spritechan: (Default)
Here is my post from last year, with comments on my growth )

Looking toward 2017... I was not on the bandwagon of 2016 being the worst year ever. Bad things happen all the time, every year. I had no self-pity over all the shitty things happening. I think we're exposed to sensationalized, embellished, and outright fake news and it's toxic and overwhelming. Cutting myself off of that part of social media has improved my mood immensely. I actually had a very good year, now that I'm thinking about it.

I want to continue this momentum. 2016 was the year of Rejuvenation. I did decently well at this I think, not sure how much of it is my optimism because I've been off school for over a week and I quickly forgot just how over everything I was by the time break came around. I feel better about how I live my life, I feel balanced between work and home and satisfied overall with my life, and I did a lot of things I REALLY wanted to do.

This year, let's call it the Year of Action:

I will develop a healthy self in order to improve my confidence and self-esteem and manage my weight.
     This looks like being active at least 3 times per week, as well as eating whole foods. No excuses for being lazy with meal-making. Eating out 1 time per week max (we do brunch every Sunday morning and I love that we do). I have gained a lot of weight over the past couple of months and I need to balance that out (she says as she stuffs taco bell that she's not even enjoying into her face).

I will get at least one massage.

I will explore new places as much as I can.
     Ex. Mexico with Haley, ideally traveling to Japan this year. Applying to exchange or teaching programs. Go places locally with Steve or Haley.

Be more effusive with Steve. Take a more active role in our relationship.
     Stop being so lazy and favor-asking. Reciprocate mushiness more and be more affectionate.

I will dedicate myself to learning Japanese on a consistent basis.
    Baby steps, but I want to do this so badly. I just need to do it.

I will finish my thesis by May.
     I literally have to do this or I will be in Big Trouble. Fo real. Steve says I will be single if I don't. This same thing happened when I didn't want to graduate with my Bachelor's by the end. 

Steve and I have a deal that if I beat a game such as Chrono Cross, I will be allowed to play Persona 5 first.
     I have more time now that the release has been delayed, and he said it doesn't HAVE to be Chrono Cross but definitely a game like it from his nostalgic love. I began the game but for literally no reason other than time I stopped playing. I know it's a good game and I'll love it.

I will be more mindful of my spending in order to help us create a more ideal life.
     We began 2016 as the Year of Savings, but things like my trip to Cincinnati/Cleveland, Skydiving, paying for the trip to Mexico, etc. on top of buying clothes and stuff, it fell apart by June. I want a new computer so badly and of course I ALWAYS want new tattoos. Steve needs a new computer and I desperately want a Vitamix (currently have a couple hundred in cash saved up specifically for that).

Continue to spend almost none time on social media. 
     I have gotten so much of my life and so much time, energy, and happiness back by avoiding it. I need to keep it up.

I will learn to crochet.
    More than just crappy-to-okay doilies. I am talented with knitting, and I'd love to have the versatility of crocheting at my fingertips. The reason I taught myself to knit in 2007 was because I wanted to knit these Harry Potter book scarves - I had a goal in mind that I wanted to achieve. For crochet I want to be able to make SO MANY THINGS. I also get a lot of disappointment from people who can't tell the difference between knitting and crochet and will be all "Can you make this?!?!?!" and I have to let them know that no, sorry, I can't because that's crochet. I would LOVE to be able to crochet these dragonscale gauntlets, but according to people on Ravelry, it's pretty intermediate. I will instead choose a simpler project as a tangible goal by the end of the year: Nyan Cat Scarf. A long time ago at a Comic Con, Steve and I ran into this girl who was wearing the scarf (as well as a Gir shirt!!), and it turns out she'd made it herself. I was so jealous. I was too shy to get info to be her friend (and also, I don't historically make girl friends.. or friends at all because why.. so it didn't cross my mind until later). When I took the picture she was actually singing the nyan cat song and making the nyan cat dance. Too precious. According to the pattern, it uses a lot of basic crochet skills. It would be a good example and culmination of practice over the year.
spritechan: (Sophie hugs Howl)
I am Vixenofflames on LJ - I made the account at the age of 15, and I just couldn't bear carrying it on in case DW becomes my primary journal in the future.
spritechan: (P4 Rise Persona Embrace)
I have been on this odd sick path of ups and downs since Halloween. I was very sick for a week around Halloween, then got a bit better save for a lingering cough and stuffy nose. Then after Thanksgiving I repeated the cycle, only worse.

