spritechan: (Lost - Locke jealous island speaks to me)
So... Being too busy has begun to get to me, heh. On Sunday night I got more anxious than I have been in quite some time and I didn't fall asleep until just before Steve came to bed around 3am (He took a 5-day weekend to use up his remaining vacation time before the year ends), and then of course when he woke me up the anxiety cycle restarted. I ended up calling in Monday and yesterday, to catch my breath and also to spend some time with Steve. I mean, I still had school on Monday, and I had a chiro appointment that I ultimately skipped, but it was still good to actually get sleep on not be stressed with the new trimester. I'm definitely over all the rules and controlling of Bath and Body works. I can't wait to be done. I just am not interested in the way it's run, especially with that one manager I simply can't stand. She's rude. And omg my time is so busy. Ughhghghhghhh.

So instead I got to play copious amounts of Rock Band 3!

Pat told me yesterday that it was "refreshing" to have someone who consistently wanted to do vocals. I was surprised because I feel like a bossy twat whenever I'm on vocals, simply because I don't like to do anything else. Guitar Hero I can play on guitar, and I was quite good at it at one point when I lived at Dan's parent's house and played with Michael, but for some reason it just isn't the same on Rock Band. Probably because there's soooo much repetition of notes versus variety. I just HATE the guitar. And let's face it, I am not a drummer. I like to sing, and I can USUALLY figure out pitch. Whenever ANYONE (usually female) asks to sing when I'm being vocals, I get all stiff like they think I'm hogging them and I need to share. I think I might be paranoid. XD

That 70's Show is so good. We've switched back to that being out background show. And omg Breaking Bad is amazing. We finally started the 5th season and it's GREAT.

I'm dyeing my hair Christmas colors this time... I was originally going to do a pink/green/purple or pink/green/blue combo, but then Steve pointed out that it's the holidays, so we got some red and I'm working on the colors right now! I'll post a pic when finished.

When I was at school on Monday, the professor asked for a show of hands who planned to do the hybrid program (mostly online), or the traditional program (once a week face-to-face). Most people raised their hands at hybrid. The class was about half that of when we started. This is due to a combination of people dropping out of the program with a smattering of people who didn't need the course. It was weird. My 3 favorite people were still in it, so I sat by them this time so I didn't have to get stuck with annoying guy. Anyway, during the break one of the students talked with the professor about the differences in the programs, and apparently the professor told them that while the face-to-face program does require the attendance commitment, there's a lot less busy work and most of the work is done in class. Ugh. WHYYY SO MEAN!?!?!? I mean, I get it. They want to make sure students are learning when not attending class so they assign a bunch of things. Is attending a class once a week a good trade-off for not having a ton of independent work? I'm so torn!

P.S. the urologist called back with my test results and said that even though my numbers were far improved, I was still showing some of that bacteria they don't want, so it's back to no sex for a couple weeks and a mega dose of medication. AND another follow-up appointment. Woo.
spritechan: (NGE - Mari sideways glance)
I almost decided to lead a double life for a moment. Quite surreal, and insane how easily it could happen. In another life, I think. But not now. I'm glad I peeked through the window, though. I needed to.

I've been able to talk to Bre relatively frequently lately, and I like that. She and Lamin even visited the townhouse for a bit on their way to a rodeo in Wisconsin. I love her inability to have a filter, and her brutal honesty, but above all, her genuineness. There is no way for that girl to be disingenuous and it's that quality that keeps her so near and dear to my heart.

When writing on my phone I must hit the letter k instead of m about 90% of the time and the text predictor always changes 'my' to 'Kyoto'. Lol.

Been playing a lot of Persona 3 Portable on the PSP and watching a lot of Breaking Bad with Steve and Pat. I'll be finished with my first grad school class this weekend and immediately start class number two! Otherwise there's not too much else going on, just seeing family here and there. Steve did the Mud Factor 5k obstacle course with me and will do the Warrior Dash next summer with me. Warrior dash was way more fun anyway even if the mud smelled and felt like actual shit. Mud Factor has amazing soft sandy mud that did not stink.

Oops! Break is over!


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Omg

Apr. 28th, 2012 10:55 pm
spritechan: (Damn it feels good to be a gangsta)
I feel so successful right now!

