spritechan: (Default)
Here is my post from last year, with comments on my growth )

Looking toward 2017... I was not on the bandwagon of 2016 being the worst year ever. Bad things happen all the time, every year. I had no self-pity over all the shitty things happening. I think we're exposed to sensationalized, embellished, and outright fake news and it's toxic and overwhelming. Cutting myself off of that part of social media has improved my mood immensely. I actually had a very good year, now that I'm thinking about it.

I want to continue this momentum. 2016 was the year of Rejuvenation. I did decently well at this I think, not sure how much of it is my optimism because I've been off school for over a week and I quickly forgot just how over everything I was by the time break came around. I feel better about how I live my life, I feel balanced between work and home and satisfied overall with my life, and I did a lot of things I REALLY wanted to do.

This year, let's call it the Year of Action:

I will develop a healthy self in order to improve my confidence and self-esteem and manage my weight.
     This looks like being active at least 3 times per week, as well as eating whole foods. No excuses for being lazy with meal-making. Eating out 1 time per week max (we do brunch every Sunday morning and I love that we do). I have gained a lot of weight over the past couple of months and I need to balance that out (she says as she stuffs taco bell that she's not even enjoying into her face).

I will get at least one massage.

I will explore new places as much as I can.
     Ex. Mexico with Haley, ideally traveling to Japan this year. Applying to exchange or teaching programs. Go places locally with Steve or Haley.

Be more effusive with Steve. Take a more active role in our relationship.
     Stop being so lazy and favor-asking. Reciprocate mushiness more and be more affectionate.

I will dedicate myself to learning Japanese on a consistent basis.
    Baby steps, but I want to do this so badly. I just need to do it.

I will finish my thesis by May.
     I literally have to do this or I will be in Big Trouble. Fo real. Steve says I will be single if I don't. This same thing happened when I didn't want to graduate with my Bachelor's by the end. 

Steve and I have a deal that if I beat a game such as Chrono Cross, I will be allowed to play Persona 5 first.
     I have more time now that the release has been delayed, and he said it doesn't HAVE to be Chrono Cross but definitely a game like it from his nostalgic love. I began the game but for literally no reason other than time I stopped playing. I know it's a good game and I'll love it.

I will be more mindful of my spending in order to help us create a more ideal life.
     We began 2016 as the Year of Savings, but things like my trip to Cincinnati/Cleveland, Skydiving, paying for the trip to Mexico, etc. on top of buying clothes and stuff, it fell apart by June. I want a new computer so badly and of course I ALWAYS want new tattoos. Steve needs a new computer and I desperately want a Vitamix (currently have a couple hundred in cash saved up specifically for that).

Continue to spend almost none time on social media. 
     I have gotten so much of my life and so much time, energy, and happiness back by avoiding it. I need to keep it up.

I will learn to crochet.
    More than just crappy-to-okay doilies. I am talented with knitting, and I'd love to have the versatility of crocheting at my fingertips. The reason I taught myself to knit in 2007 was because I wanted to knit these Harry Potter book scarves - I had a goal in mind that I wanted to achieve. For crochet I want to be able to make SO MANY THINGS. I also get a lot of disappointment from people who can't tell the difference between knitting and crochet and will be all "Can you make this?!?!?!" and I have to let them know that no, sorry, I can't because that's crochet. I would LOVE to be able to crochet these dragonscale gauntlets, but according to people on Ravelry, it's pretty intermediate. I will instead choose a simpler project as a tangible goal by the end of the year: Nyan Cat Scarf. A long time ago at a Comic Con, Steve and I ran into this girl who was wearing the scarf (as well as a Gir shirt!!), and it turns out she'd made it herself. I was so jealous. I was too shy to get info to be her friend (and also, I don't historically make girl friends.. or friends at all because why.. so it didn't cross my mind until later). When I took the picture she was actually singing the nyan cat song and making the nyan cat dance. Too precious. According to the pattern, it uses a lot of basic crochet skills. It would be a good example and culmination of practice over the year.
spritechan: (P4 Rise Persona Embrace)
I have been on this odd sick path of ups and downs since Halloween. I was very sick for a week around Halloween, then got a bit better save for a lingering cough and stuffy nose. Then after Thanksgiving I repeated the cycle, only worse.

I've missed 5 days of school in the last two weeks D:

I went to the doctor, finally. I was wearing a mask and the lights were too bright. I pulled my hood over my head and looked like a sith lord.

My doctor asked, "Are you managing your work-life balance better?"

"....not really..." Sheepishly, through my mask.

The doctor sent me on my way with antibiotics and a steroid, a note to stay home one more day, and a stern look.

Nero meows disapprovingly when I cough.

The meds are kicking in somewhat... I feel loopy and lightheaded and headachey from coughing and my nose still requires Afrin so I can breathe, but I haven't felt aches or chills in 15 hours or so. Steve said it would be interesting if we had documented how much I have slept in the last week.

Yesterday I could have cried thinking about all the responsibilities I'm behind on due to this inconvenient sickness. Today I acknowledge the challenge and feel like there's hope. I'm just going to do what I can to manage, and it will be okay.

I've been inspired to begin yoga again once I'm well. I want to take care of myself better. I don't want to give in to being overwhelmed with work.

I want to manage my food better. While being sick, I haven't had much of an appetite, nor motivation to eat, so most of my diet has been chips and bread. Thinking about food was incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't even identify what I ate when I was eating well. I'm going to work on fixing that over the coming weeks.

