spritechan: (P4 Rise Persona Embrace)
I have been on this odd sick path of ups and downs since Halloween. I was very sick for a week around Halloween, then got a bit better save for a lingering cough and stuffy nose. Then after Thanksgiving I repeated the cycle, only worse.

I've missed 5 days of school in the last two weeks D:

I went to the doctor, finally. I was wearing a mask and the lights were too bright. I pulled my hood over my head and looked like a sith lord.

My doctor asked, "Are you managing your work-life balance better?"

"....not really..." Sheepishly, through my mask.

The doctor sent me on my way with antibiotics and a steroid, a note to stay home one more day, and a stern look.

Nero meows disapprovingly when I cough.

The meds are kicking in somewhat... I feel loopy and lightheaded and headachey from coughing and my nose still requires Afrin so I can breathe, but I haven't felt aches or chills in 15 hours or so. Steve said it would be interesting if we had documented how much I have slept in the last week.

Yesterday I could have cried thinking about all the responsibilities I'm behind on due to this inconvenient sickness. Today I acknowledge the challenge and feel like there's hope. I'm just going to do what I can to manage, and it will be okay.

I've been inspired to begin yoga again once I'm well. I want to take care of myself better. I don't want to give in to being overwhelmed with work.

I want to manage my food better. While being sick, I haven't had much of an appetite, nor motivation to eat, so most of my diet has been chips and bread. Thinking about food was incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't even identify what I ate when I was eating well. I'm going to work on fixing that over the coming weeks.

It's like I'm starting to rise from the ashes of my former self, to put it dramatically. But I have never, in my entire life, been sick like this or for this long. I had mono when I was a child, and that's the closest comparison I have. I'm hoping this motivation and momentum continue. I just really need to stay organized and not let life bring me down. I need to be healthy first, mind you, but I am definitely working on it.
spritechan: (Clannad - Okazaki Tomoya Hamburger?)
If only I wasn't tied to a man who desperately loves his family and friends. I would so, SO teach English overseas. At least for awhile. Probably in South Korea. But if I was alone, I'd be horrendously lonely. Suzi is teaching in Thailand right now, and taught in India prior to that. Jared didn't go with her to India (they hadn't been dating too long at the time that she left, but he DID visit!), but he did for Thailand. Max jelly. I feel like it'd be the easiest way to cheater-get-experience without actually having a degree. JFC I don't want to get another degree. I want experience to mean more.

Also, I finally decided that I need to work toward accepting that I am simply Chibi, and will always be chibi, and will not be skinny and flat. I AM CHIBI AND CHIBI IS CUTE. I love chibi characters so I should also love myself. Steve was all for this idea and told me in no  uncertain terms how attractive he finds me and always has. ;)

But I still need to work on my arms. It's very infuriating that spot training is so difficult, because I NEED not-flabby and fat arms. That's all I want. Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeee! Seriously, been doing personal training since August with a fair amount of effort put on the arms, and there has been NO CHANGE to their size. Ugh. Bleh.
spritechan: (Lost - Jack idk my bff Ben?)
I just wanted to say how grateful I am of this winter so far. It's what I imagine my much-envied west coast friends experience. There have been so few days below freezing since November, it ridiculous! Today was 56 degrees. IN JANUARY. Okay, last year, and most years, it is significantly colder this time of year. It was ridiculous last year, but it was even worse in 2008-2009 when for a month it was consistently in the range of -20* to -37* F. And yet, oh my god, here we are this year in the FIFTIES! I would be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT pleased if every winter for the rest of my life was like this. The other day I kept building it up with Steve, hyping how amazing it is, and then I was all, "SEE WHY I WANT TO MOVE?! THIS COULD BE OUR WINTERS!!! WOULD YOU MISS THIS?!!!!" and he was all quiet-like, "...I'd miss Nick." ahahaha. Yeah, that's his biggest fear: losing his AMAZING friends and not being able to make new ones of a similar nature elsewhere. I get it, really. But I still covet this amazing weather.

Interestingly, Martin's stupid "eat more calories" bit seems to be working, at least for the past few days. While for the past few weeks I would consistently see 136 to 138 on the scale (n00d), I've been between 134 and 136 over the weekend to now. Today I was 134 ^_^ It's really sad when a number I would majorly frowny face about a year ago, makes me feel elated. -_- I just need to keep reminding myself how much muscle I've gained. I talked to my mom about it last night and she was all, "Yeah but you know you're probably going to gain awhile when you first start becoming stronger and more fit!" and I was like, "YEAH BUT I STARTED IN AUGUST THAT IS NOT 'AT FIRST' ;A;" and she replied, "Ahem, I have been doing this TWO YEARS and I only started to really feel good after I became a runner." *sighhhh* :) My mom works out at least 4 days a week, doing various classes (yoga and Zumba most I think), and she runs with various groups too. She and my little brother are gonna run a 5k this weekend. I can't even keep track of how many 5k's she's run since August! I laughed so hard inside when I asked if I need to be training for the Warrior Dash in June, and she said there are varying levels of training, but that our old coworker from days long gone "apparently thinks it's the Olympics" and is training super hard XD My mom turns 44 in a week and a half!!! I'm excited for her birthday dinner.

