30-Day Challenge: Day One

[spritechan]

I took that pic just now XD

1. I love having painted nails but I hate painting them. They look so pretty! Paying for a manicure is too much, but I'll throw it in with a pedicure or an eyebrow wax once in awhile. I always need to apply two coats to my nails at minimum. I'm also pretty sloppy at it... I get it all over my fingers and then obsessively pick at the skin to get it off. I really shouldn't be allowed to paint my nails, to be honest.

2. I internet stalk a lot of different people. Not because I want to be creepy, but because I like to know people. I often then talk about online people as if I really know them, or if they're my friends. Sometimes I even get annoyed with Steve when I reference someone - Not Athena, he knows you :) but like Jessicka or Carmen or Allie - and then he doesn't know what I'm talking about so I have to be all, "Allie from hyperbole and a half?!" or (back in the day) "Athena-from-livejournal-who-lives-in-Portland?!" In fact, most of the time I have to say those things anyway because he makes fun of me for talking about you all as if we are on a first-name basis.

3. I have never been happy with the way I look. I want to change so many things about myself, many that I can't even control. Buuuut, I want thin arms and legs and a flat tummy. I'm so lazy. And even if I wasn't, I really don't know how much I could really alter my appearance. I've always had chubby legs and flabby arms, even when I was skinny. I wish I had more of a chin. I'm also super annoyed with my hair. Thinking about going with a change... maybe getting some bangs. It's always so scary when making that decision because bangs can take so much time to grow out. I'm definitely changing colors. I wish my parents let me dye my hair the fun colors when I was a teenager, because I have this unfulfilled need to dye it pink, or purple, or green D:

4. I crave being crafty. I always want to start some new amazing craft. Currently I mostly just knit, but I always wish I could crochet, or do beadwork, or pick up cross-stitch again, or do stuff with food, or make jewelry, or draw/paint/sculpt. I want to do it alllll. I took a sculpture class in Junior High that I LOVED. It was so fun. I'm not very good at art though. I never took any art classes in high school. My fine arts requirement was filled by band, and I didn't have room in my schedule anyway. When I think about Leah + Art, I hear that line that Allie's (from Hyperbole and a Half XD) dance teacher wrote about her talent: "Allie tries hard." That'd be me and art. As a child, I thought I could write. I remember my family loving my work, but I don't remember finishing any stories, and I'm horrible with poetry. I just have a vivid imagination!

5. I'm incredibly awkward around people I'm not close to. I can ACT professional and friendly, but I give away my discomfort by blushing. It never fails. Even in work meetings I still blush when I'm contributing information, even though I know all of my colleagues pretty well. I'm terrible at small talk and don't enjoy engaging in it. I try to let people know this by not asking them questions. I've noticed that a lot of people will just wait for you to ask them a question in order to keep conversation going, and even if you are acting absorbed in something else, they will often just supply the information they wanted to tell you anyway. For example, working with Tamara last week. I'd be WATCHING something, or READING something, and she'd ask me questions. I'd give terse and absent answers to try to indicate my disinterest. "Do you have any pets? Cats? Dogs?" "I have two cats." She'd wait a few minutes. I would go back to reading or watching. "...I HAVE THREE DOGS! A BIG ONE, A MEDIUM ONE, AND A LITTLE FOOFY ONE. SHE LIKES MY HUSBAND BEST. BUT MY HUSBAND ISN'T REALLY A SMALL DOG PERSON, BUT IT'S JUST SOOOO FUNNNYYYY BECAUSE SHE JUST LOVES HIM. BUT MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE SLEEPS WITH ME ALL DAY" -etc. and then she'd ramble on for like 5 minutes before getting tired of the topic. It was very unpleasant.

5. I love being warm. I can't wait until summer. I keep my car generally between 82 and 85 degrees in the winter, much to the chagrin of everyone in the car with me, and about 75 in the summer (though I prefer the windows being down instead of any sort of air). If my car is too cold when I get in, I wear a blanket on my lap. This same blanket is what I'm notorious for wearing at work. I also am usually wearing a hoodie and a jacket at work/school/conferences... anywhere there's A/C. I despise air conditioning unless it's ridiculously hot out (like, 90's). And even then, I only like it for the 5 minutes I'm hot; then it's back to sweaters and jackets. Otherwise I love to fall asleep in the sun. It just feels so good to lay outside. I love it being super hot out and then going swimming. It feels soooo good!

6. One of my most favorite vacations was when we went to South Dakota in the badlands and black hills with my dad's family. The trip started out great, with us kids (me, Bethany, and Adam) rock-paper-scissoring for who got stuck in the middle and who had to sit on the single seat (we were in a van). Jack got the other single seat because he was a baby. I think we actually ignored our loser and made Joe sit in the middle so we could sleep on him, as he was not present when we were bickering. We drove 14 straight hours there, with a couple stops for potty breaks and I think one meal. The week was spent doing activities that each person chose to do. I chose amethyst caves, Adam chose an exotic reptile house, Dad chose some mystery/sciency thing, Bethany chose gold-panning, Pam chose to visit the Laura Ingalls-Wilder place, and I can't remember what Joe chose! Then at night, we kids and Joe played poker with pennies and gossiped about James and Alicia because they were watching the house, and we KNEW what they were up to (interestingly, Alicia actually did get pregnant around this time). Adam and Joe are two of my favorites, and spending all that quality time with them was amazing - climbing all over the badlands was the best.

