spritechan | I don't just need a Muse, I need an outlet

I wish I were a more creative, artsy person. People everywhere I know are painting, or drawing, or sculpting, or taking photos. I have a desire to do all those things... but I'm not really good at any of them. I can't just buy a canvas and start painting. For one, I don't have "style" with which I can just paint or draw things in, and two, I feel like a poser, a huge wannabe. It would just be nice to be good at an outlet like those. I want to look at a block of clay and KNOW what I want to do with it. I want to be able to mess around with ideas, but come up with something good in the end, even if it's something silly. I knit, yeah, but I feel like in the end, it's more practical than creative. I used to write, but I lost interest in actually writingsomething pretty or interesting a long time ago. I've definitely lost my "touch" and I'm not interested in writing stories. I used to play in band, but I never made anything for myself. I actually HATED improv.

I just want to be good at something, and be able to freehand it, and get all these creative frustrations OUT of me. I want to make something beautiful. I want to have a journal like Daniel Faraday, but instead of complex math equations and notes to self on physics, I want it to be filled with amazing quotes, random doodles, anything pretty. I feel a huge urge to enjoy fall, but I won't... I don't have the time, and Steve and I aren't exactly outdoors-type people with the little time we have. I want to be the adventuresome type right now, even though that's not really me.

I just feel stuck!

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You are writing like mad crazy lately lady! Just too my like 20 minutes to catch up on all of it.

And you know, people often just follow inclinations..which later leads them to excelling at an art- after a lot of practice. If the point is to get stuff out, then get it out! No one has to see it until you want them too. Things you could try but are more technical and less "creative": making collages (seriously. way cool and fun.), ceramics (really is a very technical and hard task!), or freestyle cooking (which you are already doing and may be the reason you are feeling this way anyway!)
Sounds like you are just really feeling antsy. And you can be adventurous whenever, for lots of things. Like walking down a road until it leads you someplace new or searching out a place in town you've never been before!
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Yeah, I find that writing almost every day really helps me feel calmer. Just getting my thoughts out. And as I don't have the patience you do for handwriting in a Journal, this is the best I can do! :D Loved talking to you for the 2 full hours we did this morning, love! Always great to hear your voice.

What do you do for collages? What kind of collages do you make and what do you use? I'm annoying but I like a template, just for ideas.

Honestly, I've only made one serious collage- a present for Matt back in the day. I feel like I started with just a pile of magazines and cut out different photos/ textures that I like...eventually an idea about personal freedom started to take place and I began assembling things based around it. This is not to say, of course, that anyone else who has seen it now understands what my motivations were in the start...
http://www.joannehalpin.com/
http://tardamucho.blogspot.com/
http://collageclearinghouse.blogspot.com/
some places to generate ideas!

Hey, don't stuck on the artistic side of things with the "doctor/lawyer/teacher" approach with careers. There are a LOT of things out there. Go to the craft stores and wander around until you "see" something. You know what I'm talking about--that thing you're wishing for with clay for sculpting. You'll look at something and see not what is, but what might be. And then do it. I have a lot of artistic things that I've done and do (made jewelry through macrame (knotting), painted on T-shirts, needlepoint, decorative stitching, etc) in addition to the normal acrylic painting, and pencil sketching that are my staple artsy-craft things. And writing is always a good thing. When I can't write, I just imagine, and tell myself a story.

And if it makes you feel any better, my weaknesses are music and sculpting. I never "hear" music, and I never "see" things in any medium (rock, clay, wood, etc).

I just might do that! I love wandering around Michael's. I worked at one for a stint (during my horrible stay in North Dakota), and I really loved it. I love the smell that all Michael's stores have, I love how there are SO MANY THINGS in that store, that you didn't even knew existed. I learned the existence of something new every day when putting things away or helping a customer. Great idea! ^_^

For some reason I require a template or example, not to copy but to get my idea train rolling. It's like I'm not naturally an Idea Girl.

Well, if it's only an outlet, you don't have to be very good, now do you?

Who needs style? It's not like you're trying to make a living off of your art work. Just do what you want. You'd be surprised what can happen when you stop caring about how good something is or what people think of it. Most of the modern artistic styles we have today wouldn't even exist if people stuck to classic techniques.

And about being sure... Yea, no, not so much. Don't worry about that. I don't like talking about myself or my abilities, but I can tell you that about 75% of what I write is random. By that I mean a thought comes into my brain, I sit there and think about it until I'm nauseous off the adrenaline rush and scribble things down like a lunatic and mumble to myself until it makes perfect sense. And it works. Naturally I later add my mad musings to my plot arch outlines and character profiles so that I remember where I was going with a concept. But, for the most part, the revelations are totally random and I am at their mercy. It's usually all I ever think about unless I'm immediately fixated on something of direct importance. With that being said, I want you to think about what's that like and then think about whether you want to be able to write as an "outlet".

It's so consuming that I can't escape the images of scenes and characters in my head, so they wind up in sketch pads with long explanations. I'm very partial to charcoal and pastels in particular.

In fact, the only artistic talent I've ever had that didn't eat away at my emotional stamina like a rabid beaver latched on to a walnut tree was music. I played clarinet and flute for thirteen years. I got really good at clarinet in particular. The only reason music didn't drive me insane was because it involved working with other people. It very efficiently exhausted me, though. It wouldn't have been nearly as rewarding without working with other people.

Honestly this made me smile a little bit, because I would saw off my right leg to be strictly logical. Having to bridle an emotional maelstrom on a daily basis really takes a toll on a person. It creates beautiful things and moves people, but the cost is great.

Also, I wouldn't mind looking at some of your stories. I'm positive I could be helpful. My writing ability is the only thing I reserve 100% confidence for. Just... Think about what I said.

Ah ha, I definitely tell myself that. I don't know why I'm such a perfectionist, or why I feel like I need to do things "right." I don't plan on showing anything I do to anyone other than my boyfriend, but for some reason I'm incredibly critical and want it to look "good" by my/society's standards.

I really would let you look over some of my stuff, but I haven't written in YEARS. Not stories or anything. Once I started journaling I allowed my truly creative writing to simply drop off since I'd found another writing outlet -_-

But I wish I got the urge to Create and was able to pick up a piece of charcoal and just draw or sketch or whatever. It's like I've got permanent artist's block but bursting with desire!

I don't just need a Muse, I need an outlet

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