Today I am working with my trainer Martin, then after that Steve and I are planning a bike ride since it's so FREAKIN' nice out, and then dinner or whatever with Jorden after that.


Dec. 20th, 2011 03:42 pm
spritechan: (Dilbert - That was embarrassing)
I feel much better today. I heart antibiotics.

I had a fun training today. I went up to a coworker during a break and made sure she wasn't the Melissa whose clients I was working with this weekend. She said no, and then out of the blue said, "I just wanted to let you know that the way you talk about clients and the language you use is really inspiring. I find the things you say in Team [meetings] to be very helpful and really speaks to the work that you do." I about died. It was wonderful, and very surprising.

Tomorrow I'm going to have an awesome lunch with my coworker Priya at this Indian place.

I have my weigh-in this week and of course it's not lookin' good because I had a shitastic weekend. Yay.

Also, I have a distinct disconnect between my thoughts. I see pictures of skinny girls? I vow to not eat too much. I see delicious food? I nom on it. I am definitely not on a diet and am being a huge baby about it. I can even be thinking about consuming less calories (as I said, I really don't overconsume calories, generally speaking) and be putting food or drink in my mouth at the exact same time. Ugh.

P.S. when I was at the doctor (albeit in my sweats) I weighed 138 according to their scale. hatemylife
spritechan: (Avatar - You added a rainbow)
This weekend I've started taking care of my body again. I'm not perfect and I will not expect myself to be so. I ate Mexican food with my family for my grandma's birthday and I had Taco Bell at some point. I drink an energy drink or two a week and sometimes split sodas with Steve.

But! Since Friday I have walked/ran 7 miles (3 in one session, 4 in another) at the gym, done an hour of pilates and yoga and went on a quick, 35-minute bike ride with my Steve. I'm drinking water. I'm not starving myself and I am not overeating. Yay! Oh and the guy who scheduled me for personal training forgot to mention I am training NEXT Friday, not this past one. That was kinda awkward when I showed up all gung-ho about being trained and the guy had NO IDEA why I was smiling expectantly at him. ///

I have decided that my body retains almost the bare minimum of muscle I personally need to survive, and that's it. And I am NOT flexible. My yoga video does Downward facing dog ALL the time and I CANNOT do it. My feet refuse to flatten and my knees do not go straight. I don't even know if I look like a triangle or a sucky version of the push-up pose! XD

With my Medica discount I will only pay $18 a month instead of $38 for the gym, but I have to go a certain amount of times a month. I wondered about whether you could cheat the system by scanning your chip and.. NOT working out. Personally I don't see the point of even paying for the membership if you're just gonna drive all the way down there, not work out, but scan the card. Seems like a lot of work for $20. But! When I was working out tonight a woman pulled in the handicap space, got out leaving her door open, scanned her card and left! It was so hilarious to see the exact scenario I had envisioned become reality!

I had a couple embarrassing moments where I got too wild in my arms on the treadmill and knocked my iPod off!. The first time I sent the thing all the way onto the track and it flew away so I had to completely stop the workout to get it, and the second time (nearly immediately after), I did it again! Only this time I caught it. I solved the problem by putting the cord behind my back. There was one other person there when I was embarrassing myself, and he nicely pretended not to notice, haha.
spritechan: (Lost - Locke jealous island speaks to me)
I struggle with my weight. I am not heavy, I probably can't even be classified as chubby. And yet my thighs are as large as a man's and I weigh as much as girls 4 inches taller than I am. I find it difficult to maintain a weight I am happy with. I have tried it the healthy way, and I have tried it the unhealthy way. I have been partially successful utilizing both. I have gotten down to a goal weight, and then something happened and I didn't, like, pig out or suddenly pull an Ally and expect to have a trophy and be done with it (if only, though!). I just... ran into barriers. Either I was being an asshole and not doing it right (such as not eating until I was shaking, eating very little, etc.) or I became tempted by being with friends a lot, or family outings, or being lazy.

