spritechan: (Lost - Hurley list on arm for Jack)
[personal profile] spritechan
I had a pretty awful day yesterday and ended up spending almost the entirety of the day at the vet and then the emergency clinic, and most of the time spent inbetween was through moping and sleeping.

Grimmy got blocked up again, and acted the same as last time: tried to pee, sat on the floor, meowed mournfully and gave me reproachful looks. When they looked at him they said he was worse than last time and they'd want to leave the catheter in for a few days. Money spent: $310. Then they recommended taking him to a 24-hour clinic nearby so he can be monitored at all times. What I didn't know was that this place is actually where the kings of the world visit when they want to stay at a hotel. The bill range for keeping Grim there? $1300 to $2500. Soooo... since the 5th I have spent a minimum of $2500 on this.

Now, money is just money. Grim is far more important to me than any money. HOWEVER. Vets here don't allow payment plans. They require everything up-front RIGHT NOW. So for people like me who make around $1000 every two weeks, it's going to hurt. People wonder why our society views pets as disposable. I would be sitting so pretty if I'd have just paid to put Grim down. And what happens if he gets sick AGAIN (which is, sadly, quite common) and I can't afford it? I couldn't even afford it NOW - the vet allowed me to open a $3000-limit credit line with a 27% interest rate if I don't pay it off quickly. I have enough if I use my credit cards and my entire savings, but I need to be able to pay my other bills and rent too. It's ridiculous and sad. 

Despite this bullshit, I still am steadfastly not going to give up on Grim. There is what's considered the "three strike rule" with his condition, and after the third blockage they recommend surgery. The surgery itself sounds horrific: they remove the most distal part of the penis and widen the opening, while creating a new urethra and bypass the old one. The issue again is: HOW MUCH DOES IT COST. Nowhere I've looked gives numbers, except for in Canada for $1200. Unfortunately, Canada is not the US and probably has better rates. Not to mention the healing process. I really, desperately hope it doesn't come to that.

I became very angry when I got an update from them. I didn't want them to do bloodwork, because last week it showed he was within normal ranges. I was told they "pretty much have to - no, they HAVE to." And, as I thought, it was FINE. I am a very aware parent, and I would not let him suffer. I mean, I was on constant alert, and he was still able to get some pee out, so I figured his kidneys were okay. And they are. And fuck you for taking my money. What I DID pay for that I didn't EXACTLY (on the outright) need to was to replace the catheter. They said that the one in him was very rigid and at risk for kinda making things worse with inflammation, so they "offered" to replace it with a softer one. In the call they said it was good I agreed because it was actually kinked and now he's more comfortable. Half the problem is that he's in pain and therefore his urinary sphincter closes as a reaction and prevents him from peeing. He needs to be comfortable in order to pee. It's a vicious cycle. Ugh.

Steve and I still went out to eat, a quiet lunch, and exchanged gifts (in a more subdued fashion than normal). I got him a tshirt with an adorable moogle on it and Epic Mickey (it was on sale on Amazon and I had a gift card), and he modeled, photoshopped, and framed an adorable inside cuteness. Instead of the big dango family, he made dangos with a danbo and made it the big danbo family using engrish and other cute phrases. It was adorable and great. I love homemade gifts. I also gave him a cute handmade card with Link and heart pieces and drew pictures and wrote all over it. Last year on our anniversary I bought him a card (my family is a family of Card Buyers) and he made me one that ended up being a billion times better, so I had to one-up him. Especially because he still makes fun of me for buying him a card ;)

He has been wonderful through all this. He wants to comfort me but I think I push him away, because a hug isn't going to fix my problems. Talking with him helps, and him being understanding about my need to feel these sad feelings and be depressed and sleep and sit on the floor of the shower and have a flat affect and appear cold is really helpful. He's there for me all the way, and I'm grateful for him.

Aaaanyway, I'm ridiculously depressed and mopey. Gonna eat some food and stare at the wall a lot wishing I could be home in bed. Keep Grim in your thoughts!

Date: 2011-02-15 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silver-tiamat.livejournal.com
That's awful. Just, completely awful. I even know how you feel with the "I'm NOT giving my cat up, but there comes a point where I just can't AFFORD it." I had to give up Chico to my mom because I simply could not afford to keep up with his medical bills--and I got lucky that I had someone like my mom to take him back as a housecat who can spend the $100 every three months to keep him alive and comfortable. But, it's got to be the absolute worst part of this whole thing is watching Grim in pain, knowing that you WOULD help...if you could.

I hope for a stroke of good luck to come your way, in one form or another: either Grim gets better and stays better, or you get a sudden windfall of cashy money.

Stay strong for the kitty. There's still a good chance he'll pull through this okay.

Date: 2011-02-15 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vixenofflames.livejournal.com
It's heartbreaking because every time I talk to a doctor about him coming home they remind me of the likelihood of reblocking. I believe from the last call it was, "It could be 2, hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, who knows?" As if it's a death sentence :( It's just cruel!

I'll do anything to pay for him. I'll barter, haggle, beg... whatever it takes. If it happens again I know I'll be in tears in front of some doctor. I was already on the verge of a breakdown when they showed me the tentative bill yesterday. I HAVE to fix him. That's just the way it is.

I'm trying to be as hopeful as I can. There has to be a bright spot somewhere. This isn't over, and I refuse to lose! NO!!!

Thanks for your concern :) I'm a little less depressed than last night, but we'll see about tonight. I'm trying to get out of work tonight so I can monitor him (I'm required to use PTO when I take any time off so I wouldn't be losing money), but I have to find someone to cover for me, which sucks. I need to observe him!

Date: 2011-02-15 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silver-tiamat.livejournal.com
It's sort of like getting a cancer scare--even if he gets better, there's still a chance of relapse, and every relapse makes it that much worse. So, I'm really, really hoping that he manages to pull through this second blockage and stay free and clear.

I'm sure that you'll do everything you can for your baby. And I definitely agree about taking a few days off work, to monitor him. If he does get another blockage, the faster you catch it, the better. Also, even if he doesn't, he's probably in a lot of pain/uncomfortable unhappiness right now, and having you around WILL make him feel safer and less vulernable.

If I wasn't an atheist, I'd be praying for him right now. =( Hang in there--you can manage this. You may have to get a little creative on some points, but you can get through this. <3

Date: 2011-02-16 11:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vixenofflames.livejournal.com
Sooo true! it's vicious and depressing. Every time he goes to the litter box I watch him all O_O *invade privacy, stare at him intensely*

He's actually been great. He's not very happy about all the meds, but he just gets mad and walks like 3 feet away to show his displeasure before walking back happy and cuddly again :)

I found out when I paid that I can pay off the credit card like any other, with a repayment plan for 12, 36, or 48 months with 14.9% interest (which is about how much most credit cards are these days). So, the pressure is a bit better there. Whew.

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