It's like I'm starting to rise from the ashes of my former self, to put it dramatically. But I have never, in my entire life, been sick like this or for this long. I had mono when I was a child, and that's the closest comparison I have. I'm hoping this motivation and momentum continue. I just really need to stay organized and not let life bring me down. I need to be healthy first, mind you, but I am definitely working on it.
spritechan: (Sgt. Frog - Tamama closeup)
(side note: I started this entry over the weekend of the 16th and got half of a sentence in... lol)
On Thursday I ditched school, picked up Steve and we went to see Patrick Rothfuss at this tiny little "bar and hall" in downtown Saint Paul. I mean, I wouldn't say "ditched" per se because I told the professor about it ahead of time and everything but I didn't tell Blake I had a different engagement other than school. We were the first ones waiting in this atrium area in front of the "red doors" that were specified. I was very territorial about the doors but I was trying to act nonchalant, knitting my scarf and talking to Steve (he played a lot of the "facebook status bot" game and it was pretty funny). But on the inside I was so very "Line starts behind ME!!!" to anyone new who came in. Eventually I just actually stood in front of the door instead of near it. I wanted to get the best seats and I didn't care who was annoyed at me about it! I was the first one in and I got seats literally front and center. I didn't know who Paul and Storm were but I figured I would be getting acquainted with them in the near future due to my seating position. There was this very nice middle-aged woman who was the MOST Minnesota, and she offered to get Steve and myself drinks for watching her seats (we declined the drinks, and I followed her up to the bar). I didn't know what to get other than a red bull for Steve, so I was looking around at the other people. A man walked up to another person kitty-corner to me and introduced himself very gentlemanly-like to PATRICK ROTHFUSS!!! I didn't even notice he was standing basically RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I took a secret picture and sent the lady to get Steve. Pretty soon other people started coming, and I knew he would be staying after to sign books (I mean, he stayed NINE hours in Madrid signing books and this was not only a ticketed event, but many people didn't even hear about it) so I made sure we got pictures with him and told him how awesome he was, but we quickly left him alone because he was getting bombarded with people and we felt bad. Then when Paul and Storm were about to come on, he peeked out and we made eye contact so I waved to him AND HE WAVED BACKKKK. I felt a huge wave of starstruckness and also some embarrassment at being a tool.

Paul and Storm were pretty funny, they kept the crowd giggling, and then on one of the last songs ("Frogger") Paul grabbed me from the audience and sang to me/with me or whatever. I almost died. I was still knitting at that point and he actually said, in front of everyone, "You can bring your knitting if you want"!! omgggg. He spit on me in singing enthusiasm and Steve got a few pics. It was awesome but also kind of the worst because everyone was staring at me.

Patrick Rothfuss came out and read his first "Children's" book and talked a lot about it as well as the origins, and pointed out that while he is not allowed to sell copies of the second book online, that he could sell them at the merchandise booth. I was sooo excited!!! After he was finished, he opened up for some question time, and while most of the questions were boring, someone DID start to say something about the Adem being modeled after people on the Autism spectrum, and Patrick seemed to get a almost offended and said that the Adem are nothing like people on the spectrum and his tone implied that the guy asking the question was pretty dumb to think so (while I wouldn't have gotten as huffy about it, I obviously agree - the Adem may SEEM autistic until you realize how they communicate and that their whole world is BUILT around understanding body language and expression... duh) . Someone asked if he'd been to therapy. It sounded as if it was supposed to be a joke, but Patrick took the opportunity to disclose that he's actually been in therapy for a year, and he started therapy because his marriage was falling apart and he has been a really angry person for a long time, and that he and Sarah were about to get a divorce. He said that therapy helped him work through a lot of his anger, fix his relationship, and be a better father. It was an intense and touching confession, and I'm so glad he told us about it and that his life has improved!

After that, he told us about how he was an "advice columnist" for his school newspaper in college and he read some of his columns. They were so funny and great. One of them entailed a story about how he convinced his RA and floor supervisor to let him keep his guinea pigs by saying they were fish (The punchline was where he stuck one of his guinea pigs in a tank and when the RA freaked out and asked what the hell he was doing he said, "I'm. showing you. my fish."), and one where he debated slow zombies vs. fast zombies using sex as an analogy (both have their merits and downfalls but it's really personal preference).

After he was done, he set up at a table for book signing and chatting. He said that he hates that he has to stop chatting with people at long signings (like in Madrid) because it's like his favorite part - talking to the fans and really connecting. Steve and I had to run around the building to take out cash and I was worried about not getting a copy of the second Princess and Mr. Whiffle but it was okay :) Then we waited in line for a long while even though there were only like 20-30 people in front of us, which was awesome because it showed that we'd get to talk with him for a few minutes. With the people in front of us they discussed the comparative value of the money in the books (one talent can be VERY ROUGHLY compared to $1000, at the basic level). When we got up there we gushed a bit, talked about how it's impossible to remember people's names, and the fact that Patrick is considering releasing a book inbetween Wise Man's Fear and The Doors of Stone that takes place in the same world. When Steve and I told him that we would love ANY books in that universe and would happily read every single book he puts out, AND not to listen to the idiots whining about wanting the third book because they are just being selfish jerks, he thanked us and said that he will now really consider doing it, and he said it would be very easy to finish and publish. So that's exciting!

It was a great night.
spritechan: (Hobbes heart hands)
I've started reading my journal from the very beginning. It is almost painful to see how dramatic and whiny I was, and how I clearly was too stubborn to admit when others were right. However, it's been a good opportunity to realize just how enjoyable my life has been (other than at home, that part remains consistent with my memories - except for how much more I liked my mom). Minus the fact that I struggle to enjoy things in the moment. I had to let Bre know that I love her and am grateful for her sticking by me all these years, because I was a total bitch to he sometimes. She responded saying she was ignorant to the world and that I put up with THAT, but I really don't think they were the same. We both around, but I'm always a meaner party.

Steve and I had the week off, and it was so nice. I was busy for a lot of it - oral surgery appointment (getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th of September, they've been bothering me for awhile now), eye appointment (am going to try out a new special lens just for my type of eyes/get new glasses), took Grim in for a check-up (still 15 pounds and healthy, just had the vet scrape some tartar off his teeth), Nate gave us a futon and a click-clack couch, I had school on Thursday and today I had a bridal shower for some cousin of mine that I went to with Connie and Haley. Otherwise it's been a lot of Joe Waid and some of Courtney and Pat. Steve and I went to the State Fair on Friday. It's kind of a "thing" here -  we gorged ourselves on all the foods we wanted, ran into an old coworker, Jeff LaPlant, in an arcade there. He recognized me and apparently did a double-take and called my name. It was cool chatting for awhile.

Courtney played Amnesia last night. We were downstairs in the dark and the boys were upstairs playing DotA. They said it was either silent, orwe were shrieking. It was soooo fun.

