My Autism

Dec. 13th, 2012 02:04 pm
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa close)

I’m trying not to freak out about next week. I am working on two commissions for scarves, trying to get them done by Christmas, but I really don’t think I’m going to make it… one for sure will be done, and that one is a higher priority because the first commission said the scarf is not REQUIRED by Christmas, but it would be nice. When I talked with Becca about my hours when I was hired, I was very clear in that I didn’t want more than 10-15 hours, no matter what. I was assured that it would NOT be an issue because there were so many people hired. Next week I am scheduled for 26 hours. Including a day I specifically said that I couldn’t attend because I have my super important program meeting for school that day. Ugh. Steve reminded me that it’s just my crappy part-time retail job that I don’t care about, but it’s still pretty stressful. I have this uncontrollable sense of guilt for any remote feeling of letting people down or putting them in a bind. Heh.




So on top of 60 working hours next week I also have another tattoo appointment, which Laura has graciously decided will be a free session (mostly because I’ve been paying $250 per session and providing a generous $50 tip for her each go – tattoo artists often get shit to zero in tips), my program meeting, AND a regular face-to-face session for school. Oh, and my urology appointment that will probably mean I am late to BBW that day. DEEP BREATHS.




I’m a bit sad because working means that I am missing Christmas dinner with Steve’s sweet grandpa on Tuesday, going up north to visit Steve’s family (most notably his sister and her kids) on the weekend, and possibly some of my own family’s Christmas on the 24th. But! I will at least get SOME family time that day (I feel like it’s unlikely that I will be working that full day but I could be wrong), and most important of all, I get Christmas Day with Steve. It will be amazing. I bought him so many great gifts this year!




Things on the relationship front have been pretty good. I’ve been working on not being as aloof (with 50/50 success tbh), and Steve and I had an opportunity to discuss what we simply call my Autism – because that’s really a fair diagnosis – when he was having a bad day and I was trying to comfort him. He got a phone call from his dad in the middle of it and THAT was when I learned he was going up north the weekend of the 21st/22nd, unbeknownst to me until that moment. During our conversation he pointed out that I completely shut down when I am processing surprise information. In light of that revelation I actually burst out laughing. See, when I was with Dan all we ever did was explode. I feel like I am a talker, an arguer, a let’s-work-this-out-don’t-you-dare-walk-away-er. When Steve made me realize that apparently in reaction to being a yeller, I have actually moved to the other side of the spectrum. As a person who feels incredibly self-aware (and really, just aware of everything in general) it is rare that I don’t know something about myself. I thanked Steve for helping me realize that, and now that I know this information, I can work on it. I still tried my best to explain how me processing information is extremely rigid and I don’t know HOW to be there for him when I am struggling with a change (a CLASSIC part of my Autism), which was his primary concern. He was upset that I was being selfish and stopped trying to make HIM feel better because I decided my problem was more important/urgent. We discussed that because Steve gets mopey less often, I have less practice in working through things that send me into Reaction Mode. Dan was a pouter, a moper, a crier… all for attention. He wanted me to coddle him, to hold him, to remind him over and over again that I cared about him. It got to a point that I was so annoyed with him any time he behaved like that, I would start screaming at him, telling him to suck it up. I have dragged him down stairs, I have left him sobbing in hallways… I didn’t have it in me to take care of him that way. I am not a touchy-feely person, and comforting someone when they believe I have hurt them in some way, when they are behaving so dramatically, and ON PURPOSE, is too hard for me. Dan would admit that he would act in those ways so that he could provoke a certain reaction or a certain phrase for me. He said he relished my efforts to make him feel better so he would draw out the attention as long as he could. Which in turn would absolutely infuriate me. Tangent aside, I still struggle with the fear that Steve will begin behaving the same way because he craves attention from me. I realize that while it speaks to how people will do anything for attention. But I am also aware that this type of pattern shows that I don’t provide enough attention, enough affection. Which isn’t good. I need to fix that.


ETA: I just received another payment for a scarf,  this time without the buyer discussing it with me. hope she doesn't want the scarf before Christmas because... no.

spritechan: (School Days - Katsura Knit)
My weekend was kind of a blur, mostly because I was deathly ill on Saturday.