I've missed 5 days of school in the last two weeks D:

I went to the doctor, finally. I was wearing a mask and the lights were too bright. I pulled my hood over my head and looked like a sith lord.

My doctor asked, "Are you managing your work-life balance better?"

"....not really..." Sheepishly, through my mask.

The doctor sent me on my way with antibiotics and a steroid, a note to stay home one more day, and a stern look.

Nero meows disapprovingly when I cough.

The meds are kicking in somewhat... I feel loopy and lightheaded and headachey from coughing and my nose still requires Afrin so I can breathe, but I haven't felt aches or chills in 15 hours or so. Steve said it would be interesting if we had documented how much I have slept in the last week.

Yesterday I could have cried thinking about all the responsibilities I'm behind on due to this inconvenient sickness. Today I acknowledge the challenge and feel like there's hope. I'm just going to do what I can to manage, and it will be okay.

I've been inspired to begin yoga again once I'm well. I want to take care of myself better. I don't want to give in to being overwhelmed with work.

I want to manage my food better. While being sick, I haven't had much of an appetite, nor motivation to eat, so most of my diet has been chips and bread. Thinking about food was incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't even identify what I ate when I was eating well. I'm going to work on fixing that over the coming weeks.

It's like I'm starting to rise from the ashes of my former self, to put it dramatically. But I have never, in my entire life, been sick like this or for this long. I had mono when I was a child, and that's the closest comparison I have. I'm hoping this motivation and momentum continue. I just really need to stay organized and not let life bring me down. I need to be healthy first, mind you, but I am definitely working on it.
spritechan: (Lost - Ben seduce with ham)
After months of hemming and hawing about wanting a natural shampoo instead of the chemical-laden ones (because I dye my hair, I already put so many chemicals in it... I just don't want any more! I see the hypocrisy but I cannot have that boring mousy hair), and then actually taking the time to read my deodorant and seeing that it has aluminum in it even though it's not clinical-strength, my aunt Connie serendipitously texted me with a link to an article about how to care for your skin without using chemical sunscreens, written by Wellness Mama. This then led to me clicking link after link in her blog, culminating in me finding recipes for both shampoo and deodorant.

In a fit of motivation, I went out to Mississippi Market, bought ingredients, and made the recipes. They were literally so easy to do that I made them while also making dinner at the same time.

The shampoo is made with half a cup of coconut milk, 2/3 cup of Dr. Bronner's Hemp with Almond oil Castille soap, and some amount of sweet orange essential oils (I think I used 30-40 drops). I dumped out what remained of some Bath and Body Works body wash that I was never going to use because I hated the smell (had to use some Goo Gone on the outside because it was sticky from the labels) and it was the perfect size.



The deodorant was made with coconut oil, shea butter, baking soda, arrowroot, and rose perfume essential oils. The recipe didn't specify how much essential oils to use, so I just put in 12 drops (I hope it wasn't too much!).



The recipe said to melt the oils gently in a mason jar.



It ended up this yellowy color-



I meticulously cleaned out my remaining deodorant stick (like, soap and a toothpick and took the entire thing apart. Every nook and cranny) and poured the mixture in to set. I was really proud of the result!



After a couple of hours sitting on the shelf, the deodorant has mostly hardened but the top layer is still liquidy. I put it in the fridge to help.

I read so many rave reviews of the stuff, including no more stains in the armpits, not smelling as much, and saving money. I have high hopes!

Brr!

Jan. 6th, 2014 03:17 pm
spritechan: (TWEWY - X2 die)
Less than four minutes outside and my charged phone won't stay on! So we ended up combining mine and Steve's phone recordings... when we went back inside and checked, the wind chill put the temp at -45.

We wanted to get the temps for posterity, and school and many jobs have closed for the next couple of days. When we went outside, sans hat or gloves because, hey, we're Minnesotans! Ain't nobody got time for extraneous warmth items. Srs. But I mean, I also wanted to see what it was like for people who just DON'T have those luxuries. We were outside for a total combined time of MAYBE seven minutes (with going into the house a couple times to get the phone to work again), and my hands hurt for a good while after we came back inside. There is literally no way a person would not have died in that. I have no idea about the wild animals. Jeez.