Steve's great. Haley's great. Joe Waid's great. Bre's great. Courtney's great.

Quick!

Mar. 25th, 2013 04:55 pm
spritechan: (Bebop - Ein Edward)
I have some big news pending, but I don't want to say anything unless it's for sure. Suffice to say, fingers crossed and I hope to be able to share it with you soon! Well, I will either way but let's hope it all works out!

Steve and I reviewed our finances and noticed that we spend a horrendous amount of money per month on eating out, followed by things like coffee, jamba juice, etc. So we sat down with Paul and worked out our budget, and we're trying to stick by that now - including an "allowance." It should really help us with saving more money, and on not gaining unnecessary pounds with fatty foods!

I beat Bayonetta last weekend, and I've been replaying it on one difficulty level harder, and I've gotten so good at it, getting trophies left and right! It's a fantastic game.

My Autism

Dec. 13th, 2012 02:04 pm
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa close)

I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.

 

 

 

So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.

 

 

 

I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!

 

 

 

Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-away-er. When Steve made me realize that apparently in reaction to being a yeller, I have actually moved to the other side of the spectrum. As a person who feels incredibly self-aware (and really, just aware of everything in general) it is rare that I don’t know something about myself. I thanked Steve for helping me realize that, and now that I know this information, I can work on it. I still tried my best to explain how me processing information is extremely rigid and I don’t know HOW to be there for him when I am struggling with a change (a CLASSIC part of my Autism), which was his primary concern. He was upset that I was being selfish and stopped trying to make HIM feel better because I decided my problem was more important/urgent. We discussed that because Steve gets mopey less often, I have less practice in working through things that send me into Reaction Mode. Dan was a pouter, a moper, a crier… all for attention. He wanted me to coddle him, to hold him, to remind him over and over again that I cared about him. It got to a point that I was so annoyed with him any time he behaved like that, I would start screaming at him, telling him to suck it up. I have dragged him down stairs, I have left him sobbing in hallways… I didn’t have it in me to take care of him that way. I am not a touchy-feely person, and comforting someone when they believe I have hurt them in some way, when they are behaving so dramatically, and ON PURPOSE, is too hard for me. Dan would admit that he would act in those ways so that he could provoke a certain reaction or a certain phrase for me. He said he relished my efforts to make him feel better so he would draw out the attention as long as he could. Which in turn would absolutely infuriate me. Tangent aside, I still struggle with the fear that Steve will begin behaving the same way because he craves attention from me. I realize that while it speaks to how people will do anything for attention. But I am also aware that this type of pattern shows that I don’t provide enough attention, enough affection. Which isn’t good. I need to fix that.

 

ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf,  this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.

spritechan: (Lost - Locke jealous island speaks to me)
So... Being too busy has begun to get to me, heh. On Sunday night I got more anxious than I have been in quite some time and I didn't fall asleep until just before Steve came to bed around 3am (He took a 5-day weekend to use up his remaining vacation time before the year ends), and then of course when he woke me up the anxiety cycle restarted. I ended up calling in Monday and yesterday, to catch my breath and also to spend some time with Steve. I mean, I still had school on Monday, and I had a chiro appointment that I ultimately skipped, but it was still good to actually get sleep on not be stressed with the new trimester. I'm definitely over all the rules and controlling of Bath and Body works. I can't wait to be done. I just am not interested in the way it's run, especially with that one manager I simply can't stand. She's rude. And omg my time is so busy. Ughhghghhghhh.

So instead I got to play copious amounts of Rock Band 3!

Pat told me yesterday that it was "refreshing" to have someone who consistently wanted to do vocals. I was surprised because I feel like a bossy twat whenever I'm on vocals, simply because I don't like to do anything else. Guitar Hero I can play on guitar, and I was quite good at it at one point when I lived at Dan's parent's house and played with Michael, but for some reason it just isn't the same on Rock Band. Probably because there's soooo much repetition of notes versus variety. I just HATE the guitar. And let's face it, I am not a drummer. I like to sing, and I can USUALLY figure out pitch. Whenever ANYONE (usually female) asks to sing when I'm being vocals, I get all stiff like they think I'm hogging them and I need to share. I think I might be paranoid. XD

That 70's Show is so good. We've switched back to that being out background show. And omg Breaking Bad is amazing. We finally started the 5th season and it's GREAT.

I'm dyeing my hair Christmas colors this time... I was originally going to do a pink/green/purple or pink/green/blue combo, but then Steve pointed out that it's the holidays, so we got some red and I'm working on the colors right now! I'll post a pic when finished.

When I was at school on Monday, the professor asked for a show of hands who planned to do the hybrid program (mostly online), or the traditional program (once a week face-to-face). Most people raised their hands at hybrid. The class was about half that of when we started. This is due to a combination of people dropping out of the program with a smattering of people who didn't need the course. It was weird. My 3 favorite people were still in it, so I sat by them this time so I didn't have to get stuck with annoying guy. Anyway, during the break one of the students talked with the professor about the differences in the programs, and apparently the professor told them that while the face-to-face program does require the attendance commitment, there's a lot less busy work and most of the work is done in class. Ugh. WHYYY SO MEAN!?!?!? I mean, I get it. They want to make sure students are learning when not attending class so they assign a bunch of things. Is attending a class once a week a good trade-off for not having a ton of independent work? I'm so torn!

P.S. the urologist called back with my test results and said that even though my numbers were far improved, I was still showing some of that bacteria they don't want, so it's back to no sex for a couple weeks and a mega dose of medication. AND another follow-up appointment. Woo.

Oh god.

Nov. 26th, 2012 10:07 pm
spritechan: (I have to go sit in my house by myself)
It's happening again. I thought I was doing super well (and I was!!) because I didn't get my usual October Depression, but apparently it was just waiting around for me to get overwhelmed and busy, because it appears to be creeping up hardcore, just waiting for a catalyst. It became apparent when I realized on Saturday that I had missed a discussion for class (the first one I ever missed!) because I was so thrown off from working Black Friday (11:30pm Thursday-8am Friday) after Thanksgiving at my Mom's and also working Saturday. I realized something was amiss upon reflection because I absolutely had a tantrum about it when I realized the day/time and that I'd missed the discussion, as if that would have changed anything. It set in motion a spiral of mope that has culminated in me not yet turning in anything due for class today (due at 11:59pm) or the discussion due Saturday and instead wallowing in self-pity and apathy.