Friday I was NOT IN THE MOOD for anything work because I was achey and my throat hurt. It was awesome then that only one of the four babies was present in the latter half of the day. But in the first half I had to continue working with the preschoolers on a dance myself and another teacher are preparing for the Spring Program, which entailed a lot of dancing and movement and was simply not cool. One of the parents of a baby let slip that one of the toddlers had bronchitis over the previous weekend (and said child had been coughing into my face all week), and I didn't know bronchitis was contagious. Now, I'm probably being a baby and don't have bronchitis since I have not been incubating a cold for a week or more or anything, but I've had a stuffy head, been feverish, severely aching and experiencing deep painful coughs that have contributed to a very unhappy throat. I've basically been overloading with DayQuil, Mucinex, Naproxen, and Emergen-C in an effort to rid myself of this BS as I am a giant crybaby when I'm sick and I hate going to work when sick. It seems to be relatively paying off, as my aches (the WORST for me, completely put me out of commission whenever I get them) have mostly subsided. The rest is manageable and I also bought cough drops, woo! But as a result, I lost the vast majority of my weekend to sleep/rolling around the bed/hobbling to various house locations pitifully, which was very disappointing as the weather was nice this weekend (in the 60's, where it's been in the 40's for the past week and will resume said crap this week). I was really motivated to get out and go running too!

I finished a Kindle book I recently purchased - 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I purchased it when reading through a blog in which the woman was going through a job slump and she happened to mention keeping track of her time and trying to figure out how to make more time for herself in order to work on her core competencies and feel good about what she does. The book is pretty interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. I really liked how she continuously reiterated the need to hone your skills and focus on what you're good at. A large part references families, but it's easy to apply to my own life as well. It's made me very excited to attend the informational meeting about graduate programs tomorrow. I also watched a documentary on the failing public school system on Netflix (Waiting for Superman, if you're interested), a really interesting documentary on being open-minded and taking a severely autistic (though high-functioning) boy to shamans to see if there's any way to help him (The Horse Boy), one on the Scrabble tournament in 2004, and a really cheesy one about quantum physics that actually presented some unique information that has made me want to project a more positive outlook on myself. Yeah, so I guess I knocked off a bunch of Netflix queue stuff, but didn't do anything I really wanted to.

Oh, I DID knit a quick scarf with some lovely new yarn
as seen here: )

Oh, and as long as I'm adding pics... )

Jenny, the woman who started dying my bangs, did awesome at letting the black mix with the pink and since I've stopped going to her (the drive is just so damn FAR), I've tried my damnedest to keep the look going. I think I do a pretty good job, and is very cheap - I paid $14 for the "demi-permanent" pink dye, and am getting many uses out of it. Versus $20-$40 a pop when going to Jenny, plus tip and gas both ways.

On Friday Steve and I spent the afternoon texting in Haiku. It was awesome and adorable and omg I love our relationship.

Pat broke up with Faith on Friday AT OUR HOUSE OVER THE PHONE and got back together with her today, which everyone in the friends group disagrees with and he will be receiving very deep glares from me over the next week.
spritechan: (Higurashi - Rena gonna kill you)
Sorry about a lack of response these last few days - my livejournal wouldn't load! I have no idea what happened but the site just kept telling me to fuck off. I'm not even sure it's completely fixed but I just wanted to let everyone know I didn't disappear!

Because it told me to fuck off again after attempting to update it further, here is what I tried to write this morning:

I can't seem to access my friends page or anyone's personal journal at this point - it just keeps loading forever and ever and ever. At least as of from this moment and the past two days.

I'm quite pissed off about this.

Also, I bought a rim for my car off of ebay and 4 days after I made the PURCHASE I was told there were 3 delivery attempts that failed and the rim was sent back. When it takes mail two days to get to the next block. I find it really hard to believe a 20-pound tire rim made it the very next day from a different state. And we have NO invoices saying there were delivery attempts. They haven't responded to me in almost a week. Sigh. It's the ONLY rim I could find for a decent price that matches my car (it was $105). I need it immediately, too. I hate my postal service. I hate these sellers.