But for the last couple of years my fixation has been almost solely on food, and exercise as an addition. I want to change that. I want to exercise regularly and stop crying about "not having time." I want to exercise more than just when I drive the 40 miles to see my mom, or when it's cool enough to play DDR. So I joined a gym. I was skeptical, but then I found out all these neat things. First and foremost, my insurance contributes to dues as long as I go a certain number of times per month. So I will only be paying $18/month for all the gym equipment, certain classes, tanning (not that I'll be using it, but the option is there all the same), free week of personal training, nutritional guidance if I need it, and other amenities that sound silly to type out. And it's like 3 blocks from my apartment so I could either bike there or stop by on the way home from work. AND it's 24 hours, so if I wanted to work out when Steve is at work on the weekends, yay!

I had about 20 minutes to simply watch people and the atmosphere. It's a small facility but does not feel cramped. It has won best fitness location (that one specifically) for 3 years for Saint Paul. There were as many people there as there were trainers (about 8 people in all), and the trainers came off as friendly, nice, and knowledgeable. The coordinator guy and I had a nice little conversation about nutrition and pharmaceuticals. It was refreshing to meet another human being sharing similar ideas about what's healthy for you and what is not. This was actually sparked by a comment I made about statins (I am almost completely against them, especially for women). The down payment sucks, but I don't have to pay again until September. I'm really excited about getting a free week with a personal trainer - his name is Joe and I was already watching him in action with someone else. He seems really good, and not intimidating. If it's not too much more, I will likely add personal training to the tab because I need structure. I'm an extremely structured person for these kinds of things and I need something to motivate me. Money will be a good motivating factor as well, especially since Medica won't AUTOMATICALLY lower my rate - only if I go 8 or 12 times per month or something. That's a lot of money if I didn't go. Three times a week is a lot (if that's what the number is, for some reason Medica is stupid and doesn't list it on the site so I have to call), but I already paid for this month and August, so I can work up to it.

I'm actually kind of excited to start working out again. When I lost 10 pounds for a class at UMD I felt great, did it on my own using the weight room (and playing ultimate frisbee). I had no partner or trainer, and I was consistent. I think I can do it again. Only instead of frisbee it'll be DDR :)
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa nap)
I don't feel like doing my 30-day thingy today. Will resume tomorrow

I've been in a rut lately, and it's the annoying kind of rut. Not the kind where I just sleep all the time, but the kind where things irritate me more easily than normal, and I'm snappish. I don't like it. I'm also back to 130 pounds D: I feel gross and all my pants are tight and everything is just frowny.

But! Good news? I GOT THAT JOBBBBB. Woo. I'd be far more ZOMG YES SQUEE BEST THING EVAR if I wasn't so pants-shitting nervous about all the responsibility I accepted, and my selfish crybabying about Steve and I going back to opposite schedules. That means only two more weeks of cleaning and sitting around doing nothing though! I really can't wait. Mom was very insistent on letting me know how Paul was all gushing to her about it, which was cute. My auntie Connie also sent me a bunch of kind words and good vibes via Facebook because her phone won't text me (lol, or her daughter. Two of the people she texts most!). I love her to death! She's the best.

The job has 18 days of vacation time, 9 holidays off, I'm salaried (at least they gave me the impression that I am), and they offered me the highest pay they could. Looking at statistics online, it would appear that I make around the 77th percentile for a Case Manager. Which is likely true, because I passed up a LOT of great-looking jobs based on the fact that they pay equal to or even often LESS than what I make as a glorified janitor. Sooo... woo! A few thousand more dollars per year won't hurt me, and I think I got lucky because I have a variety of experience but very little targeted experience, and basically NO experience in making connections with resources (ahhhhh!). Like I said, 9 times out of 10, if I get the interview, I get the job.

INTERJECTION RANT: Skateville hasn't returned my calls and I haven't gotten my amended tax form (it's been a month), so I STILL can't file for my tax return yet  >:[


This weekend we went to my sister's new place. It's really nice. Three-bedroom, shared with her best friend (and her boyfriend and her son) and her own family. The boys share a room, Sarah and Chris get a room, and Bethany and Tony get the biggest room. Sarah and Chris's bed is exactly what Steve and I are probably going to get (framewise, I already have the bed itself).  Here's kinda what we're looking for, but much less swanky. I LOVE the style of bed where the mattress is recessed into the frame. It's cute and compact, and prevents the cats from climbing under the bed. Sarah said they got theirs from Ikea (and that it was pretty cheap), but Ikea's website is complete crap so I can't show you.