  • Student immunization form (Will print and send off tomorrow)
  • Request for transfer of credit form (if applicable)
  • Current resúme showing 2 years of work experience
  • 2 admissions references (1 is in, the other is on vacation until the first of May)
  • Official transcript(s) showing an earned bachelor's degree, all graduate schools attended (if applicable), and pre-requisite requirements (if applicable). (However I sent an email because it shows I need transcripts from all 3 colleges but Metro lists all of my institutional history on theirs so I don't WANNA request more.)
  • Academic evaluation (coordinated by your Admissions Advisor)
  • Statement of purpose (I have completed a rough draft and have asked for edits by the lovely Suzi and Athena and had it read and approved of by Steve. I am crossing it off because the main and most difficult part of at least getting it out is done)
  • Submit FAFSA
  • Apply for Aid (Awaiting review)
  • Degree sent (Will make a copy on Monday if I can find my diploma. Lol)
I am so close to being fully applied to grad school!
spritechan: (Avatar - Kataang Forever)
Sooo, I'm reading this book based on the incredibly terrifying and gruesome Hi-Fi Murders. Steve says I'm morbid. I know I am. When I was in 11th grade and had to find a skeleton picture as the cover of my Shakespeare reviews or whatever, I spent hours discovering gory death pictures after that was the majority of search results. I haunted my dreams with awful ways people look after being murdered or committing suicide. The Hi-Fi murders are particularly horrible because they were planned deaths of random people. That is, the primary killer decided that he would horrifically murder anyone present during the robbery of an electronics store. The book is non-fiction, weaved together from interviews with the survivor and anyone involved (including the murderer) as well as testimony from the trials. The book is highly detailed to the level I desire, which only intensifies the effect. I've spent two lunch breaks with teary eyes wallowing in the despair the family experienced and is poignantly captured. I was talking to Steve about how amazing it is and at one point he burst out laughing because I "Leah'd" - a term with many definitions but is frequently referenced when I tell unnecessary details because *I* would want them (the example in question was where I was talking about an investigator and felt the need to explain that he was actually sort of retired and not the *main* investigator but it's still cool that the murderer in this case is also the murderer in the ONLY unsolved homicide he had). I was most moved by a man whose wife and 16-year-old son were both involved in the murders. He describes how it felt to face his dead wife in all her ruined glory and having to come to terms with the fact that the woman he was with for 36 years and was his "partner for life" was gone. Yep. Just gone. No more. The end. Never coming back. Over. And how he had to be strong while each of his other family members mourned after they arrived at the hospital and that he had to close off his heart to the fact that his life partner, who he was JUST talking to before she left to find their son (AND she was frantic with worry at the son not returning home yet and he told her she was overreacting. Think about THAT guilt), was dead forever. I explained to Steve that for me it would be a CONSTANT immediate back-and-forth where I would tell myself that information and then swiftly reject it with an "IMPOSSIBLE NO IT'S NOT TRUE IT'S NOT I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT FUCK YOU IT JUST SIMPLY IS NOT POSSIBLE I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS AND NO TAKE IT BACK." Rinse and repeat.

As a result, I should not have been surprised to have a similar heart-wrenching dream in which I left a church and drove by many crazed velociraptors (naturally) and when I arrived at his office building I KNEW that Steve had been attacked by raptors and I was frantically trying to find out where he was and I went to the hospital to find him and I was screaming for him and I knew he was dead but I couldn't accept it and I knew I would try to take it back when I found his mangled body and I kept willing him to be alive and not hurt. I woke up with my "trying to cry" face on, breathing all heavy and terrified. I immediately rolled over to Steve and cuddled him super hard and could not let go of him for several hours. And of course when I tried to fall back asleep I had to try to force the remnants of the dream away so I could stop trying to manipulate it and fail. My dreams like that go in endless circles as my brain refuses to allow a proper ending. But seriously, when I imagine that he could just *poof* and be gone just like that from my life, I feel exceptionally suffocatey and hyperventilatey and will it never to come to pass (which Steve also includes in my morbid thinking category). He is just the most important person in my life. If I think about it hard enough I want to keep him locked up at home so nothing bad could ever happen to him. Thank god I don't want kids because I'd freak every time they left the driveway. This exact thing is why I HATED the movie Practical Magic - the moment when Sandra Bullock thinks that she and her husband's love will overcome the curse but then there's that stupid cricket or whatever and she tries frantically to catch it but can't and her stupid husband dies anyway. NO. NO.

In other news, I officially applied to grad school for an ABS license, which will be a broad licensure allowing me to teach levels 1 and 2 of EBD, LD, and Autism and I can go back again to get licensed for 3 and 4. I went to the informational meeting and everyone there (prospective students as well as faculty) agreed that the type of license is a great investment and there's been a growing need for me-types.

Steve and I are also doing what we're calling "ghetto week" and seeing who can make the best of of $20 from Friday to Friday. This of course does not really include not spending anything, because it kind of ruins the fun. So we each got a $20 bill to spend on whatever we like for the week and we aren't allowed to spend anything more (excludes gas). It's easily doable, but we're so frivolous with the money we don't put in savings that it's a cute game for us to be frugal. Yes, we admit we are privileged, even with me working a crappy-paying job.
spritechan: (Lost - Made with Jears)
I spend a lot of time on the internet reading blogs about how to be a better person. Or being on school websites on how to be a more "educated" person. Or on tumblr about how to be a funnier person. But mostly I read about other people's lives and compare them to my own and try to figure out what I can learn about myself in order to be a happier, more fulfilled person.

Because to be quite honest, I experience anhedonia more than I think I should. I haven't yet figured out if it's just my brain being bored/not stimulated enough, or if it's because I haven't found what makes me *truly* happy.

I often find myself discussing with people who revere the things I've done in my life (things like becoming a CNA and taking care of old people, working with children with autism, working in group homes, working with the mentally ill on a deep level) and feeling silly. Silly because they think I am a "special kind of person" and all the amazing differences I have made in people's lives. When I left MHR, I struggled with massive guilt because I had clients frantically calling me to make sure they got to tell me how much they enjoyed having me as a case manager and what I meant to them.

This does not help my guilt because when I am working with people, I genuinely feel that while I am *good* at it, I am pretty much phoning it in. Maybe I AM a special kind of person. The horrible kind where you look like you genuinely care, and do in fact on a deep level, but because of the stress and constant letdowns you force yourself to close off these feelings for further examination and experience at a different time when it is not immediately affecting you. The kind of person who actually feels impatient after working with a certain type of people for awhile because you already have been through this a thousand times. And yet somehow my indifference goes unnoticed and apparently is received as heartfelt concern.

