I'm the oldest too. It sucks. The first child tends to be the most responsible. My little sister is always in trouble for one thing or another, too.
I can relate to the physical stuffs too. I only have one trigger point and that's when someone raises their hand to me. My dad didn't think much of that, so that ended in a lot of altercations. I exercised frantically as a teenager and was absolutely freakishly, dangerously strong. It usually didn't end well, for him that is.
I agree that until a child either turns 18 or moves out, their parents should get to say who is allowed in their home. I wouldn't criticize their friends, though. I would simply explain my reasons for not allowing them to be friends and forbid the friendship. Granted, I would never do that for something trivial like so n' such has a potty mouth. It would have to be fairly serious.
However, once they move out, I'd never seriously try and control them at that level. That's silly. If you have your own means and you're responsible for yourself, then it's time to take responsibility for all your choices, which implies having the right to befriend whomever you want. After all, even if I ended up being right, it wouldn't do much good until they learned on their own how to become a better judge of character.
As for your step dad, I wouldn't worry about the closure. I told my father that one day I was going to leave home for good. Jess would eventually move out and my grandma can't be long for this world at 93. I asked him what he would do when he found himself desperately alone because he shoved away all the people who once cared for him. He had no answer. He called me out of the blue one day 3 years later to tell me I was right. All I am saying is that people come around whether they want to or not.
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Date: 2010-10-31 03:41 am (UTC)I can relate to the physical stuffs too. I only have one trigger point and that's when someone raises their hand to me. My dad didn't think much of that, so that ended in a lot of altercations. I exercised frantically as a teenager and was absolutely freakishly, dangerously strong. It usually didn't end well, for him that is.
I agree that until a child either turns 18 or moves out, their parents should get to say who is allowed in their home. I wouldn't criticize their friends, though. I would simply explain my reasons for not allowing them to be friends and forbid the friendship. Granted, I would never do that for something trivial like so n' such has a potty mouth. It would have to be fairly serious.
However, once they move out, I'd never seriously try and control them at that level. That's silly. If you have your own means and you're responsible for yourself, then it's time to take responsibility for all your choices, which implies having the right to befriend whomever you want. After all, even if I ended up being right, it wouldn't do much good until they learned on their own how to become a better judge of character.
As for your step dad, I wouldn't worry about the closure. I told my father that one day I was going to leave home for good. Jess would eventually move out and my grandma can't be long for this world at 93. I asked him what he would do when he found himself desperately alone because he shoved away all the people who once cared for him. He had no answer. He called me out of the blue one day 3 years later to tell me I was right. All I am saying is that people come around whether they want to or not.