It was Sarah's boy Tristan's birthday, so it was a good excuse to check out the new digs and get free homemade egg rolls from Chris's mom, Summai. XD She makes like a billion egg rolls for every huge occasion and they are YUMMY. Tony said he was interested in seeing OUR place. I assured him we went the money-saving route and our apartment is not nearly as nice-looking as theirs. Because it's not. It's gonna be cute!

At 10am Steve and I are signing our lease!!! SOOOO excited for that. I have all these plans for food and spices and jars to store things in instead of plastic baggies and painting and book shelves and game shelves and the cat tower! Oh, so excited. Speaking of the cats, I've switched them AGAIN foodwise. I discovered that Nero just licks the juice from the wet food and leaves the rest to get crumbly and dry, and Grim still prefers the dry food overall. So! I spent like a half hour at the store, reading ALL the labels on the dry food, and finally selected a food that had gross things like corn meal or brewer's rice as far down in the ingredients as I could get without breaking the bank. I can't remember what brand it was, probably PurinaOne, but it was a special type that only comes in smaller bags and has turkey as its first ingredient, and some other meat as the second. I was going to completely wean them over a week, but Grim went crazy immediately for it and is actually AVOIDING the food he's been so set on for the last... his whole life! Yay!

I opened an ArtFire account. Only the basic account until I see if my items sell. I only have two things up on there right now, just experiments I made yesterday. You can check them out here. They're not anything great, but I wanted to at least get SOMETHING up on there. I'm starting a pillow tonight, my first attempt at double knitting (not to be confused with duplicate stitch)! Yayyyy knitting! Yay being crafty!

Okay, must stop futzing on computer. O_O
spritechan: (Dilbert - I have a good attitude)
I have a friend, in her 30's, who says she detoxes an average of 4 times a year, because she's aware she going to gain it back.

Here's her current detox regimen

...So, she knows that she's going to regain the weight she loses from doing this, and yet she STILL puts herself through this?! I mean, eating fruits and veggies is healthy, but where's the PROTEIN?! Where are the CARBS?! And adding in WHITE RICE ONLY at first? How is that healthy in any way (don't get me wrong, I eat sushi rice as normal rice but I KNOW that brown is better and just as yummy, just takes longer to cook!)?

And look at the symptoms experienced:

"As you begin to eliminate foods from your normal diet, detoxifying reactions can result such as
-disturbances in sleep patterns,
-changes in body temperature,
-light -headedness,
-mood swings,
-joint or muscle aches ,
-changes in gastrointestinal function, and
-changes in body odor or breath.
-...Many people notice that they're initially hungry, but that tends to dissipate"

Let's look at the list of hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia symptoms:
-anxiousness, irritability

-Changes in breath (fruity usually)
-Irritable/angry/prone to outbursts

Just sayin' it sounds like this "detox" is really a FUN yo-yo game with your blood sugar.

Now let's look at the definition and symptoms of ketosis (taken from medical-dictionary): "the abnormal accumulation of ketones in the body as a result of excessive breakdown of fats caused by a deficiency or inadequate use of carbohydrates. Fatty acids are metabolized instead, and the end products, ketones, begin to accumulate. This condition is seen in starvation, occasionally in pregnancy if the intake of protein and carbohydrates is inadequate, and most frequently in diabetes mellitus. It is characterized by ketonuria, loss of potassium in the urine, and a fruity odor of acetone on the breath. Untreated, ketosis may progress to ketoacidosis, coma, and death"

This is the theory that diets like Atkins utilize - you put your body into ketosis so that you lose weight, because your body literally thinks (and is, in a way) it's starving. It's also what's up with people who have anorexia as well. This isn't a good way to go about losing weight because it drastically slows down your metabolism (as, again, your body thinks it's starving so it holds onto everything it can while burning its reserves - fat, muscle, it doesn't matter!), and once you start eating again, your body's going to hold onto the sugars, proteins, and carbs in that food for dear life.

  • Tiredness or fatigue
  • Headache
  • Feeling thirsty all the time
  • Bad breath
  • Metallic taste in the mouth
  • Weakness
  • Dizziness
  • Nausea or stomach ache
  • Sleep problems
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Mood swings
Sound familiar? Please refresh by viewing my previous two lists for comparison. While you're at it, please compare this list to the list of "adjustment" symptoms your body experiences on this "detox."

I'm sad that people think they must do these things to themselves in order to lose weight.

