Ramblings of a crazy person (I think too much)

[spritechan]

It's times like these that I'm frustrated about the availability of my friends, or anyone I value, to talk to. I need to vent and get advice and just process through all this.

Suzi is in Thailand for another forever having all the fun, Bre is probably working (I'll try her in the afternoon), Jenna's probably sleeping until the late afternoon and then busy doing errands and crap, I can't talk to my family or people like Pat... And poor Steve has had to bear too much of my stress and inner turmoil, And he's far too busy at work.

Sidenote, my car has this super annoying habit of blowing cold air if you idle for more than 3 minutes. I HATE that. And yet whenever I leave it to warm up for 15 minutes, it's fine.

Okay, here's what I DO know:

• Whatever I do, I will be making FAR less than I do now
• I'll be saving a crap ton in gas
• I am making the right decision at least in leaving my job as a case manager

What I don't know, then, is what is the right thing to do next. Let's pretend that all of Steve's paychecks for the month cover the bills. If I make $600 per paycheck, we should be okay, right? I mean, that's enough to cover expenses like gas and food and a little entertainment. It's still $800 or so less per month than I was making, but we don't have to spoil ourselves all the time.

The thing I am curious about is whether it is better to take a para job (if I'm offered the one I interviewed at today I will make $13.35/hour, which is what I made when I was a para a couple years ago) that has many holidays and okay benefits, but since I would be starting late I'd have no immediate income in the summer and would therefore need a summer job or something, and is only about 32 hours per week. Or, assuming I get offered the position at Heartbreaker - I don't know what they pay, but she said I would make "substantially more" than $10/hour, is guaranteed 40 hours a week, but doesn't give many holidays or weekends and only some positions offer benefits. The retail job probably has more opportunity to move up.

They both sound fine, and I still don't know if money would ever actually be an issue so long as Steve stays in his salary range for awhile. Hmm.

Bottom line is... I don't know what I want. I want someone to be able to tell me what I should do and I want to want that. Unfortunately, it's not that simple.