7. Underwear tidbits: I purposely mismatch my socks. Usually I do it with some sort of organization, like they match my outfit or something. I also require them to be of the same style, like ankle, knee, or fuzzy. I started doing this after I started dating Steve. When he did it, I thought it was weird at first. When I asked him why he did that, he said that it made socks more interesting, and pairing them up in silly combinations was fun. It didn't take long for me to warm up to the idea, and it made more room in my sock drawer for the billions of socks I buy and collect since they don't have to be in individual balls anymore. I love buying socks and underwear. It's so fun! As for undies, I mostly wear boyshorts and bikini. I went through a rather long period in my life where I'd wear thongs exclusively, because I felt that my ass was too big for other types of panties that weren't for grandmas. Now, I can't even remember the last time I wore a thong. Panty lines, unless super obnoxious, don't really bother me. It's like, "Yeah, I'm wearing undies. SURPRISED?!"

8. I enjoy being on Depo. I have had no adverse side effects, unless you want to cite weight gain, but that's iffy. I probably gained weight from a variety of factors. I don't get periods, which is amazing. I was on it for so long that when I went back on the pill for a couple years, I felt so trapped and miserable by having to buy tampons and go to the bathroom more often than I want to. Not to mention that bleeding and shoving things around the area didn't help with my UTI issues. I also like being able to have sex whenever I damn well please. Now I'm back to being goop-free, and haven't had a UTI in a LONG time. Yay! Do I know if I can get pregnant? No. If I was on any other form of birth control, would I know if I could get pregnant? No. People blame birth control as the reason they can't conceive, when really, barring any sort of KNOWN medical issues (such as PCOS), no one REALLY knows if they're fertile. My doctor once told me it looked like I was shooting blanks, even though I was still getting my period. Since then, I've always been aware that when the time comes, I might not be able to have a baby. Guess what? Unless you've tested for it or already had a child, NEITHER DO YOU. Thank god for adopting the children already here who need parents!

9. I get really bad headaches sometimes. I don't know if they're migraines or not, but I say they are. When I was young, my mom had a stroke. She was in her mid-twenties (between 23 and 26, I can't remember). After many months, they labeled it as a "complicated migraine." She was "lucky" in that the stroke hit her sensory region, so her long-term effects have included things like dulled smell receptors vs. limb or speech problems. I was aware of my mom always having migraine issues. She'd describe to me that she saw tv lines and static. I would get horrible headaches too. I never saw anything. But my mom would ask me if I saw the things she described, and sometimes I'd convince myself that I I DID, in fact, see them. I didn't, but I sure as hell knew that my headaches made me want to lock myself in a dark room and cut off my head to relieve the pressure. I once had a headache that lasted about 3 months. They gave me a CAT scan to see if I had any tumors or swelling or anything. Turns out I was fine, but my headache lasted awhile longer. The worst headache I can remember as an adult was a couple years ago. I was out at the mall with my friend Maggie, and I got SLAMMED by this thing. I was dizzy and nauseous, and even grayed out a few times. It was awful. Luckily there was a Target in the mall and I choked down a couple of naproxen. I get headaches in waves now. I can go months without a headache, and then have several within a week. My headaches and UTIs are the only time I really require Western medicine.

10. I'm sometimes sad that Bethany had a child so young, or that I haven't had one yet, but not probably for the reasons you think. I grew up with several cousins my age, and I had a lot of fun with them. I grew up playing pirates, going on outings, digging in the dirt, playing hide-and-seek, playing house, and video games with so many kids in my family. We'd go on vacations or spend a week at our grandma's house or our aunt's house.Huge birthday parties with a ton of kids running around. I have so many fond memories of people in my family that I don't really see anymore, and I'm grateful for them. Cayden has no one his age. The closest he has is Ella, who is almost 4. And technically she's MY cousin, because her father is my uncle even though he's only two years older than I am. I want him to have the experiences I had as child. I know that maybe he could be like August, who gets to spend all his waking hours with his friends, but I either didn't spend enough time living at a place to keep friends, I lived too far away from where all my friends lived (I went to school in a different city than I lived), or we couldn't coordinate hangouts (as my parents didn't like interacting with others' parents and never wanted people sleeping over. Things are quite the opposite for my brother). Cayden's birthday party was kind of a downer in that regard, because the youngest after him was August, who's going to be 13 this year.

Comments

[vixenofflames.livejournal.com]

YES! I bring books, my Nintendo DSi XL, and WATCH Netflix. I was for real acting as absorbed as I possibly could in my materials, and she just blazed right past my cues... because she wanted me to help keep her awake. As this is always my schedule, I have only had a couple days ever where I get tired at work. If you can't stay awake, don't pick up the shifts.

I suggested she go watch tv in the living room, as that is what she seems to spend most of her day doing. She didn't.

In reply to the previous comment, I don't grow hair that much but I DO hate it and shave all the time. My eyebrows grow fairly slowly, and they're that lighter blonde/brown that's not as noticeable as other hair types. Why would I think you're orange? XD