In other news, I was pretty overwhelmed by work today. I think the end of the month is just going to always stress me the hell out. But a lot of the issues that put me on the ledge have been at least encountered and semi-addressed. I brought my team lead to one client meeting to help me figure out what the fuck to do.  Another client issue is nigh impossible and will not be solved, but I tried.

I've still been doing a minimum of 3 miles a day and also biking and workout videos. Yay! My legs are soo tired @_@ but I feel good. It helps me de-stress too, which is nice. I planned on going after work today but Steve works at 10pm tonight so I can just go then.

My friend Kiki and I are exchanging arty crafty skills. She drew Chibi Leah (seen here) for icon use and other cute things. SQUEE I IS ART!!!! She is also painting me a Knives (will post picture when I get it) on some wood. She's so great! In exchange, I am making her some Harley Quinn themed fingerless gloves, and probably a baby hat with Cthulhu on it. I'm almost done with one glove and it looks sooo good so far! I just have to stitch the images on. I've been knitting a lot lately. I just finished a scarf that is Knives-inspired, as seen here.

K now I gotta finish work - my excuse is that I'm quick using LJ before it remembers it hates me D:
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa nap)
I don't feel like doing my 30-day thingy today. Will resume tomorrow

I've been in a rut lately, and it's the annoying kind of rut. Not the kind where I just sleep all the time, but the kind where things irritate me more easily than normal, and I'm snappish. I don't like it. I'm also back to 130 pounds D: I feel gross and all my pants are tight and everything is just frowny.

But! Good news? I GOT THAT JOBBBBB. Woo. I'd be far more ZOMG YES SQUEE BEST THING EVAR if I wasn't so pants-shitting nervous about all the responsibility I accepted, and my selfish crybabying about Steve and I going back to opposite schedules. That means only two more weeks of cleaning and sitting around doing nothing though! I really can't wait. Mom was very insistent on letting me know how Paul was all gushing to her about it, which was cute. My auntie Connie also sent me a bunch of kind words and good vibes via Facebook because her phone won't text me (lol, or her daughter. Two of the people she texts most!). I love her to death! She's the best.

The job has 18 days of vacation time, 9 holidays off, I'm salaried (at least they gave me the impression that I am), and they offered me the highest pay they could. Looking at statistics online, it would appear that I make around the 77th percentile for a Case Manager. Which is likely true, because I passed up a LOT of great-looking jobs based on the fact that they pay equal to or even often LESS than what I make as a glorified janitor. Sooo... woo! A few thousand more dollars per year won't hurt me, and I think I got lucky because I have a variety of experience but very little targeted experience, and basically NO experience in making connections with resources (ahhhhh!). Like I said, 9 times out of 10, if I get the interview, I get the job.

INTERJECTION RANT: Skateville hasn't returned my calls and I haven't gotten my amended tax form (it's been a month), so I STILL can't file for my tax return yet  >:[


This weekend we went to my sister's new place. It's really nice. Three-bedroom, shared with her best friend (and her boyfriend and her son) and her own family. The boys share a room, Sarah and Chris get a room, and Bethany and Tony get the biggest room. Sarah and Chris's bed is exactly what Steve and I are probably going to get (framewise, I already have the bed itself).  Here's kinda what we're looking for, but much less swanky. I LOVE the style of bed where the mattress is recessed into the frame. It's cute and compact, and prevents the cats from climbing under the bed. Sarah said they got theirs from Ikea (and that it was pretty cheap), but Ikea's website is complete crap so I can't show you.

It was Sarah's boy Tristan's birthday, so it was a good excuse to check out the new digs and get free homemade egg rolls from Chris's mom, Summai. XD She makes like a billion egg rolls for every huge occasion and they are YUMMY. Tony said he was interested in seeing OUR place. I assured him we went the money-saving route and our apartment is not nearly as nice-looking as theirs. Because it's not. It's gonna be cute!

