On Thursday I ditched school, picked up Steve and we went to see Patrick Rothfuss at this tiny little "bar and hall" in downtown Saint Paul. I mean, I wouldn't say "ditched" per se because I told the professor about it ahead of time and everything but I didn't tell Blake I had a different engagement other than school. We were the first ones waiting in this atrium area in front of the "red doors" that were specified. I was very territorial about the doors but I was trying to act nonchalant, knitting my scarf and talking to Steve (he played a lot of the "facebook status bot" game and it was pretty funny). But on the inside I was so very "Line starts behind ME!!!" to anyone new who came in. Eventually I just actually stood in front of the door instead of near it. I wanted to get the best seats and I didn't care who was annoyed at me about it! I was the first one in and I got seats literally front and center. I didn't know who Paul and Storm were but I figured I would be getting acquainted with them in the near future due to my seating position. There was this very nice middle-aged woman who was the MOST Minnesota, and she offered to get Steve and myself drinks for watching her seats (we declined the drinks, and I followed her up to the bar). I didn't know what to get other than a red bull for Steve, so I was looking around at the other people. A man walked up to another person kitty-corner to me and introduced himself very gentlemanly-like to PATRICK ROTHFUSS!!! I didn't even notice he was standing basically RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I took a secret picture and sent the lady to get Steve. Pretty soon other people started coming, and I knew he would be staying after to sign books (I mean, he stayed NINE hours in Madrid signing books and this was not only a ticketed event, but many people didn't even hear about it) so I made sure we got pictures with him and told him how awesome he was, but we quickly left him alone because he was getting bombarded with people and we felt bad. Then when Paul and Storm were about to come on, he peeked out and we made eye contact so I waved to him AND HE WAVED BACKKKK. I felt a huge wave of starstruckness and also some embarrassment at being a tool.
Paul and Storm were pretty funny, they kept the crowd giggling, and then on one of the last songs ("Frogger") Paul grabbed me from the audience and sang to me/with me or whatever. I almost died. I was still knitting at that point and he actually said, in front of everyone, "You can bring your knitting if you want"!! omgggg. He spit on me in singing enthusiasm and Steve got a few pics. It was awesome but also kind of the worst because everyone was staring at me.
Patrick Rothfuss came out and read his first "Children's" book and talked a lot about it as well as the origins, and pointed out that while he is not allowed to sell copies of the second book online, that he could sell them at the merchandise booth. I was sooo excited!!! After he was finished, he opened up for some question time, and while most of the questions were boring, someone DID start to say something about the Adem being modeled after people on the Autism spectrum, and Patrick seemed to get a almost offended and said that the Adem are nothing like people on the spectrum and his tone implied that the guy asking the question was pretty dumb to think so (while I wouldn't have gotten as huffy about it, I obviously agree - the Adem may SEEM autistic until you realize how they communicate and that their whole world is BUILT around understanding body language and expression... duh) . Someone asked if he'd been to therapy. It sounded as if it was supposed to be a joke, but Patrick took the opportunity to disclose that he's actually been in therapy for a year, and he started therapy because his marriage was falling apart and he has been a really angry person for a long time, and that he and Sarah were about to get a divorce. He said that therapy helped him work through a lot of his anger, fix his relationship, and be a better father. It was an intense and touching confession, and I'm so glad he told us about it and that his life has improved!
After that, he told us about how he was an "advice columnist" for his school newspaper in college and he read some of his columns. They were so funny and great. One of them entailed a story about how he convinced his RA and floor supervisor to let him keep his guinea pigs by saying they were fish (The punchline was where he stuck one of his guinea pigs in a tank and when the RA freaked out and asked what the hell he was doing he said, "I'm. showing you. my fish."), and one where he debated slow zombies vs. fast zombies using sex as an analogy (both have their merits and downfalls but it's really personal preference).
After he was done, he set up at a table for book signing and chatting. He said that he hates that he has to stop chatting with people at long signings (like in Madrid) because it's like his favorite part - talking to the fans and really connecting. Steve and I had to run around the building to take out cash and I was worried about not getting a copy of the second Princess and Mr. Whiffle but it was okay :) Then we waited in line for a long while even though there were only like 20-30 people in front of us, which was awesome because it showed that we'd get to talk with him for a few minutes. With the people in front of us they discussed the comparative value of the money in the books (one talent can be VERY ROUGHLY compared to $1000, at the basic level). When we got up there we gushed a bit, talked about how it's impossible to remember people's names, and the fact that Patrick is considering releasing a book inbetween Wise Man's Fear and The Doors of Stone that takes place in the same world. When Steve and I told him that we would love ANY books in that universe and would happily read every single book he puts out, AND not to listen to the idiots whining about wanting the third book because they are just being selfish jerks, he thanked us and said that he will now really consider doing it, and he said it would be very easy to finish and publish. So that's exciting!