Ugh, I'm being hard on myself. But that's really how I feel like I get. I get to a point where I start convincing myself that I don't care and everything about the people I work with annoys the shit out of me.

Relevant because I've been seriously looking into Special Ed. licensure programs (I need to amend to state that I can't actually get a Master's in anything Teaching without a license, and if I get a Special Ed license it will, in effect, make me eligible for any future teaching degrees and legally able to teach in the U.S.) and even completed a FAFSA. I think if I choose this program I will go to Bethel as it seems to fit these needs the best.

But.

I am deeply unsure if I should have a career working with people because it's what I'm good at vs something that I don't get burned out on after 6 months. I am very concerned and stressed about this issue. Why must everything burn me out? Is it something I'M doing, or the work, or what? Hau~   -_-

I am definitely discussing this on the walk tonight with Steve.

---------

In other news, Steve and I have created some goals )
spritechan: (NGE - Mari sideways glance)
I've started looking into Master's of Special Education options. It came about quite coincidentally. Steve and I have begun taking nightly walks again, mostly to unwind and talk. Oftentimes we end up talking about Dream Life, or What We'd Like to Do in the Future, or I Wish I Had a Special Interest or Niche. Stuff like that. Recently we were talking about if I were to go back to school for some sort of Master's program, and what I might actually do with my life. We talk about our mutual disinterest in every job ever, and what we could try to do to fix it. Steve would love to be a Forever Student because he loves school. I love learning and being able to apply the knowledge, but hate going to school. And when we talked about IF I went back to school, I came to the conclusion I would probably focus on special education. I don't even really have a because other than, "I didn't hate it or get burned out on it exactly and it translates to lots of jobs and would prove I am smart in the field according to my piece of paper."

Then, on Wednesday my director NaTasha walked in and said, "Are you interested in a Master's degree? I get a ton of these all the time." Despite my conversation with Steve, I said I didn't know what I would go back for. She handed me the paper and lo and behold, there is a new addition to Concordia's Master's program in Special ed with an option for LD and EBD licensure. And is entirely online, with one course completed every seven weeks. It's like tailored to me. I did amazing in any online course I was in because I worked at my own pace and was never required to leave my bed, which is a serious motivational thing for me. I emailed for information but also asked NaTasha if I could leave early one day this month to attend an informational meeting, which she was wishy-washy about.

In other news, I still definitely hate babies. A lot. The toddler room has actually improved and I'm in there over half of each day now, which is fine.
spritechan: (TWEWY - Phones peek)
Pics and stuff to start... )

Andy did a wonderful job on my tattoos. Brandon, the piercing apprentice, kept coming in to ask how much it hurt. I was like, "...it hurts. Definitely. Wait, did you cry?! Did you cry when you got your foot done?"

And he was all, "Yeah. I did. ... But it HURT, man!"

Andy was just like, "Yeah, he kept yelling at me: 'why do you keep wiping so hard?! God!"

And then I spent the rest of the session giggling every now and then with "STOP WIPING SO HARD" playing through my head, especially when Andy wiped and it DID hurt (though, it will hurt. Paper towels are not soft). My foot hurt about as much as most of the others. My shoulder was pretty similar, and I might just have trauma issues with my back tattoo and how excruciating it was, but I still say my back hurt more. My arm and calves hurt less to be tattooed, I'm fairly certain.

My back hurt from the position I was sitting in, because I was holding tight to my leg to try to soften the blows when my foot would twitch from a combination of tickle/pain reflex and for some reason would also make my calf twitch. There were two distinct times where my foot JUMPED super hardcore and I was like, "SORRY OMG THAT DIDN'T EVEN HURT MORE I DUNNO! BAD FOOT!" and Andy was just like, "It's okay, I jumped all over the place when I got my feet done, especially my toes." So all was well.

I was super gung-ho about writing a post yesterday, but LJ wasn't working and now I don't know what I was going to write about :( Well anyway, I had an okay work week, a lot more bitchiness and stress than I like, but it's okay. I'm already thinking about what I want to do in the future. And I had a brilliant idea. As much as I love Japanese and want to be awesome at it, I have no real life practice anyway. What I COULD do is get fluent* in Spanish again and work as a bi-lingual something-or-other in Human Services! Example: I COULD WORK AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD for their bi-lingual services! They are always looking for translation help. Or ANY place like that! I would LOVE to be able to use foreign language in my job. So my tentative plan at the moment is to sign up for the community ed Spanish classes because they are only 55 bucks for 8 sessions, see how that works, and try to build up my Spanish well enough to test out of hopefully the entire beginner's courses in college. Then I plan on taking classes (if offered) without actually being a student (aka continuing ed) at like the University of MN or something, and eventually if I have to, I will apply for the degree program. I'm hoping that my confidence in my skill level pays off and that I can get a job without another degree, but if it comes to it, I'll do what I need to. I really don't want to study abroad. I'd be fine taking a trip abroad or something, or finding some area with Spanish immersion, but I am not leaving my home and my life.

It's interesting to me that when I started school I intended to double-major in Spanish and Education, and the only reason I dropped Spanish was because I couldn't graduate in 4 years (LOL little did I know it'd take me like 5.5 regardless), and my anxiety pushed me out of education. It'd be funny if I ended up getting a Spanish degree in the end after all.