At 10am Steve and I are signing our lease!!! SOOOO excited for that. I have all these plans for food and spices and jars to store things in instead of plastic baggies and painting and book shelves and game shelves and the cat tower! Oh, so excited. Speaking of the cats, I've switched them AGAIN foodwise. I discovered that Nero just licks the juice from the wet food and leaves the rest to get crumbly and dry, and Grim still prefers the dry food overall. So! I spent like a half hour at the store, reading ALL the labels on the dry food, and finally selected a food that had gross things like corn meal or brewer's rice as far down in the ingredients as I could get without breaking the bank. I can't remember what brand it was, probably PurinaOne, but it was a special type that only comes in smaller bags and has turkey as its first ingredient, and some other meat as the second. I was going to completely wean them over a week, but Grim went crazy immediately for it and is actually AVOIDING the food he's been so set on for the last... his whole life! Yay!

I opened an ArtFire account. Only the basic account until I see if my items sell. I only have two things up on there right now, just experiments I made yesterday. You can check them out here. They're not anything great, but I wanted to at least get SOMETHING up on there. I'm starting a pillow tonight, my first attempt at double knitting (not to be confused with duplicate stitch)! Yayyyy knitting! Yay being crafty!

Okay, must stop futzing on computer. O_O
spritechan: (TTGL - Nia hug Simone cute)
Bento goodness!! )

In other, sane news, Joe Waid's birthday is tomorrow so we're throwing him his birthday fun at midnight. Because Pat works days now, Steve and I work nights, Nick works evenings, Nikki has a life at his college, and Faith goes to school a couple hours away, and Joe Waid works weekends, it's been hard trying to plan it! I think Steve and Pat have most of the kinks worked out for what we're going to have him do (in my friends group it's usually a "work for your presents through challenges or scavenger hunts" type deal), and I came up with the cake idea (and Pat said he's on board as long as he gets to get all cranky and bossy and likely take the whole thing over in order to make it perfect). I finished his scarf ) yesterday, though I have one major mistake I need to fix. It's an easy fix; I was just being careless in the duplicate stitching. The symbol especially looks good in person and I'm proud of that chart ^_^ Joe Waid's a really hard person to shop for, and Pat's already said how jealous he is that Joe Waid gets a scarf and that it's obviously going to be the best gift :P What I felt like was a near cop-out is apparently quite popular.

I got to chat with my sister for awhile yesterday, and that was fun. It served to remind me I need to find weekend time to visit her. Whenever I bring it up, she always tells me when the next time she's bringing Cayden over to our parents' house, which I find odd. I don't need to go home to see my nephew, and I almost prefer our quiet time to big family hullabaloo. Anyway, she just wanted to vent while she smoked (she's like me and gets bored when doing menial things and likes to make phone calls) about how she feels like she's not getting any support for getting an apartment and applying to school and getting her GED and working full-time, and in fact said that our parents discouraged her from going to school right now. Bethany says it's the perfect time to go to school because Tony can afford to not work (vs paying more for a daycare that money Tony made from a job wouldn't be worth), and she can support the three of them on her job at Mystic Lake Casino. She obviously doesn't want to be a server forever, so she wants to at least get an Associate's. It's always so hilarious to me when she talks about Paul's "mental issues", or as I call them, "a failure to realize that the parent-child roles change when the kids are adults, living on their own, and having children."

We also talked a bit about death and I gave her the rundown on Pam's dad's funeral. She brought up Paul's dad again, because she recently found out he'd been given 6 months to live - 6 months ago. And he quit chemo (I don't blame him). He has lung cancer; I'm pretty sure he knows what that means for him no matter what he does. So now Bethany is kinda expecting to hear every day that he's died, because of the length of time he was given (the same sentence was given to Bre's grandma, who lived like 4 more years, but she had liver cancer and therefore could do surgeries and she smoked weed ["just a couple puffs"] to keep her appetite up and her pain down). When Bethany and I were listing in what order we thought we'd lose our like 50 grandparents (okay, like 8), Ron hadn't been high on the list. It's just weird. He's only 65.

This THEN led to her talking about her opinions on food consumption after re-watching "Food Matters" (it's instant on Netflix, btw) and how she really believes food does affect your body and cause cancer and that you SHOULD eat healthy and mostly raw, etc.  She commented on her recent gallbladder issues - they offered to take her gallbladder out because it's coated in sludge right now, assumed to be from energy drinks. She said no, and told me that, "It's my fault it is this way. Removing it would be the easy way out so I should try to fix it on my own first!" And then she said, "And of course after I watch it then I go through BK drive-thru but whatever!" XD I actually think half of it is her fear of pain and doctors and needles.