It was a great night.
Steve and I had the week off, and it was so nice. I was busy for a lot of it - oral surgery appointment (getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th of September, they've been bothering me for awhile now), eye appointment (am going to try out a new special lens just for my type of eyes/get new glasses), took Grim in for a check-up (still 15 pounds and healthy, just had the vet scrape some tartar off his teeth), Nate gave us a futon and a click-clack couch, I had school on Thursday and today I had a bridal shower for some cousin of mine that I went to with Connie and Haley. Otherwise it's been a lot of Joe Waid and some of Courtney and Pat. Steve and I went to the State Fair on Friday. It's kind of a "thing" here - we gorged ourselves on all the foods we wanted, ran into an old coworker, Jeff LaPlant, in an arcade there. He recognized me and apparently did a double-take and called my name. It was cool chatting for awhile.
Courtney played Amnesia last night. We were downstairs in the dark and the boys were upstairs playing DotA. They said it was either silent, orwe were shrieking. It was soooo fun.
Steve's great. Haley's great. Joe Waid's great. Bre's great. Courtney's great.
Steve and I reviewed our finances and noticed that we spend a horrendous amount of money per month on eating out, followed by things like coffee, jamba juice, etc. So we sat down with Paul and worked out our budget, and we're trying to stick by that now - including an "allowance." It should really help us with saving more money, and on not gaining unnecessary pounds with fatty foods!
I beat Bayonetta last weekend, and I've been replaying it on one difficulty level harder, and I've gotten so good at it, getting trophies left and right! It's a fantastic game.
Ugh, this winter is terrible. So cold and snowy, all the time. This time last year it was 80 degrees... it was well above normal temperature but it was still lightyears better than this. D: It's not going to get out of the teens again until the weekend, and even then it will still be below freezing. Blehhhh. So gray and bleh. Hate. It's supposed to be spring tomorrow! DDD:
So when I went in for my session on the 1st, I did not feel like it was any different. Jerry was being douchey with his looks, and Laura and I were doing business as usual. When Jerry left at 6, he gave her a longer-than-normal stare before he left. At 7, she went to get a pizza two doors down. She received a text during that time. I did not think to let her know she received one when she got back. A few minutes later, the shop got a phone call. It was Jerry. He clearly asked her if she got the text. She grabbed her phone and went into the storage room (as the shop really is just one big room). It was very clear then that the phone call was regarding me. A very heated 5-10-minute discussion ensued, with her raising her voice and getting all fast and squeaky. I knew they were arguing about my sleeve. A few minutes later she came out, stricken and very visibly upset, and told me that Jerry was requiring her to raise the price of my sessions, starting that evening. I was IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SESSION, mind you. Apparently Jerry feels that they have been undercharging me, and I deserve to finish my tattoo at an increased rate. At the time I was tired, and defeated, and I didn't want to be mad at Laura for what Jerry did. So we came to a compromise for the night and I ended up paying $50 more than I would have (I still tipped her my standard amount, which she was plainly shocked to see. It was clear that she thought she'd be losing her tip in favor of making up for the increase in price. I would never take that out on her like that.)
For a little while, I resigned myself to it. There's about 2 sessions left and then touch-ups, which are free (the shop guarantees all of its work... or so it claims). I couldn't think of a way to argue my point without burning bridges. I decided to let it go. I DID NOT schedule a new appointment, which I had done every single other time. I hoped that would send a message.
Then I thought about it for a few days, and I have decided that I simply may not go back to the shop AT ALL. How DARE he send his employee to do his dirty work? How DARE he decide to extort me when he knows that I am so close to being done? How DARE he not have the balls to talk to me himself!!!! Fuck! I am seething. I vacillate between wanting to storm down there and demand that he not renege on the agreed upon deal (and notify him that I know an artist who would be GLAD to finish my tattoo [even though I don't want to take this away from Laura and I don't *actually* have an artist lined up... but Andy could do it]), and maybe reach a compromise, and just never contacting them again and badmouthing the shop to anyone who will listen (and post a horrible review on FB, etc. OR just waiting to see if he convinces Laura to contact me when he realizes he misses that consistent money from me). Whenever I think of going to shop, my blood pressure absolutely skyrockets and I get dizzy, from a combination of the helpless, blind rage I feel at his outright greedy asshole behavior and the fact that I am so ridiculously terrified of a confrontation that I panic at the thought of trying to put forth a demanding, coherent, convincing argument.