In other news, my personal trainer challenged me not to use the scale for two weeks, and Steve is supporting me by not weighing himself either. My trainer Martin is even following his own advice and told me yesterday that he hid his scale in the garage so it won't tempt him XD It's so cute! I get really anxious at not being able to weigh myself. Like WHAT IF I'M GETTING FATTER AND I DON'T KNOW IT?! Which is faulty logic but I think it every day. I'm hoping I'm not. I can't know my weight until my weigh-in on the 13th. I've been doing well after letting my feet rest a few days from the tattoos, and I've been to the gym several times this week. I'm working more on running and cardio, but I hated Martin when he made me use the stationary bike yesterday. I just felt it was cruel for some reason and was very upset about it. I hate stationary bikes and ellipticals and stair-steppers. I don't know why, but I do. With a passion.

*I use the term loosely. I was very good at reading and writing at my peak, and I could hold decent conversations, but I usually gleaned subtext well enough to make it not completely awkward without actually knowing everything said. A great example that I'm still pretty good at Spanish is in Tokyo Godfathers when an entire scene is held in Spanish and Japanese, with only subtitles for the Japanese, and I was able to tell Steve the gist of what the woman speaking Spanish was saying, even if I didn't understand EXACTLY what it was, with very few "I totally did not get that part." parts.
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa close)
So, yesterday in class was incredibly long. We had 8 presenters at 10-20 minutes each. We get to the last presenter, and she goes up and pulls the wrong presentation up on accident. It looked like a draft she did. She didn't know until like the 3rd slide that this was her practice PowerPoint. She was obviously not very adept at computers, and seemed confused as to how to bring up the correct one. The professor told her that she couldn't stop her presentation. It was quiet, like wtf. She was just like, "Uhhh, well I can stop if you want, but this is the WRONG presentation." A peer jumped up and quick helped her pull up the right PP. Whew, crisis averted. We thought.

The professor is a rude bitch. One of those women who looks over her half-spectacles at you like you're completely dumb, who always speaks with an air of superiority, and generally makes you feel like you're an inch tall. In my "suggestion" section of my eval for her, I gave her this list:

1. Don't assign busy work (it's a senior level capstone ffs)
2. Please be respectful. Don't treat your students like children - you're quite rude at times
3. We already did an internship, our major presentations shouldn't be on an agency
4. Only discuss assignments relavent to the particular class or the next one (she had a horrible habit of confusing the class by talking about an assignment due in a month, not even a big assignment, just one due at a far later date. This happened nearly every class and freaked a lot of people out so they thought things were due when they weren't for weeks)
5. Don't belittle students if they must leave class early or not come at all, and then cancel class as it suits your convenience (she did this a few times to attend out-of-state conferences - or so she says. I must point out that we only had class once a week so "a few times" adds up.)

Something like that. More concise I think, but those were the main ideas. I'd like to remind you that the average age of a student at my school is in their 30's. Very few fresh-out-of-hs kids.

So, back to the woman who was presenting. The professor interrupted her a couple times to tell her she was "wrong" about stuff, and she lost it. Clicked to the end of her presentation, said she was done, and started packing up her stuff. At this point we all felt bad for her and quick wrote on her evaluation how we were sorry the prof was so rude and threw them at her. She finished packing her stuff in a rage, and we all sort of looked around uncomfortably. Then, when she was walking out the door, she said something like, "You have a fucking attitude problem" to the professor, who shot back in her best oh-no-you-di'n't black lady voice, "You better watch yourself!" and the woman in HER best pissed off black lady voice, basically repeated how rude the professor was, who ALSO basically repeated her first statement. This would have been a sociologically amusing situation, because most of us were pointedly looking at our tables, or at their work. I imagine some were staring at the two in shock, gauging their facial expressions. I was a table-watcher, because I know what it's like to be in that woman's position, being filled with a helpless blind rage that makes you blurt out like a child because you gotta do SOMETHING. I respectfully didn't look at her because I wouldn't have wanted anyone looking at ME when I was having a public tantrum. It was even more awkward because there were only 15 students in the class and it was a small room. The tension was THICK.

Everyone left class whispering about the awkwardness of the situation. A guy came up to me and Ana and was like, "Whoa, that was INTENSE!" All Ana (classic Ana) had to say was, "Well I felt bad for her but that was so stupid because her stuff hasn't been graded yet!!!" Ah, yes, the professor wields the Grading Sword.

I called Mom on the way home to let her know I finally was done, and she HAD to let me know that Paul is butthurt because I only had two tickets to my graduation and didn't tell him he was guaranteed one. All I ever said was that I wasn't playing the game. He's all DUA because he contributed financially to college and they got me the apartment when I wasn't old enough for the dorms (THEY insisted) yadda yadda yadda. He's DAMN lucky he wasn't on the phone, because I would have told him that I would trade all the money in the world to just have had his emotional backing when I needed it most. FOR REAL. I just told Mom that that sucks for him that he read into my words and thought I was choosing my father over him. I never said anything either way, just gave them the facts.

His whole "blood means nothing, proof is in the actions" argument became bullshit when he admitted he probably loves August more than Bethany or me because he's BLOOD, and that his parents didn't do shit for him yet he still puts them on a pedastal. And that after 14 years he still hides behind BULLSHIT stepparenting literature that he uses as an excuse when things go wrong. At least my father has never called me names in my life, has never told me I was dirty and worthless. I'd trade my college education if he could take that shit back. THAT is why I didn't guarantee him the ticket. I lose sleep over this bullshit all the time. I am SO MAD. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was fighting with him in my head again. Most of my dreams are about fighting with him or Bethany. Ugh. I can see this exploding. It's just building and building.