I know that this is only intended for a short period of time, as all detoxes/cleanses/kick-starts are, but many people make these things their actual "diets," and it's incredibly unhealthy :( And this specific regimen, in MY opinion, is definitely the wrong way to detox.
spritechan: (Clannad - Tomoya Nagisa nap)
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Fad resolutions are stupid, but I do have some goals that also coincide with... right now.
  • HEALTH: I need to work at my weight again. I've ballooned back up to 130+. I need to make healthier meals again. The reason I've been able to stay in the lower 120's the past year and a half was when I was basically starving myself. It's not healthy, and even though I know it works for the moment, the second I start eating, my body packs on the pounds. I have a slow metabolism anyway. I've started making yummy healthy lunches and watching my portions. I also plan on exercising more (I say "plan" because I use DDR in winter for exercise, and I'm waiting on one of the step plates to come in - Steve cracked one and we're afraid of damaging the delicate interior, so we ordered another). My goal for the summer is to get outside and put my new step-ups to good use, vs. sleeping all day.
  • FINANCES: Another that I'm working on is my finances. Steve and I are saving for our own place. I've been VERY good about putting a minimum of 10% of each paycheck into savings (and actually, I put 10% BEFORE taxes in, so it's a chunk more than my final checks) since we decided to start saving. I'm paying more than the minimum balance towards my student loans as well after each paycheck. My current goal is to get my credit card back to zero. I've been smart about my credit limit and have kept it low in comparison to many peers, so I have a lower balance total to pay off, haha. It's still a pretty good chunk of money, and I've been neglecting paying it off for far too long. I need to get a budget going again. US Bank is telling me they might start a budgeting category, and categorize your spending. I think it'd be a good slap in the face to tell me how much I actually spend on food and games. I need to limit my "fun" spending. I make enough money where I CAN buy whatever I want, but that doesn't mean I SHOULD ALWAYS.
  • FAMILY: I'd like to see more of my nephew. I need to spend some time with my sister. I have a goal of visiting her at least one weekend a month.
  • HOUSING: I have a goal to be moved into a place by April.
  • RELATIONSHIP: I have a goal of being less randomly, irrationally jealous. Steve doesn't deserve that, and I have no reason to be a bitch. When I'm being like this, and Steve asks me why, I will think and think and think, and I literally have NO IDEA why I'm feeling such raging jealousy. What the fuck, me? I need a better attitude overall, honestly. I get so shitty during the winter months.
  • SELF: I need to figure out a way to have higher self-esteem, to accept myself for the way I am. I spend a ridiculous amount of time pining for so many things that I just won't be, physically. Maybe read some books or something. I'm not ugly, so I don't know why I'm not okay with me.
  • GAMING: I don't have a number goal because that would stress me out, but I have a goal to actively play more games instead of taking forever to beat just one. I have over 200 games to beat - time to get to it! And read more manga and watch more anime!
I think that about covers it for now!

And I don't really think there's anything to do with "sticking" to them. I'm constantly working on making healthy eating a "lifestyle" vs a "diet," so I will struggle with ups and downs, but ultimately come back to the same place. Self-esteem and body image are also ongoing battles. A relationship always requires work. As do finances and housing.

I think I'll do very well on my goals this year. :)
spritechan: (Tomoya Nagisa hs intense hug)
My first weekend as a full-timer was a success. I actually spent a good chunk of money on "work" clothes - lucky for me, that is just under business casual. So I got 3 semi-nice shirts (which really simply means no screen tees or offensive clothing) and two pairs of pants, a black dressy-ish pair and some dark-washed jeans. The jeans are from Vanity, the first pair of jeans I've bought since as long as I can remember that exceed $15-$25; it was definitely a "splurge" in that department. But I'm sooo happy with them! They're a couple inches too long - I've got woefully short legs! I bought a 27x31 but I'm pretty sure my legs are a 29. So I'm going to try to wear my boots as much as possible with them so I don't wear out the bottoms so quickly. But otherwise they fit super, super nice. The girl who helped me was INCREDIBLY eager to help me find the right pants and immediately picked out the style for "hourglass" figures, which turned out great because there's little enough gap in the back that I don't have to wear a belt for once! Yay! Belts are so ugly underneath shirts.

We also went to the zoo for a little while. It was really hot out and began to storm really hard so we cut the trip short and booked it to my car. We spent more time making fun of various other people there than looking at the animals. It was a good time. By far the winners of the day go to the orangutans. Mama and baby were SO cute playing with each other, and Dad CLEARLY had a headache or was sick of his family/life atm because he was slumped forward onto a tree stump, his head in his arm, not having any fun at all.

Steve goes back to work tomorrow, lame! But when we were at Rainbow the other day picking up drinks, one of his coworkers who works the end of the evening shift and continues to the night shift, said a guy on the overnight shift is leaving because he just got called to Active duty! Yay! The overnight manager and Steve's manager have already said he could move to overnights if a spot opened up, and so I guess starting tomorrow it's a waiting game to see if they keep that promise.

April 2017

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