I appear to have forgotten that a schedule that is too full causes an opposite reaction from me, and even while I KNOW my super busy schedule won't last forever and there are a hundred atypical situations occurring right now, I just want to quit everything and hide under the blankets with all the lights off and maybe a candle going. Like, I see my calendar looking like this:

Here )
And I just want to cry. Remember that I also work every weekday on top of any appointments.

And yet, if you look at it, there are THREE trainings that I have/had this month which will not need to be repeated for a whole year, my tattoo appointments are FUN even if they're time-consuming (and I switched my next appointment from the 21st to December 6 so I wouldn't be upset about the time), and I won't need be going to the urologist again until February. And yet. I'm suffocating. I just need to get through this week and then my next month is blissfully empty right now. I will continue going to the chiropractor once a week and I will be working on my sleeve, and I have my two Face-to-Faces for class, but I can do it. I just need to remember that I can.

I asked Steve to cuddle me while I mope and it eventually turned into me holding up his upper half by the shoulders and he dead-weighted and then I said he looked like he was flying nonchalantly like Superman and then he slowly started to sway back and forth with a smug look on his face, which dissolved us into giggles for a solid couple of minutes. <3

And now, cram work time because I have less than two hours to do this assignment. Let's see if I can build the motivation.
spritechan: (NGE - Mari sideways glance)
I almost decided to lead a double life for a moment. Quite surreal, and insane how easily it could happen. In another life, I think. But not now. I'm glad I peeked through the window, though. I needed to.

I've been able to talk to Bre relatively frequently lately, and I like that. She and Lamin even visited the townhouse for a bit on their way to a rodeo in Wisconsin. I love her inability to have a filter, and her brutal honesty, but above all, her genuineness. There is no way for that girl to be disingenuous and it's that quality that keeps her so near and dear to my heart.

When writing on my phone I must hit the letter k instead of m about 90% of the time and the text predictor always changes 'my' to 'Kyoto'. Lol.

Been playing a lot of Persona 3 Portable on the PSP and watching a lot of Breaking Bad with Steve and Pat. I'll be finished with my first grad school class this weekend and immediately start class number two! Otherwise there's not too much else going on, just seeing family here and there. Steve did the Mud Factor 5k obstacle course with me and will do the Warrior Dash next summer with me. Warrior dash was way more fun anyway even if the mud smelled and felt like actual shit. Mud Factor has amazing soft sandy mud that did not stink.

Oops! Break is over!


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

spritechan: (Friends - Moo Point)
It's amazing that, after several horrible weeks with temperatures 95 degrees or above, a day where it's 84 degrees at its hottest point doesn't even make me break a sweat. In the morning it was 78 and it felt downright chilly. Such is the power of acclimation.

I've been spending my time over the past couple days reading It by Stephen King, mostly because it's been smiling slyly at me for many a moon, and artly because sooo many people had a cow during and after reading it. I'm skeptical of their loud views, because I can't really imagine SK being any different in his vulgarity than any of his other books. The worst thing I have ever read was a description in Different Seasons of an ex-Nazi soldier killing a cat in an oven. Typically I literally skip anything that describes an animal mutilation because it is just Too Much for Me (human mutilation, on the other hand, is perfectly stomachable), but I fucked up hardcore in that book, and it ruined my life. But I have a suspicion that AFTER reading the cat's death was when I resolved not to read the section of vivid animal torture.

I digress.

I'm almost halfway (the book is 1074 pages hardcover), and so far it feels like classic King. I haven't been scared thus far really, though I expected it as most of his older works haven't had that effect on me (though Misery is still probably the scariest book I've read by him, where there was a part that literally made me jump, I was that absorbed in the scene), not to mention I remember seeing the movie a couple times as a child and not being afraid. I've enjoyed the character development and the way the book has woven together up to this point. I've reached a turning point for the characters and I'm excited to find out what lies around the next corner.

Otherwise I'd been holding my breath for the transitional case manager position at MHR, and when I heard nothing I checked the site to see if maybe they were waiting for me to apply online as well, and to my horror the position was gone! After I talked to them and everything! I was very dismayed at first, but then I clicked on a new position up which was titled Senior Case Manager. I was curious and clicked on it, and it appears to be the Transitional position under a new name. A new name that sounds WAY cooler omg. I immediately applied and followed up on facebook with two of my connections, hoping it'll get me an interview. My stomach is all jumpy and nervous, and I really, desperately want it. I want to pull my goddamn hair out at work constantly. I'm suffocating and you have no idea how badly I just want to tell them to fuck off. I cannot WAIT to put in my two weeks (but then I KNOW those two weeks will be hell while everyone hates me). Just want outttt.

Townhome!

Apr. 28th, 2012 06:44 pm
spritechan: (Bebop - Faye Interesting)
I really feel like I should write an entry, and I WANT to, but I can't think of what to say!

Well, we did get the official call for an available townhouse. The projected move-in date is July 8, which is a Sunday. That sucks and we're going to talk to them about Saturday instead. Seriously. I would just request the Monday after off, but I am planning to request the previous Monday off as I will be partaking in the Warrior Dash on July 1 and expect to be dead afterwards. Anyway, I applied for Steve and myself (the online application conveniently gives you the option, when listing roommates, to apply for them as well. I didn't feel like paying $560 up front though, so I simply applied for Steve and myself).

Today we had some errands to do, so we decided to check out the specific unit we're applying for. We drove all the way down to the end of the community, and were pleased to discover a type of cul-de-sac where the unit is, conveniently with its own parking lot. The model we were shown was down a generic street with parking inbetween sets of buildings and much more inconvenient.


Here's sort of a view of the lot. If you were in the driver's seat and looking forward instead of to the side like the camera, that's where our unit is.


Ours is second from the right (brick). The white one on the far right is the end unit.