Anyway, cute-ish video of me and Steve reading the temps. The temperature gauge was originally in the garage, which typically steadily reads at 10-degrees, so it provided us the ability to watch the temp drop.


spritechan: (Hobbes heart hands)
I've started reading my journal from the very beginning. It is almost painful to see how dramatic and whiny I was, and how I clearly was too stubborn to admit when others were right. However, it's been a good opportunity to realize just how enjoyable my life has been (other than at home, that part remains consistent with my memories - except for how much more I liked my mom). Minus the fact that I struggle to enjoy things in the moment. I had to let Bre know that I love her and am grateful for her sticking by me all these years, because I was a total bitch to he sometimes. She responded saying she was ignorant to the world and that I put up with THAT, but I really don't think they were the same. We both around, but I'm always a meaner party.

Steve and I had the week off, and it was so nice. I was busy for a lot of it - oral surgery appointment (getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th of September, they've been bothering me for awhile now), eye appointment (am going to try out a new special lens just for my type of eyes/get new glasses), took Grim in for a check-up (still 15 pounds and healthy, just had the vet scrape some tartar off his teeth), Nate gave us a futon and a click-clack couch, I had school on Thursday and today I had a bridal shower for some cousin of mine that I went to with Connie and Haley. Otherwise it's been a lot of Joe Waid and some of Courtney and Pat. Steve and I went to the State Fair on Friday. It's kind of a "thing" here -  we gorged ourselves on all the foods we wanted, ran into an old coworker, Jeff LaPlant, in an arcade there. He recognized me and apparently did a double-take and called my name. It was cool chatting for awhile.

Courtney played Amnesia last night. We were downstairs in the dark and the boys were upstairs playing DotA. They said it was either silent, orwe were shrieking. It was soooo fun.

Steve's great. Haley's great. Joe Waid's great. Bre's great. Courtney's great.

Quick!

Mar. 25th, 2013 04:55 pm
spritechan: (Bebop - Ein Edward)
I have some big news pending, but I don't want to say anything unless it's for sure. Suffice to say, fingers crossed and I hope to be able to share it with you soon! Well, I will either way but let's hope it all works out!

Steve and I reviewed our finances and noticed that we spend a horrendous amount of money per month on eating out, followed by things like coffee, jamba juice, etc. So we sat down with Paul and worked out our budget, and we're trying to stick by that now - including an "allowance." It should really help us with saving more money, and on not gaining unnecessary pounds with fatty foods!

I beat Bayonetta last weekend, and I've been replaying it on one difficulty level harder, and I've gotten so good at it, getting trophies left and right! It's a fantastic game.

My Autism

Dec. 13th, 2012 02:04 pm
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa close)

I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.

 

 

 

So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.

 

 

 

I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!

 

 

 

Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-away-er. When Steve made me realize that apparently in reaction to being a yeller, I have actually moved to the other side of the spectrum. As a person who feels incredibly self-aware (and really, just aware of everything in general) it is rare that I don’t know something about myself. I thanked Steve for helping me realize that, and now that I know this information, I can work on it. I still tried my best to explain how me processing information is extremely rigid and I don’t know HOW to be there for him when I am struggling with a change (a CLASSIC part of my Autism), which was his primary concern. He was upset that I was being selfish and stopped trying to make HIM feel better because I decided my problem was more important/urgent. We discussed that because Steve gets mopey less often, I have less practice in working through things that send me into Reaction Mode. Dan was a pouter, a moper, a crier… all for attention. He wanted me to coddle him, to hold him, to remind him over and over again that I cared about him. It got to a point that I was so annoyed with him any time he behaved like that, I would start screaming at him, telling him to suck it up. I have dragged him down stairs, I have left him sobbing in hallways… I didn’t have it in me to take care of him that way. I am not a touchy-feely person, and comforting someone when they believe I have hurt them in some way, when they are behaving so dramatically, and ON PURPOSE, is too hard for me. Dan would admit that he would act in those ways so that he could provoke a certain reaction or a certain phrase for me. He said he relished my efforts to make him feel better so he would draw out the attention as long as he could. Which in turn would absolutely infuriate me. Tangent aside, I still struggle with the fear that Steve will begin behaving the same way because he craves attention from me. I realize that while it speaks to how people will do anything for attention. But I am also aware that this type of pattern shows that I don’t provide enough attention, enough affection. Which isn’t good. I need to fix that.

