Body problems and work

I came back to school feeling a lot calmer overall. I feel like my tolerance level has been reset and I am comfortable with the students and my relationships. HOWEVER, I am also experiencing a bout of depression. My functioning has been decreasing, and Steve's been pointing out my lack of interest in things, my inability to complete tasks, and general "would rather be sleeping" attitude.

Not this past Sunday but the one before it, I started to experience some pretty intense pain in my right knee. I had noticed some discomfort earlier but didn't think much of it until I tried to play ITG. Of course, I got through 3 very painful songs and knew something was actually wrong. I took some meds and a couple days later bought a brace for my knee, which has helped, but only during the time I'm wearing it. And I can't wear it ALL the time because it starts to hurt the back of my knee after awhile. When I walk and pivot or turn, it feels like the kneecap is shifting and it frequently makes an audible clicking noise. It burns in a strip from my thigh to my shin all the time, and if it's straight it feels like I'm hyperextending somehow, and if it's bent it feels tight and hot.

I went in to the doctor after my vitamin results came back - my B12 is so low that Winegardner has basically declared my body in a state of emergency (she literally turned the computer towards me and said "DID YOU SEE THIS NUMBER?!") and demanded I start shots immediately. So I got one yesterday and have to go in today and tomorrow for sure, and possibly Thursday. My zinc is also inexplicably lower than BEFORE I started zinc supplements??? How???? I was pretty happy about my histamine levels, which reduced to 900-something from 1500-something (which is very high), but she said that's still too much. I'm gonna get an X-ray on my knee tomorrow. I was going to do it yesterday but when she asked if I was pregnant and I said I didn't think so, she made me get a pregnancy test to be sure - I really didn't know! I've had 2 periods since May; it's been over 100 days since I've bled! I use my diaphragm every time but how am I supposed to know if it's working well??

So. I've had to stop kickboxing for now until we figure out what the hell is wrong with my knee. I was so embarrassed when she was trying to test for pain spots on my knee, and she propped my leg up on her bent knee. My leg is seriously the size of her whole body!! It looked like a tree trunk compared to her. And I have fat legs AND fat knees (which I feel like isn't actually that common) so they're hard to manage. The brace I mentioned? I had to order an XL from a "heavy weightlifting" place because the Walgreens ones were too small ;A; Generally speaking, I'm not embarrassed about having fat legs compared to the rest of my body because I get so much positive affirmation from the men in my life, but this has been awful!

So I have an extended work meeting today from 2:15 to 5:00pm and then my appointment at 7:20. Tomorrow I have my shot at like 4:30 and my X-ray at 6... woo.

My sub for yesterday wrote, "seems like a good thing going on here." LOLLLL I mean, honestly I was thinking the same thing when I was writing up the sub plans - Tealie was in charge first block so I didn't really need to write anything for that block, students are working independently in block 2, and my kiddos at Nokomis know exactly what's expected of them so working with them is a breeze. 

New Years

Steve and I didn't want to go to the New Years thing at Dave and Shelby's new place, but since we didn't go to the Christmas party and even though we had never planned on going, we felt like we couldn't "ditch" again. It was like -14*F/-25*C and miserable, but we *went*.

... I LOVE the new house. I am legit jealous of it. It has a kitchen, a bar, an island, an insane massive bathtub with a bathroom connected to the master bedroom, etc.

I had 2 glasses of wine and played a bunch of Hearthstone dungeons while everyone else chatted and played board games. I sat by Scott and Tyler and talked with Courtney and Joe Waid as well. A little while later I was sitting on the floor talking to Scott and Nick when I overheard Shelby say something that I thought was in reference to the house, and I was buzzed and like tried to agree from across the room, and I discovered she was NOT talking about the house when she was like, "Oh! You want some?!" and suddenly I was taking a shot of ground up mushrooms in lemon juice. I was SO. EXCITED. I love mushrooms, but I never really am around them.

While I waited for them to kick in, Scott made me a margarita on the rocks. After I consumed that, my heart started racing comparatively to normal - my heart rate while being a normal human is 60-70bpm, and it was at like 95. I began panicking realizing I've never mixed alcohol with anything other than weed, and I was soooo afraid of freaking out in front of my friends and acquaintances. So there was a good 15 minutes where I was basically having an internal meltdown. One of my biggest fears in life is looking stupid, and naturally I don't want to be perceived as such in front of people and especially while on drugs.

Eventually the feeling passed as I started to feel warm, and suddenly OH MY GOD I REMEMBERED why I love shrooms so much. It's like the best, most happy warm fuzzy feeling in the whole world. Unlike in Montana, I never got that super intense "get away I wanna be alone staring at this breathing rock doN'T TOUCH ME" feeling. On the contrary, I was really into everyone there, in the BEST mood. I was still hyper aware of my speech and behavior because I didn't feel totally comfortable being high in a room full of not-high people, but Steve (as a straight-edge person) said that I was giggly/smiley and in a super good mood, and encouraged me to acquire them whenever I want. lol.

I spent most of the night watching Nick play dungeon runs in Hearthstone (and only being minimally helpful because it was hard to focus). I let myself tune out occasionally too to watch the room gently breathe and my jeans be alive with movement. A few people went out to the grocery store to get food and Courtney came back with glow in the dark silly putty, which I played with the entire night for tactile satisfaction. I also had the urge to chew on something most of the time. Shelby eventually pulled me into the bathroom with the putty and we sat in there in the dark for like a half hour playing with it. I was not really into it, but Shelby was generous in offering me the drugs so I felt like I should humor her for awhile. It wasn't bad, but AGAIN I was aware that no one else was high and how WEIRD it was to just be in the bathroom in the dark for so long... haha.

I went back in the living room when I heard Courtney and Joe Waid talking about where I was. I ate a couple butter cookies and was legitimately surprised at how good they tasted. I'm used to food actively tasting BAD when I'm high on weed (I know, I know - opposite of everyone else on the planet), and my brain said that therefore food tastes bad on all drugs. Courtney asked me about what the high was like, and I sat next to Scott and stared at my jeans some more and watched everyone else.

I'd say the high lasted about 3 hours, and just when it was wearing off, Noah and Steve started a game where someone would come up with a video game question and stipulate the number of answers required of each person, and the rest of the room would text their answers. You could look something up to verify an answer, but on the honor system you couldn't google anything. For example:

"Name 3 games where a bear is the main character"
"Name 4 games where a character wears a striped shirt"
"Name 3 games where a character wears a crown"

It ended up being really fun, lol. We played for like 3 hours. Then Steve went with Nick to bring Noah home (an hour in the opposite direction), and Joe Waid and I went with Courtney so she could bring us home. We played a game with Spotify where one person would choose a song, and the next person would choose the next song based on another song you were reminded of, or the feelings you got when you heard the song, or the lyrics, or whatever. It was so fun! At some point I played The Saltwater Room by Owl City, and Joe Waid was like OH MY GOD THIS ERAAAA. I reminded him that the song of our relationship is West Coast Friendship (me to him) and he said that ACTUALLY it was If My Heart Was a House (him to me). Awwww <333 He da best.

After Courtney dropped him off, we sat in my driveway and talked for like another hour, telling various stories about being high after she asked me what it was like on mushrooms and that she really wanted to try them with us but was juuuust too afraid, and we agreed to definitely get high together. It was good!

By then it was like 4am and I was DEAD tired, but I hung around playing more Hearthstone dungeons until Steve got home around 4:30.

All in all, a very good new year!