It just sucks. Why did he have to do that? I hate him. Seriously. It's so wrong on so many levels and I just don't deserve this kind of treatment. God.
I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.
So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.
I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!
Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-
ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf, this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.
So instead I got to play copious amounts of Rock Band 3!
Pat told me yesterday that it was "refreshing" to have someone who consistently wanted to do vocals. I was surprised because I feel like a bossy twat whenever I'm on vocals, simply because I don't like to do anything else. Guitar Hero I can play on guitar, and I was quite good at it at one point when I lived at Dan's parent's house and played with Michael, but for some reason it just isn't the same on Rock Band. Probably because there's soooo much repetition of notes versus variety. I just HATE the guitar. And let's face it, I am not a drummer. I like to sing, and I can USUALLY figure out pitch. Whenever ANYONE (usually female) asks to sing when I'm being vocals, I get all stiff like they think I'm hogging them and I need to share. I think I might be paranoid. XD
That 70's Show is so good. We've switched back to that being out background show. And omg Breaking Bad is amazing. We finally started the 5th season and it's GREAT.
I'm dyeing my hair Christmas colors this time... I was originally going to do a pink/green/purple or pink/green/blue combo, but then Steve pointed out that it's the holidays, so we got some red and I'm working on the colors right now! I'll post a pic when finished.
When I was at school on Monday, the professor asked for a show of hands who planned to do the hybrid program (mostly online), or the traditional program (once a week face-to-face). Most people raised their hands at hybrid. The class was about half that of when we started. This is due to a combination of people dropping out of the program with a smattering of people who didn't need the course. It was weird. My 3 favorite people were still in it, so I sat by them this time so I didn't have to get stuck with annoying guy. Anyway, during the break one of the students talked with the professor about the differences in the programs, and apparently the professor told them that while the face-to-face program does require the attendance commitment, there's a lot less busy work and most of the work is done in class. Ugh. WHYYY SO MEAN!?!?!? I mean, I get it. They want to make sure students are learning when not attending class so they assign a bunch of things. Is attending a class once a week a good trade-off for not having a ton of independent work? I'm so torn!
P.S. the urologist called back with my test results and said that even though my numbers were far improved, I was still showing some of that bacteria they don't want, so it's back to no sex for a couple weeks and a mega dose of medication. AND another follow-up appointment. Woo.
I appear to have forgotten that a schedule that is too full causes an opposite reaction from me, and even while I KNOW my super busy schedule won't last forever and there are a hundred atypical situations occurring right now, I just want to quit everything and hide under the blankets with all the lights off and maybe a candle going. Like, I see my calendar looking like this:
( Here )
And I just want to cry. Remember that I also work every weekday on top of any appointments.
And yet, if you look at it, there are THREE trainings that I have/had this month which will not need to be repeated for a whole year, my tattoo appointments are FUN even if they're time-consuming (and I switched my next appointment from the 21st to December 6 so I wouldn't be upset about the time), and I won't need be going to the urologist again until February. And yet. I'm suffocating. I just need to get through this week and then my next month is blissfully empty right now. I will continue going to the chiropractor once a week and I will be working on my sleeve, and I have my two Face-to-Faces for class, but I can do it. I just need to remember that I can.
I asked Steve to cuddle me while I mope and it eventually turned into me holding up his upper half by the shoulders and he dead-weighted and then I said he looked like he was flying nonchalantly like Superman and then he slowly started to sway back and forth with a smug look on his face, which dissolved us into giggles for a solid couple of minutes. <3
And now, cram work time because I have less than two hours to do this assignment. Let's see if I can build the motivation.