Here's plain and 3D floor plan )

Ours will be filled with nothing like in the pictures though ahaha. Much more games and much less dining room tables. Steve and mine will be the not-master bedroom. Our counter will be bigger in the bathroom, but we might have to stop showering together in the morning and that will be totally lame. We'll see. The garage will be particularly great because there's ample storage space. Steve and I plan on trying to cut down even more on our stuff (though we did get rid of a lot when we moved back to his parents' house) so that we don't feel cramped. Anyway, we're very excited and plan on saving as much as possible in the two months until then (we already have over $6000 saved). Rent will be $1380/4 and has all the upgrades we hoped for (microwave, countertops, paint, carpet etc.).

Regardless of the unit itself, it's in a great neighborhood. We drove around the area, scoping out trails and paths. It's located right by several food and shopping areas, is directly behind my doctor and walking distance to the DMV. It's biking distance from two GameStops and several parks and a lake. It's awesome.
spritechan: (School Days - Katsura Knit)
My weekend was kind of a blur, mostly because I was deathly ill on Saturday.

Friday I was NOT IN THE MOOD for anything work because I was achey and my throat hurt. It was awesome then that only one of the four babies was present in the latter half of the day. But in the first half I had to continue working with the preschoolers on a dance myself and another teacher are preparing for the Spring Program, which entailed a lot of dancing and movement and was simply not cool. One of the parents of a baby let slip that one of the toddlers had bronchitis over the previous weekend (and said child had been coughing into my face all week), and I didn't know bronchitis was contagious. Now, I'm probably being a baby and don't have bronchitis since I have not been incubating a cold for a week or more or anything, but I've had a stuffy head, been feverish, severely aching and experiencing deep painful coughs that have contributed to a very unhappy throat. I've basically been overloading with DayQuil, Mucinex, Naproxen, and Emergen-C in an effort to rid myself of this BS as I am a giant crybaby when I'm sick and I hate going to work when sick. It seems to be relatively paying off, as my aches (the WORST for me, completely put me out of commission whenever I get them) have mostly subsided. The rest is manageable and I also bought cough drops, woo! But as a result, I lost the vast majority of my weekend to sleep/rolling around the bed/hobbling to various house locations pitifully, which was very disappointing as the weather was nice this weekend (in the 60's, where it's been in the 40's for the past week and will resume said crap this week). I was really motivated to get out and go running too!

I finished a Kindle book I recently purchased - 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I purchased it when reading through a blog in which the woman was going through a job slump and she happened to mention keeping track of her time and trying to figure out how to make more time for herself in order to work on her core competencies and feel good about what she does. The book is pretty interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. I really liked how she continuously reiterated the need to hone your skills and focus on what you're good at. A large part references families, but it's easy to apply to my own life as well. It's made me very excited to attend the informational meeting about graduate programs tomorrow. I also watched a documentary on the failing public school system on Netflix (Waiting for Superman, if you're interested), a really interesting documentary on being open-minded and taking a severely autistic (though high-functioning) boy to shamans to see if there's any way to help him (The Horse Boy), one on the Scrabble tournament in 2004, and a really cheesy one about quantum physics that actually presented some unique information that has made me want to project a more positive outlook on myself. Yeah, so I guess I knocked off a bunch of Netflix queue stuff, but didn't do anything I really wanted to.

Oh, I DID knit a quick scarf with some lovely new yarn
as seen here: )

Oh, and as long as I'm adding pics... )

Jenny, the woman who started dying my bangs, did awesome at letting the black mix with the pink and since I've stopped going to her (the drive is just so damn FAR), I've tried my damnedest to keep the look going. I think I do a pretty good job, and is very cheap - I paid $14 for the "demi-permanent" pink dye, and am getting many uses out of it. Versus $20-$40 a pop when going to Jenny, plus tip and gas both ways.

On Friday Steve and I spent the afternoon texting in Haiku. It was awesome and adorable and omg I love our relationship.

Pat broke up with Faith on Friday AT OUR HOUSE OVER THE PHONE and got back together with her today, which everyone in the friends group disagrees with and he will be receiving very deep glares from me over the next week.
spritechan: (Lost - Made with Jears)
I spend a lot of time on the internet reading blogs about how to be a better person. Or being on school websites on how to be a more "educated" person. Or on tumblr about how to be a funnier person. But mostly I read about other people's lives and compare them to my own and try to figure out what I can learn about myself in order to be a happier, more fulfilled person.

Because to be quite honest, I experience anhedonia more than I think I should. I haven't yet figured out if it's just my brain being bored/not stimulated enough, or if it's because I haven't found what makes me *truly* happy.

I often find myself discussing with people who revere the things I've done in my life (things like becoming a CNA and taking care of old people, working with children with autism, working in group homes, working with the mentally ill on a deep level) and feeling silly. Silly because they think I am a "special kind of person" and all the amazing differences I have made in people's lives. When I left MHR, I struggled with massive guilt because I had clients frantically calling me to make sure they got to tell me how much they enjoyed having me as a case manager and what I meant to them.

This does not help my guilt because when I am working with people, I genuinely feel that while I am *good* at it, I am pretty much phoning it in. Maybe I AM a special kind of person. The horrible kind where you look like you genuinely care, and do in fact on a deep level, but because of the stress and constant letdowns you force yourself to close off these feelings for further examination and experience at a different time when it is not immediately affecting you. The kind of person who actually feels impatient after working with a certain type of people for awhile because you already have been through this a thousand times. And yet somehow my indifference goes unnoticed and apparently is received as heartfelt concern.

Ugh, I'm being hard on myself. But that's really how I feel like I get. I get to a point where I start convincing myself that I don't care and everything about the people I work with annoys the shit out of me.

Relevant because I've been seriously looking into Special Ed. licensure programs (I need to amend to state that I can't actually get a Master's in anything Teaching without a license, and if I get a Special Ed license it will, in effect, make me eligible for any future teaching degrees and legally able to teach in the U.S.) and even completed a FAFSA. I think if I choose this program I will go to Bethel as it seems to fit these needs the best.

But.