But anyway, she said she can't talk to anyone about her food opinions because they don't agree with her. What she means to say is they're ignorant, or don't care. Our parents tout healthiness, but I'm not sure how much they follow these days. They're incredibly elitist about food that anyone else consumes, though. Steve made fun of me hardcore the other day for throwing a miniature fit when the store didn't have the yogurt I wanted. All the brands that were there had sugar added or were made from just milk (no live cultures)! No! But he's so right, I DID sound like my parents. It was really funny. And I don't even care!

It's interesting this comes up for her right when I'm about to start seriously trying to lead a good healthy life, without being limiting or dieting. I'm already about halfway there, with the high fruit and veggie consumption, low meat intake, attempts to balance protein and fat, but I need more.
spritechan: (Spirited Away - No-Face)
Oh my. Stupid people upset me.

After work Steve and I stayed upstairs for a couple hours while I made a lot more bento items - garlic and butter asparagus, miso marinated eggplant, sweet and sour cabbage, and chopped up and soaked some apples for today's bentos. It's so nice having it ready when I leave for work! And Steve was cute and texted me tonight saying all his coworkers were jealous of his awesome bento meal. For some reason I actually put soy sauce on my rice tonight, whereas normally I'm fine eating it plain, as it tempers the saltiness of the other foods.

School continues to go well. I continue to have a strong dislike for my professor, but I was comforted when I remembered I get to evaluate her at the end of the semester. I always put comments in the extra space for them, especially if the professor was great. I plan to let the professor know how condescending and rude she is, because she's one of the higher-ups in the university, and she needs to stop trying to  constantly make us feel like we're an inch tall. The mean age of my class of 10-12 people is probably 35. Stop being such ass, kthx. On a brighter note, I've gotten A's on all of my papers so far, and will probably continue to do so. Despite our clashes, I still know what she wants, and I don't stress like my peers do. One of my group members got *gasp* AN "A MINUS" on her most recent paper, and she was very upset. I bet that was my mom when she took classes at Augsburg. She was ALWAYS fretting about "getting a 4.0" in each class. Not, apparently, realizing that as long as you meet the minimum requirements for graduation, nothing else really matters. People who go to Metro are NOT aspiring to go to grad school at Yale, I promise. Metropolitan State University is a non-traditional small urban school whose demographic is averaging 31 years old. I'm an anomaly, but I've always been more comfortable with people older than I am. Traditional colleges with peers suck. Because my peers like staying in dorms and going to house parties and being drunk and throwing up. No thanks, I'm almost 23, I work in the Big Girl World and kinda feel like you should grow up too.

I got my messenger bag in the mail the other day from (it's a major weeaboo site and while it has a lot of facepalming attributes, some of the products are GREAT). It's a black messenger bag (HELL with cat hair, gotta keep an eye on it) with "Chu" written in pink hirigana. I looooove it! It's my new purse. I've had the tiniest purse known to man for FAR too long.

On Saturday Steve, Nick and I are going to see Patton Oswald (think... the short guy who lives with his mother on King of Queens). I know he's actually pretty funny, but I can't remember how much of his stuff I've seen. He's been on Comedy Central, that's all I know. But Steve and Nick really like him, so it'll be a fun thing to do. AND because Pat's too poor and Joe Waid's not interested, we actually get Nick to ourselves for once. It's a really rare opportunity  - Steve has already stated that it's not a date with Nick the third wheel; it's we get the privilege to be going on a date with Nick XD He's also joked that if I ever broke up with him for Nick that he wouldn't even feel right being mad. Yes, he loves Nick that much. For the record, I think Steve is NUMBER ONE AMAZING GUY. Nick is just a cool friend to have. He's quiet, moves and talks very deliberately and slowly (quite the opposite of me), will pipe up with some hilarious quip out of the blue but mostly play Disgaea on his DS, and is all-around just nice.

My scarf and the charts I posted on Ravelry are quite popular - posting the charts for free really got the attention. It makes me really happy because I don't want people to have to go through the hell I went through looking for Zelda stuff. I'm still shocked there were no available charts (and the ONE Link chart).