For the past several months I have had the most vivid dreams involving bees. Seriously. I probably dream about some odd situation in which I get stung multiple times by some scary bee at least once a week or sometimes every other week. I feel the sensation of being stung, I feel the bee crawling on me, I can feel any time I happen to “catch” it and inspect what is hurting me. The weirdest part is I’M NOT EVEN SCARED OF BEES! Nor do I have any memory of being stung in real life. The bees in my dreams are usually big ugly wasp/hornet things that are super mad at me for whatever reason. It’s usually one, but I had a dream recently that it was several stinging me at the same time (and after they were taken care of, my body burned at the sting “sites”). In the dreams I continue to not be afraid of bees; more like confused at how I could have angered them so when I treat insects quite respectfully 99% of the time. The rest of the dream is comprised of various feelings about being stung, I guess. It’s just weird to wake up with pain spots and have other body memory sensations for the next several hours. It’s 11:30am and I *still* am recovering from my dream last night. What is with me and dreams lately? This particular one I was sitting and started being stung from behind – that is, I couldn’t immediately see the offender, so I reached around and grasped him and brought him close to my face for inspection. He was big and fuzzy and squirmy. I guess he could only be killed by letting him go and hitting him with a flyswatter, so that’s what I did. Then I watched him for a few minutes before waking up. Nothing major or serious, or even heart-thumping. Sometimes in my dreams I get a bit of an adrenaline rush, but usually it’s more… scientific? Observant? …Detached in a way? Hmmm.
I was actually kind of hoping for a pap because overnight I got a huge painful lump in my right breast, like, at least an inch circumference. I googled it and there's like a million things it could be, but it hasn't gone away so I'm a little concerned. I just don't want to go through a long-ass appointment so they can tell me my tissue's just being wonky.
Holy moley I'm tired today! Traffic was very bad this morning due to a fatal car accident - I saw the SUV involved, and the person was probably crushed. During this time there were several minutes of dead-stoppage. The highway is already down to one lane beginning in that area because of construction, and morning traffic is always bad around that time. When we were stopped I made a tweet, and my great aunt deigned to remind me that texting and driving is illegal. It drives me insane when people take every opportunity to remind you when you're doing wrong, as if it will change the behavior. I'm here to tell you, it will not. End of story.
Anyway. I started my second grad school class, and we met yesterday. During this meeting I came to the should-have-been obvious realization regarding why I do what I do. I want to work with EBD and Autism, and thrive in chaotic environments... I process information very quickly and become bored almost too easily, it's like I *need* the environment to be unpredictable from day to day and even up to minute to minute to keep my brain excited and stimulated. Coming to this realization was really amusing, but also freeing. I love developing new awareness and understanding of myself.
This LJ app sucks, by the way. Not capitalizing the beginning of sentences, really??
I'm seeing a chiropractor twice a week for 6 weeks for adjustments, acupuncture and some muscle therapy. It's mostly for my bladder issues but I have longstanding back pain from having lordosis (swayback) and horrid neck pain. Since insurance will pay, I'm treating the whole package. :)
A nap is most definitely in order today after work. I'm so so tired!
Steve and I went to a local farm with an apple orchard and picked delicious apples and bought homemade pancake/waffle/muffin mix with pumpkin flavoring. It smells so good! Faith and I made the muffins and they were amazing.
I've been able to talk to Bre relatively frequently lately, and I like that. She and Lamin even visited the townhouse for a bit on their way to a rodeo in Wisconsin. I love her inability to have a filter, and her brutal honesty, but above all, her genuineness. There is no way for that girl to be disingenuous and it's that quality that keeps her so near and dear to my heart.
When writing on my phone I must hit the letter k instead of m about 90% of the time and the text predictor always changes 'my' to 'Kyoto'. Lol.
Been playing a lot of Persona 3 Portable on the PSP and watching a lot of Breaking Bad with Steve and Pat. I'll be finished with my first grad school class this weekend and immediately start class number two! Otherwise there's not too much else going on, just seeing family here and there. Steve did the Mud Factor 5k obstacle course with me and will do the Warrior Dash next summer with me. Warrior dash was way more fun anyway even if the mud smelled and felt like actual shit. Mud Factor has amazing soft sandy mud that did not stink.
Oops! Break is over!
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Posted via m.livejournal.com.
I've been spending my time over the past couple days reading It by Stephen King, mostly because it's been smiling slyly at me for many a moon, and artly because sooo many people had a cow during and after reading it. I'm skeptical of their loud views, because I can't really imagine SK being any different in his vulgarity than any of his other books. The worst thing I have ever read was a description in Different Seasons of an ex-Nazi soldier killing a cat in an oven. Typically I literally skip anything that describes an animal mutilation because it is just Too Much for Me (human mutilation, on the other hand, is perfectly stomachable), but I fucked up hardcore in that book, and it ruined my life. But I have a suspicion that AFTER reading the cat's death was when I resolved not to read the section of vivid animal torture.