Minor rant: I activated my dormant checking account and am going to move my monies over there because he slipped and accidentally admitted he still watches my bank account. Ass. GTFO now. I have one account connected to my Mom's account, which is also his account, from when I was a teenager and the bank required an adult to be a part of it. I have to close it completely to keep them from seeing stuff, and I have a TON of accounts online linked to it, including work, so I'm going to leave it open to pay bills and just keep everything else in my other one.

Bethany has been ultra cute lately and asking me all these questions about college, because she wants to go for Nursing or MA as long as it's an Associate's. Even though she's terrified of needles and talking about them makes her queasy, lol. But she's been texting and calling to vent and doing research using me and it's all very adorable. I like that.
spritechan: (FFIX Vivi)
-My work internet wouldn't let me access LJ the other day and I haven't been on the internet really otherwise for a few days.

-I presented my agency stuff yesterday in class. The professor was successfully schmoozed by my fancy words and knowledge of the agency (I did my internship there after all) and ability to talk to the class, so I can't imagine not getting an A on that. Now all I need to do is finish organizing my portfolio for Dec. 1, and I am DONE. DONEEEE.

-Steve officially gave me permission to open my presents whenever I want as of yesterday afternoon, so I'm waiting until I get home from my benefits meeting around 10am to open them technically a day early ^_^

-I beat Tales of Symphonia and started Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. I loved Tales' ending. It was sweet and cute, and I'm glad I played it. Uncharted is completely different, but I watched Steve play it and it's one of those few bro games that he adored. I'm literally halfway through the game right now, earning my first-ever trophies for the PS3! I took yesterday off of work so I had the time, and I'm taking tomorrow off of work too for Harry Potter and birthday stuff.

-Had a uretie (that's my urethra's nickname, pronounced yoo-ree-tee) scare that actually pushed me to placebo myself with a prescription cipro pill, tons of cranberry/vitamin C, and even AZO, which never fails to make me want to vomit. I feel better though. All is well.

-Uretie scare was possibly the result of an amazing romp.

-I am going to be very busy this weekend, but I'll be thinking of youuu! <333

FFFFFFFF-

Nov. 15th, 2010 05:57 am
spritechan: (Stitch - Oh noes)
Bah, fuck school. I rarely check my university email, because I don't ever get emails from the school. That's not true; I actually checked quite frequently up until the end of October, even though I was never sent anything.

Oh, and THEN I missed a bunch of important emails. Because I was busy not remembering to check my university email for 2 weeks.

Not only did I miss the deadline to purchase cap + gown (even though it's a month away still and the company is here), I also needed to CLAIM tickets, which I also missed the deadline on (though I missed it by like 2 hours so I tried submitting it anyway). The cap and gown thing is quite annoying because now I get charged a late fee that's just as expensive as the gown itself. And I only requested two tickets, because SEVERAL idiots who don't know how to use the email system complained to the entire graduating class about their whole families needing tickets, and I thought I'd worry about at least getting 2 like I warned my family I might get. I don't know if I'd be able to get more than 2 anyway, as it appears they are in high demand. I also don't know who the fuck to choose - my biological parents, or Mom and Paul? Or what? I think I'll tell them to decide amongst themselves because I am not playing that political game.

I got most of my powerpoint presentation done for Wednesday. I just need to fine-tune some things and create my actual speech from it. I also need to write the actual analysis paper, but that's really just taking details from the presentation and expanding them into sentences. After that presentation and turning my portfolio in, I am DONE with school. DONEEEE. Graduating. Bachelor's degree ahoy.

Consequently, I am quite busy atm. I am using my alternate holiday (in exchange for working Thanksgiving) on Wednesday so that Steve and I can get a nice night together, and I am busy as hell on the 18th, what with work, then benefits meeting, then work meeting, plus gifts and Harry Potter. Friday is my birthday, which I plan to spend relaxing with Steve and enjoying gifts. And Saturday is spending time with Roy, his family, and my sister, and I dunno but I think I'm doing something with Mom's family Sunday.
spritechan: (Grim it's been a long day)
I am tiiiiired. TIRED TIRED TIRED. I got an okay amount of sleep yesterday, because I napped while Steve took my car for some bday shopping for me, and then let me be a bum and lay there while he played CoD. Then I went to class, and did my pointedly not listening to half of what the professor was saying because it was stupid and I was trying to sift through all her bullshit papers. And then because I was only half listening I had to go to the front as the only person who didn't use the previous half-hour to sign up for a presentation time. Which was much more funny than embarrassing because I always blush like mad, which makes Ana laugh, and make horrified faces at her, which makes her laugh harder. She completely shut down when she thought I had to go up to sign up for the pot luck too, but turns out THAT paper was being passed around (which earned her an even more exaggerated shocked look). Our class had about 10 people yesterday, and anyone who thinks a bigger class is more embarrassing to be in front of, I think you need to rethink the amount of space a small class gets, and because it's so small, it's more intimate in general. And therefore scarier. Oh and she's usually really cute and well-spoken, but when we were doing group work in a study area and were WHISPERING (the area is not a library or even recommended for quiet), this guy kept turning around to glare in our direction. While I would giggle at him every time he did that, Ana got miffed and muttered, "Yeah well he can lick me where I pee!!! *scowl*" Dawnielle was like, "...WHAT?! Where you PEE?!" "Well, it's better than where I poop!" Yes, she 25.