I am deeply unsure if I should have a career working with people because it's what I'm good at vs something that I don't get burned out on after 6 months. I am very concerned and stressed about this issue. Why must everything burn me out? Is it something I'M doing, or the work, or what? Hau~   -_-

I am definitely discussing this on the walk tonight with Steve.

---------

In other news, Steve and I have created some goals )
spritechan: (NGE - Mari sideways glance)
I've started looking into Master's of Special Education options. It came about quite coincidentally. Steve and I have begun taking nightly walks again, mostly to unwind and talk. Oftentimes we end up talking about Dream Life, or What We'd Like to Do in the Future, or I Wish I Had a Special Interest or Niche. Stuff like that. Recently we were talking about if I were to go back to school for some sort of Master's program, and what I might actually do with my life. We talk about our mutual disinterest in every job ever, and what we could try to do to fix it. Steve would love to be a Forever Student because he loves school. I love learning and being able to apply the knowledge, but hate going to school. And when we talked about IF I went back to school, I came to the conclusion I would probably focus on special education. I don't even really have a because other than, "I didn't hate it or get burned out on it exactly and it translates to lots of jobs and would prove I am smart in the field according to my piece of paper."

Then, on Wednesday my director NaTasha walked in and said, "Are you interested in a Master's degree? I get a ton of these all the time." Despite my conversation with Steve, I said I didn't know what I would go back for. She handed me the paper and lo and behold, there is a new addition to Concordia's Master's program in Special ed with an option for LD and EBD licensure. And is entirely online, with one course completed every seven weeks. It's like tailored to me. I did amazing in any online course I was in because I worked at my own pace and was never required to leave my bed, which is a serious motivational thing for me. I emailed for information but also asked NaTasha if I could leave early one day this month to attend an informational meeting, which she was wishy-washy about.

In other news, I still definitely hate babies. A lot. The toddler room has actually improved and I'm in there over half of each day now, which is fine.
spritechan: (Higurashi - Rena gonna kill you)
I accepted a position working as an Assistant Teacher at a Montessori school in the same city that Steve works in. If he can coax his boss into letting him have the later shift (9-5:30 vs 8-4:30), we will be able to carpool. I'm fairly certain my hours will be 9-6 because they specifically said they wanted someone who could close, and thank god for that because the school opens at 6:30am DDDD: I am so ridiculously not a morning person that I don't even think I could manage that. Anyway, the position is full time and Montessori schools have programming year-round (so no worrying about having to find a summer job!). I have the option of advancement to be a teacher if I take their training courses in the future, and I definitely want to switch rooms in the future. They just opened up a young infant program and so that's where I'll be starting. Babies aren't my cup of tea but they're not overly stressful, and hey, maybe working in that room will make me like them more? When I told Faith she about pooped herself in jealousy. She's got mad baby fever.

As for my current job, I've pretty much checked out. Supposedly I'll find out who everyone on my caseload is going to by noon today... a whole two days before I'm leaving. Way to leave time to prepare and talk to the receiving case managers, guys. Woo. So I've mostly been sitting around doing nothing, or updating client profiles and such. I just want to be done - I'm so over it!

Friday I'm getting my IUD checked bright and early at 7:15am, and then I'm going to go fill out paperwork and do some training at 9:15 at the school ^_^ Steve and I have BOTH tried to find my IUD strings as told, and failed... I'm just hoping that they've just so successfully contoured to my body that they're hard to reach, and not that anything's gone wrong. I get afraid of that every so often because once in awhile I'll get a severe pang of cramps, though very briefly. Just freaks me out thinking I got an infection or the IUD shifted or something. I keep looking at the bill - $1500 - and thinking that everything better be okay because that shit was expensive! I wouldn't even go in for this check-up if I wasn't worried I could like, die of some infection if it went wrong. I hate check-ups - they're a waste of money. And I'm about to lose insurance for 2 months so this better be the only thing! Anyway, I have almost enough in my health savings account to pay for it - I'll only need about $100 out of pocket by the time I do pay it. But I'll be paying for the entire doctor's visit this time without my HSA. Thank god Steve and I have been saving like crazy. We'll have well over $5,000 in savings by the time I get my last check from MHR at the end of the month. And then moving in with his family until June or whatever will also be super great.

We watched Louis C.K.'s "Hilarious" the other night on Netflix and both almost died from laughter. Steve doesn't even laugh very often, let alone HARD, but we were both heaps of uncontrollable, gut-wrenching, teary-eyed, can't-breathe, laughing doofs. I would be Louis' friend in a heartbeat. I love Louis C.K. Especially when he talks about parenting, and technology.

So I have all of next week as a vacation week, with Steve having taken Monday and Tuesday off for Valentine's day. Not that we're a mushy couple, just that it's an excuse to spend time together around a holiday XD We don't even know if we're doing anything yet, and we don't plan on getting each other gifts (in keeping with our new ghetto-ish style of living in order to save more). Just extra cutie time together :)
spritechan: (Avatar - Dancing Dragon)
I feel loads better than at the end of last week. I just spent the weekend doing whatever I wanted... mostly laying in bed, but also reading a good amount of the newest Stephen King book (11/22/63), playing WoW, and hanging out with people. I told my closest colleagues before my resignation was posted, but when I went to tell Priya, she was all "OMG I PUT MINE IN TODAY!!!!!" (the day after me) So I didn't feel so bad. MHR has lost 5 CMs this month, including me. =O And now I realize why Cassie was SO MAD at me - she thinks Priya and I were conspiring to quit together, when in fact, we had NO IDEA of the other's plans. It's interesting, we started on the same day, and we're quitting on the same day.

I think I will be far happier as a para (assuming I get one of these jobs). I interviewed for one last Friday, have an interview for one this Friday, and applied to one more over the weekend. I needed a few days to realize that making money =/= happiness, and prestige isn't everything. Then I felt relieved and free.

Steve and I have also decided to move in with his parents for the next few months to save on rent, while we wait for the right time to move into the Woodbury place. We've saved a good chunk already and are getting about 3 grand back in tax refund money in a couple days, most of which is going right into savings (my state refund is going towards our credit line aka Grim's bills). Steve has so much student loan debt that even if he put all of our refund money toward it, it won't even make a dent. Poor guy. But anyway, moving back in with his parents will save us at least another $2400, and we'll already have most things packed and ready by the time we move in the summer! Primo plan, me thinks.
spritechan: (Bebop - Jet laugh)
Today with work was pretty depressing because I only had depressed clients... lol. I should think ahead next time I schedule them; it really brings me down by the end of the day!