 

ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf,  this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.

spritechan: (Lost - Locke jealous island speaks to me)
So... Being too busy has begun to get to me, heh. On Sunday night I got more anxious than I have been in quite some time and I didn't fall asleep until just before Steve came to bed around 3am (He took a 5-day weekend to use up his remaining vacation time before the year ends), and then of course when he woke me up the anxiety cycle restarted. I ended up calling in Monday and yesterday, to catch my breath and also to spend some time with Steve. I mean, I still had school on Monday, and I had a chiro appointment that I ultimately skipped, but it was still good to actually get sleep on not be stressed with the new trimester. I'm definitely over all the rules and controlling of Bath and Body works. I can't wait to be done. I just am not interested in the way it's run, especially with that one manager I simply can't stand. She's rude. And omg my time is so busy. Ughhghghhghhh.

So instead I got to play copious amounts of Rock Band 3!

Pat told me yesterday that it was "refreshing" to have someone who consistently wanted to do vocals. I was surprised because I feel like a bossy twat whenever I'm on vocals, simply because I don't like to do anything else. Guitar Hero I can play on guitar, and I was quite good at it at one point when I lived at Dan's parent's house and played with Michael, but for some reason it just isn't the same on Rock Band. Probably because there's soooo much repetition of notes versus variety. I just HATE the guitar. And let's face it, I am not a drummer. I like to sing, and I can USUALLY figure out pitch. Whenever ANYONE (usually female) asks to sing when I'm being vocals, I get all stiff like they think I'm hogging them and I need to share. I think I might be paranoid. XD

That 70's Show is so good. We've switched back to that being out background show. And omg Breaking Bad is amazing. We finally started the 5th season and it's GREAT.

I'm dyeing my hair Christmas colors this time... I was originally going to do a pink/green/purple or pink/green/blue combo, but then Steve pointed out that it's the holidays, so we got some red and I'm working on the colors right now! I'll post a pic when finished.

When I was at school on Monday, the professor asked for a show of hands who planned to do the hybrid program (mostly online), or the traditional program (once a week face-to-face). Most people raised their hands at hybrid. The class was about half that of when we started. This is due to a combination of people dropping out of the program with a smattering of people who didn't need the course. It was weird. My 3 favorite people were still in it, so I sat by them this time so I didn't have to get stuck with annoying guy. Anyway, during the break one of the students talked with the professor about the differences in the programs, and apparently the professor told them that while the face-to-face program does require the attendance commitment, there's a lot less busy work and most of the work is done in class. Ugh. WHYYY SO MEAN!?!?!? I mean, I get it. They want to make sure students are learning when not attending class so they assign a bunch of things. Is attending a class once a week a good trade-off for not having a ton of independent work? I'm so torn!

P.S. the urologist called back with my test results and said that even though my numbers were far improved, I was still showing some of that bacteria they don't want, so it's back to no sex for a couple weeks and a mega dose of medication. AND another follow-up appointment. Woo.
spritechan: (Higurashi - Nipaa)
Pics under here! )

I think she's doing super awesome and I really like the work that's being done. Any touching up and re-working is free, and she's really dedicated to making it look perfect so I know I'm guaranteed an amazing piece of work :3

Oh god.

Nov. 26th, 2012 10:07 pm
spritechan: (I have to go sit in my house by myself)
It's happening again. I thought I was doing super well (and I was!!) because I didn't get my usual October Depression, but apparently it was just waiting around for me to get overwhelmed and busy, because it appears to be creeping up hardcore, just waiting for a catalyst. It became apparent when I realized on Saturday that I had missed a discussion for class (the first one I ever missed!) because I was so thrown off from working Black Friday (11:30pm Thursday-8am Friday) after Thanksgiving at my Mom's and also working Saturday. I realized something was amiss upon reflection because I absolutely had a tantrum about it when I realized the day/time and that I'd missed the discussion, as if that would have changed anything. It set in motion a spiral of mope that has culminated in me not yet turning in anything due for class today (due at 11:59pm) or the discussion due Saturday and instead wallowing in self-pity and apathy.

I appear to have forgotten that a schedule that is too full causes an opposite reaction from me, and even while I KNOW my super busy schedule won't last forever and there are a hundred atypical situations occurring right now, I just want to quit everything and hide under the blankets with all the lights off and maybe a candle going. Like, I see my calendar looking like this:

Here )
And I just want to cry. Remember that I also work every weekday on top of any appointments.

