A Heart's a Heavy Burden

I finished my test crochet for Whitney Marie Anderson. It crocheted up so quickly. I couldn’t remember what the yarn was so I bought a bunch of single skeins on sale. I like how it turned out!

I like more squishy things (this is pretty stiff due to the stitch density) but it’s pretty. If I can soften the wool up, Steve will totally wear it.

Also: new glasses pair 1.

( Read more... )

Literally those pictures of the sweater were taken YESTERDAY and my view right now is:



It has been steady snowing since around 11:30am or so. I'll grant you that it looks pretty, but Steve drove to the post office (less than a mile away) and said several areas were quite iffy due to how slippery it is. I am very grateful that we are working from home this winter, not just for sanity but for safety.

I finished my election judge training, and the documentation thanked me for serving my country.

I also learned a lot more about the voting process. In Minnesota, apparently lots of people got turned away this year because so many applied to be judges. I live in a suburb of St. Paul, but like... right next to it. I applied and only offered to work within my precinct (but not necessarily my polling place), and I got placed at my own poll location, so that's neat. Every year it's always been old white people as judges. I'm gonna mix it up!

Work is pretty slow for me so far this week. I like it, but it also makes me anxious like I'm forgetting something. Did I mention my boss still really wants to get me on the Usability train/hybrid role? She is gunning hard for it. I might start shadowing soon.

Steve decided to lay down for an hour in here (this is the guest room, so there is a bed) because he has a headache.

Steve: I don't think it's a caffeine headache...
Me: Are you dehydrated?
Steve: ... I showered earlier.
Me: You are not an amphibian, sorry.

XD

One thing that is both confusing and fascinating is what parts of this people in my own area (read: the Twin Cities) focus on, based on many different factors. A lot appears to be geography (in hotspots, suburbs, or distant), others, on principles or specific actions, personal context/experiences, and upbringing.

Most of my white friends are obsessed with the destruction. Many live in the suburbs or beyond. I'm not going to break it down because it's one of the most favorite debate topics right now and I'm tired. It's frustrating that white people particularly seem to think that debating and analyzing the reasoning behind destruction is the important part, or the part to endlessly be confused and questioning about.

Personally, all I care about is human rights. And what matters most is black people to stop being targets to our police. I support the right to protest, and for the media to witness it.

On another note, Bob Kroll (the police union president) is one of the biggest pieces of shit of all time. I mean, I've KNOWN this, it's not new. And if he keeps getting re-elected, guess who keeps re-electing him. Hmmmmm.

I've been learning a lot about defunding the police. I had never heard of this as a concept or possibility before last week. I was completely ignorant on the topic. Already having hated police and everything they stand for, it was easy to start delving into. However, if I had been approached about this a year ago (or 3 months ago or two weeks ago, whatever), I would have thought there was no chance.

Been having really good conversations with people I am close to. I did end up blocking Ann after I asked her nicely TWICE to step out of my space if she was going to just keep yelling (which she did after my initial posts). Mom said Ann wouldn't say anything to Paul about it and she's used to getting kicked out of people's houses (lmaooo).

The sacred circle at George Floyd's death site is amazing. I haven't gone directly there because it didn't feel like my place. As someone in the neighborhood said, "It's not coachella and you are not coming for a show. You do not understand the spirituality of black folks". Which is true. But even from here I can tell that's a powerful area. And those white people who feel comfortable going to PROTECT the black people in that space, I'm happy for.

Also, just got this email:



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday I got a notification for my Friendiversary with Joe, so that was cool.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have done almost nothing else other and breathe this situation. I have been almost zero productive at work - I think the only tangible things I've done over the last two weeks are:
1. Practicing New Student Orientation (NSO) with Suzanne and Jay
2. Putting together a third form for my Jadu training (but NOTHING else in that space)
3. Attending my Performance Review with Liz

I have played 1, maybe two games of Hearthstone, and knit maybe two rows on Sean's sweater. I have gone on two short walks with Steve, one to decompress after Saturday night, and the other on Sunday. But all we talk about is this. It's all I think about.

When I became cognizant that I'd been yelling on the internet all morning (challenging ignorance and misguided thinking and blocking racists), I knew it was time for action.

https://instagram.com/p/CAwzCI0pntY

Here are some pictures from last night.

I caught several videos of the police throwing tear gas, flash bangs, and shooting rubber bullets at everyone. I was there until they mobilized the national guard to move all the cops out of the precinct. They gave up on it and let the few people who were feeling especially angry destroy it.

There was zero police presence until people started throwing water bottles at several already-broken windows. They were on the roof and in the precinct though, and when the front fence came down (again, 1 or 2 people did this), they suddenly appeared and launched tear gas into the crowd. That was the only time we were caught by surprise (as in, the remaining times we could move out of the way more quickly), but everyone there was prepared to deal with it. Lots of baking soda/water, marshalls ready to help people out and give first aid. I got it worst in my eyes, Bethany inhaled a lot of it. We were wearing masks and both have glasses, so it helped some. We were in short sleeves, but I'd brought a long-sleeved shirt just in case. The tear gas started a lot earlier than I expected it to, so my arms and hands were burning all night, but it was manageable.

Tear gas is actually a fine powder, not a gas, and it settles in any secretions and targets a specific pain receptor. It tastes sour and acrid.

As per the norm at protests, 95% of people were peaceful. Honestly a lot of the protest was quiet standing there, punctuated by chants and cheers and righteous yelling. People were offering each other water and first aid and checking in. A lot.

There was destruction. I am most suspicious of a large fire that occurred on the block, but outside of the protest zone. It was a bad fire.

There were two or three people who, as darkness fell and the officers settled on the lawn behind the fence, started hurling rocks and other small objects. That was a great excuse to start launching rubber bullets into the crowd and pushed everyone behind the Target fence and trees for a bit while they refortified. I was most scared of the bullets whizzing by. I actually have a video earlier on where we're all standing a safe distance, but one of the rock throwers was to my left, and you can HEAR the high-speed bullet on my camera fly by me.

My ears hurt from all the flash-bangs, but starting from around 9:30p, Bethany and I kept on the side of our escape route if we needed to run. I'd parked 2.5 miles away, near where George Floyd was murdered. The wind was working with us for the tear gas, and there were plenty of traffic cones to cover them with. I only saw two people get maced through the fence, and they were both white teenage girls? young adults? At any rate, they did not seem at all subdued in their rage.

We left when they mobilized the national guard (who were waiting in the parking lot), because we thought they were coming in for crowd control, but it turns out they might have just been evacuating the cops and abandoning the building. I still had an hour drive to bring Bethany home, and another hour back to my house. Then I stayed up until 3:30 because how could I not?

This morning my boss asked us to give a wellbeing check-in. Trent called in today for his mental health - still not sure what his beliefs are. He took a half day to clean up Lake St. and the presentation of him saying that makes me feel like he's more worried about the businesses than the lives lost. I hope I'm misinterpreting. Several other people stayed up late as well, tracking the progress. There is a lot of rumors of Proud boys and other assholes coming up to incite chaos, and that's another reason we left when we did. We didn't want to be witness to that.

I imagine today will be more locked down than other days (see the CNN reporter arrested on basically the exact spot I was standing for much of yesterday), but efforts will probably galvanize for the weekend? Not sure what's going to happen next.