After class I came home and Steve and I took a walk around the horseshoe of the neighborhood because it was really nice out - it's gonna get real cold real soon, and we gotta cherish our warmer days now. Then we layed down for sleep. It would have been a delicious 4-5 hours of sleep, except I kept waking up in a panic thinking I was late for work, and Steve was having very active dreams which caused him to speak out in his sleep at least three times - one is my subject line, another was SINGING about some dream nonsense, and the other I can't remember because I was sleepy too. And I had some weird dream where his ex BFF Andy would hide in the neighborhood and take pictures of him when he was riding his bike XD wtf. I've never even met Andy. When I got up to shower I asked Steve if he wanted to come (we shower together nearly every day - it's one of the places where we can just chat and relax. The shower is not a fun place IRL to for real mess around in) and he said yeah, so I started the shower, got in... did my shampoo... did my conditioner... no Steve? So I hopped out and he was like half sitting up with his eyes half-open, looking confused. I asked him if he was coming and he popped up and walked dazedly to the bathroom. A few minutes later he told me he'd been dreaming that we weren't in the shower yet, but sitting next to each other to wake up, so when I was suddenly in the doorway, wet and wrapped in a towel, it was very surprising. :P Silly boy.
 
I am not motivated for anything but sleep right now! It's all I can think about omg. I already told Steve that I'm probs crashing when I get home until my meeting at 6. Steve doesn't work tonight so he fell back asleep when I left even though he said he didn't want to.

Oh! I finally get to get my hair done tomorrow. I'm meeting Mom and we're going together. After that Steve and I are going to Nick's sister Megan's for a get-together. Some drinking and rock band, although it'll be very low-key. Megan just invited people from Spoogie's wedding party (and me) to hang out since there wasn't really a fun reception or anything. I'm excited because Megan and Ross are super cool. It starts at 7 so I think it'll be over around midnight. Megan and Ross are parents, after all! 
spritechan: (Spirited Away - No-Face)
Oh my. Stupid people upset me.

After work Steve and I stayed upstairs for a couple hours while I made a lot more bento items - garlic and butter asparagus, miso marinated eggplant, sweet and sour cabbage, and chopped up and soaked some apples for today's bentos. It's so nice having it ready when I leave for work! And Steve was cute and texted me tonight saying all his coworkers were jealous of his awesome bento meal. For some reason I actually put soy sauce on my rice tonight, whereas normally I'm fine eating it plain, as it tempers the saltiness of the other foods.

School continues to go well. I continue to have a strong dislike for my professor, but I was comforted when I remembered I get to evaluate her at the end of the semester. I always put comments in the extra space for them, especially if the professor was great. I plan to let the professor know how condescending and rude she is, because she's one of the higher-ups in the university, and she needs to stop trying to  constantly make us feel like we're an inch tall. The mean age of my class of 10-12 people is probably 35. Stop being such ass, kthx. On a brighter note, I've gotten A's on all of my papers so far, and will probably continue to do so. Despite our clashes, I still know what she wants, and I don't stress like my peers do. One of my group members got *gasp* AN "A MINUS" on her most recent paper, and she was very upset. I bet that was my mom when she took classes at Augsburg. She was ALWAYS fretting about "getting a 4.0" in each class. Not, apparently, realizing that as long as you meet the minimum requirements for graduation, nothing else really matters. People who go to Metro are NOT aspiring to go to grad school at Yale, I promise. Metropolitan State University is a non-traditional small urban school whose demographic is averaging 31 years old. I'm an anomaly, but I've always been more comfortable with people older than I am. Traditional colleges with peers suck. Because my peers like staying in dorms and going to house parties and being drunk and throwing up. No thanks, I'm almost 23, I work in the Big Girl World and kinda feel like you should grow up too.

I got my messenger bag in the mail the other day from gesshoku.org (it's a major weeaboo site and while it has a lot of facepalming attributes, some of the products are GREAT). It's a black messenger bag (HELL with cat hair, gotta keep an eye on it) with "Chu" written in pink hirigana. I looooove it! It's my new purse. I've had the tiniest purse known to man for FAR too long.

On Saturday Steve, Nick and I are going to see Patton Oswald (think... the short guy who lives with his mother on King of Queens). I know he's actually pretty funny, but I can't remember how much of his stuff I've seen. He's been on Comedy Central, that's all I know. But Steve and Nick really like him, so it'll be a fun thing to do. AND because Pat's too poor and Joe Waid's not interested, we actually get Nick to ourselves for once. It's a really rare opportunity  - Steve has already stated that it's not a date with Nick the third wheel; it's we get the privilege to be going on a date with Nick XD He's also joked that if I ever broke up with him for Nick that he wouldn't even feel right being mad. Yes, he loves Nick that much. For the record, I think Steve is NUMBER ONE AMAZING GUY. Nick is just a cool friend to have. He's quiet, moves and talks very deliberately and slowly (quite the opposite of me), will pipe up with some hilarious quip out of the blue but mostly play Disgaea on his DS, and is all-around just nice.

My scarf and the charts I posted on Ravelry are quite popular - posting the charts for free really got the attention. It makes me really happy because I don't want people to have to go through the hell I went through looking for Zelda stuff. I'm still shocked there were no available charts (and the ONE Link chart).

The rest of my work night will entail Kanji-learnin' and watching a movie! Ta!
spritechan: (Tomoya Nagisa hs intense hug)
I am far too sensitive these last couple days. It does nothing but cause trouble.