And yet, if you look at it, there are THREE trainings that I have/had this month which will not need to be repeated for a whole year, my tattoo appointments are FUN even if they're time-consuming (and I switched my next appointment from the 21st to December 6 so I wouldn't be upset about the time), and I won't need be going to the urologist again until February. And yet. I'm suffocating. I just need to get through this week and then my next month is blissfully empty right now. I will continue going to the chiropractor once a week and I will be working on my sleeve, and I have my two Face-to-Faces for class, but I can do it. I just need to remember that I can.

I asked Steve to cuddle me while I mope and it eventually turned into me holding up his upper half by the shoulders and he dead-weighted and then I said he looked like he was flying nonchalantly like Superman and then he slowly started to sway back and forth with a smug look on his face, which dissolved us into giggles for a solid couple of minutes. <3

And now, cram work time because I have less than two hours to do this assignment. Let's see if I can build the motivation.
spritechan: (Clannad - Mei curious)

For the past several months I have had the most vivid dreams involving bees. Seriously. I probably dream about some odd situation in which I get stung multiple times by some scary bee at least once a week or sometimes every other week. I feel the sensation of being stung, I feel the bee crawling on me, I can feel any time I happen to “catch” it and inspect what is hurting me. The weirdest part is I’M NOT EVEN SCARED OF BEES! Nor do I have any memory of being stung in real life. The bees in my dreams are usually big ugly wasp/hornet things that are super mad at me for whatever reason. It’s usually one, but I had a dream recently that it was several stinging me at the same time (and after they were taken care of, my body burned at the sting “sites”). In the dreams I continue to not be afraid of bees; more like confused at how I could have angered them so when I treat insects quite respectfully 99% of the time. The rest of the dream is comprised of various feelings about being stung, I guess. It’s just weird to wake up with pain spots and have other body memory sensations for the next several hours. It’s 11:30am and I *still* am recovering from my dream last night. What is with me and dreams lately? This particular one I was sitting and started being stung from behind – that is, I couldn’t immediately see the offender, so I reached around and grasped him and brought him close to my face for inspection. He was big and fuzzy and squirmy. I guess he could only be killed by letting him go and hitting him with a flyswatter, so that’s what I did. Then I watched him for a few minutes before waking up. Nothing major or serious, or even heart-thumping. Sometimes in my dreams I get a bit of an adrenaline rush, but usually it’s more… scientific? Observant? …Detached in a way? Hmmm.

Health

Oct. 9th, 2012 11:41 am
spritechan: (Voldemort Free Hugs)
I've been experiencing uti symptoms since Thur/Fri and I've been trying to manage it with OTC stuff, D-mannose and probiotics. Each of these items runs $10-$30 each. I've had varying degrees of pain, from almost none to nearly tears, but I have yet to need to live in the bathroom - instead some nights I'm just up every half hour but can eventually go back to bed. This morning I was ready to make an appointment and give up, but it hasn't been as bad as last night so I'm continuing to stick it out. I did request a urology referral though, because the consistency of pain has reached frightening levels. I had thought I should schedule a pap but I guess I'm finally old enough not to need another for a couple years, but the allina site said to schedule a chlamydia screening. Um, fuck that. I don't need to check my vaginal health every year anymore but I need to check for STIs? Nope. Noooo. If I'm not getting a pap, I'm not getting a STD test. Thanks.

I was actually kind of hoping for a pap because overnight I got a huge painful lump in my right breast, like, at least an inch circumference. I googled it and there's like a million things it could be, but it hasn't gone away so I'm a little concerned. I just don't want to go through a long-ass appointment so they can tell me my tissue's just being wonky.

Stuff

Oct. 2nd, 2012 01:51 pm
spritechan: (Spirited Away - No-Face)

Holy moley I'm tired today! Traffic was very bad this morning due to a fatal car accident - I saw the SUV involved, and the person was probably crushed. During this time there were several minutes of dead-stoppage. The highway is already down to one lane beginning in that area because of construction, and morning traffic is always bad around that time. When we were stopped I made a tweet, and my great aunt deigned to remind me that texting and driving is illegal. It drives me insane when people take every opportunity to remind you when you're doing wrong, as if it will change the behavior. I'm here to tell you, it will not. End of story.

 

Anyway. I started my second grad school class, and we met yesterday. During this meeting I came to the should-have-been obvious realization regarding why I do what I do. I want to work with EBD and Autism, and thrive in chaotic environments... I process information very quickly and become bored almost too easily, it's like I *need* the environment to be unpredictable from day to day and even up to minute to minute to keep my brain excited and stimulated. Coming to this realization was really amusing, but also freeing. I love developing new awareness and understanding of myself.

