A Heart's a Heavy Burden

[Error: unknown template qotd]Okay, it took me WAY too long to find my post from last year regarding resolutions. Damn you Writer's Block and posting at the end of 2010!!!!

( Last year's in review )

Okay. Goals for 2012.

• HEALTH: I want to worry less about weight, and more on inches lost and on nutrition. I want to be healthy without feeling deprived of things I love - like energy drinks and mochas - but still consume less of them. I want to go to the gym at least 4 times a week. I go twice a week already, but it's only for a half hour. I would like to get a run in either before or after my training. Once my contract for personal training ends, I would like to join a boxing class. I would like to start making bentos again, because they're great for portion control.
• FINANCES: I would like to be able to save (with Steve) a fairly large chunk of money. This will fluctuate depending on getting a new place and whatnot, but I would like to have a couple thousand in the bank at all times if possible. I would like to get our credit line lower and Grim's CareCredit to zero. My credit is quite good so I don't need to be using my credit cards at all. If I do, I want the balance paid ASAP (especially like Penney's and Victoria's Secret cards).
• FAMILY: I would like to help out my family by watching various kids as needed. I would like to have them over, and the older ones to stay the night sometimes. Minimum twice this year (as I refuse to make such a lofty goal as last year).
• CAREER: I want to find something that I *love* and that won't burn me out. That I will want to stay at for more than a year. I want to feel useful and appreciated. I want to stop feeling like I'm always fighting a failing, uphill battle. I want to get in a position where instead of wanting to kill myself after 6 months, I relish the joy I get from being good at my job. I've been working with the mentally ill for almost 6 years; I think that is enough. Maybe a different field, maybe a different degree in the future. I am versatile, and have held far too many jobs for my age. I want to settle down somewhere for at least 3-5 years.
• RELATIONSHIP: I personally think my relationship is a grand, wonderful thing. I cannot identify any major flaws. We're affectionate, considerate, and attentive to each other. I would like to keep being this way. I would like to be able to identify when things are going downhill for me and being able to rationally discuss the issue before it's out of control. I can think of two actual fights this year. I would like to keep to that same number or fewer (that is not to say we haven't had serious discussions regarding aspects of our relationship; there is a huge difference). I want to make sure that we don't become stagnant or take each other for granted. While I feel we are both quite aware of how we're doing, that doesn't mean it doesn't take work and monitoring. I would like to continue taking days here and there for us. I would like to take a trip somewhere this year, just us two.
• SELF: I want to continue my goal from last year. I want to learn to accept myself, the things I cannot change about me that I wish I could, change the things I can control, and just be me. I want to start doing things that make me feel pretty again, like painting my nails. I want to fit in nice outfits and feel cute.I want to care less about what I think people think of me. I also want to be more accepting when I am not perfect. I need to stop thinking I need to be the best at everything, or do it exactly right. I think I'm pretty good most of the time, but when I set my expectations higher than the result, I end up feeling disappointed and stupid. I would like to actively work on de-stressing more. Feeling more calm and centered. Maybe starting yoga again, even one time a week or every couple of weeks. Something to help me feel good and not like a tight ball of anxiety.
• GAMES: I would like to beat one more than last year. So... 17 :D I would also like to begin reviewing games. Not necessarily this huge, in-depth process because I'll just stress myself out, but just various thoughts and opinions to look back on when I want a refresher, or to more accurately explain my feelings to others.

Ooh, interesting! Let's see, I owe about $7,300 in student loans, and my credit debt (mostly due to my cat's ridiculous vet bills and surgery) is about $6000. If you factor in my boyfriend's debt, we're looking at about $70,000-$80,000! Yay school and crises! XDDD

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WITHOUT A DOUBT. It'd be so awesome to just try it out. :)

[Error: unknown template qotd]This is going to sound so stupid and cliche, but I would totally say,

"OMG Pleaaassseeee enjoy your childhood! Yes! Climb all those trees! Bike errywhere with your siblings! Spend as much time with them and your family as you can! Also, learn to trust others besides your parents because they will hurt you someday."

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I'm quite surprised about the answers to this writer's block. Hitler? Really? Of COURSE he thought it was worth it. He was attempting to accomplish one of his greatest desires and thought he was RIGHT. How would he NOT think it was worth it? Because he died in the end? I'm hoping he was smart enough to have expected that. Such is the burden of being such a huge figure.

I'd ask the Czar family if they expected to die in the way they did, or if they thought there was anything they could have done to prevent what happened to them.

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Though I'm not 100% sure which was actually FIRST, I know I played Contra and Tetris and Mario Bros.

