagine. <3