 

This LJ app sucks, by the way. Not capitalizing the beginning of sentences, really??

 

I'm seeing a chiropractor twice a week for 6 weeks for adjustments, acupuncture and some muscle therapy. It's mostly for my bladder issues but I have longstanding back pain from having lordosis (swayback) and horrid neck pain. Since insurance will pay, I'm treating the whole package. :)

 

A nap is most definitely in order today after work. I'm so so tired!

 

Steve and I went to a local farm with an apple orchard and picked delicious apples and bought homemade pancake/waffle/muffin mix with pumpkin flavoring. It smells so good! Faith and I made the muffins and they were amazing.

spritechan: (NGE - Mari sideways glance)
I almost decided to lead a double life for a moment. Quite surreal, and insane how easily it could happen. In another life, I think. But not now. I'm glad I peeked through the window, though. I needed to.

I've been able to talk to Bre relatively frequently lately, and I like that. She and Lamin even visited the townhouse for a bit on their way to a rodeo in Wisconsin. I love her inability to have a filter, and her brutal honesty, but above all, her genuineness. There is no way for that girl to be disingenuous and it's that quality that keeps her so near and dear to my heart.

When writing on my phone I must hit the letter k instead of m about 90% of the time and the text predictor always changes 'my' to 'Kyoto'. Lol.

Been playing a lot of Persona 3 Portable on the PSP and watching a lot of Breaking Bad with Steve and Pat. I'll be finished with my first grad school class this weekend and immediately start class number two! Otherwise there's not too much else going on, just seeing family here and there. Steve did the Mud Factor 5k obstacle course with me and will do the Warrior Dash next summer with me. Warrior dash was way more fun anyway even if the mud smelled and felt like actual shit. Mud Factor has amazing soft sandy mud that did not stink.

Oops! Break is over!


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

spritechan: (TTGL - Nia hug Simone cute)
So, I had a looooong day at work and just needed some couple time. I feel like I've been taking Steve's love as a given and therefore a bit for granted. That's not cool. So we went shopping at our favorite B-ville mall, got cutie dinner, horribly messed up Caribou coffees - I ordered a small Northern Lite Vanilla Latte hot, he ordered a medium espresso cooler. I got the espresso hot latte and he got a vanilla cooler. BLEHHHH. But I choked it down among teases from Steve. ("So uh, how's that coffee taste?" "It... has flavor." "Oh, so you like it?" "I ordered a coffee drink, and it has coffee... And flavor." XD). Got a few cute new items and bleach + blue hair dye.

Then we went to our favorite GameStop and I found one of the few PS2 games we don't own - Tales of Legendia. Even if it's considered one of the worst Tales games, it was pristine, $20, and OMGPS2!!!!

Get home, start bleaching my hair, and stumble upon a STATUS ON FACEBOOK my mom posted about my sister having a seizure in downtown Minneapolis while driving and crashed into a parked car. While it turns out she's okay at this point and wasn't seriously injured, and a nearby police officer witnessed it and sprang into action, when I read the status and thought about if my sister had been on the highway or otherwise in serious danger... I sort of awkwardly burst into tears. It was Leah-bursting, which is more like a slow build-up and very full eyes but lots of wiping of the face, but shit! Here I was all having an amazing day, and my only sister could be fucking DYING in a CAR ACCIDENT. Jesus. The fear of what would happen if I lost her went almost out of control. She may be at rock bottom, but I love that girl.

After I spoke with Mom on the phone (and sufficiently made her feel bad because I got so upset), I finished dying my hair. See here! I loooove it. I wish I had done more blue and maybe not attacked my bangs so hard with the scissors, but I get so frustrated at how quickly they grow! I JUST got my hair cut. Ugh.
spritechan: (Default)
K, seriously. The weather needs to stop being in the 80's-90's for part of a week, and then be in the upper 50's, then be 93 for a day, and then go back to the fucking 50's again. I'm so SICK of this bullshit weather. Anything below 70's leaves me feeling lethargic, not motivated, and irritable. Especially with it being cloudy too.

I did so well the past couple weeks exercising (despite the constant, near-crippling pain in my bones) and now with the chilly and cloudy, I'm cranky and just want to sleep in my car on break (and feel sorry for myself for being injured).