I saw an article on yahoo today that discusses some men being charged with crimes committed in Afghanistan, such as murdering civilians and keeping body parts as prizes, and I find it highly amusing - this is my shortening of the article:

"Up to 12 men are being charged with atrocious crimes in Afghanistan."
"But they may not have done it!!!!!"
"Regardless, it hurts America's already lowering rep."
"Yeah but... it might not be true."
"Well it appears to be true."
"Only it's OBVIOUSLY not the behavior of the majority of the military so... let it go."
"No. This shouldn't happen they should be protecting over there."
"Yes, drop it. America is good and just."
"We'll see."
"Yes. We'll see."

Ah, cautious reporting at its finest.



I'm chilly. I got some great news yesterday - next Wednesday Steve is moving to overnights! Wooo. He'll start/end a few hours earlier than I will, but it will be waaaaay better than the way it is now! ^_^ They're even giving him Monday and Tuesday off to "fix" his schedule, assuming he doesn't already stay up all night. How nice! My job was the opposite - made me ruin my sleep schedule in order to come in for a full week of training and then threw me back into overnights. Hahaha! Anyway, this is really good, because I'm sick of cycling when it comes to coping with such a lack of boyfriend/friend/not all alone time. It really messes with everything!

So far I'm enjoying school well enough. I have my ex-coworker from the middle school, Ana, there with me, and our group for projects is me, her, and two other women she has in other classes. It seems a few people dropped the class, so there are only like 11 or 12 of us in the class now. But it provides some good laughs and discussion time. And as much as I complain about how professors waste my time, when this professor shuts her trap and lets us work on things, I get really stimulated and into discussion. It helps I'm already in the field so I can apply the stuff pretty well, too. I told Ana when we turned in our resumes that I wouldn't have to change anything because I have a sweet-ass resume (and have had like 100 jobs, half of which apply to my field). My bravado was 60% comedy, but when she handed back our resumes she loudly commented how impressive mine was, and only wants me to moved the dates of employment from the right side to the left. I laughed pretty heartily at the compliment. My annoying superior attitude and resume are exactly WHY I get jobs, though. I MAY be a touch big-headed and overconfident, and I totally see that. But it works for snagging interviews and landing jobs! Oh! Which reminds me. That job at my mom's work she wanted me to apply to right before I got this position? I got an email from the HR lady and it said, "While your skills are certainly impressive..." pahahaha! I've never seen a rejection letter start like that. I told Mom either way it'd be hard for me to get an interview there simply because my resume really only highlights my Human Services work and the position I was applying for was like a receptionist/desk type. Amusing.

TGIF. Off to work on my scarf and watch more That 70's Show. Ta!

 



spritechan: (Joker Harley Kiss)
Ahhh, the episode after Hyde takes the blame for Jackie's weed. I. LOVE. That 70's Show. It is incredibly funny with the combination of its jokes, the character interactions and development, and especially watching for character breaks, which happens a lot. For example, the joke here is also a rib at the fact that Mila Kunis WAS only 14 when she started the show (she very intelligently tricked them about her age without outright lying) and Ashton Kutcher was older than she was by 5 years and also her first kiss. I love watching it with Steve the most, because I'll burst into hysterical laughter like Joe Waid at the smallest things and just collapse in a heap for 5 minutes, and then by the time I compose myself, the next joke has come.

Whew, my fingers hurt. I finished Link and the heart, and I must say, I'm pretty pleased with the results. Tomorrow then I will work on Zelda, and the day after that, Navi and the Triforce.

Turns out I don't have much to say of substance today! Oh, that my paperwork for graduation WAS sent, so hopefully I'm all set until December 14. And insurance is confusing as hell I have no idea how to fill out the forms!
spritechan: (Spirited Away - No-Face)
Mm, Just sitting at work.

I met with the head of the department or whatever for Human Services, and he told me I only need one class to graduate plus figuring out an Incomplete I have. So, I called the old professor and he left me a message listing what he wanted me to do for a grade, and I finished that stuff tonight and sent it off. Then I talked with my parents and they said I still have money in my 529 plan, assuming some was leftover after they banned me from using it for always failing/dropping classes, and Dad called and left me a message saying that it could cover most of my semester, which would mean no more loans! That then means I would not only graduate in December, but that I'll graduate with only like $7,000 in debt!

On Friday Steve and I met with Nick, Pat, Faith, and Joe Waid at the Taste of MN for Minus the Bear, POS and Atmosphere. I was really going to the social activities and being outside. It was so hot so Steve and I stayed in the back and laid in the grass during Minus the Bear and met up with the rest afterward. We walked around and talked and got refreshments (SO THIRSTY) until POS came on. Nick and Joe Waid sat with Steve and I off to the side while Pat made Faith go with him into the crowd. Steve and I left when POS brought some unknown friend to rap with him. I enjoy rap live but not so much any other time. I also love Minnesota Pride. People are adorable.

My family held their Independence Day celebration on Saturday at Como Zoo. It would have been a lot less stressful if there wasn't a HUGE Hmong Freedom Festival going on at Como Park. OMG was parking awful. I ended up giving up on parking close and parked in a nearby neighborhood. I didn't mind the walk, though. It was so hot, like 90, all day and so sunny. Perfect, in my opinion. But I got sooooo sunburnt. I was wearing a halter so the top half of my back is also burned. I don't mind, I just hope I have minimal peeling and that it'll turn into a tan line. My family all wanted to see my fourth tattoo, and I was surprised when it received a fairly warm reception. I was expecting hate because I heard Dad made a stink about Bethany's lilies on her ankle even though they're very tasteful and really well done (of course, I don't think I showed him so maybe it's just he who doesn't approve of the tattoos).