I'm almost halfway (the book is 1074 pages hardcover), and so far it feels like classic King. I haven't been scared thus far really, though I expected it as most of his older works haven't had that effect on me (though Misery is still probably the scariest book I've read by him, where there was a part that literally made me jump, I was that absorbed in the scene), not to mention I remember seeing the movie a couple times as a child and not being afraid. I've enjoyed the character development and the way the book has woven together up to this point. I've reached a turning point for the characters and I'm excited to find out what lies around the next corner.
Otherwise I'd been holding my breath for the transitional case manager position at MHR, and when I heard nothing I checked the site to see if maybe they were waiting for me to apply online as well, and to my horror the position was gone! After I talked to them and everything! I was very dismayed at first, but then I clicked on a new position up which was titled Senior Case Manager. I was curious and clicked on it, and it appears to be the Transitional position under a new name. A new name that sounds WAY cooler omg. I immediately applied and followed up on facebook with two of my connections, hoping it'll get me an interview. My stomach is all jumpy and nervous, and I really, desperately want it. I want to pull my goddamn hair out at work constantly. I'm suffocating and you have no idea how badly I just want to tell them to fuck off. I cannot WAIT to put in my two weeks (but then I KNOW those two weeks will be hell while everyone hates me). Just want outttt.
Then we went to our favorite GameStop and I found one of the few PS2 games we don't own - Tales of Legendia. Even if it's considered one of the worst Tales games, it was pristine, $20, and OMGPS2!!!!
Get home, start bleaching my hair, and stumble upon a STATUS ON FACEBOOK my mom posted about my sister having a seizure in downtown Minneapolis while driving and crashed into a parked car. While it turns out she's okay at this point and wasn't seriously injured, and a nearby police officer witnessed it and sprang into action, when I read the status and thought about if my sister had been on the highway or otherwise in serious danger... I sort of awkwardly burst into tears. It was Leah-bursting, which is more like a slow build-up and very full eyes but lots of wiping of the face, but shit! Here I was all having an amazing day, and my only sister could be fucking DYING in a CAR ACCIDENT. Jesus. The fear of what would happen if I lost her went almost out of control. She may be at rock bottom, but I love that girl.
After I spoke with Mom on the phone (and sufficiently made her feel bad because I got so upset), I finished dying my hair. See here! I loooove it. I wish I had done more blue and maybe not attacked my bangs so hard with the scissors, but I get so frustrated at how quickly they grow! I JUST got my hair cut. Ugh.
During the time in Iowa and on the way back, Steve and I spent the vast majority of the time discussing things we like and don't like, and what we'd want at our wedding (as we have done at all four of the weddings we've been to together and will likely do at the 5th, at the end of the month) - Like: songs like "Wonderwall" by Oasis, "Hallelujah", and "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie composed orchestrally. Dislike: Hay bales as seats. We consistently discuss the merits of dancing, as people these days do not seem to want to dance at weddings. We discussed our wedding party, and have this amazing plan for it. We know what song we're likely to dance to as our "first dance" and have a choreography plan as we will not be awkwardly slow-dancing, looking meaningfully into each other's eyes.
We ended the night listening to the mix Steve made me two months into our relationship and decided we could easily play it at our wedding. It's really, really good.
Then tonight, after over 3 years of dating, I finally went with Steve on one of his nighttime bike routes. There's this one area, a stretch behind a field that he calls "the heart of his bike ride", where it's dark and quiet, with fireflies everywhere and that earthy smell of a marsh nearby. It was incredibly romantic, and he said it reminds him of the scene in FFX with Yuna and Tidus in the water - beautiful, breathtaking, and it's only you there (of course we all know they totally did it). My heart swelled with love and we spent the rest of the ride making lovey-dovey eyes at each other and talking about how amazing our life is.
Whenever I think of him at night, alone, it reminds of this time he texted me while at this park we passed on our ride, like a month into dating, something like, "You make me want to CRY. in joy. And DIE. from cute." Of course in trying to find the exact quote in my text dump entries I read about a million heart-melty things he has said to me and I died over and over again.
He's just... the best. I love him so hard I could squeeze him to death and then be like an excited kid crushing their taco. Or something. I completely stole that idea from the Office. Only it wasn't a kid. Anyway, point being, Steve is for me, no doubt about it.
I did so well the past couple weeks exercising (despite the constant, near-crippling pain in my bones) and now with the chilly and cloudy, I'm cranky and just want to sleep in my car on break (and feel sorry for myself for being injured).
I don't want to be in the toddler room today. I'm too irritable.
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