I bought the majority of Steve's gifts today online and tomorrow I'm going to venture out for the final one. I'm super excited! We set a $175 limit for each other. Otherwise I don't actually know how much we spent on other people this year. We have so many to buy for! But it's nice having the money to be able to do that without worrying.

Speaking of money, Steve and I have begun looking for a new place once it stops being cold again. We moved here in April, but our lease is technically month to month so we can move whenever we want. I love our cute little ghetto place, because it is the right amount of space for us, but NOT the right amount of storage or kitchen space. The location is pretty good in terms of ease of access to highways and the cities we frequent, but not very quiet or even particularly safe. And receiving packages is HELL when it's from UPS.

The places that we want are generally apartments and townhomes (though I'm mentally ready to get a mortgage and a house, but Steve is holding back as a result of his student loan fears and whatnot, which is understandable), but they are expensive! Steve and I can comfortably afford a few hundred dollars than we pay now, but the exact specifications we want/need (want: in-unit washer and dryer, need: allowing two non-declawed cats) add a pretty high amount.

Interestingly, Nick was texting me today about how much he hates living with Pat, because all Pat does is complain about Scott (he also complains TO Scott, who DOES NOT CARE). Now, Scott is a horrible roommate. I give that to Pat. He leaves plates with food on them everywhere, doesn't do his dishes or clean up after himself. However, Steve warned Pat about this when they wanted to move in together, but Pat didn't listen. And now he spends every day being The Mom and nagging the other two. Nick jokingly suggested that he wanted to live with me and Steve, because while we are generally neat, we're not Nazis about cleanliness and have periods of leaving clothes on the floor or letting a few dishes pile up in the sink (bowls, not plates - because plates WOULDN'T FIT). In light of my recent apartment search, I actually considered the thought for a bit. Nick appears to be a good roommate. He keeps to himself mostly and is pretty laid-back. Getting a two-bedroom (with rooms not adjacent to each other) would be cheaper overall. Rent would not likely be split evenly as Nick makes far less than Steve or I do, but his contribution would definitely help and keep the rent for the two of us in our price range.

When I discussed the idea with Steve he got all giddy, because he never lived with roommates before and adores Nick so he'd kind of get his bro roommate time! XD I'd just have to come to terms with less privacy, but if Nick continues his current work schedule it won't be a huge issue, because he gets home around the time we go to bed. I'm super excited to move!

Also, a note about the weather... a few days ago it was 8 degrees, and yesterday it was in the 40's... the snow has mostly melted because of this. *I* don't mind the warm weather. :)
spritechan: (Sgt. Frog - One big happy family)
Life has been far too busy.

Too. Busy.

But I will try to update tonight or later this week. I've been reading you guys and love you all. <3 I look forward to each entry, no matter the content.
spritechan: (Spirited Away - Soot blink blink)
I brought my poor kitteh home a couple hours ago. The vet bill came out to about $1,720 - almost equivalent to the worst time he blocked (Otherwise the bills were like $800, $600, and $500).

He was not pleased about the cat carrier PLUS his cone, so I let him out in the car and carried him in the house. He is kind of adjusting to the cone, but he's not happy about it. He's spent a lot of time trying to "back away" from it, and rubbing it on things to get it off. He's been catching on EVERYTHING - the floor, the fridge, the bed, clothes, shoes, corners. :( Poor guy! It's REALLY tight to prevent him from getting it off, so I'm making sure to scratch under the collar a lot. He drank for like 2 straight minutes when he came home, which was good. My cats aren't vomit-types, so I doubt he'll get sick.


Moping by the shoes.

I got a really nasty picture of his new vagina, mostly to send to Steve's sister, who used to be a vet tech, but also so I can have something to watch for any signs of change. He looks AWFUL down there. My cats kept their balls after being neutered, because they were neutered like a vasectomy basically, and they obviously had to cut them off for this surgery. I'm not squeamish, but that looks PAINFUL. The information I got says it's going to be very red for a few days, but once the urethra gets used to being exposed, it'll fade.

He's very restless right now and can't sit still for more than a couple of minutes, but I guess that makes sense because he's 1. on drugs and 2. feeling a weird pain that he can't fix and I bet is itchy as hell. He'll be happy in the future when he NEVER has to go to the vet again for getting blocked and have a hundred catheters and drugs and bladder squeezing.

I love him so much!!!
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa hs intense hug)
Last week I had all-day trainings on Thursday and Friday. They were super awesome and helpful, and half the people there were from my company, and 75% of those were from my specific location. The first day I was ultra crabby and tired from having been kept up by Grim all night, and I fully intended on being antisocial and spending the lunch hour sleeping in my car. Somehow I ended up with the MHR clique, and then life got better from there. On Friday after the training, I had to drive home from Minneapolis in rush hour, pick up Steve, and drive back in WORSE rush hour (because of the omgsomuch construction), and then wait in line outside to get into the venue because they were running a half hour late. The concert itself was amazing, and Lights is adorable. I fell more in love with her at the concert. She has a very cute stage presence and is clearly there because she enjoys it. The venue was really small and cozy. Afterwards we waited outside in the cold for 45 minutes so we could get an autograph. We were almost at the front of the line to begin with, so the majority of the waiting was just her changing and getting prepped for a billion autographs. She came out in an adorable winter coat (many people were in t-shirts and even I was just in a thin, zip-up hoodie) because it was DEFINITELY cold by 10:45pm in Minnesota. I got a signature on her album, and Steve and I each got to give her a hug! Yay! We're pretty much BFFs now ;)

On Saturday Steve and I went to Nick's sister's for a Halloween party, like we have done since we started dating. I was Catwoman, Faith was Supergirl, Steve, Nick, Scott, and Pat all went as characters from Final Fantas'y tactics. We mostly sat around and talked, and Nick's sister tried to set him up with a girl she worked with who went as a "retro zombie teacher." She came only knowing Megan, and was able to tolerate like 20 people she didn't even know. She was funny and cute, and shares similar interests, and now we all want her in the group regardless of whether Nick dates her. XD Everyone added her to Facebook but we can't Facebook stalk her because she either just got a Facebook, or doesn't put a lot of information to the public (even her pictures are only from Halloween, and she untagged herself in everyone's photos, leaving only ones she took!). Frustrating, but workable, haha.