The rest of my work night will entail Kanji-learnin' and watching a movie! Ta!
spritechan: (AngelMort Furude Rika)

All right, so! Here are my pictures:

Zelda and Rika! )

Also, LJ changed the HTML for adding pictures? A lot of mine are showing up as "x"'s now. Lame, I'll have to go back and try to fix them. I hate when stuff like that happens.

spritechan: (Joker Harley Kiss)
Ahhh, the episode after Hyde takes the blame for Jackie's weed. I. LOVE. That 70's Show. It is incredibly funny with the combination of its jokes, the character interactions and development, and especially watching for character breaks, which happens a lot. For example, the joke here is also a rib at the fact that Mila Kunis WAS only 14 when she started the show (she very intelligently tricked them about her age without outright lying) and Ashton Kutcher was older than she was by 5 years and also her first kiss. I love watching it with Steve the most, because I'll burst into hysterical laughter like Joe Waid at the smallest things and just collapse in a heap for 5 minutes, and then by the time I compose myself, the next joke has come.

Whew, my fingers hurt. I finished Link and the heart, and I must say, I'm pretty pleased with the results. Tomorrow then I will work on Zelda, and the day after that, Navi and the Triforce.

Turns out I don't have much to say of substance today! Oh, that my paperwork for graduation WAS sent, so hopefully I'm all set until December 14. And insurance is confusing as hell I have no idea how to fill out the forms!
spritechan: (Cute smiley fingers)
So, I scoured the internet and could not come up with any decent Zelda patterns. I had almost decided to simply leave her out, but then while knitting I ran out of my scarf yarn and have nothing to do until I buy more, so I sucked it up and fixed that messy cross-stitch chart. To see how I did, click here!

Changes I made:
  • I simplified the colors, for the most part 
  • Changed some colors to my tastes
  • I made Link's hat longer, and in my opinion, better
  • Made the heart into an actual heart container for nerdy awesomeness
  • Made Link's outfit sweet as hell in comparison to the original
  • I moved Zelda's crown up one row to be able to better distinguish it from her hair. It makes her head look way more normal.
Last night I also made:
  • Large charts for each of the medallion symbols, whch may or may not make it onto the scarf (it took FOREVER)
  • A large Navi chart (may add the "Listen!" to it) and a heart container that I probably won't use now that I already have one.
And of course, I'm going to put the Triforce on there, but I'm fairly certain that's the pattern that's everywhere on the internet for Zelda. Hoping, anyway :D


Aug. 27th, 2010 05:20 am
spritechan: (Made of Awesome Sokka)
Mostly to myself more than anything...


... I'm not even sure the first one is feasible, I've limited experience transferring cross-stitch charts, though they are relatively similar to knitting charts, just on a smaller scale. I'm not sure if that specific cross-stitch chart would look good with yarn and like 5 times the size it was intended.

I'm a little stuck because the bottom Link is ADORABLE, but so is a Link declaring his love to Zelda via heart piece! Waaaaaah!
spritechan: (Tomoya Nagisa nap)
I for real want to cry about having to rewrite. It's like the most depressing thing in the whole world.

I didn't realize it's already been 10 days since my last entry. Time is going by really fast what with working nearly every day and stuff like a normal human. I started school today. I'm on my final class before my degree, a senior capstone seminar where we spend the semester putting together a portfolio showing off our book-learnin' and practical applications. A lot of familiar faces from my program ("a lot" is relative when there're only 14 people in the class...), but I'm most excited that Ana, a woman I worked with at the Middle School and who I introduced to Metro State, is also in my class. She's one of those adorable people who is hyper-organized and worried about doing things "right." Whereas my way is the right way in my mind (and I'm good at knowing what teachers want).