The second clearest memory is playing the SNES. I loooooved to play The Lion King and Super Mario Bros.

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A dragon, like those miniatures from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Or a velociraptor, because then at least I'd know where it was O_O

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Absolutely. Our country is fat enough!

Children really need that outlet not only to stay at least moderately healthy, but they also need to expend that energy. With the increase in homework, and indoor activities like tv and video games (not to mention it being too goddamn cold to go outside in winter here), they get all wound up. Having gym class will help them work it out and therefore be more likely to be able to concentrate, especially the more high-strung kids. I'm sure there are also a bunch of skills learned during gym class that would otherwise be lost.

Of course, there should be more comprehensive education vs the teacher being lazy and you play floor hockey for three weeks in a row. Pass/fail is also really stupid, especially if it's performance-based. My high school gym teacher didn't do that, but her colleague did. I'd've gotten a C and been extremely pissed off because my gpa meant everything to me at the time.

If phy ed wasn't required in schools I would likely have never taken it, and been unhealthier faster. When we get out of high school, those of us who aren't athletically inclined are far more prone to becoming immediately sedentary while also eating badly (face it, many teens prefer Taco Bell over making their own healthy meals).

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Paying off my debts, and Steve's debts. Student loans and credit cards first, hands down.

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First off, I would like to say that I think either half the people answering the question are liars, or only the "good" ones are answering, because I know A LOT of people who snoop on their significant other. I even know a girl who didn't want her boyfriend talking with this one girl, so she'd go into his email and facebook and delete any messages or emails she'd send him.

I don't think that you should snoop on your partner, no. It causes a lot of issues. I've read some of Steve's texts before and he's done the same to me, but never out of suspicion or anger. I remember him saying something to me a few months ago like, "If you read my texts, whatever you do DON'T go into my drafts folder. It's where I keep my list of gift ideas for you." And I haven't, because I know it's true.

The interesting thing about him is how trusting he is. He's like the perfect person when it comes to showing resiliency. He discovered his girlfriend was cheating on him with his best friend through their comments to each other on MySpace. Not messages, COMMENTS! Who knows what the hell they were messaging each other?! Most people would then be wary of the next social networking addict. But he's not. We're both very open about what we're doing. Anything we ask the other, we answer. Once I made a stupid drunken decision (something like, "HEYYY WE HAVE THE SAME PHONE LET'S EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERRRRS." I think. He might have asked me.) at a party with some douche, and when Steve asked who I was texting and I told him the story, he (rightfully, especially considering he's straight-edge and thinks drunk people are stupid) got angry with me. With no qualms I immediately texted the guy saying that we should no longer speak (he had been texting me a lot since the party, but only like one-word texts) because we had no reason to (which is true), and deleted the number out of my phone to show that I didn't mean any harm and it meant nothing to me. And all was well.



Now, I'm not perfect. I HAVE been snoopy before.

When I was with Dan, there was a serious lack of trust and we snooped on each other all the time (granted, we were together from the ages of 16-21, therefore started young). For me, I felt justified. I found lies everywhere I looked. One of the biggest lies was when I should have been smart and called it quits, but I'm a ninny. We were going to school four hours apart and he hadn't called me for a few days. I signed into his facebook to get a friend's phone number that he lived with, and being 18 and curious, I checked his messages. In there I found several between him and an ex, which hurt a lot because 1. He was NEVER close with his ex. They met in MEXICO on a mission trip, didn't live near each other, and didn't yet have licenses or cell phones and therefore rarely talked. 2. He went many stretches of time without any contact with me at all. The most recent one was dated the previous day, apologizing for not calling her back AFTER TALKING TO ME (when he'd always say he was tired and wanted to get off the phone, etc.). I confronted him; he outright lied about it, even after I told him I was staring directly at the message.

There were hints about him visiting her "again." When asked about this, he said she was referring to a long time ago and wanted to see him but he wouldn't. Of course, not believing him, I signed into MSN and started a conversation with her. To be fair, she sounded like she was only interested in hanging out and was totally open to talking to me, knowing who I was. What I learned from her was that he went to a different state to visit his friend and herself. That he drove like 6 hours to see them. When he couldn't be assed to even talk to me.

I was so mad that if he'd been present, I might have seriously scratched his eyes out. I was RAGING. We talked for like three hours as he tried to convince me to not break up with him. And eventually I relented. And then spent another 3 years of the same old shit. After we broke up but I continued to live with him for a time, a bunch more stuff I never knew about came trickling out of him. He thought it was funny, how much he lied to me.

I guess I have some issues after Dan, but I trust Steve. He's given me no reason to be suspicious of his behavior, so I treat him that way.