Writer's Block: Ice cream isn't cutting it

[spritechan]

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I think it really depends on how the break-up ended, and why. A dumper can be just as heartbroken as a dumpee in some cases. More often than not though, by the time a break-up happens, one person has already moved at least partially away from the relationship.

Personally, whether I've been the dumper or dumpee, I've never made a conscious decision to "stay single" or "date." It just happens if it happens! Which means, more often than not, I met a lot of people, guys and girls. If you're still in love with the person, in a way that means you are still hoping to get back together with them, you probably shouldn't date. You only look like an ass to people who try to date you. In that case, you should work toward coming to terms with those feelings and decide whether to move on or reconcile. If you've accepted the break up and plan to move on, I've found that moving on is easier when there's someone there (helloooo rebound!).

My ex refuses to have a rebound (or date, apparently), and we've been broken up over a year and a half (after having dated 5 years). He is unhappy, lonely, and holding onto the past. He's almost 24! He thinks his love life is over. Whereas I had a month-long rebound, and then moved on to a serious relationship (been together since May 2009), and I couldn't be happier.

So... which way is better?

Comments

[silver-tiamat.livejournal.com]

I think the concept of the "rebound" is interesting, and a little odd. It's like saying, "the only real relationship you have is the first one, after that, everyone is just a rebound of the one before..." That is ridiculous. I think a lot of the mythology of dating is based oddly around the idea that you won't have multiple dating partners (let's not even talk about sex partners here, which we know is an issue in our world, particularly with females).

Such as the strange phrase, "I've been hurt before" used in any sort of serious tone. Oh? You've dated more than one person? Okay, then you've been HURT BEFORE, haven't you? All of us who have dated, even once, who are not currently dating that person, have been hurt before. How can that possibly be used as an excuse, if everyone has it? Including the person you're saying it to? ('Cause let's face it--even if you haven't dated, if you've ever even liked someone before, you've pretty much been 'hurt before.')

So, to add to your point about it depending on the break-up, and realizing that not only is the "dumper" as likely to be upset as the "dumpee" but that even the acknowledgment that breakups don't just happen for no reason that both partners were completely unaware of, I would suggest that it depends on how "done" the person is with the relationship. If you're still trying to hold onto the ragged edges of what it used to be, then yeah, you need some time alone. If you can't remember who you used to be when you weren't with the person, then you need some time alone. But...if you were the person with the foot out the door, the one who was done with the relationship while it was still going on, why wait? You knew that it wasn't what you wanted. Time to go find what it is you do want! YAH!