I really want to be playing more Tales of Symphonia, but this week has been so messed up that I’m just beat and need to sleep instead of being awake before work. It’s really sad, but it feels sooo good at the time to get needed rest. But ToS is really, really fun so far. I wish I could play in bigger chunks. My only real complaint about the game is the SERIOUS lack of money to buy items and weapons. Ugh! But the battle system is really fun, the story is great, and graphics are really pretty. Steve and I really need to beat Blue Dragon; it’s been hanging over our heads for WEEKS. We’re at the end –rather we can access the final dungeon now – but we’re sidequesting and training just in case. And since I work during our normal game time and he is only home for 45 minutes before I leave for work and he’s sleeping when I get home… we really only have Friday and Saturday nights to do anything. And we HAVE to beat it together; that’s the point of a “team” game. He also would like us to team game some of his Gran Turismo games to them out of the way (his strategy on beating his backlog is to beat all the bad games he’s acquired over the years so there’s only good ones left) but again, time is such an issue. Oh, and he would like to team play some Sim Theme Park hahaha. I feel like it’s how I crave The Sims and wanna play sooo badly, but really, when am I EVER going to have the time for it?!

It’s pretty much decided that when I finish the scarf I’m working on that I’m going to duplicate-stitch a Zelda theme onto it. I was pleasantly surprised with how Steve’s Final Fantasy scarf turned out, and even a little jealous. While he’s cute and forgetful about wearing it and it’s really more of a decoration than anything, I DO wear scarves in winter because I HATE the Minnesota cold. So why not wear a freaking awesome scarf that I made myself with sweet characters and colors? I’ve currently got nearly 2 feet done (of maybe 5 or 6). It takes a little longer because I always knit them in the round – that is, I knit a tube so it looks nicer and is thick and warm and doesn’t curl. And now that I’ve had to rewrite this whole entry (and a bunch of client problems and ER visits and incident reports), I probably won’t get much time to make progress tonight!

Tomorrow Steve and I are going to Valleyfair. They've lowered the prices by $18 for a few weekdays, and tomorrow's one of them. I only went to VF once last year, and it wasn't with Steve. It's really weird since I worked there so many years that I was so used to going all the time, and now it's like I have to PAY to get in (and holy shit is it expensive normally) and even have to plan a day to do it! I'm so excited to spend a cutie day with him there. We are so playing mini golf! And riding all the coasters! And it's supposed to be really nice so I hope it stays that way.

The other day I had a short but intense depressive episode. I was feeling incredibly left out because all of our friends text him all the time, and everyone's stopped texting me since I can never hang out anymore. It just really got to me that I was lonely, and I see Steve for less than an hour a day. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful I get to at least sleep with him for a few hours and he's kind enough to let me wake him up and drag his ass out of bed for a 20-minute walk to talk about the night and wind down when I get home from work. But that is so not enough. I just wish he'd get transferred already. I miss my boyfriend so much! Not even Chipotle could break my mood. But apparently a cuddly catnap could (and did). I felt much better and happier and grateful again for such an amazing relationship.
spritechan: (Sunohara Youhei Sly Clannad)
Sitting at work, actually bored. I've been on the computer doing nothing so much today that my index finger hurts from scrolling/clicking.

Work has a new rule to do a rounds check at 3am. I am choosing not to participate. I see no reason to wake up each resident to prove they're here. Because I know they are. I understand other staff are having issues with residents sneaking out, but they know what time rounds is anyway, so if they really wanted to not get caught, they'd leave AFTER rounds. It's not my job to keep anyone here unless they have a specific order to stay here. We were trained to have them stay here, as they do VOLUNTARILY. If they're going to sneak out to do crack, what am I gonna do, tie them down? Most of the time the clients leave out the back door anyway vs. sneaking out of their rooms (they live on the second floor so how would they get back?). Which, AGAIN, I have no idea how that could occur. There's a huge bay window to the right of me that can see both exits. How do you miss a client leaving?! According to some clients, rumor has it some staff fall asleep on overnights. The only time I'm unsure if a client is here is when the staff before me is unsure a client is here.

I'm thinking I'm going to knit myself a new purse, tote-style, themed with Totoro. It'll be cute and give me something to do here on weekends!
I'm uncharacteristically tired. But I did make myself a delicious meal of pork ramen with bean sprouts, red/orange/yellow pepper slices, and rice with a little curry powder sprinkled on top. Yum.

Looks like I'ma watch Kung-Fu Panda. I love that movie.

Oh, and I finally beat Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia. It was so good! I enjoyed it very much.

April 2017

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