I don't want to be in the toddler room today. I'm too irritable.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Omg

Apr. 28th, 2012 10:55 pm
spritechan: (Damn it feels good to be a gangsta)
I feel so successful right now!

  • Student immunization form (Will print and send off tomorrow)
  • Request for transfer of credit form (if applicable)
  • Current resúme showing 2 years of work experience
  • 2 admissions references (1 is in, the other is on vacation until the first of May)
  • Official transcript(s) showing an earned bachelor's degree, all graduate schools attended (if applicable), and pre-requisite requirements (if applicable). (However I sent an email because it shows I need transcripts from all 3 colleges but Metro lists all of my institutional history on theirs so I don't WANNA request more.)
  • Academic evaluation (coordinated by your Admissions Advisor)
  • Statement of purpose (I have completed a rough draft and have asked for edits by the lovely Suzi and Athena and had it read and approved of by Steve. I am crossing it off because the main and most difficult part of at least getting it out is done)
  • Submit FAFSA
  • Apply for Aid (Awaiting review)
  • Degree sent (Will make a copy on Monday if I can find my diploma. Lol)
I am so close to being fully applied to grad school!
spritechan: (Avatar - Kataang Forever)
Sooo, I'm reading this book based on the incredibly terrifying and gruesome Hi-Fi Murders. Steve says I'm morbid. I know I am. When I was in 11th grade and had to find a skeleton picture as the cover of my Shakespeare reviews or whatever, I spent hours discovering gory death pictures after that was the majority of search results. I haunted my dreams with awful ways people look after being murdered or committing suicide. The Hi-Fi murders are particularly horrible because they were planned deaths of random people. That is, the primary killer decided that he would horrifically murder anyone present during the robbery of an electronics store. The book is non-fiction, weaved together from interviews with the survivor and anyone involved (including the murderer) as well as testimony from the trials. The book is highly detailed to the level I desire, which only intensifies the effect. I've spent two lunch breaks with teary eyes wallowing in the despair the family experienced and is poignantly captured. I was talking to Steve about how amazing it is and at one point he burst out laughing because I "Leah'd" - a term with many definitions but is frequently referenced when I tell unnecessary details because *I* would want them (the example in question was where I was talking about an investigator and felt the need to explain that he was actually sort of retired and not the *main* investigator but it's still cool that the murderer in this case is also the murderer in the ONLY unsolved homicide he had). I was most moved by a man whose wife and 16-year-old son were both involved in the murders. He describes how it felt to face his dead wife in all her ruined glory and having to come to terms with the fact that the woman he was with for 36 years and was his "partner for life" was gone. Yep. Just gone. No more. The end. Never coming back. Over. And how he had to be strong while each of his other family members mourned after they arrived at the hospital and that he had to close off his heart to the fact that his life partner, who he was JUST talking to before she left to find their son (AND she was frantic with worry at the son not returning home yet and he told her she was overreacting. Think about THAT guilt), was dead forever. I explained to Steve that for me it would be a CONSTANT immediate back-and-forth where I would tell myself that information and then swiftly reject it with an "IMPOSSIBLE NO IT'S NOT TRUE IT'S NOT I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT FUCK YOU IT JUST SIMPLY IS NOT POSSIBLE I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS AND NO TAKE IT BACK." Rinse and repeat.

As a result, I should not have been surprised to have a similar heart-wrenching dream in which I left a church and drove by many crazed velociraptors (naturally) and when I arrived at his office building I KNEW that Steve had been attacked by raptors and I was frantically trying to find out where he was and I went to the hospital to find him and I was screaming for him and I knew he was dead but I couldn't accept it and I knew I would try to take it back when I found his mangled body and I kept willing him to be alive and not hurt. I woke up with my "trying to cry" face on, breathing all heavy and terrified. I immediately rolled over to Steve and cuddled him super hard and could not let go of him for several hours. And of course when I tried to fall back asleep I had to try to force the remnants of the dream away so I could stop trying to manipulate it and fail. My dreams like that go in endless circles as my brain refuses to allow a proper ending. But seriously, when I imagine that he could just *poof* and be gone just like that from my life, I feel exceptionally suffocatey and hyperventilatey and will it never to come to pass (which Steve also includes in my morbid thinking category). He is just the most important person in my life. If I think about it hard enough I want to keep him locked up at home so nothing bad could ever happen to him. Thank god I don't want kids because I'd freak every time they left the driveway. This exact thing is why I HATED the movie Practical Magic - the moment when Sandra Bullock thinks that she and her husband's love will overcome the curse but then there's that stupid cricket or whatever and she tries frantically to catch it but can't and her stupid husband dies anyway. NO. NO.