Here's a sneak peek at the unfinished tat... )

We ate and socialized before some of us headed to the zoo. I mostly hung out with Bethany and her baby Cayden because I love both of them so much! She briefly addressed her upset over the perceived negative comments about her son, and I tried to tell her I meant no harm. I love that child! I can't wait til he's old enough for me to babysit him and stuff! My cousin Danny is a couple years older than I am and we used to be really close when Bethany and I stayed at grandma Ann's all the time, but once she and Ronnie divorced we stopped being in contact. I don't know why but he followed me around all day. I just thought he'd end up with Kiana and Della, because he knows them better. It would be fine except I am TERRIBLE at small talk. It just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and all I really wanted to do was spend time with my sister. So I kept trying to find ways to avoid him without hurting his feelings and Bethany kept shooting me sly grins from afar (another one of our male cousins does this exact same thing to me at holidays and she finds it incredibly funny).

Grandma (my mom) and baby Cayden, about 4 and a half months.


Now I just can't wait to get home to Steve. He's incredibly adorable and took Thursday-Saturday off so we could have more than a day together. Is he a great boyfriend or what? <3
spritechan: (Vivi FFIX)
Everything has just been so good lately, I feel like I'm waiting for something to unravel.

That's the thing, too. My family life is shot to hell, but since it's not an everyday part of my life, it doesn't really count.

Steve and I completely finished my apartment on Friday. Took the rest of the stuff out, cleaned every nook and cranny we could find, and shampooed the carpets. Now I just have to go to the final walkthrough next Wednesday and I'm good to go! What a relief.

I beat Final Fantasy IX on Thursday I believe (my icon is a celebration of such - I love Vivi!) after almost 70 hours of gameplay. The ending hit me a lot harder than I expected. I didn't think I was nearly as attached to the characters as I am. I welled up pretty badly though :P

I have an interview for an unpaid internship with a center that tries to put abusive families back together. It sounds really, really good and since I'm pretty much unemployed as it is and I won't be going to school this summer, dedicating a lot of my time interning and trying to assert my way into a job there sounds like a good project. If anything, it's good experience in the field I ACTUALLY want to work in. I've had my foot in the door working in mental health and chemical dependency since I was 18, and now I want in the house, dammit! My degree is in violence, and specifically family violence. Give it to me plz. :)

Steve will probably have to go back to school sometime in the near future, and I KNOW I'll be going back soon after I graduate to take single classes of my choosing, as I actually love school when I can focus on one thing I enjoy, versus three in order to keep insurance. I want more knowledge of violence and abuse, and language.

I am filled to the brim with love. It's an overwhelming feeling to have it all the time. I feel like I'm suffocating, but in a good way.
spritechan: (Theory is you're all drunk or morons)
I had a conversation with Dad today (not the bio one, natch). He told me he would not fill out my FAFSA unless I fulfilled two conditions:
1. I gave him the amount of money that is on my credit card, and
2. I would only accept the minimum amount offered by the loan people when they gave me my loan offer.

No, thank you, I will not bend to your control-freak will. I calmly told him that I was in charge of my own life. He spent about a half-hour telling me that I have no idea what I'm getting into and that I'm pretty much going to go under when I graduate from all my debt. I am confused about this situation because total I will have about $10,000 taken out in loans when I graduate, not even a full year's worth for most of my peers, who have incurred about 4 years of debt to my going-to-be one and a half. I can't imagine how my peers will survive if I am going to die when I finish school!!! As for my credit card, I only have one, I have less than $1500 as a limit, and as soon as I'm fully out of my apartment I plan on paying it back down to zero. My lack of flipping out is apparently a telltale sign of my lack of understanding of the enormity of the situation. I let him talk down to me for awhile, while trying to keep him at bay when I could, choosing mostly to be complacent.

I had a major flashback to Roy (bio dad) when he suddenly said, with no segue, "How come you never invite ME to lunch? Why only your mom?!"


Okay people, I would like to ask everyone who deals with me to please bring their issues with me up front. I HATE when people hold things in like that and bring them up randomly after picking a fight. Interestingly, Roy and I were fighting about $200 I needed for books for the 2008 school year when he suddenly burst out, "Why wasn't I invited to your graduation?!" (he was, he just forgot when it was and missed it). SO you can see where I find the similarity.

Honestly I don't know why he would want to have lunch with me anyway. Wouldn't it just be awkward? He feels left out, clearly, and I totally get that. However, after our falling out a year and a half ago we just don't really get along. He disagrees nearly completely with the way I'm living my life, though I really don't know why, and we both have distorted images of who the other is because of the climax of the events leading to our falling out. I doubt we'd be having long heart-to-hearts over his hour break. And he works a lot farther away than Mom does. I honestly didn't think about it, because I didn't know we were friends.

Bottom line, really: I need to figure out how to apply for loans without having a completed FAFSA. I wouldn't be receiving any aid anyway because my parents make too much. There has to be a way I can do this on my own. My parents didn't co-sign for my loan, so hopefully it'll be just as easy for next year. I feel more and more that my decision to wait on school until fall is a good idea. Otherwise, if I can't do anything about my schooling because he won't fill out the FAFSA, I might be able to get my bio dad to, and since I'm losing insurance when I turn 23 in November anyway, I am okay putting school off until I can afford it on my own.

April 2017

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