On Sunday we ran some errands and then went to dinner with my family for Paul's birthday. It was pretty fun.

Yesterday morning after we got out of the shower I noticed Grim standing kinda funny in the corner by the bookshelves. He looked pretty stiff and his tail was shaking like it does when he's straining in the litter box. I pinned him down and felt him all over to see if he'd yelp, and he didn't. Then he walked around a little and made a couple sad meows before laying down, super-stiffly. He did this like 4 different times over the next half hour - he kept laying in positions that he must've thought would trick us into thinking he was comfortable. Like, on his back or side for tummy pets, curling his front paws to be cute, etc. I was not fooled! He was sooo sad and stiff. He was not pleased to get put in the carrier.

The vet said he was blocked but that his bladder wasn't full (aka I'm ridiculously in tune with Grimmy). She said when she went to unblock him that she was shocked at how small his pee hole is. Which is because of the scarring, and was always my worst fear/knowledge. When I clean the litterboxes it has always been very clear which pees were his and which were Nero's. Nero pees grapefruits and Grim pees... like prunes (and Grim used to pee grapefruits). She also said she had thought there was a stone in there because there was so much grit. Poor kitty :( We had a very serious talk about surgery vs putting him down. Actually we had a couple talks about the surgery throughout the day. Lucky for me I didn't have any work appointments yesterday (and I was able to move my Depo appointment to the afternoon) because I spent over 2 hours at the vet and then spent much of the rest of the day crying. I burst into tears at some point while waiting at the vet, started crying reading a magazine at the doctor's office, and pretty much any time I imagined a life without Grim. He's MY AGE in cat years. He is NOT going to die. I cried when I thought about the cost and how I was going to pay for it.

Steve and I talked it over via text all day, and in the end I asked for a personal line of credit from the bank that covers such things as "consolidating debt, tuition expenses, home improvements, and unexpected expenses". I was approved for far more than the surgery will likely cost, and the interest is 11.75% right now vs whatever like 29% on a credit card (or 3). I started to cry when telling the banker about my situation. But I was able to get it under control and she smartly waited until that point to express sympathy or else there would have been for real waterworks and comical inability to understand me. lol.

I spoke with the vet again and she stated that she talked to a surgeon that she trusts very much with the surgery. He works just down the street from the emergency clinic and said he might be able to swing the surgery for almost half the original cost (though I'm not sure how and will find out tomorrow - I am not willing to compromise Grim's pain for cheaper expenses). I am also transferring all of the cats' stuff to that clinic, because I don't trust Banfield and never want to go there again. I scheduled a consult + surgery for tomorrow morning before my appointments, and Steve is working his hardest to get at least a half day so I don't have to do it alone. I could have left Grim at the vet for the next couple of nights for less transportation trauma, but I think he is less traumatized overall by being home. I had to go in the back to get him into his kennel because he wouldn't let any of the techs touch him, and he had the "bad animal" towl over his cage :( I always feel bad because he's so sweet generally. He was VERY hissy and had stuck himself into the corner - for a minute I actually thought he might bite or scratch me, he was so upset. But he didn't and I got him into his carrier with little issue.

He's currently taking antibiotics to prevent infection, buprenorphine for pain (we're good friends with it by this time), and instead of the muscle relaxant he's had in the past, they prescribed him a small dose of an actual tranquilizer usually used to prep for anesthesia, to prevent him from straining and reblocking over the next two nights. I moved all of the cats' items (water, food, litter boxes) to our room. Well, the litter boxes are technically in the hallway but I can see them at all times. I also took away all dry food and give Grim treats after taking his medicine. He has made a permanent residence between the catboxes and the food, and hasn't drank ANY water that I've seen, but at least he is happily eating the wet food. The medicine is an appetite suppressant and can upset kitty tummies so I imagine he just isn't feeling it. He's been high ever since we got home - rubbing on EVERYTHING in his little zone, purring like a maniac if I pet him, wanting lots of pressure-intense pets. He also has spent a lot of time just staring blankly at everything, but not in the listless way as when he was doped up in the past. I would guess he's having some sort of hallucinatory effects, to be honest!

All this has pissed Nero off a great deal, as always. He's only used the litter box once and I haven't seen him eat or drink. Though he often drinks out of the bathtub because there's always water dripping from the faucet. He's mad because Grim smells funny and appears to be "guarding" everything. It's quite amusing to watch. Every so often Grim will get this crazy idea to taunt Nero, so he'll run super-enthusiastically over to him (but not even touch him!), and Nero will freak out and hiss and stumble backwards like a doof and get all offended. But mostly Grim just lays on the ground, perking up if you pet him.

I spent the night just moping in bed, not motivated to do anything but watch Steve play Persona 3 and Tumblr. My dad called me, all concerned because of the most recent Hyperbole and a Half, which I "shared" on Facebook. I explained to him that I HAVE been struggling a lot with depression over the past 2 months especially, but it's nothing new. I just really thought that was an accurate portrayal of what depression feels like. If I didn't have guilt, and the very real knowledge that if I were to allow myself to succumb like Allie and so many other people, life would only get that much harder. I'm a functioning depressive, but that doesn't mean I don't wish with all my heart that I could just lay in bed for weeks or months. I've done it before. But now I am accountable in different ways and it's not really an option right now. So I sulkily continue to sort-of function. But it was adorable that he called and wanted to talk about it. He admitted that he's coming to terms with these types of issues (finally! Around a decade ago he referred to Pam's medication as Quack Pills and scoffed at the idea of counseling), and encouraged me to seek help if I need it. I've been considered medication again, but I don't remember it really helping in the past, and I just don't have time for counseling. It was a pretty good talk, and I swear I like my dad more and more as we age. He's a pleasant man these days.

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