In other news, I officially applied to grad school for an ABS license, which will be a broad licensure allowing me to teach levels 1 and 2 of EBD, LD, and Autism and I can go back again to get licensed for 3 and 4. I went to the informational meeting and everyone there (prospective students as well as faculty) agreed that the type of license is a great investment and there's been a growing need for me-types.

Steve and I are also doing what we're calling "ghetto week" and seeing who can make the best of of $20 from Friday to Friday. This of course does not really include not spending anything, because it kind of ruins the fun. So we each got a $20 bill to spend on whatever we like for the week and we aren't allowed to spend anything more (excludes gas). It's easily doable, but we're so frivolous with the money we don't put in savings that it's a cute game for us to be frugal. Yes, we admit we are privileged, even with me working a crappy-paying job.
spritechan: (School Days - Katsura Knit)
My weekend was kind of a blur, mostly because I was deathly ill on Saturday.

Friday I was NOT IN THE MOOD for anything work because I was achey and my throat hurt. It was awesome then that only one of the four babies was present in the latter half of the day. But in the first half I had to continue working with the preschoolers on a dance myself and another teacher are preparing for the Spring Program, which entailed a lot of dancing and movement and was simply not cool. One of the parents of a baby let slip that one of the toddlers had bronchitis over the previous weekend (and said child had been coughing into my face all week), and I didn't know bronchitis was contagious. Now, I'm probably being a baby and don't have bronchitis since I have not been incubating a cold for a week or more or anything, but I've had a stuffy head, been feverish, severely aching and experiencing deep painful coughs that have contributed to a very unhappy throat. I've basically been overloading with DayQuil, Mucinex, Naproxen, and Emergen-C in an effort to rid myself of this BS as I am a giant crybaby when I'm sick and I hate going to work when sick. It seems to be relatively paying off, as my aches (the WORST for me, completely put me out of commission whenever I get them) have mostly subsided. The rest is manageable and I also bought cough drops, woo! But as a result, I lost the vast majority of my weekend to sleep/rolling around the bed/hobbling to various house locations pitifully, which was very disappointing as the weather was nice this weekend (in the 60's, where it's been in the 40's for the past week and will resume said crap this week). I was really motivated to get out and go running too!

I finished a Kindle book I recently purchased - 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I purchased it when reading through a blog in which the woman was going through a job slump and she happened to mention keeping track of her time and trying to figure out how to make more time for herself in order to work on her core competencies and feel good about what she does. The book is pretty interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. I really liked how she continuously reiterated the need to hone your skills and focus on what you're good at. A large part references families, but it's easy to apply to my own life as well. It's made me very excited to attend the informational meeting about graduate programs tomorrow. I also watched a documentary on the failing public school system on Netflix (Waiting for Superman, if you're interested), a really interesting documentary on being open-minded and taking a severely autistic (though high-functioning) boy to shamans to see if there's any way to help him (The Horse Boy), one on the Scrabble tournament in 2004, and a really cheesy one about quantum physics that actually presented some unique information that has made me want to project a more positive outlook on myself. Yeah, so I guess I knocked off a bunch of Netflix queue stuff, but didn't do anything I really wanted to.

Oh, I DID knit a quick scarf with some lovely new yarn
as seen here: )

Oh, and as long as I'm adding pics... )

Jenny, the woman who started dying my bangs, did awesome at letting the black mix with the pink and since I've stopped going to her (the drive is just so damn FAR), I've tried my damnedest to keep the look going. I think I do a pretty good job, and is very cheap - I paid $14 for the "demi-permanent" pink dye, and am getting many uses out of it. Versus $20-$40 a pop when going to Jenny, plus tip and gas both ways.

On Friday Steve and I spent the afternoon texting in Haiku. It was awesome and adorable and omg I love our relationship.

Pat broke up with Faith on Friday AT OUR HOUSE OVER THE PHONE and got back together with her today, which everyone in the friends group disagrees with and he will be receiving very deep glares from me over the next week.

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819 202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Page generated Jul. 21st, 2017 02:44 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios